Had A Blow Up And Don’t Know Why

[Angelina]

He’s been working and going to school then on the weekend he has projects that he works on so he’s had a bit of an attitude for awhile I let it slide come on he’s beat.

No more school YIPPEE! Tonight we were sitting outside on the back deck and just chatting I mentioned the awning we put up and he got so mad.

I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me so I ask a few times and he gets madder so I leave and go to bed (in the other room I have to get up at 4).

This is why we can’t talk about sex WTF it’s midnight and thank u very much I can’t sleep.

I have also finally figured out why I have been feeling so dam clueless out here he gets threatened when I can do things.

I think just to get some revenge I’m going to rebuild a shed that’ll F with him.

I want to just walk away sometimes and try to get focused.

Think I need to go camping alone again…just to go up and get my head right.

Sorry midnight no sleep = BLA BLA BLA

[Amylynn920]

The reason you don't know why you're peeved, is in this sentence. I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me so I ask a few times and he gets madder so I leave and go to bed (in the other room I have to get up at 4). This is why we can’t talk about sex

He won't tell you. Communication is the foundation for any good relationship. In or out of the bedroom.

You guys need to talk. No matter how painful it is or how hard it is.

[mailahn97]

I agree. Holding it in and not talking about it is just going to make it worse. Also the longer that it is held in the harder it will get to talk about it. Without communication you are not going to get anywhere. I wish you the best of luck with it all.

[nosleepnmesa]

Hi Angel. Well I do agree fully with my feeling posters here. Communication is the key to a great relationship. I do have a few questions though, if you don't mind. How long have you been married or with your SO, and how long has this lack of communication been going on? Have you tried, for instance you said, " He has had a bit of an attitude for awhile, and you let it slide because he is beat." that statement alone will make communication hard. He is worn out, tired, short fused etc.. So here is an idea, I don't know if he likes baths, but I know that my X did. Since you know he is worn out, tired and short fused, this may help start the communication back up. Make him a candle lit dinner, something that is his favorite meal, set the table, light some candles and turn off the lights. This may help him relax a little, setting a pleasant calm mood. I wouldn't during this time talk about anything that may cause anymore stress, but maybe some chit chat here and there. Let him know that you know he is exhausted, tired etc..., and that you miss him. During dinner you may want to ask him if he would like after dinner for you to start him a shower or bath if he hasn't had one already from after work. You may if his routine is to come home and take a shower first , then start that for him then go finish dinner. This of course it just to try to get him to relax and make the mood calm.

Then maybe move to the porch and talk with him a little nothing to serious, you may want to say, "hon I know you are exhausted and stressed out, is there anything I can do to help? This is just a idea. If the mood doesn't seem right to ask him that then dont. Just have a relaxing dinner, with little chit chat here and there, then maybe move to the porch and sit next to him, hold his hand etc....

Also do you all have any children? This is just my opinion, I know over the course of my marriage, there were times where communication would not be there. Life alone is enough to stress somebody out.

Good Luck to you and keep us posted!

[cmwise1]

Communication is the key..I'm sure you've heard this before. How do you make someone communicate with you when they don't want to? You just keep trying to get them to open up. You can try "I statements" instead of "you statements", i.e., I see that you are very upset about this conversation vs You always get mad when we bring this up. Just be patient..I hate to stereotype men..some are excellent communicators. But i think those men are exceptions. I don't think boys are taught to communicate their feelings well, so it is much harder...Sometimes it's even hard for me to KNOW what i'm feeling: anger, resentment, sadness, frustration. If you can't name it, it is hard to talk about it. Good luck, sweetie, it's a long pull.

[mailahn97]

Pinky I know what you mean. My ex did not comminicate well at all everything was a fight no matter what it was. He did not like talking. That is why when I got together with my SO I was in a state of shock. He loved talking about our relationship, feelings, life or anything at all. It threw me for a loop as I was not used to it. It is so nice to have someone that you know you can talk to about anything and everything and know that you are not being judged. They are truly listening and will comminicate back.

[sun_flower969]

He’s been working and going to school then on the weekend he has projects that he works on so he’s had a bit of an attitude for awhile I let it slide come on he’s beat.

No more school YIPPEE! Tonight we were sitting outside on the back deck and just chatting I mentioned the awning we put up and he got so mad.

I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me so I ask a few times and he gets madder so I leave and go to bed (in the other room I have to get up at 4).

This is why we can’t talk about sex WTF it’s midnight and thank u very much I can’t sleep.

I have also finally figured out why I have been feeling so dam clueless out here he gets threatened when I can do things.

I think just to get some revenge I’m going to rebuild a shed that’ll F with him.

I want to just walk away sometimes and try to get focused.

Think I need to go camping alone again…just to go up and get my head right.

Sorry midnight no sleep = BLA BLA BLA

THAT SUCKS! I hate not knowing. maybe it is something he is afraid to discuss with you. My H is like that, doesn't want to cause conflict but the digging is what sucks! I hope you work it out soon!

[pappyld04]

Fear of an argument has turned this into a festering sore. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the part of him that gets pissed because you don't have to ask him to do every little thing. Something in me is saying that this is a large part of his problem with you. If this is the case then screw that idiot. A lot of foolish men think that if a woman can do nothing for herself then she has only him to do these things for her. They think that a needy woman could never replace them. IMHO the exact opposite is the truth. If a woman can do things for herself and she still lets you stick around then you know she loves you!

[Tyger]

If you're not sure why there was a blow up, you really should ask him. The thing is is to be tactful about it. Saying something like "WTH was your problem anyway?" really won't open up the lines of communication. Maybe something like "So, about the thing about the awning I mentioned the other day, I'm really not sure what stirred it up or irritated you..." may get better results.

I KWYM about some men thinking that their "Little Woman" should let THEM do stuff, especially mechanical, or something that has to do with building anything. My DH is the SAME way. I'll ask him to do stuff, and he won't do it. I will repeat the request, and forwarn him that I was perfectly capable of doing this stuff before we met, and I would do it if he didn't. Someday he will learn that I mean it, and I DO do what I am going to say. When he bitches, I explain to him that when I ask him to do something, I don't mean like 6 weeks from now (usually). All of the other women he's ever been with (even though we've been together going on 7 yrs now), have always needed The Big Strong Man to handle stuff. Not this chick! Ask anyone. So, I've BTDT too. It's a PITA. Men want us to NEED them. It's like deeply rooted in them or something. Unfortunately, the more we have to do stuff for ourselves (which is a GOOD thing), the less they feel needed.

Basically, I have told my hubby that, I will never NEED him to be here. He's here cuz I WANT him to be here. At first, he took that the wrong way. I told him "Look, any man would do if I NEEDED a man in my life to do stuff, and pay the bills, right?" He had to agree there. So I said, "You will be in my life for as long as we BOTH want to be in each other's lives. Yes, I would be upset if something happened to you. Devestated. However, for the sake of our daughter, I could & would go on, as hard as it would be. I would think that you would be PROUD of having a strong woman, able to take care of stuff, and not cling on you." He understood a lot better though it took some time to sink in. Now he brags about it.

Most men are conditioned that talking about stuff is for sissies or girls. That they should be able to handle stuff internally, figure it out, and deal with it on their own. Some men find it almost impossible to change that mindset.

You can also calmly look at him, if he refuses to talk, and let him know, until you know what the problem is, it can't get worked on, so you can't keep fretting about it. Use the analogy of a problem with a car. If you don't know that there's a problem, the problem gets worse and worse if it's not fixed, until the motor blows! Then where are you?

Best wishes.

[mystofpric]

the only advice is the simplest advice, breathe deep give him a chance to chill, the talk to him. Good luck hun!

[Angelina]

I sware I responded last night…I was thinking yesterday and we have always had good communication we talk about everything but sex (ya I know sad)

This happened once before when we were in Italy he thought that be fore we left I was having an affair with a neighbor. YA RIGHT sorry that will never happen don’t believe in disrespecting my partner like that. If he wants to bring someone in I may consider it I don’t think he would bring it up and I wouldn’t cuz I’m a coward.

I told him nice but firm that I have NEVER now will I EVER have an affair on him

Yes I’m usually the one who feels I make compromises in the relationship but I have told him (in the very beginning) that if we can’t talk I’ll let shit slide until I walk.

Baby I can do bad by myself!

Sorry…tonight is the night that we take down some walls in the bedroom; we’ve been planning this. I’m hoping this is just the beginning and will open a flood gate or two. I have to say a month without sex is Fing killing me.

I figure I’m going to try and do a little upmanship and rebuild the shed after I weed and mow the front.

I CAN use power tools; I can change my own Fing oil and can pour concrete.

I can be a little bit like a freight train once I start on a project.

I’ll let ya’ll know that you for your insight and support in this I feel so much better reading what you all wrote and it made me think HARD.

[Angelina]

Fear of an argument has turned this into a festering sore. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the part of him that gets pissed because you don't have to ask him to do every little thing. Something in me is saying that this is a large part of his problem with you. If this is the case then screw that idiot. A lot of foolish men think that if a woman can do nothing for herself then she has only him to do these things for her. They think that a needy woman could never replace them. IMHO the exact opposite is the truth. If a woman can do things for herself and she still lets you stick around then you know she loves you!

i agree he is very threatened by me sometimes.

my dad was a general contractor and he had only me no sons.

he worked my butt off.

so hard work im not afraid of; but ive decided that he's goning to have to figure out how to deal with this.

if this is going to work i can't let it bug me, i have to keep getting things done around here.

he's a putterer that what he likes to do me i like to get in there and kick butt to get it done and over then next job.

thanks for your help in opening up my eyes just gotta do

[pappyld04]

Angel I hope you didn't take my suggestion the wrong way! I would never suggest that a lady change when she knows how to get things done! I have 3 girls and I have always tried to teach them how to do for themselves. Our middle girl was the type to go buy the parts and then con some idiot boy to put them on for her. I put a stop to that by telling her that if she couldn't do the simple things to keep her car up then we would sell the car and she could walk!

[mystofpric]

Angel I hope you didn't take my suggestion the wrong way! I would never suggest that a lady change when she knows how to get things done! I have 3 girls and I have always tried to teach them how to do for themselves. Our middle girl was the type to go buy the parts and then con some idiot boy to put them on for her. I put a stop to that by telling her that if she couldn't do the simple things to keep her car up then we would sell the car and she could walk!

That sounds like me. But usually just just pay out the butt at a mechanic

[pappyld04]

I never expected them to able to tear a motor down and rebuild it or anything even close. But routine maintenance such as oil, filters, spark plugs, wiper blades, checking their fluid levels and such are things that even a child can be taught. Jen had some stupid idea that she could flirt with some boy and get him to do it for her. After someone told me how it happened I yanked them back off and threw them in the car and gave her a choice!