Why Have A Fwb But Not Date Him/her?

[Mikayla1]

OK, so there have been many threads on board lately that talk about FWB (friends with benefits) and all this. I have NO problem with this, I have had my own FWB (before marriage of course) and I understand how it happens, especially if you are like me and have many male friends.

However, I was thinking about something interesting and wanted you all to weigh in.

If you have a FWB and have never dated them (many times a FWB starts in this way and you move on, but get back together to 'scratch the itch) - anyway, if you have never dated, but have sex (usually hot sex) then why not date? Why do many people stay FWB and not go the other step?

Also, if you have a FWB and have dated them and broke up, but are now still FWB - why continue to sleep together when the relationship went bad?

I am curious as to other people's opininions on this...

[mystofpric]

Well in my own case it bjust never worked out that way plus there is the fear of the friendhsip is so good and the sex is amazing, do we want to risk it by making it a perminent thing? Plus there isn't always the deep emotions nessacry for a good relationship. sometimes good sex is just good sex and not enough to base a relationship off of. Friends With Benefits is really (to me any way) justa catch all title for a booty call, you may not be friends at all.

[ladylove]

I don't get the friends with benefits thing. Good enought to fuck, not good enough to take to dinner. Mind boggling!

[Tyger]

For me, my old FWB was a man that I've known since I was 14 yrs old. Granted, we knew each other really well, and that was part of the problem. I knew that, if I got into a relationship with him, that I'd end up getting hurt. I knew him TOO well, as far as how he was like in relationships. He could never be faithful. And I didn't want to set myself up for heartbreak. Plus, we both valued (still do) our friendship, and didn't want to end up as exes and not speak to each other.

We also have strong tempers, and I knew that, if we fought as a couple, we'd get too heated. We bickered a lot as roommates, and I knew that if I even mentioned having deeper feelings for him, he'd probably throw it in my face, or end up hating me for being "womanish". He'd voiced that he really hated how, if you slept with most women, they developed feelings for him, and that he liked having the FWB and no expectations.

I broke it off by dating someone else. I knew I was really falling in love with my FWB, more deeply that just friendship. I know that, even to this day, if I ever needed him, he'd come to me and help, but, I knew that our relationship, in a sexual way, was really all I dared. Especially after we stopped sleeping together, it almost ripped me apart when he moved on to our roommate, whom he is now engaged too, so, everything worked out as well as it should.

Although, sometimes I wonder........

[sass]

Wow, I have to answer this one, but as I start to type, I am really not sure how to explain it. For me, I was totally afraid and unwilling to get into a serious relationship. I was not at a place in my life where I could commit. I did not want a "boyfriend" and I did not want a man ... under-foot ... all the time.

I did not want to have to answer to someone when I was late getting home (ALWAYS because of work, but I have still had BFs that didn't get that) and I didn't want someone to feel obligated to plan my life around. When I wanted to fly across country, I could and did. When I wanted to stay in bed all day, I could and did. When I wanted to go to Wal-Mart at 2 a.m., I could and did. I simply did not want a relationship. BUT, I did want sex. And while I did not set out to find a FWB, when a friend and I felt that chemistry, we acted on it. He knew from day one that I was not looking for a relationship and I knew he had his own reasons for not wanting a relationship.

As for good enough to go to dinner, (I know what you mean LL ) we did go to lunch quite often. We spent time together several times when we were not having sex, we were friends after all, so we did the things that friends do, we just did not take it to the next level.

Honestly, now that I am in a real relationship, there are challenges where "me-time" is concerned. I don't feel like I can stay in bed all day when I want to, and I certainly would not just pick up and hop a plane. But I am learning to adapt to these changes because there are so many positives that are coming along with this relationship.

All that to say - I guess it was the timing of what I wanted at that time that made a FWB the right thing for me.