Hi,

[blush4u19]

Hi,

I'm Lizzy! I wanted to ask the ? How do you know if you husband really enjoys haveing sex with you . And for the ladys who can I feel better about my body ib bed?

[pappyld04]

blush4u, if your hubby is hitting the hole at all he will get pleasure. But that is not all that factors in to enjoyment. Learning to please yourself is a good start and asking him what he enjoys is another. It may help if you stand naked in a full body mirror and get used to looking at yourself. When you are comfy with yourself it is much easier to feel comfy around a lover!

[thurisas]

Ways to know if your husband is enjoying your company are quite varied. Presumably he climaxes and that is the physical way of showing he's got a good feeling about things. Psychological is a little more varied. Does he try to initiate sex with you? Is he excited when you're getting worked up for the act? Does he ask you what you want as well as letting you know what he likes? Are you laughing and smiling and having fun with each other when you're having your adult play? All of those are indicators that he's having a good time.

As far as feeling better about yourself, well, that depends completely on you. My suggestion to others who have asked the same question is that you find one thing that you absolutely adore about yourself. Focus on that one thing and declare to yourself (mentally or verbally) that you love that part of you. I know it sounds silly, but you'll be putting yourself in a more positive frame of mind by doing it. The more positive you are about yourself the more confident you will become. The more confident you become the more sexy you are. There is nothing sexier than a confident woman.

Hope this has helped.

Randy.

[blush4u19]

Ways to know if your husband is enjoying your company are quite varied. Presumably he climaxes and that is the physical way of showing he's got a good feeling about things. Psychological is a little more varied. Does he try to initiate sex with you? Is he excited when you're getting worked up for the act? Does he ask you what you want as well as letting you know what he likes? Are you laughing and smiling and having fun with each other when you're having your adult play? All of those are indicators that he's having a good time.

As far as feeling better about yourself, well, that depends completely on you. My suggestion to others who have asked the same question is that you find one thing that you absolutely adore about yourself. Focus on that one thing and declare to yourself (mentally or verbally) that you love that part of you. I know it sounds silly, but you'll be putting yourself in a more positive frame of mind by doing it. The more positive you are about yourself the more confident you will become. The more confident you become the more sexy you are. There is nothing sexier than a confident woman.

Hope this has helped.

Randy.

[/quote

Thanks, that helps but right now I hate every thing about me . I 'm not a confident woman at all I was but not any more, I know my problem, but the other night I asked him to talk to me dirty and he said something to the fact of I was his dirty little whore it hurt ,but he calls me his dirty girl and that does not hurt me . haveing sex with him right now is not so great and its not him. It is me I 've got a lot going on . Was I wrong to get upset by that?

[thurisas]

I'm not much of a dirty talker myself, and I would cringe at even remotely thinking of calling anyone a whore so my advice may not be the best. I will say that this falls under that age old saying "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." I suppose the most important thing here is that he was willing to play into your sexual request. He may not have done it exactly the way you wanted or imagined but he was trying. Someone who doesn't really care may not have even tried unless it was something they were interested in first.

I think you and your husband are a bit overdue for a long heart to heart in a setting that isn't sexually charged and it needs to be done in such a way that isn't accusatory to either of you. Where you are less than confident this may be a very difficult thing to do, but I think this will be far less difficult than spending the rest of your marriage and/or life the way you're feeling now. It also seems to me that the troubles you're having are running a bit deeper than simple sexual ones. Questions pop to mind are "why are you less confident than you once were?" and "Is your husband not reinforcing the idea in your mind that you're beautiful to him?"

I've been married for nearly 9 years now, been friends with my wife for 20 years and neither of us is the same mentally or physically as we were back then. I love my wife's body every bit as much now as when I was drooling over the idea of it 20 years ago ad I love her mind even more. I bring this up because you're only 19 and I am assuming your husband is around the same age. The things that you look at now as important in life will tend to change over your lifetime. The problem is that at a younger age, and I was guilty of it too, the things we think are important are often times very superficial. Some things will never change, though. If you're in a loving relationship, you should feel loved and know you're loved. Perhaps some attention needs to be paid on both your part and your husband's part as to what is truly important to the other.

Randy.

[nosleepnmesa]

Welcome to the Forum!!! Well I know that my husband is enjoying it, we have alot of communication in the bedroom. As far as feeling better about your body in bed, you honestly need to be comfortable in your skin. Search the board here there is numerous discussions on this subjects. Enjoy and Learn and learn. Welcome

[Mikayla1]

I like Thurisas' answer to this question - it hits on many important parts.

I guess the easiest answer is: does he continue to sleep with you? I doubt a man would continue to sleep with a woman if he was not enjoying himself. I am sure there are some exceptions to that, but as a general point....

Also, does he initiate sex? If he does, then he probably wants it. Or, if he reacts during sex - moans, moves, groans, climaxes.

Of course there are ranges of pleasure - sometimes it might be a generalized pleasure, and other times it might be very apparent that you are rocking his world.

As far as feeling better about your body in bed - there are many ways. First, make yourself feel sexy -play up your best assets. If you have nice boobs - wear a sexy bra. Nice leg? Try some high heels (yes, during sex) - have a nice waistline - wear something tight fitting. Put on make-up, do your hair - make an effort to look "sexy" and feel 'sexy' inside as well.

Do things for yourself that tell YOU that YOU are worth it - beautiful, sexy. Exercise, get a manicure, get your hair done, buy new lingerie. Find ways to boost your own ego. Also, while you are IN bed, take control. Be a seductress. Put yourself in positions that highlight your best assets -and take your mind off what might be bothering you about your body. The long and short of it is, no one can make you feel sexy but yourself.

[Valntyn]

I think Thurisas and Mikayla stated everything beautifully -- and I have to add a little bit from personal experience.

I'm a big-boned overweight woman. (Let's get that said & out of the way up front!) I have ALWAYS had a self-confidence issue. I've never been a slender-figured female. I think the last time I had a near-to-flat stomach was in high school, before I was finished maturing. *chuckle* Anyway, Thurisas is ALWAYS telling me how beautiful I am, even though every time I roll my eyes, playfully push him away, sigh and say, "Whatever, honey."

Funny thing... you can hear bad things said about yourself and you tend to believe them right off the bat, no questions asked. Someone from your school years can say something cruel and you believe it the rest of your life. Yet, someone says something nice about you for years and it never sinks in.... I always found that "funny."

Anyway... I finally started taking a look in the mirror. I looked as often as I could, even though I wanted to cry & heard, "Man are you vain!" in my head every time. I looked as often as I could, even though I saw pounds of flesh making yucky curves, pimples marring up my face, cottage cheese mucking up my thighs... pretty picture, eh? I kept looking until I STARTED to see past all that. I picked ONE thing to focus on: my eyes. I've always loved my eyes. A tiny bit of mascara added and they really POP. So I started doing that... then every time I looked in the mirror, I saw those pretty eyes, it made me smile, I felt a little better about myself...

It's something that takes time. For me, I have a mother who made my self-esteem issues reach into the lower depths of the Nine Hells, so I'm still working on it. But I know my husband loves me, I know HE thinks I'm beautiful (even though I sometimes still think he's nuts)... and now... I think I'm kinda pretty.

Like a lot of things, silly as it sounds, it takes work to feel comfortable about yourself. But if you don't want to always feel horrible about who you are -- and it doesn't sound like you have any reason to feel that way about yourself -- you've got to work at it.

So... what do YOU like about yourself? Do you have nice hair? A great bust? Find that one thing... it can be as small as your eyes... ... and forget about the rest. It'll all fall into place in time.

*HUGS* Welcome to TooTimid.

[Desires08]

You've already recieved some excellent advice but I just wanted to add one or two things to what you've already been told. I would first recommend a book or two that you can check out from your local library. One is called, "Esteemable Acts by Francine Ward" and the other is called "Dare to Connect by Susan Jeffers". You could also take some time to pamper yourself. Revel in things you like such as a hot n steamy bubble bath, getting your hair done, etc...When you stand in the mirror looking at yourself, don't look at the things that bother you. We all have them I assure you. Rather, spend time looking at the things you do like. Buy some teddy's, etc...that flatter your body type. Dream of what the perfect romantic night would be for you and make it happen.

[Angelina]

I think Thurisas and Mikayla stated everything beautifully -- and I have to add a little bit from personal experience.

I'm a big-boned overweight woman. (Let's get that said & out of the way up front!) I have ALWAYS had a self-confidence issue. I've never been a slender-figured female. I think the last time I had a near-to-flat stomach was in high school, before I was finished maturing. *chuckle* Anyway, Thurisas is ALWAYS telling me how beautiful I am, even though every time I roll my eyes, playfully push him away, sigh and say, "Whatever, honey."

Funny thing... you can hear bad things said about yourself and you tend to believe them right off the bat, no questions asked. Someone from your school years can say something cruel and you believe it the rest of your life. Yet, someone says something nice about you for years and it never sinks in.... I always found that "funny."

Anyway... I finally started taking a look in the mirror. I looked as often as I could, even though I wanted to cry & heard, "Man are you vain!" in my head every time. I looked as often as I could, even though I saw pounds of flesh making yucky curves, pimples marring up my face, cottage cheese mucking up my thighs... pretty picture, eh? I kept looking until I STARTED to see past all that. I picked ONE thing to focus on: my eyes. I've always loved my eyes. A tiny bit of mascara added and they really POP. So I started doing that... then every time I looked in the mirror, I saw those pretty eyes, it made me smile, I felt a little better about myself...

It's something that takes time. For me, I have a mother who made my self-esteem issues reach into the lower depths of the Nine Hells, so I'm still working on it. But I know my husband loves me, I know HE thinks I'm beautiful (even though I sometimes still think he's nuts)... and now... I think I'm kinda pretty.

Like a lot of things, silly as it sounds, it takes work to feel comfortable about yourself. But if you don't want to always feel horrible about who you are -- and it doesn't sound like you have any reason to feel that way about yourself -- you've got to work at it.

So... what do YOU like about yourself? Do you have nice hair? A great bust? Find that one thing... it can be as small as your eyes... ... and forget about the rest. It'll all fall into place in time.

*HUGS* Welcome to TooTimid.

AHMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm still looking but the goddess love ya YOU made me look!

[froggystyle1977]

Hi lizzie welcome to too timid!!

You have recieved some wonderful advice, all of it is great!! The concentrate on one thing

point is one of the best I know when i feel good about my hair or my eyes or some other

insignificant thing it changes my whole outloook!! One of the best compliments I have ever

gotten didn't come from a man it came from my then 4 year old son, I was having a I look

like crap day so decided to put on some eyeliner it was nothing really just a little to make

myself not look so tired!! My son looked at me and said mommy your eyes look pretty. It

was the best thing I have ever heard.

sometimes one thing can make all the difference and no matter how small it seems it really

can change your whole outlook.