Trying New Things

[sonnyeyed]

This is the first time I have been to this site but I am sure I will be back. My problem is that I want to try new things and I have a hard time getting my husband to agree. I have been married for almost 16 years and he is a great husband. We have a decent sex life but I want to have crazy kinky sex. The only way I get earthshattering sex is to get him drunk and get a porn movie. The sex is hot and heavy but he balks at the idea of getting a movie. The last time I tried to get him to rent a movie he refused so he sat in the parking lot while I went in to rent the movie, later that evening we both enjoyed the movie many many times.. One time when I suggested it his reply was "aern't I good enough" so I now watch what I say because I dont want him to feel that way. This makes keeping an open line of communication very difficult let alone trying a toy or something. Dont get me wrong he likes sex. It is not unusual for us to have some form 2-3 times a day. It is not the quantity but the quality I am looking for.

Over the years I have rented movies which he obviously enjoys so why is he so hesitent about getting them. I have brought him old playboys from a freinds husband. As far as I know he never even opened them. Could he think this behavior would offend me? If it would I wouldnt offer it to him (dah). I have called him a prude on several occasions. One day we were talking and something was said to the effect of a pin-up of some hottie in his toolbin at work so if he can look at them there why can't he look at them at home.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to go about spicing things up and trying new things without offending him. I guess I am just getting mixed signals and I don't know how to get him to just loosin up.

[whiskeywoman]

Hmmm,

This is slightly diffacult, but not impossible.

Perhaps your husband feels that if you use toys he is no longer masculine enough for you or that he is not performing to his full capabilities, and keeping you satisfied.

Instead of trying to get him to try new things, like toys and such right off the bat, try going a bit slower,

Try giving him a long slow massage with one of the oil candles sold here at too timid.

You burn them and they melt into oil, you can pour it on him and give him a long slow sensual massage, it adds a bit of kink without going overboard and making him think he isnt keeping you happy.

Or try some of the edible massage oils, nothing intimidating to him, but again it adds a bit of spice.

maybe a flavored lube would work too.

The point is, just take it slow, not everyones partner is open and accepting of toys and trying new things.

If you can get him to accept the candles and the edible massage oils, its a step in the right direction!

Best of Luck,

Whiskey

[Tyger]

After being with my husband for almost 5 years total I have JUST gotten him to the point where sex toys don't fully scare him off. In fact, he knows I have them, but HE suggested that we use them one night!!! I'm the one that enjoys porn, and the toys, and I think that he is learning that they are an aid, not a replacement! That's how he felt, that sex toys were a replacement. Though he could take or leave porn since we're together. But I know he likes watching it. Men can be funny sometimes, huh?

[hrnychick]

Well dont feel alone you and your hubby arent the only ones going through this type of thing. I have been with my hubby for 17yrs (12 of those yrs married) and we have been back and forth on many ideas etc when it comes to sex......For example we watched porn back in the days when we were dating and i really wasnt into it now i really like to watch it.....i wanted a toy and he felt offended that i would want one,,,,,i had him why should i need somethng else was his words.....i told him your getting jealous over plastic lol and i let him go and he thought about it and how much fun it really could be now i have one and am going to get more,,,,,,which by the way he has asked when and am i getting them online or are WE going to the sex shop to buy some.....go figure.

I think its the fact that you have been togher for so long and maybe he really doesnt take to change all that well.....some people dont.....you just have to talk about it at the right times and take it at a somewhat slow pace and im sure he will come around to the idea of trying some new things.....Like i said ive been with my hubby for many years so i have gone through all of this,,,,,,he was just so use to the shy quiet girl who blushed at anyhing sexual but as the years go on and i get older im getting so much more into sex that i surprise him with things i want to try or things that i wasnt into at one time but now LOVE.

Guys have to be reassured that they are doing things right and that its not a lack of something that you want to try new things but its the fact that you enjoy him and your sex life and you just want to improve the pleasure for the BOTH of you..

GOOD LUCK AND IM SURE THINGS WILL WORK OUT.

[nosleepnmesa]

I have to say I completely understand. I found this site and have gotten the best advice and helpful information on how to spice up a relationship.

My sex life was getting so boring that I believe if I hadnt had found this site that I would prolly be having an affair. Like I have learned in a short amount of time from numerous people here on this site that there are all kinds of ways to not only but the ZING back into your sex.

Some advice I have gotten from Howard and others and Makayla try setting the alarm clock early and meet him in the shower, wash him ect but do not suck him or anything just massage him, it worked for me I tried it one morning and the next thing I knew he was carring me out of the shower soaking wet and OMG eating me like never before.

Another Tip that I was given.When he is watching tv ect... go and put your robe on and nothing on underneath and sit on his lap and start sucking on his neck ect... That will give him a wake up call to .

I have also recently when he was sleeping took out my vibrator and turned it on (hoping it wouldnt back fire and he wouldnt get mad) I started kissing his chest and sucking ect and running my vibrator overs his cock and balls ect and Omw did it drive him a little crazy

I would first though talk to him ect and see what he wants to and what he is willing to try ect, becareful though like i have been told some things may backfire if you dont talk about them first.

Anyway not sure if this will help at all but there are people here with great advice and help and I am still new but those are some of the things I tried to put more Zing in our sex life. Good luck to you and keep posting and let me know how it goes.