Newbie texazdad Posted July 2, 2008 Newbie Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 Ok let me start by telling you all I am in the Army and just returned from Iraq I am in charge of Soldiers all day and in control of everything going on around me at work but when I am with my Wife in the bed room I Love to have her in control. Now I am home and she tells me she threw out all the toys and that she doesn’t want them any more nor does she want any kind of bondage or control and that just the thought of using toys makes her sick. Before I deployed we had great sex and we had Amazing Bondage sex where she would take complete control and do what She wanted in the bed room and I could relax and not have the stress of my daily life interfere with our lovemaking I could just (let my hair down) you could say and she used to Love it she would think up ways to tie me up and satisfy us both but not any more. So I’m asking are there any Women out there that can tell me whets going on with her or how to ease her back to where we were? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Valntyn Posted July 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 First off, welcome to TooTimid! I'm glad to hear you returned from Iraq -- hopefully all safe and sound. Secondly, that's quite a major shift in attitude "just like that." Not meaning to sound the cynical one, but three things popped in my head first...A. something bad happened to her while she was gone that scared her away from sex; B. you two had an argument and she's just not wanting to have sex with you;C. she's messing around with someone else.Hopefully, of course, it's not A. or C. If it is C., she could either be feeling guilty and doesn't feel she deserves you OR she likes the "someone else" better and is trying to drive you away.Hopefully it's B. and easily fixable -- but no matter WHICH it is, the only way you're really going to find out is to sit her down outside the bedroom and ask her. Have a gentle talk, no finger-pointing ("Why do YOU..."), and see if she'll tell you what's going on in her head.Good luck... I truly hope the best outcome for this (and again, I'm sorry to jump directly to the BAD, but I couldn't think of the GOOD this time.... ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vanilla_bean Posted July 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 I agree with Val. My first impression was that something happened while you were gone. How long were you away? Has your wife had any change in meds or in her health in general? Any issues with depression? What does she say happened to change her feelings toward this? Like Val says, have a loving talk with her. It is something of concern.Good luck L&D-Dent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie texazdad Posted July 2, 2008 Author Newbie Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 Well I have had talks with her and we do still have great sex but just no toys or bondage and she says that it's just that she only wants real sex with me no toys or props or aids nothing but me and her. I know he isn’t cheating she is not like that she doesn’t even look and other guys and not that I am of that I do but I can account for every minute that she is not with me so she doesn’t have time for it any way.Nope no arguments here no fighting or anything we have in the past had disagreements but nothing big.As far as I know nothing has happened to her I have asked and all I get is that while I was gone she had bad dreams of some one breaking in and tying her up and using the toys on her as they raped her but that was just a dream and it didn’t really happen and that is i think why she threw the toys away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vanilla_bean Posted July 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 Just a guess here, but I'm sure she really missed you while you were away and maybe feels like she wants a more "romantic" connection right now. If you're still having good sex that's a very positive sign. Maybe this kind of sex is just what she needs right now. Plus, dreams can be very scary and realistic.Really hope you two work this out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie texazdad Posted July 2, 2008 Author Newbie Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 Thanks for the reassuring words and I will give it more time maybe that’s all she needs I have only been home for 1 month so I got the time now to spend with her so we will see how it all works out then we will see about getting back to where we were. So here is another Q. she tossed all our toys and stuff and ok that just lets us shop for more when she is ready right but she doesn’t even want me to have anything in the house Yea she knows that I'm a guy and I occasionally Masturbate and she is cool with it she has watched and she is pretty much like what ever just don’t make a mess but she doesn’t want me to have any Masturbation sleeves or anything you guys think that is just part of the whole She wants it to be just us thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted July 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 Hello and welcome!I agree somewhat with the other posters, I think that this is a major shift in attitude! What is 'real' sex? Did someone tell her that sex toys are bad or that a man should be in control of things? Sounds to me like she has gotten some mixed signals somewhere. It is not unusual for women or men who have loved ones who go away to have a somewhat different view of things when they return. There is a hesitancy sometimes, an unsure attitude of where YOU have been, what YOU have done, etc. This causes self doubt and a reevaluation of the relationship that is not always good.If this is important to you, this bondage sex, then I would definitely give it some time and bring it up again. Sex toys are a natural enhancement - and it sounds like someone told her otherwise causing this shift in attitude. It is not necessary to give up things you enjoy, sex is about 2 people, and if one person is running the show it makes things awkward and there is no meeting of the minds there. Give her a little time, then bring it up in a loving manner. See what happens then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members froggystyle1977 Posted July 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 I agree with Mikayla it doesn't sound as though this shift was just because of a dream it sounds more like she found someone to talk to and connect with and they (be it male or female) Made her think what you were doing was wrong. I would just talk to her, Remind her that sex toys are an enhancement and not a replacement, they are thier for both your pleasure. GOOD LUCK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted July 2, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 I am thinking along the lines of Froggystyle.. Is it possible that she could have become more religious since you have been gone. That could stir up some issues... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted July 2, 2008 Report Share Posted July 2, 2008 Well, I have to agree. There is SOMETHING going on there. Nobody just changes their minds like that overnight. She may feel a tad guilty for depending on her toys so much while you were gone, and fears that she had replaced you with the toys, maybe making her feel like she cheated on you in some way, and feels guilty about that.She could've gotten more religious, and, well, we all know that religious people DON'T masturbate, and it's a BAD thing . Of course I am being sarcastic, but many people DO feel that way.The dream may have affected her severely as well, or, and I HOPE not, but she may have had something violent happen to her, that she doesn't feel comfortable sharing with you (many rape victims don't). Which may explain the whole "no more bondage/control" thoughts now. I hope I am wrong. And, just asking her may not be successful.I would keep asking her questions, here and there. Ask if she is still open to the idea of toys, and that you feel they're an enhancement, not replacements, and that you were glad she had something to help her physical needs while you were away, and that you didn't feel threatened by them at all. Best wishes to you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted July 3, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 3, 2008 Just a guess here, but I'm sure she really missed you while you were away and maybe feels like she wants a more "romantic" connection right now. If you're still having good sex that's a very positive sign. Maybe this kind of sex is just what she needs right now. Plus, dreams can be very scary and realistic.Really hope you two work this out.I think that's exactly it. We women love toys because they feel good, we don't have to do the work nor our partners. But they don't replace skin and the human touch. I love my toys but honestly prefer my man touching me. Toys are inanimate.I think she just wants you and the toys may come back. Just keep talking and I am sure whatever it is that changed things will appear in the discussion. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted July 3, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 3, 2008 Thanks for the reassuring words and I will give it more time maybe that’s all she needs I have only been home for 1 month so I got the time now to spend with her so we will see how it all works out then we will see about getting back to where we were. So here is another Q. she tossed all our toys and stuff and ok that just lets us shop for more when she is ready right but she doesn’t even want me to have anything in the house Yea she knows that I'm a guy and I occasionally Masturbate and she is cool with it she has watched and she is pretty much like what ever just don’t make a mess but she doesn’t want me to have any Masturbation sleeves or anything you guys think that is just part of the whole She wants it to be just us thing?Yeah I do, and I think she just wants to feel wanted. She missed you. You're home now and she wants you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angelina Posted July 3, 2008 Members Report Share Posted July 3, 2008 As far as I know nothing has happened to her I have asked and all I get is that while I was gone she had bad dreams of some one breaking in and tying her up and using the toys on her as they raped her but that was just a dream and it didn’t really happen and that is i think why she threw the toys away. Sweetheart sometimes dreams can be so intense and scary that they are almost too real.I had one where someone was hunting me down and let me tell you it still makes my heart pound!This dream thing may not be as far off base as some may think, but now that you are home you can remind her that as long as it is within your power nothing can happen to her.It sounds to me like someone poisoned her against toys making her feel cheap and dirty. I hope it all works out for you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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