Coping With So's Health Issues

[ManofHerdreams]

Just wondering if anyone else here has a SO with health issues. My wife has Meniere's Disease and though it isn't terminal hers is bad. So bad that she's not able to work anymore and she's constantly fighting the effects of the disease and the drugs that she has been prescribed for it.

She very seldom feels good and it's an effort for her to do things that most of us take for granted.

Some of her meds make her extremely fatigued all of the time and one kills her libido so our sex life has suffered immensely for the last 8 years or so.

I know it isn't her fault and I really try to be understanding and compassionate. I do all that I can to help her around the house after I get home in the evenings but it seems like it's not enough to make a difference.

I'm not bitching or blaming her but it's really frustrating and hard to deal with after so long a period of time. Sometimes I feel beaten down by it all but I keep trudging along like a good solider and continue to hope for a victory.

It's tough to read about so many with good active sex lives and to know that mine will probably never be like that again. Every once in a great while when all of the planets line up and the stars are right we'll have a session of wonderful lovemaking like we used to do but it's not often enough. It beats me down to be thinking about her all day and wanting her so bad and then get an email telling me how bad she is feeling today and I know immediately that all hope for a romantic evening is gone.

God bless her she tries and she fells bad about it too. She offers me sex a lot of times when I can see in her eyes that she really doesn't feel like it and as bad as I want it I tell her just to get some rest and we'll try to catch up when she feels better.

I guess I bored you all with my issues long enough but sometimes I just need to get it off of my chest and then take a deep breath and go again.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Man

[colletteski]

I'm sorry Man that really is hard. You are a wonderful man for dealing with that the way you do, I have a lot of health problems but I'm still very young I'm sure when I'm older that I will be in the same position if not a little worse and I pray that I have a man caring enough as you to love me regardless of my health condition. Kudo's to you <3

[cmwise1]

You are a wonderful man to stand by her even through the hard times. It's not her fault nor is it yours that life has thrown this curve ball at you both. Just do the best you can with what you can...you are very thoughtful and considerate.

[Valntyn]

I read this post earlier, but couldn't form my thoughts into a coherent reply.. I still can't, really... I have too many health issues that my husband is very dear to "endure." I know as I get older, I'll only get worse, and I can only hope he continues to be the sweet, compassionate, understanding man he is -- that you seem also to be, in regards to your wife. It's hard... and there really isn't much anyone can say (especially those of us like myself who have no idea about Meniere's Disease) that will help. So, vent all you want -- we know it isn't for any loss of love toward your wife.

Poon: The cochlear implants are for hearing impaired people... I've never heard of them having other uses... thanks for giving me something else to look up. You piqued my curiosity!

[littlefriend]

Wow, you sound like a very patient and loving husband. I'm sorry to hear about the issues that you and your wife face. It sounds like you adore each other through it all and that is so amazing!

God bless you both!

[Mikayla1]

I do think you are a wonderful husband and friend for supporting your wife. It is tremendous how loving you seem. It is good to come and vent here, that will help you to continue to deal with the situation. I was told that I had Meniere's disease as well. I had ringing in my ears, constant dizzy spells, off balance, hearing loss. I was put on a very strict diet (no caffeine, little to no sugar, lots of water consumption) and my symptoms all but went away. At this point I am not sure what I had was Meniere's but the doctor sure helped me.

I can also relate as someone from the other side. When I was pregnant with our second son I had lots of issues toward the end. Bleeding, migraines, false labor - and my husband was so supportive of me. We were having lots of sex until the last months and it just stopped - he never complained. I just know that even though my situation was temporary, having him support me and understand me made me feel oh so loved and secure. I am sure that is how your wife feels.

Good for you!

[Tyger]

Where I don't have a terminal or dibilitating illness such as your wife, I also have some issues that prevent us from having sex as often as we would like.

It's very admirable and compassionate of you to be as supportive of her as you are. It takes a lot of love and devotion to be able to continue to be as supportive as you are to her, and that is wonderful! You truly are the MOHD!!

[Valntyn]

Part of his problem along with all the other symptoms was hearing loss induced by Menieres. All I know is he was extremely sick up until the had the Cochlear implant and now he isn't. I hardly ever see him since we live 2000 miles apart but the next time I talk to him I will ask.

I did end up looking into Meniere's Disease after reading these posts -- quite interesting, actually. I can just imagine how horrible and crazy people with this condition can feel. A good summary page I found is www.meniersinfo.com. It speaks to the several symptoms that totally made sense to Thur and I as to why cochlear implants would have some correlation. Having read from you of someone with whom it's actually worked, I find that absolutely great and hope others with the more severe aspects of it are able to benefit as well.

Again, thanks for jumping me into looking this up!

[Valntyn]

Maybe "jumping" was the wrong word... prompting? poking? jump-starting? Whichever, it was meant in a good way, no worries.

[ManofHerdreams]

Thanks for the kind words and for letting me vent a little. It is so frustrating to fight this same battle every day with little or no hope of winning the war. Sometimes It beats us both down but we regroup and push on.

Like the old saying goes "No Pressure, No Diamonds" so we're gonna be rich one day.

Thanks again guys, It's a new day and life goes on.

Man

[Angelina]

First I want to say i normaly do not share this with people but...

I have to admit that your situation sounds a lot like ours was.

I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and went on treatment for it.

I have to admit the treatment was/is worse then the disease.

It is a combo of Chemo and Anti Viral drugs one of the BIG side effects is suicide.

Nice huh?

We went through this together for 5 years our sex life became almost non exsistant also.

I was so exhausted all the time, I got so I didn’t even want to hear my own voice it seemed (even to me) that all I did was friggin’ whine (I always asked for cheese and crackers)

I’m sorry I don’t know about her situation but I do know how it feels to have no energy feeling tierd and depressed ALL THE TIME.

I have to tell you even if you “see it in her eyes” that she doesn’t want to have sex.

If she’s offering and you’re turning her down (that is probably what she feels like) you need to STOP!

I know I’m sounding like a real shit BUT you need to take her up on that by you “rejecting” her offer you are telling her that she is NOT good enough.

Sounds weird I know and she may not even realize that’s what she’s feeling, and it could also be contributing to her depression.

Long story short she offers you tell her how marvelous she is and do it till the sun comes up.

I am only speaking from personal experience here.

Don't know if this helps or not..

[ManofHerdreams]

First I want to say i normaly do not share this with people but...

I have to admit that your situation sounds a lot like ours was.

I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and went on treatment for it.

I have to admit the treatment was/is worse then the disease.

It is a combo of Chemo and Anti Viral drugs one of the BIG side effects is suicide.

Nice huh?

We went through this together for 5 years our sex life became almost non exsistant also.

I was so exhausted all the time, I got so I didn’t even want to hear my own voice it seemed (even to me) that all I did was friggin’ whine (I always asked for cheese and crackers)

I’m sorry I don’t know about her situation but I do know how it feels to have no energy feeling tierd and depressed ALL THE TIME.

I have to tell you even if you “see it in her eyes” that she doesn’t want to have sex.

If she’s offering and you’re turning her down (that is probably what she feels like) you need to STOP!

I know I’m sounding like a real shit BUT you need to take her up on that by you “rejecting” her offer you are telling her that she is NOT good enough.

Sounds weird I know and she may not even realize that’s what she’s feeling, and it could also be contributing to her depression.

Long story short she offers you tell her how marvelous she is and do it till the sun comes up.

I am only speaking from personal experience here.

Don't know if this helps or not..

I appreciate your input Angle but believe me after 30 plus years I can tell when she is really interested and when she is just trying to please me. She's told me herself that a lot of times she doesn't feel like it but she offers anyway. If it's a one way street and she not enjoying it then what's the use doing something solely for my benefit? I'm not a teenager, I want to please her and when she's feeling good I do my best to do just that. She knows I love her and she knows that because of that I'll never do anything to make her feel bad whether it be physically or emotionally.

[Angelina]

Well it sounds like you know what you/she needs.

I do know that it is very easy to slip into depression further when you feel like there is little or no hope.

I really do hope that they can address this and hopefully do something for her.

To live without hope is beyond anything I can express to you, there are no words that can do it justice.

I never thought you would take advantage in any way please don’t think that I just know how awful a woman can feel how inadequate.

Is there a “cure” for this?

I know there is NOT one for me.

And life goes on.

[Guest eminatic]

hmm well i dont know anything about Meniere's except what i read just now on wikipedia (and apparently Ayumi Hamasaki has it o_O) but i do know about cochlear implants. they send electronic impulses through the ear/brain so i see how it might possibly be beneficial...

the downside is that you usually lose ALL of your natural hearing and you cannot undo it.

[ManofHerdreams]

Unfortunately there is no cure. She has had two surgeries on it and tried every device and procedure known to medical science short of the cochlear implant and any positive results have been short lived.

We'll keep on though and not give up.

[Angelina]

:(I feel I owe you an apology; I never wanted to come across sounding like I thought you would do anything less then honorable.

It has been bothering me all day and I just would like to say I am sorry for the way I came across it was not intended to make less of you or your SO.

Angel

[drdlight]

Just wondering if anyone else here has a SO with health issues. .....

God bless her she tries and she fells bad about it too. She offers me sex a lot of times when I can see in her eyes that she really doesn't feel like it and as bad as I want it I tell her just to get some rest and we'll try to catch up when she feels better.

I guess I bored you all with my issues long enough but sometimes I just need to get it off of my chest and then take a deep breath and go again.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Man

Dear Man,

Whew! I will admit, I haven't followed up on Meniers yet. I have been a caregiver though. It is a long, tough road, and even more difficult when it seems you are traveling alone. Is there a support group for caregivers with loved ones who have Meniers? Can you afford to hire some household help? To help with housework, cooking, cleaning, etc.?

I have been ill for about a year now, (to the point where the doctor has declared me 'permanently disabled') My husband has, unfortunately been emotionally abusive, which just creates more stress, which just makes my health problems even worse! But, at the same time, I am aware that my husband also has health issues - the difference is, that I will admit that I need help, and I will tell the doctor if a medication is causing my libido issues. (Have you and/or your wife discussed libido issues/sex challenges with her doctor?) My husband, on the other hand, will NOT admit that he has health problems, and that his problems are just as debilitating as my own are - though in a few different ways.

In reading some information on my own health issues, one article pointed out that sexual relations (with my spouse) are wonderful for releasing the endorphins that ease/reduce pain. (I have always apparently also had the stronger libido than my husband.) His response was to send me an article about how dealing with a spouse with chronic pain affects the family, and even though I am telling him we NEED to connect, and make sexual intimacy a priority, he tells me that he is too afraid that he will hurt me! (That's what HURTS! The rejection, and at this point, feeling like he totally despises me.) I had also read that my health conditions should stabilize, only to then see my doctor who informed me that my conditions seem to be getting worse.

Anyway, there are options, that you and your wife can implement. And, they don't include any type of infidelity!

Remember - you are married, and your wife is STILL your Partner. Look together, to see if you can find some solutions that will make you both happy and content.

Also, I know it is very challenging! And I admire you for keeping your marriage and your relationship as a top priority! Bless you!

[ManofHerdreams]

:(I feel I owe you an apology; I never wanted to come across sounding like I thought you would do anything less then honorable.

It has been bothering me all day and I just would like to say I am sorry for the way I came across it was not intended to make less of you or your SO.

Angel

Angel,

I took no offense from your post, I just replied to clarify some things. You don't owe me an apology but you were very gracious in extending it anyway.

Man

[mystofpric]

MoHD~

While I cannot say that I know where you are coming from but I do wish that should I ever get sick someone as caring as you is there to help me. I know that your wife must appericate everything you do and I hope that things get better for you. Mwah!

Suzy

[makasha1]

Man...First let me say that I think you are truly one of the heroes.

So many men have jumped the fence or left just because they didn't get laid for a couple of months.

Luckily my SO and I have no significant health issues but when I was in H.S. I watched my mom spend five years

dying of cancer, Finally passing at age 54. So from watching my dad I can feel for you.

I'm sure God already has a place reserved for you in Heaven