Members Kama Posted December 14, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 14, 2008 Edit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted December 16, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Edit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted December 16, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 I was married to a man who was much the same way. I stayed in the relationship many years longer than I should have. And getting out was hard for me. He went to my parents and other family members, and my church leaders, to tell them that I was having an affair. I am terrified of getting involved with someone else, and having the same thing happen. So I do understand how you feel. If you ever want to talk, send me a PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 I was abusive relationship for about 3 yrs with my HS sweetheart. He said the same things, and said that I would never find better. Now, when people ask me why I stayed, I tell them "I had a low self-esteem". That's it. I mean, that pretty much covers it all, and if people ask you that, and you answer with it, then usually, they seem to get that you really don't want to talk about it. I'm glad you got out of that situation. That guy sounds like a real ass. You are right, he's mean, abusive, and HE also has a low self esteem. He will find another woman to berate, belittle, and make them feel like shit, just so he can feel better about himself. Just remember, YOU are a smart one! You got OUT!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eminatic Posted December 16, 2008 Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 i know exactly what that's like and looking back i hate myself for not having the strength to leave or stand up for myself. im still angry about it and have not let another guy come near me since then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted December 16, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2008 Hey hun! You got some great, great advice here! I just want to remind you thought not all men are that ass. They are out there (clearly i think we've all known at least one)but they are out numbered, both by us and by the nice guys. The nice guys just make us work harder to find them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Tyger, I cannot even imagine YOU with low self esteem! Glad you got yer groove on!Thanks iha. Yeah, it's fluxuated up and down, even to this day. But, I am secure in the person that I am, who I've become, and that I'm stronger because of what I went thru. I think every woman has "I feel gross" days, or "fat" days. I KNOW we all have Bad Hair days! LOLIt takes a long time to get over being abused. Some never do. The point is that you give yourself a chance to heal, learn you're a great person, and that you deserve better than what some asshole put you thru. There's really no point in beating yourself up, hating yourself, or thinking that all men will do that, because that's not the case. There are steps to grieving the death of a relationship, and a rebirth of who you want to be. Opening yourself up is risky, but, to be a healthy person, with no regrets, lots of possibilities & experiences to be had, it has to be done.Bad things happen to good people. Not to dwell, but, I was raped as a child (once), I've been called bad names by exes, hit, cheated on, used, and dumped. Hell, after what I went thru with my ex husband, I NEVER even considered getting married again. I was just going to fuck and have fun. My self-esteem went up, I got a great job, I was the healthiest I've ever been, and I went out and partied (responsibly) in AUSTIN, TX even!! Anyway, that's how I met my now-hubby, and have been married for 6 yrs. I had to learn how to trust and love someone else again. Funny thing is, is that I use to be a very jealous person. Now, I'm not. Hubby kinda gets insulted that I don't get more jealous!! LOL My philosophy is, is that no matter how possessive I may get, or whatever, if a man's gonna cheat on me, there's really not much I can do to prevent it. I could give him sex everyday (which I did do with my ex husband), or close too, take care of him, and not let him worry for anything, and if he wants too, he's gonna. Why stress? Worry & hate are 2 very wasted emotions, IMHO.Right after I divorced, Britney Spears came out with a song called STRONGER. That is a GREAT song to dance too, jam in the car too, and listen too. What hasn't killed me has made me stronger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted December 17, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Very well said Tyger! And I think I can safely speak for everyone here when I say we like who you are we're glad to have you around! So thanks to the pricks who came before because they forged one hell of a woman! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 AW!!! Thanks darlin'!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted December 19, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Edit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DADT Posted December 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Thanks everyone, although it's hard to take compliments like "We're glad to have you here and we like you how you are" or DADT saying "Your next significant other is going to be luck as hell" (considering what kind of things I have been told all of my life). I have a bad habit of thinking that compliments are just a way to get something out of me.Oh Kama, what can we say to convince you? By the time you graduate from "sexploration school," you'll be such a nookie ninja that you'll be able to make a man pass out in 5 minutes. That's worth it's weight in gold. So love and value yourself enough that you never end up with the same kind of wretched man you met before. The lucky man who wins your heart had better deserve it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted December 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 19, 2008 Thanks everyone, although it's hard to take compliments like "We're glad to have you here and we like you how you are" or DADT saying "Your next significant other is going to be luck as hell" (considering what kind of things I have been told all of my life). I have a bad habit of thinking that compliments are just a way to get something out of me.I understand EXACTLY what you are saying! Please remember that we are all here because we want to be here, and I don't believe that anyone here would give you a compliment to get something out of you. It is hard to do something like that when we are as anonymous as we are here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted December 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2008 Sorry to hear that you've been through so much Tyger, but I'm glad that you broke the cycle...I still have a fear of attracting the same type of person over and over again. It's like they're sharks who smell blood, and they know how to push your buttons to get you to fall for them/trust them.The key is not stopping their attraction to you but recognizing them for the snakes that they are and stopping YOUR attraction to them. One step that I find, and it may be contrary to some beliefs, but it's with holding sex. I'm not saying use it as a weapon but wait before you hook up, really get to know them, get a look at their true colors before you get to boinking. If say you go to a restaurant and they are rude to the waitstaff, big red flag; if they trash talk your friends and family; huge red flag. Find the flags and live by them. Kiss a few frogs but learn from them and you'll find your prince! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted December 20, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2008 The key is not stopping their attraction to you but recognizing them for the snakes that they are and stopping YOUR attraction to them. One step that I find, and it may be contrary to some beliefs, but it's with holding sex. I'm not saying use it as a weapon but wait before you hook up, really get to know them, get a look at their true colors before you get to boinking. If say you go to a restaurant and they are rude to the waitstaff, big red flag; if they trash talk your friends and family; huge red flag. Find the flags and live by them. Kiss a few frogs but learn from them and you'll find your prince!Agreed! This is one of the main reasons why I also think it's best to wait for sex when it comes to dating Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted December 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 20, 2008 Agreed! This is one of the main reasons why I also think it's best to wait for sex when it comes to datingI'll admit, I'm a fairly recent convert but so far it works well. Good luck hun, don't let this douche turn you off, you do deserve the good things in life, everyone does! (except maybe for people like that douche) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted December 24, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2008 Btw, this was the same ex/f*ck buddy that put me down for experiencing vaginal pain. No wonder I would tense up/feel insecure everytime this guy entered me (who would want something so cruel to be inside of you), but I had sex w/him b/c I felt like I had to. It's done with, and this has had an effect on enjoying penetration obviously...My vibrator isn't something scary that treats me like crap, so it's better having that inside of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted December 24, 2008 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2008 Btw, this was the same ex/f*ck buddy that put me down for experiencing vaginal pain. No wonder I would tense up/feel insecure everytime this guy entered me (who would want something so cruel to be inside of you), but I had sex w/him b/c I felt like I had to. It's done with, and this has had an effect on enjoying penetration obviously...My vibrator isn't something scary that treats me like crap, so it's better having that inside of me.Well maybe you could start trying some more life like toys? That way teh visual is similar to a real penis and that could help take away some of the stigmatism, also if there is a guy that your attracted to and would be willing, phone sex might be a good next step, that way you then have teh visual of a real penis, and the sounds of a real man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kama Posted December 29, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted December 29, 2008 Could you give an example? Is there anything on the website that fits what you're talking about?My vibe is the classic jack rabbit.I'm too stingy to pay for phone sex..Maybe I will just call DADT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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