I Want My Best Friend

[dee]

I have 2 problems (maybe not problems, but dilemmas that relate) and would like some advise.

My best friend and I had a conversation a few years ago. She knows I enjoy girl on girl, and she had decided to let me know she was willing to try it. I told her I couldn't do that, as I was afraid it would make our friendship uncomfortable and strained. (That was 6 years ago)

Well, lately, as my husbands and my sexual relationship has been hotter and better than ever before , I now find myself thinking about a girl on girl relationship again. (I haven't done it in 6 years). And it's my best friends face I see in my fantasies . I also know this is something my husband would love to be involved with. I would never involve this friend with that, but am torn between finding someone to let him have this experience and not doing this at all, as this is the same situation that was the demise of my first marriage. My exhb fell in love with the girl we introduced to our relationship. (She was a VERY good friend of mine, they are now married and she is the step-mother of my 2 children). All I wanted to do was to please my exhb - and that's where it got me. Now, I would love to please my current hb, but am very afraid.

Boiled down, (1) do I ask my friend if she's still interested and (2) how do I please my hb without feeling scared or threatened?

Does anyone have an opinion or advise to these 2 issues.

Thanks in advance

[Mikayla1]

Well, I have some pretty strong opinions when it comes to 3-somes, in fact if you search the forum you will see where I have given much advice to others asking about it. I have had quite a few threesomes, and although I enjoyed them immensely at the time (I always the 3rd person in) those relationships NEVER lasted. My opinion on this is that it takes an EXTREMELY rare relationship that is going to survive bringing another person in.

As you already stated, you have had one marriage ruined because of a 3-some - why in God's name would you want to risk that again? I understand the need to please. I understand the want and desire to be with women - I have that desire still. I also understand trusting and loving your hubby. I will tell you this: I am secure in my marriage, love my hubby, feel like we are super secure, but I still would NEVER let another woman within 100 feet of my bed! I have learned from my past experiences with my friends who have runied relationships, and I don't want mine ruined. So my fantasies stay fantasies.

For you, I would say you have to make your own decisions, but based on the information you have provided, I think in your heart of hearts you don't want to risk your marriage. Now, if you want to have a little "girl/girl" on the side and not involve the hubby, i.e. he just watches, that may be different. However, I will leave that up to you to decide.

I hope that helps.

Mikayla

[Tyger]

I gotta agree with Mikala here.

I've never had a 3-some, but have known several couples that have participated, and all of those couples are divorced.

Nor only that, but sleeping with your best friend WILL change the relationship, believe me, I did it (guy though), and our friendship has suffered.

I know of 2 couples in open marriages, and they seem happy, but they don't have 3-somes, and are SUPER secure in their relationships with their spouses.

In a 3-some, as you have found out, there can be an attraction beyond the 3-some encounter (someone new and different-how exciting!!), and that can cause the marriage to break up. Look at your exhusband's new wife. Do you want that happening again?

Now, if you choose to do the girl/girl thing, technically, that is cheating. Would you want your husband to do the guy/guy thing, or even guy/girl thing? Because if you ask him to allow that, it opens the door for both those situations. Asking a man just to WATCH is almost an impossibility. Men are visual creatures as well as hands-on. He won't want to just lookie and no touchie.

Fantasizing is a great way to get off, and if you want to masturbate to those fantasies, great!! But think about how you want to be in the relationship with your husband, and if you're willing to risk all of the mentioned scenarios.

Good luck to you!!

[dee]

Thanks for your opinions, I guess that's what I was thinking in the back of my mind, just needed someone else to confer. I didn't really have anyone to ask about this, so I think this forum is a great way to express feelings and concerns without embarrassing friends or making your spouse question your thoughts.

I'm going to keep everything the way it is. My friendship with my girlfriend is too special to me to ruin and my relationship with hubby is glorious, and I don't want to ruin that either.

Thanks again!! Odee

[Mikayla1]

Odee,

I am very glad that you see the worth of this forum! This is EXACTLY what this forum is for, to give people the chance to ask the questions they can ask no one else and get honest, open answers. Sometimes you will agree, sometimes not, but it always helps to get a second opinion!

I think your decision is a wise one, and I think that perhaps fantasizing about it or maybe writing a fantasy on paper and reading it, is a good way to get it down on paper and out of your system, so to speak.

You will be much happier in the longrun, you will keep your BF and your hubby, and the sex might have been great - but how long could it have lasted?

Mikayla

[hrnychick]

Odee,

I think youre making the right choice. Good friends and good relationships are hard to find.....so you are right in keeping things just the way they are. Like on of the posts said if your man "just watched" you and another girl im sure at somepoint he would bring up the subject again and with the added "you did so why cant i" and then the trouble starts.

I say fantasies about it are fine, watching it in porn is fine, but really doing it is just trouble waiting to happen. I know a couple that are dating and they go out to bars pick up another girl for that nights 3some.......now so far they say oh everything is great.....I ask the question doesnt the girl get jealous that her boyfriend is with another and the answer i get is NO cause she is there enjoying as well.....but she checks his email and has a key to his place so she can come over anytime.....funny but to me it sounds like she is jealous maybe not enough to stop the 3somes but you just know she is wondering if he is in contact with any of the other girls when she isnt around........I will be surprised if they last much longer.

[blushNlez21]

First I have to applaud your choice. I just recently crashed and burned with that similar experience...in fact, I hope someone helps me with my situation. But don't do that to your friend. I was that friend, now I'm in love with her, she's in love with me, and I don't get her, because she feels it's morally wrong. I mean, I understand the guilt. But she isn't even IN love with her hubby anymore. So trust me....just don't go there.

*sigh*