Members cavalier_gent Posted November 30, 2005 Members Report Share Posted November 30, 2005 Kristine, I'm sorry that Dude didn't work out to be the textbook guy. The key here, I think, is to not look at what could have been. Instead, take stock of what DID happen.There are always two sides to everything, and perhapd Dude shares some fault for the way things turned out. Certainly, he could have called to let you know he was running late (assuming you both have mobile phones and live in areas with decent reception). However, I think the real problem started before you even walked through the door of the bar.Going somewhere to meet someone alone can be nerve-racking. Going to a bar filled with grizzled, grimy, and possibly gross men makes it even worse. The problem is that apaarently much of your nervousness didn't come from being on a date, but from the perception that a woman going into a bar alone is "desperate," that "there is something wrong with her." That's the self-image you need to check, girl.You damn well CAN go in a bar, anywhere, anytime. It doesn't mean you are desperate. It means you want a place to relax and unwind and have a drink. The problem is that a double-standard exists. Adding to the problem is that women buy into that double-standard and perpetuate it. You are a classic example of that, Kristine. The sooner you and other women drop that negative self-view, the sooner things will start getting better. Why? Because men will quickly realize that approaching women with that mindset gets them shut down faster than the proverbial Oriental fast food place serving stray dogs as the daily special! Self-worth goes a long way.As for the guys in the bar thinking you are a hooker, that's more a result of their low self-esteem than anything having to do with you. When I see a well-dressed, good looking woman, I think, "Wow...nice. Let me talk to her." I don't think, "Hooker! Easy score!" The fact is, I don't want a hooker. I DO want a good-looking, well-dressed woman that has something to offer. For those men to assume you are a hooker means that they aspire to little more. I would bet that Giselle Bundchen could walk in and they would assume SHE was a hooker. They NEED her to be one. That way they can imagine themselves having a shot at her. Otherwise, what chance do they have? This lack of self-image on THEIR part is why they assume YOU are a hooker. So don't let their estimation of you make you feel any less sure of yourself, Kristine.One last thought. You asked what should you do if Dude calls again. First, you need to ask do you even WANT a guy to call that left you stranded for three hours at a bar with no communication?! If you can get past that (there had better be some REALLY extenuating circumstances!), then my advice is just be yourself and get back to having fun. If he calls, it obviously means he got past the little scene at the bar entrance. So, let the past stay there.Good luck to you, girl! Kerwyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator kristine Posted December 11, 2005 Moderator Report Share Posted December 11, 2005 Kristine, I'm sorry that Dude didn't work out to be the textbook guy. The key here, I think, is to not look at what could have been. Instead, take stock of what DID happen.There are always two sides to everything, and perhapd Dude shares some fault for the way things turned out. Certainly, he could have called to let you know he was running late (assuming you both have mobile phones and live in areas with decent reception). However, I think the real problem started before you even walked through the door of the bar.Going somewhere to meet someone alone can be nerve-racking. Going to a bar filled with grizzled, grimy, and possibly gross men makes it even worse. The problem is that apaarently much of your nervousness didn't come from being on a date, but from the perception that a woman going into a bar alone is "desperate," that "there is something wrong with her." That's the self-image you need to check, girl.You damn well CAN go in a bar, anywhere, anytime. It doesn't mean you are desperate. It means you want a place to relax and unwind and have a drink. The problem is that a double-standard exists. Adding to the problem is that women buy into that double-standard and perpetuate it. You are a classic example of that, Kristine. The sooner you and other women drop that negative self-view, the sooner things will start getting better. Why? Because men will quickly realize that approaching women with that mindset gets them shut down faster than the proverbial Oriental fast food place serving stray dogs as the daily special! Self-worth goes a long way.As for the guys in the bar thinking you are a hooker, that's more a result of their low self-esteem than anything having to do with you. When I see a well-dressed, good looking woman, I think, "Wow...nice. Let me talk to her." I don't think, "Hooker! Easy score!" The fact is, I don't want a hooker. I DO want a good-looking, well-dressed woman that has something to offer. For those men to assume you are a hooker means that they aspire to little more. I would bet that Giselle Bundchen could walk in and they would assume SHE was a hooker. They NEED her to be one. That way they can imagine themselves having a shot at her. Otherwise, what chance do they have? This lack of self-image on THEIR part is why they assume YOU are a hooker. So don't let their estimation of you make you feel any less sure of yourself, Kristine.One last thought. You asked what should you do if Dude calls again. First, you need to ask do you even WANT a guy to call that left you stranded for three hours at a bar with no communication?! If you can get past that (there had better be some REALLY extenuating circumstances!), then my advice is just be yourself and get back to having fun. If he calls, it obviously means he got past the little scene at the bar entrance. So, let the past stay there.Good luck to you, girl! Kerwyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cavalier_gent Posted December 12, 2005 Author Members Report Share Posted December 12, 2005 Ahmmm....out of curiosity, Kristine, did you want to do more than quote my reply? Kerwyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 12GAUGE Posted January 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2006 It sucks getting stood up. Its happened to me twice. There are a ZILLION BAJILLION DUDES OUT HERE KRISTINE just waiting for a way cute gal like ewe 2 talk 2. Standby I will load one 4 ewe. SIR #46 GUN LOCKED AND LOADED...LOCK COORDINATES...STEADY ON THE HELM...STEADY...AIM...ADJUST FOR WINDAGE...READY...FIRE-FIRE-FIRE...........OK GO OUTSIDE AND LOOK UP.....ONE ROUND OF HWP DARK HAIRED DUDE IS INBOUND.....(YOU MIGHT WANT TO DUCK BEHIND THAT SUV THERE)...FANTASIZE-FANTASIZE-FANTASIZE-FANTASIZE-FANTASIZE AND THEN GO OUT AND FIND ONE OF US---WE ARE EVERYWHERE...........good luck girl 12GAUGE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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