Members Smile4Me Posted March 6, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 Okay, so it seems inevitable that a girl puts on some pounds after she gets married; some more than others---the so-called "happy-wife effect" Well my question is, as a once curvy girl turned pleasantly plump, what are some positions that can make us chunky girls feel a little more secure about our size? Is it purely psychological? I know my hubby has no problem with my size, he loves a girl with some meat on her bones, but 4 years after the "I do" there is now 50lbs sitting between me now and my "while we were dating" body. I would love to be as confident and sexually charged as I was then....any ideas? Thanks in advance guys!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlefriend Posted March 6, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 I know what ya mean, but I do think it is more mental than anything! My hubby loves my body and does no matter what shape it seems to take! lol Have you still bought sexy nighties, ect. since putting on some weight? It is amazing what that can do for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted March 6, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 I don't care what type of partnering is in discussion one thing will always remain true. If your partner loves you then there is little else that cannot be done. If your body is uncomfortable to you then it will come to effect things. You can work on your body all day but if the mind stays the same then nothing is accomplished. I would say work on being comfortable with the body you have now and if you choose to improve upon that body afterwards then you will really appreciate what you have done for yourself and what you have to to share with your partner! Nudity and mirrors may be a good start! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Smile4Me Posted March 6, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2009 Okay, wow, thanks guys!! I feel better already!Iha: You're poetic if not philosophical. Thank you for the uplifting reply.Lillie: I definitely continue to wear the lingerie once in a while That's probably when I feel the sexiest!Pappy: You are very right. It's tough for a woman that once looked like "this" to go to looking like "that", especially where self image is concerned. I am comfortable in my own skin, despite the areas I'd like to change. I wish there was a way to avoid the self-consciousness that comes with weight gain! It's almost unavoidable. No matter how much you try to psyche yourself up and tell yourself that you're still sexy as hell, that little voice (I'm guessing the ego) pops up saying "No, your belly is too big, look at that double-chin, don't get naked with the lights on, are you nuts" LOL....I think you get what I mean LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 hmmmm good question! i know for me, i get more self conscious when I can feel the flub, ya know? Like when you can feel teh rolls rub, sorry for the image. so I'd think that any position that elongates the body would be good for you mentally, so missionary and spooning, anything standing I'd think. Ummmm some to avoid, maybe (sadly) lotus, Since your both sitting, and possiblly "traditional" doggie where your on all fours, try doggie on your knees, back arched and botty pushed out, leaning against the wall or head board. Any other ideas guys? HOW do you feel about being on top? (besides it being awesome) I know i feel awkward in that position cause he can see all of me so again maybe adding a lean would help stretch things out and make you feel longer? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vanilla_bean Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Really, really, really: when we love you we see only beauty, when we are inside of you, we know only bliss. Really.Women in general, I believe, cannot grasp how deeply we men feel intimacy in the sex act. Besides, when you are the only naked woman in the room, I promise you are looking mighty fine to him.Really? REALLY!!?? I am the only naked woman in the room, so that is very encouraging.Smile, I hope you can get to the point where you're not thinking about what your least favorite parts look like while you're with your husbamd. I know it's hard and we all have our days, but the best times are when body image isn't even on your radar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Okay, so it seems inevitable that a girl puts on some pounds after she gets married; some more than others---the so-called "happy-wife effect" Well my question is, as a once curvy girl turned pleasantly plump, what are some positions that can make us chunky girls feel a little more secure about our size? Is it purely psychological? I know my hubby has no problem with my size, he loves a girl with some meat on her bones, but 4 years after the "I do" there is now 50lbs sitting between me now and my "while we were dating" body. I would love to be as confident and sexually charged as I was then....any ideas? Thanks in advance guys!!! Okay, I'm going to to go about this in a totally different tack. Smiley, is there some physical reason that you have gained 50 pounds? This seems like a lot of weight without a reason. I think this could also be related to the other issue you have written about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Okay, I'm going to to go about this in a totally different tack. Smiley, is there some physical reason that you have gained 50 pounds? This seems like a lot of weight without a reason. I think this could also be related to the other issue you have written about.I'm going to go out on a limb here based solely on our age similarity and guess :she's just not in high school any more. It's not the happy wife pounds, it's no longer in high school pounds. I gained about the same amounth of weight after leaving high school. I'm not sprinting between classes, no after school activities and no wlaking home at the end of the day. I doubt it's a health issue or anything like that just a slowing down of our lives. Come on, admit it, high school was hectic. I packed on my weight in the first 2 years after high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Smile4Me Posted March 7, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Okay, I'm going to to go about this in a totally different tack. Smiley, is there some physical reason that you have gained 50 pounds? This seems like a lot of weight without a reason. I think this could also be related to the other issue you have written about.OUCH, that was a nice little smack in the face there, but I see where you are coming from. I also see where Susy is coming from: I was in track and dance team all through High School, and when I got married, things really slowed down, not to mention the meals I was cooking now. Perhaps it's a combination of the two. I will be the first to admit, I'm out of shape and don't get enough excercise. BUT it took 4 years to put on 50lbs, I didn't really think it had anything to do with a health concern. I know women who've put on 100 in less time. As for it relating to marital/sexual problems, I sincerely hope that superficial idea wouldn't interfere with my husband desiring me. If that was the case, I think I'd have bigger problems to worry about than a lackluster sex life, I'd worry I needed to trade him in for someone who would love me unconditionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 OUCH, that was a nice little smack in the face there, but I see where you are coming from. I also see where Susy is coming from: I was in track and dance team all through High School, and when I got married, things really slowed down, not to mention the meals I was cooking now. Perhaps it's a combination of the two. I will be the first to admit, I'm out of shape and don't get enough excercise. BUT it took 4 years to put on 50lbs, I didn't really think it had anything to do with a health concern. I know women who've put on 100 in less time. As for it relating to marital/sexual problems, I sincerely hope that superficial idea wouldn't interfere with my husband desiring me. If that was the case, I think I'd have bigger problems to worry about than a lackluster sex life, I'd worry I needed to trade him in for someone who would love me unconditionally.I don't think she meant that it as a purely superficial reason, i mean if it was a health thing then yeah that could effect your sex life but more to the point if you don't feel sexy then he might not preceive you as sexy, ya know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToyQueen Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 OUCH, that was a nice little smack in the face there, but I see where you are coming from. I also see where Susy is coming from: I was in track and dance team all through High School, and when I got married, things really slowed down, not to mention the meals I was cooking now. Perhaps it's a combination of the two. I will be the first to admit, I'm out of shape and don't get enough excercise. BUT it took 4 years to put on 50lbs, I didn't really think it had anything to do with a health concern. I know women who've put on 100 in less time. As for it relating to marital/sexual problems, I sincerely hope that superficial idea wouldn't interfere with my husband desiring me. If that was the case, I think I'd have bigger problems to worry about than a lackluster sex life, I'd worry I needed to trade him in for someone who would love me unconditionally.It was totally NOT a smack in the face, hon. When I had a large weight gain, we found I had a significant health issue. That is where I was coming from. However, it is also NOT normal to gain that amount of weight without a reason. My ex husband did tell me that my weight gain--which was related to having his children--was a HUGE issue for him sexually.I'm sorry if it sounded like I was being rude. It was truly an honest question from someone in the medical field. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Smile4Me Posted March 7, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 It was totally NOT a smack in the face, hon. When I had a large weight gain, we found I had a significant health issue. That is where I was coming from. However, it is also NOT normal to gain that amount of weight without a reason. My ex husband did tell me that my weight gain--which was related to having his children--was a HUGE issue for him sexually.I'm sorry if it sounded like I was being rude. It was truly an honest question from someone in the medical field.It is ALLL good toyqueen!!! Maybe I'm naive when I say that one should love(both physical and emotional love) without regard to what the scale says. That just seems so superficial to me. A close friend of mine gained a significant amount of weight a few years into her marriage, her husband said he had issues with it sexually. Then her husband went to Iraq...she lost 80lbs in 7 months, and he came back home and decided, it indeed was NOT her weight that bothered him, it was just her in general!!! Now she's seperated (needless to say). I guess what I'm trying to say is, if there is TRUE love there, a spouse should want to demonstrate physical affection in the form of sex no matter how they look. That is the beauty of love in my opinion, it's not like dating which is usually just a big sex fest with someone that strikes you as eye candy! I know that when I look at my hubby, I can say with confidence...he could be 50lbs heavier and I'd still want to be with him sexually!! Maybe I'm just not for all the socially-driven ideals on what constitutes attraction between lovers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members crossroads123 Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Well speaking from a man's point of veiw, yum,yum, yum, I love a woman with a little meat on their bones!!! You don't buy ribs that are just bones you want some MEAT on them!! Seriously now we men are not as superficial as woman believe we REALLY MEAN IT WHEN WE SAY LOVE YOU----ALL OF YOU. We accept the changes we see in the mirror, but our heart is still the same. Besides some of the world's most sexiest woman are larger ladies. I think Chris Rock's line is directly to the point, bigger white woman are ashamed of their bodies, large black woman know they have some FINE pussy up under that roll!! Don;t be ashamed be confident THAT"S what makes you sexy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I agree the doggie style is sooooooooo exciting to those nice rounded curved ass at work. YUM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 I went through a really bad relationship before that had my self esteem at its all time lowest. This made it very difficult at times for me. My current SO and I have been together al.most 15 months. In the very beginning when he would tell me I was sexy I would just not look at him or even change the subject. he then realize how much my past was affecting me. He then would make sure in a loving way that I acknowledged it. When I wouldn't he would make sure I looked him in the eye and was telling me again that sweetie you are very sexy and that he loves me all of me. It took time but I am much better at it now. He can tell me and I do accept it without any hesitation.As far as weight gain I can see where some would say medical. I had that happen....here I had hpothyroid. If you are unaware as to what this is your thyroid stops doing its job which in turne completely slows down on basically in my case my metabolism shut off. This will cause weight gain. Just to be safe when was the last time you had a complete physical. It doesn't hurt to be safe on that.I do agree that some peopel can be superficial, but the truly caring ones such as the man in my life. They will love you for the complete package. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Well speaking from a man's point of veiw, yum,yum, yum, I love a woman with a little meat on their bones!!! You don't buy ribs that are just bones you want some MEAT on them!! Seriously now we men are not as superficial as woman believe we REALLY MEAN IT WHEN WE SAY LOVE YOU----ALL OF YOU. We accept the changes we see in the mirror, but our heart is still the same. Besides some of the world's most sexiest woman are larger ladies. I think Chris Rock's line is directly to the point, bigger white woman are ashamed of their bodies, large black woman know they have some FINE pussy up under that roll!! Don;t be ashamed be confident THAT"S what makes you sexy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I agree the doggie style is sooooooooo exciting to those nice rounded curved ass at work. YUM Have you all seen the video for the song "HOT MAMA"? For all you women that aren't a size 2/4 anymore take a look at it. As for me, I can't comment on this topic....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 See I have to go back to my original response here because I don't think that this is 100% a self-confidence thing. to me it doesn't sounds like she looks in the mirror and thinks anything negitive. I think she's realisitc and still sounds pretty confident. What it does sound like, to me, is that like all of us she has dips in her confidendence, moments where she doesn't feel at her peak and if anyone here, man or woman can say they don't have those moments then speak up and tell the rest of us how to get to that place. Until then Smile, try the positions i mentioned and take a note from soemthing i learn (go ahead and laugh) from America's Next Top Model, you need to not be supper skinny but give the illusion hat you are, make your self look longer and you instantly look thinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Don;t be ashamed be confident THAT"S what makes you sexy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chuck summed it all up right here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Smile4Me Posted March 7, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Thanks guys, I appreciate all the input!! I think you're right Suzy, it's not really my complete confidence that needs a makeover, it's just the certain areas that I'm not fond of that make me a little self conscious at times. Like Girl on top!! That's a toughy for me, I feel like he can see all of my flaws! I agree with Chuck too, doggy is the best position, especially if you have a big ol booty hahahah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted March 7, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2009 Thanks guys, I appreciate all the input!! I think you're right Suzy, it's not really my complete confidence that needs a makeover, it's just the certain areas that I'm not fond of that make me a little self conscious at times. Like Girl on top!! That's a toughy for me, I feel like he can see all of my flaws! I agree with Chuck too, doggy is the best position, especially if you have a big ol booty hahahahWell with a girl on top remember if you lean back you look longer and strech the tummy, if you lean toward him you block his view with your boobs and well what guy is gonna complain about that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ohshelly Posted March 8, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2009 Sweetguy won't let me be on top.I think he is afraid he will never be able to talk me down from there!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted March 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 Sweetguy won't let me be on top.I think he is afraid he will never be able to talk me down from there!! I bet he will if you tie him up...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted March 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Everybody has a few extra lbs,,,we all need to try to loose and maintain a healthy weight. Sure I love so and so no matter what but extra weight can kill you. America has a bad problem,,,its called Fast Foods. MacD's(and like) along with sodas,pizza (hut), smoking is not good for you. When I went to Russia with my wife I did not see over weight women,,they eat fresh foods and walk/exercise. My wife watches what she(and I) eat,,we do some exercise(her more),,,If you loose and maintain now it will be better on you in the future. Also another no no is any buffet place. If we do go we get a salad(1 plate),some fish/chicken(1 plate) and walk away. Bread (my fav) is also a big no no. Do it for you and your family.I say everything in moderation. No-one should cut out a whole food group unless told to by a DR. for specific health reasons. The rest I agree with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManofHerdreams Posted March 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 I say everything in moderation. No-one should cut out a whole food group unless told to by a DR. for specific health reasons. The rest I agree with.Is pussy a food group? If so, no moderation for me thank you............ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted March 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Is pussy a food group? If so, no moderation for me thank you............OK there maybe an exception or two Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Smile4Me Posted March 18, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Everybody has a few extra lbs,,,we all need to try to loose and maintain a healthy weight. Sure I love so and so no matter what but extra weight can kill you. America has a bad problem,,,its called Fast Foods. MacD's(and like) along with sodas,pizza (hut), smoking is not good for you. When I went to Russia with my wife I did not see over weight women,,they eat fresh foods and walk/exercise. My wife watches what she(and I) eat,,we do some exercise(her more),,,If you loose and maintain now it will be better on you in the future. Also another no no is any buffet place. If we do go we get a salad(1 plate),some fish/chicken(1 plate) and walk away. Bread (my fav) is also a big no no. Do it for you and your family.Thanks for the comments, firefighter. Yeah, being fat can kill you, and fast food, soft drinks, and buffets only contribute; I'm still a little lost though: I'm pretty sure I was wanting some hints on how to feel a little more comfortable in my own skin. With all due respect, I can get "diet" tips all day long, but that doesn't change the way I feel and look right NOW does it? Being proactive takes time and dedication, so until I'm fit and skinny, I have to deal with what I have right now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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