Sex Drive . . .

[kraney]

Just curious to see how others have experienced these changes in their bodies . . . .

Here's a quick background:

We got married pretty young (both age 20), and didn't have sex until the big day. I got on the pill a month or so before the wedding. The first few months after getting married were pretty average, I'd say - a couple of inexperienced kids trying to figure it all out. But, not too long into it, I remember asking myself, "what's the big deal?" I didn't want sex, so I never initiated it, and, frankly, did my best to fend off my new hubby. Frequency-wise, I'd say MAYBE once a week, probably closer to twice a month.

So, we're married for a few years, finish college, get real jobs. Time to have a baby. I go off the pill . . .and I don't get pregnant. We start keeping charts, timing sex, ovulation kits, etc. Basically, take all the fun out of it. At this point, I still don't remember much of a sex drive, but certainly went through the motions to get pregnant. We start seeing doctors, and find out we need in vitro. Daily ultrasounds, daily shots, a few surgeries here and there - I'm not very concerned about sex.

Low and behold, first in vitro cycle works, and I'm finally pregnant. Again, no sex drive. I don't remember wanting anything but sleep at that point. Out comes a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and I start nursing. Doc asks me if I want birth control, we basically laugh at him because of the fertility issues. I go back to work after my 12 weeks, and continue nursing. Still no signs of a sex drive. So, basically, I've gone pretty much my whole marriage without any real semblence of a sex drive. Then, when she's six months old, she stops nursing.

And . . .BAM. My missing sex drive finally shows up. So much so, that it's almost scary. I seriously don't recognize myself. But, hubby is obviously happy. Literally, morning, noon (we worked a block away from each other, the car was really close) and night. He's a 24 year old, horny dude that finally gets a willing (and eager!) partner.

So, that lasts for roughly a week, and goes away. I'm not really that interested, I really just want to go to sleep. I think that it was nice while it lasted, but now I'm back to my regular old self.

Well, guess what? I'm pregnant again. Yeppers, we did it all by ourselves, with a baby that's only six months old. Of course we're elated, but sex again is the furtherst thing from my mind. Hubby jokes that he's glad he had that "one week."

Out comes another beautiful, healthy baby girl. Doc asks me if I want birth control this time, and I say, "sign me up!" However, I wanted to try something different, as I have an hunch the pill is what killed my sex drive before I even knew it existed. I get the Mirena IUD after baby #2. I quit my job this time so I can stay home, so she gets to nurse a little longer. Nine months old, she stops nursing.

And . . . .BAM. Sex drive flares again. This time, I think I even scare my hubby. Literally cannot stop obsessing about sex. I find TT, and order a big box of goodies (at least for our one-income budget). I plan weekends away from the kids just so we can have sex all day. Again, hubby is elated.

Now, second baby is 18 months old, and it seems that sex drive is here to stay. I'd say we have sex maybe 5 times a week. The biggest problem is sleep deprivation (two toddlers, he commutes 2 1/2 hours every day). But, if we're rested, we're screwing. Sex has definately been more interesting than it ever has, and we're both loving it! Last night involved a carton of ice cream (thank you Schwan's man!).

So, here's what I'm curious about:

Has anyone experience the same problems being on the pill? I'm pretty sure I was on ortho-trycylen (sp?), but I'm not entirely sure, as it's been a few years. This IUD has been an absolute godsend. I'm not affected hormonally and my insurance actually covered it, so because it only had the one time fee at the beginning, it was actually cheaper than about 6 months of BC pills. Plus, I don't get periods, so I guess you could add in the savings for not buying tampons, too!

Has anyone experienced a huge sex drive immediately after stopping nursing? For me, it was about a day or two after the last nursing session. I wasn't even entirely dried up, just didn't have enough to make it worth while. At least the second time we were prepared for what was happening.

It seems that a lot of folks on here maintain a good sex drive during pregnancy, but that didn't seem to be the case for me. We're removing my IUD in two weeks, and we'll just see what happens. We've said we won't do fertility work again, so maybe we'll end up with more kids, maybe we won't. If I get pregnant again, I'm a little nervous about my friend Mr. Sex Drive disappearing again. At least this time I'll be able to look forward to him returning again after nursing.

Thoughts?

Holy crap, that post got long! Sorry . . . .

[TonboMidori]

My bet is on The Pill. Could be wrong, but I had the same issues when I was on them. I think it's all about the hormones, baby.

On the up side, congratz on finding your inner sex goddess!

[Guest eminatic]

im on the pill (Lutera) and i have ZERO sex drive, but i started taking the pill very young due to severe cramping so im not sure if its the pill or if i just never had a sex drive to start with...

i keep saying "next time i go to the gyn i'll get it changed"....but i always chicken out.

well my next checkup is in november and i WILL get it changed (im thinking ortho) to see if it helps.

[vanilla_bean]

While sex drive does normally wax and wane somewhat, I agree that the pill was probably the problem, as well as inexperience in the beginning. You've done your homework and worked through the inexperience part! Good for you for finding out what works for you. I think that if you are maintaining a healthy sex drive with two little ones and all that that involves, then you are in great shape. IMO exhaustion is the enemy of sex. Another pregnancy, hormones etc. will affect sex drive, but I don't think you will go back to where you were when you were first married. Thanks for sharing your story here. It gives encouragement and insight.

[hot4hubby]

I had to get off the pill. It took my sex drive away completely. To the point here it caused problems with us. I got off the pill and gave my body a good month and I was good. Too bad DH was gone. But I figured out what was wrong. And now all I have to do is look in his beautiful eyes that changes with his mood and I am lost.

[ToyQueen]

The pill, pregnancy, nursing--all have many hormones, and all can kill your sex drive. At least now you know what you're dealing with. Good luck!

[littlefriend]

The pill absolutely killed my sex drive! It took me about 10 years to get it back after i stopped taking them.

I have had the Mirena for about 6 weeks now and so far so good.

[pappyld04]

I ran across this article which may or may not help here. There is nothing mentioned about BC so IDK if that factor was considered here.

A failing sex drive can be frustrating, but there are a number of things that you can do to make it better. Some of these sure-fire methods include exercising, eating well, and being healthier in general. Here, we’ve listed these and many other easy and natural ways to get your spark back.

Emotional

If your mind is not open to sex, your body just won’t follow. Try these strategies for effective ways to help get in the mood.

Build self-confidence: Improve your interest in sex by feeling good about yourself.

Rid yourself of stress: Stress will weaken your libido, as worry keeps your mind off of sex and on other things. Try relaxing with a warm bath or a good book.

Don’t get caught up in fights: Resolve problems with your partner so that they don’t lead to withdrawal in the bedroom.

Get your imagination going: Read a steamy novel or watch porn to get your mind’s eye thinking about sex.

Change your attitude about sex: Don’t think about sex as a chore. Rather, regard it as a fun, pleasurable activity with someone you love.

Physical

Take these physical steps to make your body more receptive to sex.

Be attractive: Even if you’re not naturally beautiful, there are a number of things you can do to make yourself feel more attractive. Whether that means a spa day or a new outfit, do whatever it takes to feel good about yourself.

Stretch: Stretching offers a low-impact way to improve your blood flow and relax.

Exercise: Work the muscles that you need for good sex, and you’ll both improve blood flow and feel good about yourself.

Get a massage: Massages can release the tension in your body and increase your blood flow, which is good for sexual arousal.

Try yoga: Certain yoga positions will help improve circulation to your sexual organs and increase desire.

Lose weight: Excessive weight can have an effect on your self-esteem and make you feel less attractive. It’s also possible that being overweight can interfere with blood flow to your sexual organs, so shed a few pounds to help your libido.

Habits

Your libido is an ongoing entity, and it’s affected by everything that you do. Try these methods, and consider how you can improve your sex drive with habits from your daily life.

Quit smoking: Smoking has an adverse effect on blood flow, as it causes a narrowing of blood vessels, including those in sexual organs. Additionally, smoking steals your energy and gives you bad breath.

Smell good: Your sense of smell can boost your libido. Some scents in particular, like buttered popcorn and baby powder, have been found to turn men and women on.

Get a good night’s rest: If you’re tired, chances are you’re not going to be in the mood. So sleep well at night and rest up for good health and good sex.

Drink in moderation: Alcohol may increase desire initially, but can lead to impotence and general unattractiveness if you go too far.

Touch each other constantly: Touching your partner, whether it’s sexual or not, can help arouse sexual feelings. This can be as simple as holding hands or hugging on a regular basis.

Food

Beyond daily habits, the things you eat can have an effect on your libido. Check out these foods to improve your desire for sex.

Eat aphrodisiacs: Some foods are just great for getting you in the mood. Oysters in particular are good to eat, as they’re full of fertility-boosting zinc.

Avoid simple carbs: Carbohydrate dishes are likely to have you heading to bed for sleep instead of sex, so avoid pasta, pizza and other snooze-inducing meals.

Eat protein: Protein will give you an energy boost that will have you feeling good and ready for sex.

Eat fish: Fish is not only high in protein, it has Omega-3 fatty acids as well, and these acids are wonderful for improving your circulation and sexual health.

Cut down on saturated fat: Men should be careful to avoid eating too much saturated fat, as it can clog arteries and block adequate flow to your penis. One doctor says that a good guideline to keep in mind is, “anything that’s good for your heart is good for your penis.”

Health

Your overall health has a profound effect on your sex drive, so speak to your doctor about these issues.

Look into your hormones: Speak with your doctor about your low libido. Sometimes, the problem lies in a hormone imbalance.

Consider quitting antidepressants: Many antidepressant medications can have a negative effect on your sex drive, so discuss discontinuation of your prescription or consider alternatives.

Keep diabetes in check: Uncontrolled diabetes can be responsible for sexual evils like erectile dysfunction and decreased sexual response, so be sure to take care of it.

Look into adrenal fatigue: Your failing libido could be brought on by a condition called adrenal fatigue. Speak with your doctor to see if you have this condition.

Remedies

Finally, you can supplement the actions you’re taking to improve your sex life with these herbal remedies that are believed to help.

Gingko biloba: This remedy has been shown to improve blood flow to both your brain and sexual organs. It’s also believed to offer an improvement on desire, arousal, and orgasm.

Yohimbe: This “natural Viagra” has been used in Africa as an aphrodisiac for many years. It’s believed to improve male impotence.

[mystofpric]

I think the pill had a lot to do with it, but honestly, not everything as you "lost" your drive after the first good week. This sounds pyschological. Look at the difference between that week and now, said you had it l the time any where you could basically. Right? Awesome. But that's just sex, probably, I'd guess, the basic positions, maybe some oral and once you both get off cuddling showers and done, right? Awesome, as someone who isn't getting laid, I'm jealous. But this time around you find articles, buy toys, you take charge of your sexuality. Sure, some of it is the pill but you can't say all of it was. The first timeou were trying to have a baby it was sex witha purpose, before that it was sex because it was your responiblity, now it's your pleasure. And that I think makes a world of difference! good for you hun. Remember your hormones will change with pregnancy and breast feeding but have fun with it!

[kraney]

Nice article, pappy. So, am I supposed to butter some popcorn so I can smell it, but then not eat it so I can lose weight? Man, that's rough.

[pappyld04]

IDK that I'd go that far since I don't think popcorn is all that fattening. Let me give up the link to that article and they had more links to a lot of this stuff. { http://www.100bestdatingsites.com/blog/200...your-sex-drive/ }

[whitefang2002]

I was on the pill for awhile and yeah it killed mine.......and I ended up with a period for 4 months.....so I had to stop taking it and then the next one I was on.......I got prego. with and had a miscarriage. So I'm not taking any more....me and my partener say that what ever happens happnes and we will deal with it if something does happen. (ie. get prego. again) So just using condoms.

[OPL Laundry Goddess]

Many of the things you mentioned are similar to my experiences. What I can tell you is it is ALL about the hormones. The pill can and will kill the sex drive. And those sudden shifts you felt after ending the breastfeeding are the hormones surging after the nursing repressed them for so many months. After the surge, they do even out a little, like a wave crashing on the shoreline.

The one thing I can advise you about is ride the wave as long as it lasts for you. And another thing I can say from experience, you will enjoy the hormone shifts that come along in your mid to late 30s... seems to be pretty much standard from all the women I've talked to over the last decade.

~LG

[LoveGoddess]

The pill is most certainly a culprit. There are many different combinations of pills out there, and some are harder on libido than others. Basically any pill with estrogen taken by mouth (pills vs. vaginal rings, etc) has to clear through the liver to get to the blood stream. (This goes true for hormone replacement in menopause as well). When estrogen goes through the liver, it increases something called SHBG (Sex hormone binding globulin) and SHBG is responsible for binding testosterone (yes girls, we have testosterone too! and it is directly responsible for our sex drive). If all the free floating testosterone is bound up guess what...no sex drive.

Some pills are worse than others. So if you are not wanting another type of birth control method, ask your doctor or midwife to prescribe another brand that may have less effect on your androgens. Otherwise there are lots of methods to choose from that don't effect your libido. Also, many women do notice an increase in sex drive once they have stopped nursing. Different hormones involved in that one, but the end result is the same.

Some of the other theories about inexperience, exhaustion, etc may also have played a role.

Glad you are finding the time and energy to connect with your husband. ENJOY!!