Members tunch1 Posted January 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Let me start off by saying that I have let this domiante my life for way to long. You guys are a rare few to hear my story in it entiry but its about time that I start to open up and get this off my chest. I'm am opening up now not looking for pity, I'm letting evryone know in hope that it will help with the same or a similar situation that they are deliing with in life and to help me move foward in life. My older brother sexual mosleted me for years, through out grade school and for the first year of jr high school until one day I pulled a knife on him and threted to kill him that he stoped. I have lived my life with this on my mind and leting it control my life. I have not let anyone in my life get close to me and have never be able to be intamite with anyone. I was able to control my self until i was intived out with a freinds sister and was treated like an equal that all this hostility and mixed emotion came out. My father also had a stroke before I satered hanging out with my freinds sister. The presure was to much then I could handle because I was forced to grow up quickly. I had to be the sole supporter of the famile and be storong for the family. Eventualy I crack under all the persure, I just turend 21 and had all this pursure on me and I wasn't man enough to deal with every thing. I turned to. Liqour to help me deal with everything. I went out and drank to froget everything instead of just relaxing. There are many nights that I don't remeber at all. the first time that I really fucked up in life was new years 2008, me and father got into this huge fight and instead of me just blowing it off, I resorted to my good freinds that I really know quite well at this point jack, jimmy and johnny (jack daniels, jimmy walker, and jimmy bean). My home girl and her man who is also my friend where in a huge fight and were on the verge of braking up. So that night I stared texting her all king of shit like that I wanted her to be first and that her man was an asshole and her didn't desvre her and she should dump him and go with me. The next day I wake up with an ankel 3 times its regual size and haveing no clue what the fuck I diid until my freinds told me what I had done. Once I found out what a peiace of shit I was I sunk into a deep deperation and really stared to blame everyone for my problems, my brother my family, my freinds. I didn't thing it was on me instead it was everyones eles who was the root of my problems. I spent about 3 months on my own until one day my freinds gave me a seond chance, that I also fucked up. I trusted my home girl and her man so I told them what my brother did to me and what was going on in my lifee. It was all hood for a while, until I had another metal melt down I was mistaking true freindship for love. One night I had a wedding to go to and me and my father had another huge fight over the phone and he kickef me out of my house and my home girl offered tolet me stay at her house until everything cooled off. After thati got deeper and deeper into the achol. I got to a point where I was drunk at by 12 o'clock in the afternoon. One friday we went out and again me and my father got into a huge fight over the phone. By this time I was drunk anf also my all my freinds were to. I was outside fighting with my father on the phone my home girl came out and tryed to cool me off and bring me back inside the bar so I didn't do anything stupid and get arrested but I didn't want anything t do with that so I pulled away from her and eneded hiitiing her by accent when I pulled away from her. That night I spent on the street trying to figure out what happened and why my home girl wasn't answer any of my texts. I only found out when I was told the next day. I was in a deep deperation at that point but once I found out what I did to my home girl I sunk into a even deeper deperation. I got to a point in my life that I almosted killed my self several times.. one nigthi smoked weed and drunk myself stupid and ended up cutting myself and wakeing up with my bed covered in blood. I had cute myself from my palms all the way dowwn to my elbow. Till this day I have the scars from that nght. So now that I have tolld bmy story from the beging let me start with evrything that I have learned from all my mistakes in life. The first and most important thing that I have learned from this all is that it is no ones fualt but my own that all this had happen. Don't get it wrong I have learned that what my broth did to me was not my fualt and that I had no control over that, but what was in my control was to let this get the best of me and turning into an acholic intsead of seeking help. I have also leanrd that I had the ability to control my life instead of letting it control me.so this is my words to the wise, don't let your past control you and determine who you are. I speak from experiance when I say that turning to achol to deal with your problems is never the way to go because it only causes more problems. Also do not be to proude to seek profesional help no one would look down on you for it and if they do they are not your true freinds or family, ture freinds and family would stand by your side and help you with it. My home girl and her man helped me see this. I relized this almmost way to late to fix my life and it took me a very long time and a lot of work with therapist and support groups to relize this, so I hope that from reading my life story it will help someone with there problems and they don't walk down the same road as me and they relize that they need help before its to late. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted January 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Tony, i have no idea what to say hun. We talked many times in the chat and i consider you a friend. As a friend you get privelges of being able to tell me anything and if you ever need to just vent I'm here hun. I'm sorry you went through this, but I'm glad you made it out the other side too. I'm serious hun if you ever need anything I'm usually around, just send me a PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted January 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 That is some powerful stuff, Tony. I know opening up is scary, and I am proud of you.Thank you for trusting us enough to share what happened. I am glad you are healing. Stay with it, you can have a happy, fulfilling life. Hug. Shelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted January 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Tony sweetie I am glad that you did tell your story. I have learned that it helps to talk about. I know that once I started talking about what happened to me it has been a lot easier to deal with and move past. Remember the support of your friends here and IRL. I am here anytime you need to talk. You know how to find me. I agree witih Suzy from all the times we have talked I consider you a friend.That was a very brave and strong thing to do to open up and tell your story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted January 16, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Tony,You are not alone in your pain, fears or mistakes. There are people here who can relate to what you have been through and will talk to you about anything any time you want, myself included. Hugs dear!MS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members makasha1 Posted January 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Tony, Life stories such as yours are so very difficult to tell, even with the anonimity of the web.Congratulations to you for being able to recognize your problems and face them head on and then get your life back together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted January 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 I know you see much of this as your fault but you should also remember that we aren't given the proper tools to deal with things like this. Seeking help from professionals doesn't always help. It's more a matter of lucking into the right person for your circumstance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted January 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 Wow, Tony, you kept this pretty well hidden. We have talked a lot in chat. I'm glad that things are looking up for you. You know where to find me if you ever want to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vanilla_bean Posted January 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 Wow! That took a lot of courage to write about. You've come a long way. All the best with your continued recovery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManofHerdreams Posted January 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 It takes a lot of courage to step up on a forum and tell your story. I'm glad you have turned the corner and wish you luck in continuing on life's path in a positive light. You are in control, never let anyone or anything take that control away from you.Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tunch1 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 I want to thank all of you for all of the words of support. I played this one very close to the chest I fought with my self for a long time to bring myself to tell my story because it ran through my mind that you guys would start to act funny towwards me and get weired out, but now I know that my worries were for nothing all I recived was support from you guys and it helped me see that there are still some good in this life and not to give up, so I thank you for everything you will never know how much this meant to me.Thanks Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 I want to thank all of you for all of the words of support. I played this one very close to the chest I fought with my self for a long time to bring myself to tell my story because it ran through my mind that you guys would start to act funny towwards me and get weired out, but now I know that my worries were for nothing all I recived was support from you guys and it helped me see that there are still some good in this life and not to give up, so I thank you for everything you will never know how much this meant to me.Thanks TonyI'm just glad you finally felt like you could open up. I know it had to be hard. But I don't think any of us are here to judge. Please keep talking to us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 I want to thank all of you for all of the words of support. I played this one very close to the chest I fought with my self for a long time to bring myself to tell my story because it ran through my mind that you guys would start to act funny towwards me and get weired out, but now I know that my worries were for nothing all I recived was support from you guys and it helped me see that there are still some good in this life and not to give up, so I thank you for everything you will never know how much this meant to me.Thanks TonyI agree that we are here to be here for you and support you. Vent anytime it gets to you and you know we are here for you. If you need me you know how to find me. I am normally always around and don't mind one bit. Please keep talking and don't keep it in....that will only hurt you more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 We're all here for you, no matter what happens to you or what you do. We'll listen to you, laugh with you, tease you a bit (and you'll like it!) and above all else just be here when you need us! You know how to reach em if you need me Tony, and hey if you ever need to get away, there's no place like Upstate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 We're all here for you, no matter what happens to you or what you do. We'll listen to you, laugh with you, tease you a bit (and you'll like it!) and above all else just be here when you need us! You know how to reach em if you need me Tony, and hey if you ever need to get away, there's no place like Upstate!Hey Suzy you just reminded me....Tony is well over do for his spankings....lol. You know we are here. As we have said we are one happy horny dysfunctional family, but hell it works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hrnychick Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 It is so brave of you to open up about your past. This is a very good place to do so. Yes by you posting you may help others if even just one person then it was well worth it. Also this is a good place to just let it all go....others will support you...and maybe even offer some advice that may help. What really helps with problems is talking about them. It may be hard to do but after all is said and done it feels like a giant weight is lifted off you. I hope you continue to see that life is what YOU make of it....YOU are the only one in charge of your life and only YOU control it. Best of luck to you for a bright and happy future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 If you feel others are acting differently towards you I would guess that they know little or nothing about your experiences. None of us would want to cause further problems by saying the wrong thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted January 22, 2009 Report Share Posted January 22, 2009 It sounds as though you are coming to terms with what happened to you. Acknowledging that you have a problem with alcohol is the first step to getting better. I have a feeling you were drinking when you wrote the first post as well, going by how well you responded to the responses. As you are probably aware, alcohol is a downer. You may "forget" your troubles for a while, but then, you have compounded your issues by, by your own words, doing something stupid, making yourself feel even worse. It's a vicious cycle that only YOU can stop.Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it was another successful step into your healing process. *HUGS* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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