Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 Okay so I'm looking for some input...here's the gist of my situation...I am having a MAJOR issue with a guy.He is for choice words...definitely...um...obsessive and stalkerish. Backgrounddd baby:So this semester at school I met this guy in one of my many courses for school. I sat in the back of the class and there he was. He leaned over and made a funny remark about something, so I figured eh, he seemed polite enough so it started out as just random idle chit chat making fun of the professor and just laughing at stupid shit. So I figured hey now I have a buddy to converse with to keep me awake during this boring class. He ended up adding me on facebook. A lot of college friends I have usually add me there to keep in touch or whatever so I figured, well why not add him that way if I forget our assignments or something we can help each other out.He began messaging me once and awhile with just general convo on life and tv what have you. Then, those few messages become a few too many...they don't stop. I'm getting them EVERYDAY [and you can't even ignore them] These frequent messages continually instigate me to hang out with him, go do this go do that, keeps pushing me to see him and bragging about this and that.[he doesn't want a piece of ass, definitely not like that.] he keeps asking me more about myself and like telling me how much he likes me and all this shit you don't usually bombard someone with after like THREE weeks of knowing them.He pretty much doesn't leave me alone now. I've made it clear I have no interest in him that way, and have evaded telling him I don't wanna hang out. So I guess, I'm trying to be nice but need to figure out how to say, dude get the fuck away creeper I'm not into you and you don't know me like that. I also am a pretty busy person to begin with, so I figured hey he'll get the hint she's not interested and she's busy. But it doesn't stop. it's getting to be an annoyance because he seems to think we're SO much alike and he's like professing his deepest affection to me...it's like wtf. it's really really scaring me.Question to ladies and gents:what do I tell him or do or say? I don't want to be a jerk, but I'm starting to think it's the only way to get him to leave me alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted October 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 Hmmm well what is his background like? Ex girlfriend or whatever... He's not unattractive is he? Maybe he just really likes you! Some girls like this kind of pursuit. After our first date my Husband called me every day. He says he was afraid someone else would "take" me. Maybe he is just really attracted to you! If you really have no interest though you should tell him something like, "Hey I met someone" You know like your cousin's best friend who lives in Watertown... (made up!) and that you are dating. Maybe he will back off. Or you could give him a chance... You never know it could be a good thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted October 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 I'm all for the brutal honesty approach."I'm not into you as a friend or otherwise." "You're freaking me out with all of this attention." "You're coming off as very desparate and that's not a property I look for in people I meet." "You're making me think about getting a restraining order."Mostly, you need to lay the cards on the table. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you have no want need nor desire to be his buddy or anything else. Record the date, time, and place you said it. There's too many sick people out there and this guy doesn't sound too healthy in the head. You may have to take it to the police or to your campus administrators if he insists on persuing you despite your declaration of not wanting his attention.Randy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted October 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 If he is making you uncomfortable and your not interested, let him know right up front.'I'm not interested in a relationship' might work, and if it doesn't, tell him he is making you uncomfortable, and if he doesn't stop the attention, you will have to go to the campus police.Start off being kind, but blunt. If he can't take a hint, don't mess around. For your own safety,take this serously and make sure he understands he has crossed the line.If he truely is a stalker, they don't take hints well.If you are strong and up front, it usually makes them back off.Please, Please don't blow this off.If your instincts say EEwwww, it is for a reason.Be safe, sweetie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 22, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 Thanks for the advice you guys.Yeah he's had a back record with girls, he's a nice guy. it's not that. But he's admitted to me a few times to have a few pyschological disorders...it's not even that, I mean my family are therapists, so it's not like I don't know anything about certain disorders or not it's just his personality and attitude is almost frightening [not because of the psych thing] but he almost pressures to the point where it seems like if I don't do this he's going to have another "panic attack" he always tells me how he cries alot and gets really... "mad". I want to be nice and be kind, but I don't want to be there for him more than just a friend, if that. I am going to be honest with him and be like, look I think you're nice but I hope your ealize that I'm not into you at all. It won't work now or ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted October 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 It's just his personality and attitude is almost frightening [not because of the psych thing] but he almost pressures to the point where it seems like if I don't do this he's going to have another "panic attack" he always tells me how he cries alot and gets really... "mad". I want to be nice and be kind, but I don't want to be there for him more than just a friend, if that.Oooh well that is definitely a different spin! I don't think it would be uncalled for to just say HEY slow down! Or even that you dont want to upset him but he is making you uncomfortable! Try to stay neutral and don't flirt or be too touchy that could give him the wrong impression... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted October 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 First and foremost you need to cover your ass and assure your safety. I've heard this from some girls I know but when I saw them together I could see where her actions caused the problem. They normally don't catch on to their own body language. Not to say it is her fault alone because guys are muleheaded in the pursuit of women. Randy gives some real good blunt statements that you could use but not by yourself. Have a friend a few feet away just in case. You don't want to humiliate the guy as this could have repercussions. I think we've all had those "crushes" that weren't mutual for whatever reason. My longest was well over a decade and we were the best of friends through it all. And if I ran into her tomorrow I'm sure it would be the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 22, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 First and foremost you need to cover your ass and assure your safety. I've heard this from some girls I know but when I saw them together I could see where her actions caused the problem. They normally don't catch on to their own body language. Not to say it is her fault alone because guys are muleheaded in the pursuit of women. Randy gives some real good blunt statements that you could use but not by yourself. Have a friend a few feet away just in case. You don't want to humiliate the guy as this could have repercussions. I think we've all had those "crushes" that weren't mutual for whatever reason. My longest was well over a decade and we were the best of friends through it all. And if I ran into her tomorrow I'm sure it would be the same.I definitely didn't provoke it. Or get all flirty or touchy feely. If I did then I could see why he'd believe such. I know you're not accusing me of doing this. He's just a piece of work. Oy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted October 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 I know you're not accusing me of doing this. He's just a piece of work. Oy.Sorry Tiny I never meant for it to seem that way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 22, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 Sorry Tiny I never meant for it to seem that way!No no don't be!you bring up some good points. because in the past, I have provoked it.so it makes me wonder about this time. either way, I need to find a boyfriend or boy toy quick! then i have a real reason to shoo him away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 23, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 too many flags pop up. well a cuple things, he admits he has pyschological disorders, so he has some issues already, may not be dangerous but you never know. Sound to me you need to end it. This seems to be effecting your life and you have to ask is it worth it. Is what he is doiing worth what you get out of your friendship. If you want to continue being friends you need to tell him your feelings and set rules, do this in a public place. The fact that he cries and gets mad is worrysome, I would buy some pepper spray. Never be alone with him or let him in your apt.I actually have some pepper spray. given to me from a cop.Anyways, I just don't know what to say?Look I don't want ot be your friend? hm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted October 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 Look love be honest with him, (have a friend near by when you are) then if you are living on campus, get your campus # changed. Facebook will let you block messages and people, so definitely do that. Then if he doesn't back off, move your seat in class, and talk to the prof, he/she will help make sure that you are NO WHERE near this guy for anything. If he still doens't get the hint alert University Police ASAP! Try being nice and polite first then run for teh hills and have a police barricade behind you. And who knows, maybe a simple: "Your a really nice guy and all but I just don't have the time to pursue anything more than a simple friendship" is all that it will take an blantant NO, even gently, is still a clear NO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted October 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 How about something like, "Hey, I need some breathing room. Can you back-off with all the messages?"I'm not too familiar with Facebook, but can't you "un-add" someone.. . . maybe a simple: "Your a really nice guy and all . . .Aw, don't do that to the poor bastard; might as well spit in his eye and call him a "Big Loser." You may very well have to be a jerk toward him in the end, but don't call him a "nice guy." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 23, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 How about something like, "Hey, I need some breathing room. Can you back-off with all the messages?"I'm not too familiar with Facebook, but can't you "un-add" someone.Aw, don't do that to the poor bastard; might as well spit in his eye and call him a "Big Loser." You may very well have to be a jerk toward him in the end, but don't call him a "nice guy."Yeah I can unadd him.but he'll be like hey wtf whyd you get rid of me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johnwilliams15241 Posted October 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 What a topic,it almost sounds like Virginia Tech...you better be careful...I think youshould just tell him you have a boyfriend that you love and your engaged,don'trespond to any of his messages,just erase them...if he should ask tell him youhave been out with your boyfriend then studying,don't have time for respondingto emails or messages...keep your doors locked,don't go many places by yourself,look around be aware of your surroundings...be careful... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tmmc Posted October 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 Okay here is my two cents worth...I had a friend in college that went through this and he ended up raping her so I got to hold her hand while she pressed charges. It's much better, difficult, you have to be mean to him, but much better to deal with him first.My Lil' sis, then went through this and I was a pro by then. First make it clear to him that you are not in anyway, even as a friend at this point, interested in him. Then get a notebook and log the contact from him, time, date, way of contact and summary, record or print if possible. Do Not reply to him. Yes saying "I don't want to talk to you anymore" is a reply, he could take anymore to mean, anymore this hour. Then contact campus security, normally they are linked with the police somehow anyway. For my sister, the police just had to call the guy and say "You are making her feel unsafe and she is going to file a restraining order if you give her anymore cause to." She never heard from him again, even walked past him on campus and he completely ignored her.I hope this helps. Most important is to keep yourself safe(I'd carry that pepper spray for awhile). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted October 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 I would say get a pocket Taser bu we see how that ends up in the joke section! LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 23, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 I would say get a pocket Taser bu we see how that ends up in the joke section! LOL!LOLi can just drop kick him.=] I know a little karate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted October 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 LOLi can just drop kick him.=] I know a little karate.Ohhh girl who can kick ass? Sexy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 23, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 Ohhh girl who can kick ass? Sexy!;] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted October 24, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 LOLi can just drop kick him.=] I know a little karate.And with the dancing I'd guess there's power behind it too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted October 24, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 And with the dancing I'd guess there's power behind it too!Ha better yet, Pappy you're right.I'll just do a high kick =D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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