What's Wrong

[triedntru]

It has come to my attention lately that I am a crappy wife. My husband disagrees and thinks the world of me, but there is something wrong with me that I can't listen. I hear what he says, but I don't listen and remember ( I have a horrible memory anyway). I need some ideas on how to fix this. For example, he tells me he doesn't feel good in the morning, by noon I am asking him to go get something from the store. I don't do it out of maliciousness or anything, I just don't think about it, or don't remember him saying he doesn't feel good until he reminds me. We have been married 9.5 yrs and I love him with all my heart. He calls it my "princess". I don't like it. I'm not a selfish person normally, I just live in my own little world and don't mean to. Does anyone have any advice on how to remember stuff and actually listen. Sorry this is so long, I'm just not sure what else to do and I'm tired of him having to put up with this. It's time for a change. He needs a partner, not a princess to wait on hand and foot. Thanks for listening, TNT

[Amylynn920]

I'd go and check with your doc first and rule out any metabolic issues that are affecting your memory.

As to how to help you remember, I don't have any good ideas really. I hope you find answers sooner. But try and not beat up on yourself. You're not a horrible wife at all.

[vanilla_bean]

I agree, get this checked out. You are discribing some symptoms of ADD. Is this something new or a long standing concern?

[Guest eminatic]

my bf has SERIOUS ADD (i know just about EVERYONE and their mother claims to have ADD and it was not until i met him that i saw what true ADD was) and he has a phone/palm pilot combo and uses it to write even the simplest things. like things i wouldnt normally need to make note of. he sets the alarm to go off multiple times of the day usually to remind him of things.

[mystofpric]

It has come to my attention lately that I am a crappy wife. My husband disagrees and thinks the world of me, but there is something wrong with me that I can't listen. I hear what he says, but I don't listen and remember ( I have a horrible memory anyway). I need some ideas on how to fix this. For example, he tells me he doesn't feel good in the morning, by noon I am asking him to go get something from the store. I don't do it out of maliciousness or anything, I just don't think about it, or don't remember him saying he doesn't feel good until he reminds me. We have been married 9.5 yrs and I love him with all my heart. He calls it my "princess". I don't like it. I'm not a selfish person normally, I just live in my own little world and don't mean to. Does anyone have any advice on how to remember stuff and actually listen. Sorry this is so long, I'm just not sure what else to do and I'm tired of him having to put up with this. It's time for a change. He needs a partner, not a princess to wait on hand and foot. Thanks for listening, TNT

If it isn't ADD or anything actually wrong and you just have a weak short term memory, find some physical clue that can help you remember things. Also what maybe be happenings that you aren't making links between news things to remember and things you already have memorized. Your hubby is sick? Make a point to link it with a time that either you or someone you know were very sick.

Also play a brain game. They have excellent memory programs that are fun. Spend about 10-15 minutes doing nothing but working on your short term memory (remember that card game?)

You can actually lose your short term memory through head trauma, while I'm sure this isn't the case, you can take a note from these unfortunate people and work on your conditioning. Think Pavlov's Dogs. Good luck hun and enjoy your games!

[mystofpric]

whoops.

[triedntru]

Thank you all. I do have ADD and have since I was a 12(when I was diagnosed anyway). I just restarted Ritalin this month and it has helped somewhat, may need to see dr. about adjusting dose. I hadn't thought of that aspect. Also, thanks for the tips of looking him in the eyes and doing mind puzzles. Are you talking like Suduko? TNT

[tootimidtoo]

Ever since my car accident (no head trauma ) 9 years ago I have had a horrible memory. I recently got a blackberry that I put EVERYTHING in! If DH and I are talking about something he says "is it in your blackberry?" For instance I put in a recurring reminder every Sunday to call my Dad (something most people would NOT need a reminder for!) It has been a life saver.

Good luck, I hope the riddalin helps. I would think it needs time to work fully, so I would wait a bit before you see about adjusting it.

[pappyld04]

http://www.brain-aerobics.net/?gclid=CKav8...CFQOeFQod7kz9gQ - http://www.revolutionhealth.com/conditions...work|1012561254 - I think these are both free and have a few different articles that may help you!

[pappyld04]

Thank you all. I do have ADD and have since I was a 12(when I was diagnosed anyway). I just restarted Ritalin this month and it has helped somewhat, may need to see dr. about adjusting dose. I hadn't thought of that aspect. Also, thanks for the tips of looking him in the eyes and doing mind puzzles. Are you talking like Suduko? TNT

I thought they had a different drug for adults. But what do I know. Most meds take some time to build up in your system. I'm a Sudoku fan too. Yahoo has a daily one in their games area. It's towards the bottom of the page!

[Tyger]

Just remember, with any sort of medication to help with ADD, it will take a little bit to get your mind balanced out with help of the meds. Seeing results won't be immediate, and you may need a different sort of medication, if this doesn't seem to help. Keep in touch with your doctor to make sure you're getting the best medication for YOUR specific needs.

And, don't worry, we ALL do silly stuff like that. My husband SWEARS that he tells me stuff, important stuff, and he doesn't. He tells EVERYONE else, and just assumes that he's told me. I've also done silly things like, when his knee is hurting, I'll ask him to come up and see something I've done with photos, or see some funny pic someone's sent me. DUH!

I think when you get so comfortable with someone, you, unconsciously, may start taking them for granted. When I do stupid stuff like that, I apologize. Hubby on the other hand, will dig in his heels and SWEAR he told me. I told him once that he REALLY needs to pay attention to WHO he tells WHAT too, cuz for a while, he was making me question my memory too, and with a history of a great-aunt with alziemher', I really worry about it. Then I asked a friend if a question had been asked that hubby SWORE he'd asked me, and she said, not infront of her (which he said it was). I gave him hell for it.

[Guest eminatic]

my bf takes wellbutrin for it (i know, its usually for depression) he doesnt like taking it and tried to stop once, and there was a NOTICEABLE difference, also his boss pulled him aside for a conference to ask what was wrong with him

[makasha1]

I'm with Poon, I have the same problem with my wife. I call it being self possessed, as opposed to selfish.

If it's important to her it's important, if it's important to me, oh well, to bad.

I'm supposed to watch her Happily Ever After movies with her but I have to watch football and racing alone.

Sometimes I think she only keeps me around to fix things and do the heavy lifting.

But we have our good times, too.

I'm sure you love him and want to do the best for him but maybe you should soul search and see if a part of your brain

says that important to him is not worthy of attention. I'm not trying to be mean as I've had to do this myself to

try to change some of my less than admirable behaviors.

Best of luck.

[ManofHerdreams]

My wife is the same way...she don't hear a damn thing. I could tell her I was having a heart attack and she would ask me to go get milk. It is like it just goes right over her head. I think it is a total lack of interest on her part cause if I do or say something wrong or something she doesn't like, her memory works just fine trust me.

Damn, Poon!! I din't realize that you were married to my wifes other sister. You, iha and I must all be related in some way!!!!!!!!!

Man

[mystofpric]

Thank you all. I do have ADD and have since I was a 12(when I was diagnosed anyway). I just restarted Ritalin this month and it has helped somewhat, may need to see dr. about adjusting dose. I hadn't thought of that aspect. Also, thanks for the tips of looking him in the eyes and doing mind puzzles. Are you talking like Suduko? TNT

Suduko is one yes, also like big brain academy for the Nintendo DS (not say you should run out and buy that) is a great one and actually made teh whoel brain game idea main stream. You can buy them for you cell phone so you can play them any where too!

http://www.gamesforthebrain.com/ Love this one!

http://www.psychtests.com/mindgames/index.html These are hard, or seem to be any way, lol

www.youramazingbrain.org/yourmemory/default.htm

Or just play the card matching game in your spare time. Now that I have reread my old class notes ( i thought memory was amazing) it sound like with your ADD you aren't about to focus long enough on information to shift it from your short term memory (which only hold 7 bits of information, kinda like numbers in a telephone) into your transient and then long term memories. When you can focus on new things and link them to old information (your hubby is sick, what does he have? how can you treat it? have you had this?) also other people make just the most absurd connections (chicken pox- chickens- eggs- omlete- sunday breakfast- church- bible- book- your favorite books is ______ whatever) but you can see how the link is made. Also repeating information and working it into a story or complete idea will help as well. Good luck hun!

[triedntru]

MOHD, Poon, BBB, That is exactly what I'm afraid of. I DON'T want to be "self possessed" or self centered or selfish! I'm trying my best to figure out how to fix it, that's why I posted on here. I do stuff that he likes and most of the stuff I get to where I enjoy as well (such as football). He is an awesome husband!! Many of times we are on the same brainwave so I think we've already talked about something cause I'VE thought if it. We're both really bad about doing that. Thanks for the input, TNT

[mystofpric]

MOHD, Poon, BBB, That is exactly what I'm afraid of. I DON'T want to be "self possessed" or self centered or selfish! I'm trying my best to figure out how to fix it, that's why I posted on here. I do stuff that he likes and most of the stuff I get to where I enjoy as well (such as football). He is an awesome husband!! Many of times we are on the same brainwave so I think we've already talked about something cause I'VE thought if it. We're both really bad about doing that. Thanks for the input, TNT

Hun, if you have put this much thought into it, then you are by no mean self-absored or self-possesed. Forgetful. Yeah, me too trust me. How do you think I know about brain games? Good luck love!

[vanilla_bean]

Now that I have reread my old class notes ( i thought memory was amazing) it sound like with your ADD you aren't about to focus long enough on information to shift it from your short term memory (which only hold 7 bits of information, kinda like numbers in a telephone) into your transient and then long term memories.

Hmm, sounds like somebody oughta be back in school. I'm just sayin.

[mystofpric]

Hmm, sounds like somebody oughta be back in school. I'm just sayin.

HEY! I bumped it up, I'm going to start taking A class in the spring and then as I can afford more I'll take more classes. I'm hoping my old credits still transfer!

[vanilla_bean]

HEY! I bumped it up, I'm going to start taking A class in the spring and then as I can afford more I'll take more classes. I'm hoping my old credits still transfer!

YAY Suzy!!!

[ginshreve]

MOHD, Poon, BBB, That is exactly what I'm afraid of. I DON'T want to be "self possessed" or self centered or selfish! I'm trying my best to figure out how to fix it, that's why I posted on here. I do stuff that he likes and most of the stuff I get to where I enjoy as well (such as football). He is an awesome husband!! Many of times we are on the same brainwave so I think we've already talked about something cause I'VE thought if it. We're both really bad about doing that. Thanks for the input, TNT

I think it helps also to have an actual conversation with him about what he is saying - not just a "yes dear" type of response. Things seem to anchor in my brain better when I have said them aloud myself as well as hearing them.

[ManofHerdreams]

MOHD, Poon, BBB, That is exactly what I'm afraid of. I DON'T want to be "self possessed" or self centered or selfish! I'm trying my best to figure out how to fix it, that's why I posted on here. I do stuff that he likes and most of the stuff I get to where I enjoy as well (such as football). He is an awesome husband!! Many of times we are on the same brainwave so I think we've already talked about something cause I'VE thought if it. We're both really bad about doing that. Thanks for the input, TNT

please don't get me wrong. I'm in no way implying that you are like that. I can just relate to what Poon said and I've heard iha say similar things. We all seem to be in the same type of relationships is all and it doesn't mean that you are like that at all.

You're coming here and asking questions to try and avoid being that way and I applaud you for your efforts.

Man

[pappyld04]

I found a few more brain builders for you - http://www.bspcn.com/2007/11/10/hear-this-...r-life-forever/ -

http://www.bspcn.com/2007/10/05/10-amazing...inking-machine/ -

Here is a download link for an ebook on memory improvement - http://www.pmemory.com/memory-book/download.php - You may have to register to get it but I think this link will get you straight to it instead!

http://www.bspcn.com/2007/10/12/get-smart-...q-by-10-points/ -

Hope something here helps you!

[triedntru]

Thank you all again. I talked to my hubby and am working on it with him. But I told him I don't want him to be the one to hold me accountable. I think I can do this. I did tell him to make sure I was looking at him when he's telling me something and not messing with something else at the same time. That way he has my undivided attention.

[pappyld04]

As long as you see the problem and are putting forth the effort to try and fix it that is more than some people will ever do. They don't make things we can't do, only things we haven't tried yet!!!!