Teens

[froggystyle1977]

I bought a new toy box and was very excited to move my toys and movies out of my underwear

drawer and into sometihng more suited (college chest) As I am moving things I notice that my

KY INTRIGUE is missing. Hmmm I could have sworn last time we used it I put it back in the drawer.

After searching all our drawers, looking behing the dressers and tearing my room apart I realize its

not there. I call hubby from downstairs and ask him did you move the lube, of course he says no

and I know where I have to look next. My 13 year olds room. I come upstairs and go straight to

his room where I find my bottle of lube sitting on the shelf in his closet.

UGGG I feel violated!!!!!

The little punk went in my underwear drawer!!!!!! So no question now that he knows what mom gets

in the packages, I wanna choke him!!!!!!!! He keeps asking to use my computer to clear his MP3

player, I respond you invaded my privacy and took something from me you can't touch anything

of mine!!!!!!!!!!!

I don;t know what to do with him, he used to use my conditioner in the shower, ummm stop wasting it

good lord you don't need that much!!!!!! give me strength!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tyger]

I am sooo sorry hun, I know how frustrated you are.

It's hard since he really doesn't seem to care too much about anything, so it's hard to punish him. I have no idea what to tell you on that one, except that I would keep to the "you're not respecting me or my stuff, so NO, you can't use it". If he wants something bad enough, he can earn the money to buy it, IMO.

Obviously, he's masturbating.....a lot! So, why not buy him some cheap lube, and give it to him and tell him that when he runs out, he can buy his own now (there's no age limit to condoms and lube).

Thankfully, your new chest has a lock on it, so I would hide the key (and NOT in your underwear drawer). LMAO

[ToyQueen]

Froggy, I think it is such a tennage boy thing. My 14 year old is the same way. He found a way into my LOCKED toy box, and took two toys. I found them under his bed. He takes his older sister's underwear... Maybe we should lock the two of them up together until they can figure this whole privacy thing out.....

[mystofpric]

Froggy~

IT has to be aboy thing! Becaus ei kmnow for a fact that when I was 13/14 I had no desire to know that my mom was still having sex (we could hear it, that was enough to scar us.). Let alone go in, and rumage through her sex toys! I don't even share mine(visually) with people. The lube, sn't so bad, unless it was super expensive. I'd leave him have teh rest and buy new for yourself. BUt confront him definitely in a way that will horribly embaress him, like give it to him in front of his friends or something. Trust me, he'll never touch your stuff again. If your not keen on moritifying him so badly, just sit down and have teh sex talk, you and your hubby, be really super cool about it and then tell him, like Iha said, that if he ever does it again your taking his bedroom door off., make sure you switch his door knob so it doesn't lock. And take it off. EVen if it's only for 24 hours he'll know your serious.

ToyQueen~

You son was "borrowing" your sex toys and his sister's panties? Definitely something you should be talking about because that seems a little odd, especially depending on what toys he was taking.

Suzy

[nikki2076]

Froggy~

IT has to be aboy thing! Becaus ei kmnow for a fact that when I was 13/14 I had no desire to know that my mom was still having sex (we could hear it, that was enough to scar us.). Let alone go in, and rumage through her sex toys! I don't even share mine(visually) with people. The lube, sn't so bad, unless it was super expensive. I'd leave him have teh rest and buy new for yourself. BUt confront him definitely in a way that will horribly embaress him, like give it to him in front of his friends or something. Trust me, he'll never touch your stuff again. If your not keen on moritifying him so badly, just sit down and have teh sex talk, you and your hubby, be really super cool about it and then tell him, like Iha said, that if he ever does it again your taking his bedroom door off., make sure you switch his door knob so it doesn't lock. And take it off. EVen if it's only for 24 hours he'll know your serious.

ToyQueen~

You son was "borrowing" your sex toys and his sister's panties? Definitely something you should be talking about because that seems a little odd, especially depending on what toys he was taking.

Suzy

I have to agree I am all about taking off the door..lmao My daughter knows. I also agree with either talkig to him and buying him some of his own lube or embarassing the kids in front of thier friends but yanno I dont think doing it in front of his friends is the only way to embrass him I think just confronting him and handing him the lube he took from you will do it too. I wish you luck and thanx for the warning I have a 5yr old boy and I need to lock my crap up now I see.

[synirr]

HAHA! Not to be insensitive, but toooo funny. When I read "ummm stop wasting it good lord you don't need that much!!!!!!" I started rolling

[Mikayla1]

This is SOOOO not a boy thing, I used to go through my parent's drawers too, just curious about what was in there. Ya know??? I never TOOk their lube and didn't return it (didn't really know about lube then) but I did poke around quite a bit.

Now, I have a different approach here. He is obviously masturbating AND he is far ahead of all the other young lads that do not know about lube. This is great. Have you had the sex talk with him? Seriously, he is old enough and should definitely know about masturbation and sex and all that jazz. I would use this as a time to talk to him about it all. Make sure he knows what is or is not appropriate. Who knows what he is hearing at school or from his guy friends.

I agree with the door policy. I had my door removed more than once. He should NEVER invade your privacy, that is just wrong. He needs the appropriate punishment. He also needs to know that you are not ashamed. You are married, you have sex, deal with it. I mean, come on. I sometimes think that when we mess up with them - showing how angry we are - that makes them MORE interested in doing whatever they did to make us angry. My son is only 6, but I remember what it was like for me at that age.

I am sorry he did this, but you can definitely make this a learning experience for him.

[ladylove]

Look ladies, I'd be mortified too; but here's the thing. You have a son who is growing up and masturbating, normal. He's snooping around for whatever, maybe condoms and comes across your stash. You're angry because your embarrassed and you trusted your children to respect your privacy. He's embarrassed because he's caught red handed and very embarrassed, not only for what you now know, but also for what he doesn't want to know.

You may not agree, but this is the perfect opportunity for you or his father to open up a discussion about sexual activity, responsibility and masturbation. Don't let your anger and embarrassment get in the way of talking to your 13 year old child who's acting like a 13 year old chid.

It's not going to be easy, and yes you have a right to be upset, but this is your child, think for a minute....You can never take back the words you say out loud. Be very careful!

[cmwise1]

This is SOOOO not a boy thing, I used to go through my parent's drawers too, just curious about what was in there. Ya know??? I never TOOk their lube and didn't return it (didn't really know about lube then) but I did poke around quite a bit.

Now, I have a different approach here. He is obviously masturbating AND he is far ahead of all the other young lads that do not know about lube. This is great. Have you had the sex talk with him? Seriously, he is old enough and should definitely know about masturbation and sex and all that jazz. I would use this as a time to talk to him about it all. Make sure he knows what is or is not appropriate. Who knows what he is hearing at school or from his guy friends.

I agree with the door policy. I had my door removed more than once. He should NEVER invade your privacy, that is just wrong. He needs the appropriate punishment. He also needs to know that you are not ashamed. You are married, you have sex, deal with it. I mean, come on. I sometimes think that when we mess up with them - showing how angry we are - that makes them MORE interested in doing whatever they did to make us angry. My son is only 6, but I remember what it was like for me at that age.

I am sorry he did this, but you can definitely make this a learning experience for him.

I completely agree with Mikayla. When my girls were 16 i sat them down, had the sex talk, gave them condoms, told them I would put them on Ocs if I needed too, and made them promise they would think twice before they had sex. Did all that i did give them permission? Yes, but they were both virgins until college. They knew what to do and when. Your son needs the lesson about privacy, but also a lesson about masturbation, his first lube (he buys all the rest) and then leave him be. Your a sexual person, so is he. he just needs to know when and where.

[Amylynn920]

Look ladies, I'd be mortified too; but here's the thing. You have a son who is growing up and masturbating, normal. He's snooping around for whatever, maybe condoms and comes across your stash. You're angry because your embarrassed and you trusted your children to respect your privacy. He's embarrassed because he's caught red handed and very embarrassed, not only for what you now know, but also for what he doesn't want to know.

You may not agree, but this is the perfect opportunity for you or his father to open up a discussion about sexual activity, responsibility and masturbation. Don't let your anger and embarrassment get in the way of talking to your 13 year old child who's acting like a 13 year old chid.

It's not going to be easy, and yes you have a right to be upset, but this is your child, think for a minute....You can never take back the words you say out loud. Be very careful!

I agree with this. But I don't agree with revealing anything around his friends or making him feel embarrassed. He took from you without asking, punish by removing a priveledge and let it go.

This is his sexuality, don't mess it up. make him feel dirty etc. We don't need a generation of inhibited screwed up kids that turn into screwed up adults, jmo.

[pappyld04]

Privacy boundaries should definitely be made clear to him and a suitable punishment is in order for his violation. IMHO it goes against every good thing you have done if you use something like this to humiliate him. That could create a future client for iha. Door removal sounds extreme but those can always be earned back. Mom always had different shit around her room but she was never one to try to cover that shit up. One of her co-workers had bought or carved her a huge wooden dick and she always kept that out where people could see it.

My xgf's girl had a friend staying over and they were in our bedroom listening to records and dancing like they always did. IDK if we were careless in storing or if the were nosing around but they found our flavored body oil. On the back of the bottle there is a girl's head and I guess the girls decided this was a hair gel. When my gf checked on them they were both trying to figure out why they had matted sticky hair. When we found out what they used I fell in the floor laughing. My gf was trying to get on to them but she was finding that difficult since she had to keep turning around because of the laughter. Of course they both went in the tub to clean that up but we waited until the friend was gone before we talked to her girl. The privacy thing I was there for but when she began asking about the oil I left that between her and her mother. I figured that my presence for that talk may cause more harm than good. She was not told anything but the truth about it!

[pappyld04]

One more suggestion. Install a keyed lock on your bedroom door! I have a locking knob, old gate latch and an outside locking hasp on the outside. Hint some doorknobs are easy to shim open so don't rely on these alone!

[froggystyle1977]

Whoa wow ok. Let me just say I apprieciate all the advice. Now let me clear up some things

first my son doesn't need the sex talk I have always been straight forward with him on anything

concerning sex at 4 he asked in my doctors office what the sculpture was of a womans insides I

told him and explained it all at his level, at 5 he asked me why I was bleeding (came in the

bathroom I was wearing a maxi pad) I told him the truth after a certain point every girl bleeds

(oh to be fly on the wall when he told his dad that one)at 8 he asked about sex and again I told him

at 10 he asked about oral sex, again told him. You get the picture.

The conditioner incident happened two years ago and what I said to him was after I repeatedly asked

him not to use it, I finally told him I knew what he was using it for and he didn't need that much.

My issue is his stealing from me and invading my privacy and I have sat down and talked to him about

it. As far as punishment privaledges mean nothing to him because I have joint custody with his father

who doesn't stand by my punishments at his house. (every other week) We have many other issues

because of this.

I would love to remove his door but have an 18month old and that room is dangerous!!!! And I wish I could

put a keyed lock on my door to my room but I don't even have walls yet!! just 2x4s!! LOL He isn't allowed

in the basement alone anymore. Not without me or hubby present, until he earns my trust again he will not

be using anything that belongs to mom. Including the computer (which he asked to use again today)

As far as embarrassing him well he doesn't have friends over here, mom is the bitch while dad is the stay in

his room ignore the kids type so that wouldn't be possible, I wouldn't do that anyway its cruel.

Again thanks for the advice!!

[ladylove]

I agree you should never humiliate your child in-front of there friends. If you do you'll teach your children never to trust anyone, and love means to hurt.

[mystofpric]

I just said the embaressment thing was an option, I didn't say it was the best option. I personally had a slated door so that I had almost no privacy when I was in my teens, which did get taken down. I like teh door idea, it would allow him to feel as on display as I'm sure you did. And there are very few kids who don't get embaressed during teh sex talk. But even if froggy did something as simplay as buy him a bottle of lube and put it on his dresser, he's going to be mortified. Teens, so senstive

I caught my little brother with his hand down his girlfriends pants. On the drive to take his gf home, all three of us had the sex talk, i had just found out my 17yo sister was preggers and KNEW my dad would kill my little brother is he found out. Talk about embaressing! That was SO not my job, but i figured it was safer than turning it over to my dad.

[Guest eminatic]

hmmm maybe if he wants lube and is too embarrassed to buy it you could have him pay you and buy some for him? then he would have his own and realize that its not cheap!

[froggystyle1977]

He left for his dads for the week this morning and hubby discovered $5 missing from the kitchen drawer

and again after telling him all week to get his room clean (don't want ants bugs ect) he didn't so I can't

trust him at all, I will be cleaning his room this week and might even remove his door!!(or just his door knob)

[mystofpric]

I think the door knob is a great way to start, plus if he has a TV or anything in his room, I'd take it out. Leave him with just the bare essentials. If he asked where it went, tell him you borrowed it Like her "borrowed" that $5. Tell him he can have his stuff back when he repays you and tells you why he stole it, ratehr than just ask for it.

The TV thing never worked for me, I was a reader as a kid and mom couldn't bring herself to take books away. TV though, that could be damaging.... If only she knew what I was reading....

[ohshelly]

We had to do the remove the door thing with one of our teenagers.

We replaced the door with a wooden screen door from the home depot.

They come in many sizes, and are easy to install.

We only needed to do this twice until he got the message.

This may work in keeping the baby safe, too.

It is a hard age, but they live through it, and they grow up to be pretty great people!

[pappyld04]

Personally I would visit or at least call him at his father's and bring the issue of the money up! This may not prevent the problem but he will know that you will not just ignore it.

[froggystyle1977]

Pappy I called him, and he of course denied it.. and I let his dad know what he has been up too

all his dad had to say was "I don't see him asking you for that kind of stuff but he could ask me"

He is so full of you know what!! My son wants to live with dad but turns to mom (actually hubby since

mom doesn't work) everything he wants, needs even for things like gas for his dirtbike that he has at his dads!!!!

ok I will stop now or this could get really long!!!!!!!!!

thanks for being here everyone!!!

[pappyld04]

Sounds like your X cares more about spiting you than parenting the child. I hope this isn't something that gets him into legal trouble. IMHO, that may be the only thing to make his father take notice. At least your son knows that he has until next week to figure out how to look you in the eye! Guilt and worry will have time to do some work on him until you get him there!