I Need Help!

[mystofpric]

OKay so the boy and I have been at this for weeks now, and I finally realized something, the man never gets off. I know, I'm a little freaked. He said it's just cause he has awesome self control and doesn't want to. What the f is that about?! So I told him that I've made it my life's goal to get him off. Daunting I know. Here's the facts as far as I know them:

He does get hard. Usually when he's playing with me, or I'm giving head (apperenty the latter is very had to do, so kudos to me).

He says he gets off, I dunno I've never seen it, this could all be a lie.

We haven't actually had sex, everything else? Check. Sex, negative.

He also cannot put a condom on, which I find odd, but not really related to the problem.

He's very limited to his sexual knowledge. Yes, I introduced him to here but he wasn't interested in fact he was very distracting.

SO what to do?! This is the first time I've ever had this problem. Well no, that a guy has had this problem. He says it's going to take an awful lot to make it happen, and I'm not really satisfied unless I know he is. I'll try (almost) anything.

PS. Just so that he knows he's not the only one who has awesome will power, I totally shut off a HUGE orgasim to spite him. Then I proceeded to ignore all his best efforts for ten minutes. Very hard to do when your tied down but I'm awesome.

PSS My ego is so out of control tonight.

[synirr]

Does he get off easily when he masturbates? If so, he may be so used to it that he has essentially trained himself to only be able to get off by doing it the way he has always done it. Mixing it up a bit will help if this is the case... Getting him to masturbate more slowly than he usually would, or loosen his grip.

[cmwise1]

A guy I know states he has multiple orgasms...he says he feels just as good but doesn't always cum...he said it's a control thing.

[Amylynn920]

OKay so the boy and I have been at this for weeks now, and I finally realized something, the man never gets off. I know, I'm a little freaked. He said it's just cause he has awesome self control and doesn't want to.

That makes no sense, why in the world would he engage in sexual activity with you so often and not want or need that orgasm for release? Is he doing it by himself later?

What the f is that about?! So I told him that I've made it my life's goal to get him off. Daunting I know. Here's the facts as far as I know them:

He does get hard. Usually when he's playing with me, or I'm giving head (apperenty the latter is very had to do, so kudos to me).

He says he gets off, I dunno I've never seen it, this could all be a lie.

We haven't actually had sex, everything else? Check. Sex, negative.

If you are not having intercourse an orgasm with ejaculation is very easy to see.

He also cannot put a condom on,

Why not?

which I find odd, but not really related to the problem.

He's very limited to his sexual knowledge. Yes, I introduced him to here but he wasn't interested in fact he was very distracting.

Distracting how?

SO what to do?! This is the first time I've ever had this problem. Well no, that a guy has had this problem. He says it's going to take an awful lot to make it happen, and I'm not really satisfied unless I know he is. I'll try (almost) anything.

Without him communicating to you what he needs, this is going to be pretty much pointless.

PS. Just so that he knows he's not the only one who has awesome will power, I totally shut off a HUGE orgasim to spite him. Then I proceeded to ignore all his best efforts for ten minutes. Very hard to do when your tied down but I'm awesome.

Why are you witholding your orgasm? Your withholdiing and ignoring his best interests is mentally going to play with his esteem as a lover, and that's really psychologically damaging. It's setting up a circle for his failure. and will affect his performance. He feels he can't sastisy, and that in turn may make him feel he's a lousy lover, and that in turn makes him have more mental issues with performance. In my opinion you need to stop playing that game.

Good sex is about pleasing both partners and both working to that goal.

PSS My ego is so out of control tonight.

[Shariana]

This sounds EXACTLY like my ex... I was only able to get him off... once.

It was the last time we were together before I completely ended it. The first and last time... serves him right too.

We never had sex... but everything up to that we did.... He said the pressure wasn't right... so he helped me (well, himself) by holding my hand and moving it for me.... After you figure out the pressure, speed, etc with a hand job, it might make giving a blow job easier... ask him what feels good....

And some guys honestly don't like blow jobs.... ask him what he likes or if there is any specific reason why he won't let himself climax.

[mystofpric]

"Why are you witholding your orgasm? Your withholdiing and ignoring his best interests is mentally going to play with his esteem as a lover, and that's really psychologically damaging. It's setting up a circle for his failure. and will affect his performance. He feels he can't sastisy, and that in turn may make him feel he's a lousy lover, and that in turn makes him have more mental issues with performance. In my opinion you need to stop playing that game.

Good sex is about pleasing both partners and both working to that goal. "

Well in my defense it was the only time I did that, and i did tell him that it was extremely hard for me not to give in. BUt the opoint isn't that he can't satisfy, it's that I can't! After three hours and twp very bruised wrists later, he knows exactly how to get me going, I don't even think at this point he needs to touch me. However I have no way of doing anything for him! He says he can get off but I've never seen it, felt it, imagined it. I seriously have no way of knowing if this isn't like an actual problem or if it's just my skills are lacking. He did get hard when I gave him head but that was it. He did get hard when he was getting me off, but that was it. He does have a habit of stopping me before I can finish for him. His ego is very much intact, believe me, the man actually got me to beg, that has trul;y never happened. But what about me? I need to be able to help him out or i feel like it's one sided and that's not right. Part of my pleasure id knowing he's enjoying it and right now I'm getting none of that.

The condom thing, he says he hates them and just can't get the damn thing on. That's fine, I can take care of it. But it does leave me curious and concerned, there is NO way he's going in without a helmet.

I understand that if he doesn't tell me what he needs I'm going to run around in circles, but at least I'll be trying. I've never had this problem before and I'm beginning to wonder if it's just me.

[chloegirl]

SuzyP,

I'm sorry, I went thru your posts but I couldn't find where you said anything about how long you two have been together and how serious you are about this relationship so what I'm about to say may have no relevance at all, but looking at it from twice your age my advice to you would be to give this a fair shot, but if he doesn't come up to scratch soon (meaning fulfilling you exactly the way you desire it) I would run like hell and never look back before you invest too much time, emotion, and the possibility of lifelong "complications". The fairy tale image we are all brought up to believe in of diligence will produce a "happy ever after" effect is 99% bullshit. I will be the first one in line to tell any young person that although your sexual identity is a lifelong growing process there are some people who are just never going to "progress" in a way that may be truly compatible with your wants, needs, and desires and wasting a lifetime trying to make it happen is just not worth it. Sex should not be "hard". If you have to put that much effort into it the chemistry between you is just not right no matter how bad you want it to be. Sorry to sound so cynical but facts is facts. I'm talking about a new relationship here where you haven't invested years and built a life together yet. You deserve to be happy and pleasured your whole life long....don't waste any time just wishing for it! Good luck to you!

[Amylynn920]

I highly doubt it's you. You're going the extra miles, he's sitting on the corner and watching you run.

Listen to Iha.

[mystofpric]

Some guys are very, very good at hiding their anxiety when it comes to sex.

Any average guy of that age (assuming he is about your age, and not 62!) would be able to orgasm with an enthusiastic woman such as your self...even if he needs to give you tips on what techniques work best for him...

...which leads me to believe that he is either: cruel, neurotically over-controlled due to psychological bais about sex and his ejaculate being 'dirty', or he is so anxious that he cannot orgasm while in your presence.

Yeah he's only two years older than me. I've always gotta lots of compliments with other guys, in fact one or two even called me the best. But that may have just been so i kept coming back, so taken with a grain of salt. However, I'm usually pretty sure of my skills and ablities. So far everything that we have tried has been his ideas, he wanted to do bondage, I bought the rope, he wants a ball gag, I opened my mouth. But it's getting to the point that it's ridiculous. I'm more than happy to give him what he wants but I dunno something seems weird. Also I asked him about the last time he got tested and he got very hush hush. Anyone else see the red flag? I figure I'll give it one more shot and then I"m outies. I'd rather go back to having no sex (or anything else) then feeling inadequate.

I don't think it's my presence though, but thanks definitely an ego booster!

[synirr]

You need to get him to talk to you about it. It could be any number of things, and there is just no way to know for sure without him letting you know what it going on.

[mystofpric]

You need to get him to talk to you about it. It could be any number of things, and there is just no way to know for sure without him letting you know what it going on.

He's into tying people up, and next time it's his turn so I think i just won't untie him til he tells me what's up. That'll work.

Or maybe I should rethink that. I'll try asking him.

[mystofpric]

He's into tying people up, and next time it's his turn so I think i just won't untie him til he tells me what's up. That'll work.

Or maybe I should rethink that. I'll try asking him.

I also forgot to mention that he's very controling in little ways, Like he tells me what to wear when I'm going to see him. But evidently my wardrobe is lacking and this is a big frustration for him. I dunno if that could have anything to do with it. Unless its made for the bedroom I'd rather strip it off asap any way. I do have to say I try, but I'm not a big clothes person, they serve their function and that's it. I'm almost always hanging around in the buff when I'm home. I don't get the clothes thing. It's beyond me. We're supposed to go shopping together so that I can be up to his standards, (which could be fun cause it could fulfill my public desires) but he has yet to get back to me about that.

[synirr]

Hmm. If you're comfortable with that then it's cool, but that would be a huge red flag for me. I'd be hitting the road.

[mystofpric]

Hmm. If you're comfortable with that then it's cool, but that would be a huge red flag for me. I'd be hitting the road.

Well right now it's fun, and it totally makes egtting ready for date night super easy. But I can see where it's gonna get old fast and seriusly i don't have a huge wardrobe cause I hate clothing. it kinda turns him on, so right now I'm all about that but well, I like picking out my own clothes some times. I'm a big girl I can dress myself (normally).

[Amylynn920]

I also forgot to mention that he's very controling in little ways, Like he tells me what to wear when I'm going to see him. But evidently my wardrobe is lacking and this is a big frustration for him. I dunno if that could have anything to do with it. Unless its made for the bedroom I'd rather strip it off asap any way. I do have to say I try, but I'm not a big clothes person, they serve their function and that's it. I'm almost always hanging around in the buff when I'm home. I don't get the clothes thing. It's beyond me. We're supposed to go shopping together so that I can be up to his standards, (which could be fun cause it could fulfill my public desires) but he has yet to get back to me about that.

Stop right there. Ok now look at this.. "up to his standards" ? "tells me what to wear when I'm going to see him" ?? You don't need anyone telling you things like that. I'd be leery of this relationship. These are huge red warning flags.

[mystofpric]

Stop right there. Ok now look at this.. "up to his standards" ? "tells me what to wear when I'm going to see him" ?? You don't need anyone telling you things like that. I'd be leery of this relationship. These are huge red warning flags.

Oh they are and after droping some serious money on a new outfit for him to just get the "eh" to it I'm not only returning the clothes but giving him a happy bitch slap. It was fun while it lasted but the basic problem is that for all my efforts to please him I'm be rebuffed. Not fair to me.

On a side note though my wardrobe truly is basic, I have about 15 Tee shirts, 4 dress shirts, 2 work jeans 2 play jeans and some slacks. But I have a hoodie obession, like 30. But I'm a home bound nudist, why should I buy anything more? So i can see where it's lacking but, um, who cares?! I only wear clothes cause i have to. I think if the world went naked we'd be better off, less body issues cause we'd see that no one is perfect.

It is his birthday coming up so I'm going to try the toy angle and if that doesn't work, I'm gone baby. I'm way to cool for this. Plus then I'd be spending less time playing dress up for him and more time naked and happy.

[its1013]

SuzyP,

I had two 'trysts' if you will back in January with a guy my age (42). Miserable they both were. He couldn't/wouldn't cum either. But, found out later, he was high on something. At first, I thought it might be E.D. - him being 42 - he kept loosing his erection - but it was the drugs/alcohol. Needless to say I didn't pursue/encourage anything further. I don't do guys who do drugs or show up drunk! yuk! how insulting at the least, too.

Iha could be right, too.

hope this helps. hope it works out with your guy.

[mystofpric]

SuzyP,

I had two 'trysts' if you will back in January with a guy my age (42). Miserable they both were. He couldn't/wouldn't cum either. But, found out later, he was high on something. At first, I thought it might be E.D. - him being 42 - he kept loosing his erection - but it was the drugs/alcohol. Needless to say I didn't pursue/encourage anything further. I don't do guys who do drugs or show up drunk! yuk! how insulting at the least, too.

Iha could be right, too.

hope this helps. hope it works out with your guy.

I was with a guy from work who was almost always stoned out of his mind and needless t say that never even made it to sex (that and he only like herione-chic women and I have too many curves for him.) But this guy is totally clean, he rarely even drinks. I actually found out what it is, and I totally forgot to post it. It's a perfection deal. He really wants everything to be just so, like his outfit, my outfit, where, when, how it happens. His way over stressing stuff, but I'm going to do my best at helping making things prefect and easing the road for him.

[Twist]

I'm sorry to say but he just sounds really controlling, not just about sex, telling you what to wear isn't " a little" controlling whether you have a massive wardrobe or not, it's just plain old control. Everything is on his terms and if you continue down this path it's almost certain to spread into every other part of your relationship and life. His need for everything in the sexual act to be perfect is a warning sign about his control too, sex and foreplay isn't supposed to be perfect, it's supposed to be fun, passionate, a bit of a giggle and just plain lovely.

A month or so down the line and it sounds like he'll be telling you who you can and can't see, and making sure you're at work/college when you say you are.

It may sounds harsh but that's what I get from reading your posts.

[mystofpric]

I'm sorry to say but he just sounds really controlling, not just about sex, telling you what to wear isn't " a little" controlling whether you have a massive wardrobe or not, it's just plain old control. Everything is on his terms and if you continue down this path it's almost certain to spread into every other part of your relationship and life. His need for everything in the sexual act to be perfect is a warning sign about his control too, sex and foreplay isn't supposed to be perfect, it's supposed to be fun, passionate, a bit of a giggle and just plain lovely.

A month or so down the line and it sounds like he'll be telling you who you can and can't see, and making sure you're at work/college when you say you are.

It may sounds harsh but that's what I get from reading your posts.

Oh if he heads down that path he's going to be in a world of pain. I know I'm being stupid (trust me I know he's looking for a puppy he can tell to sit) however right now I'm having fun and after the last guy, who will get his own post so y'all can rip him a new one, that's all i want.

[sun_flower969]

Hello I was reading your posts on this thread and I was thinking. If you don't mind answering, is his penis really large? Sometimes a dude with a really large one can't get a "solid" erection. I was with a guy like that once. If you can imagine, it was kind of "heavy" and pointed down. I remember it was still sort of semi soft although he was erect. That could make it difficult to put on a condom. Also, how often does he view porn? What kind of porn is he into specifically? I don't want to make any assumptions so after you answer that I will comment.

[mystofpric]

Hello I was reading your posts on this thread and I was thinking. If you don't mind answering, is his penis really large? Sometimes a dude with a really large one can't get a "solid" erection. I was with a guy like that once. If you can imagine, it was kind of "heavy" and pointed down. I remember it was still sort of semi soft although he was erect. That could make it difficult to put on a condom. Also, how often does he view porn? What kind of porn is he into specifically? I don't want to make any assumptions so after you answer that I will comment.

He's not a very long (pretty much average) guy but man does the boy have girth! I"m not sure about what kind of porn he watches, but I don know his sexual knowledge is sadly lacking. My guys? Since he lives ina house with like 8 other people and no TV in his room, is that he settles for the old stand bys: PLayboy, Hustler, Penthouse, those kinds of thing, I haven't actually found any or had the chance to talk porn with him.

[sun_flower969]

He's not a very long (pretty much average) guy but man does the boy have girth! I"m not sure about what kind of porn he watches, but I don know his sexual knowledge is sadly lacking. My guys? Since he lives ina house with like 8 other people and no TV in his room, is that he settles for the old stand bys: PLayboy, Hustler, Penthouse, those kinds of thing, I haven't actually found any or had the chance to talk porn with him.

Ok so he is girthy that could be it! Same with the guy I mentioned! Does he have a computer? Sometimes a guy can become desensitized if they are way into porn. They can only get off watching it etc. Some guys think that sex should be the way it is in a porno. If he has a fixation with a certain kind of porn he may be trying to fit you into his "Ideal" fantasy. Like you said he wants it to be"perfect" in his mind he has a certain image of what he thinks sex should be like. Again I don't want to make any assumptions. Maybe none of this is him at all. I am just saying it is an issue for some guys. For your sake I hope it is not your guys issue but I wanted to throw it out there.

[mystofpric]

Hmm i know he has a computer, but again not his personally so I dunno. I've offered to watch porn with him beforebut he hasn't taken me up on that yet. Again that would explain a lot. Because he's not super controling when we're in public but maybe again I'm just too invovled in it. Where we go and what we do is always up to me, and I can wear whatever I please when I see him, he just prefers certian outfits. I've totalyy rolled up in my mud soaked jeans on my way to work and he was cool with that. I dunno, I'm open to the possibility of being too invovled.

[Zildjian]

yeesh. I feel like the house in amittyville horror when I say this, "Geeetttt Ouuuuttt!"

In all seriousness, I'm not you or in your shoes, but I don't think this is the best relationship for you. I would hate to see your personality and/or self esteem eroded by someone who is controling like he is. You are the person you are and all of you deserves to be accepted and valued, from the way you dress to your sexual desires. Please find someone who loves and appreciates you as you are. Enough games from this one. Let someone else run circles. Just my $0.02.