I Am Freakin' S-c-a-r-e-d!

[raniedaize]

Okay, so, as you all know I'm sure, I had decided to start behaving myself and not participate in sexual activity with anybody else. I have been very successful in this endeavor the past few months. Yay me! Now, here comes the bad part. I work in a place where we reside with our partner of the day in itty bitty rooms. Granted, we each have our own twin bed, but you literally can just reach out and hit the other bed from the one you're in. Way too small living quarters. There's another crew every day as well, and if they're up and moving about with the TV on in the living room, you WANT to sleep with the door shut. Problem. One of the guys I work with just so happens to also be the guy I had sex with once back in December. Yeah, so....I had been popping Benadryl like crazy last week (not the one which is just ending), and this makes me sleep VERY DEEEEEEPLY. It doesn't help that I'm a reactive sleepwalker. I won't "wake up" on my own, but if you talk to me, I'll answer you back. Not a good thing. Anyhow. So, my partner and I were going to go to our beds and sleep, right? Well, I give absolutely everybody at work massages. We work in EMS, and dealing with not-feather-weighted- people and stretchers all day really creates nasty nagging knots in the back and under the shoulder blades. As a result, my left shoulder blade is especially problematic, and I couldn't get to sleep because of it that night. AND, nobody hardly ever gives me massages. So, in order for me to get to sleep, I asked my partner to get this one specific knot out, all nice and platonic like. Well, the day had been especially rough and when the knot started getting worked on, I fell asleep. I fell really asleep. And that's when I hit the dangerous point--the spot where I'm interacting while asleep and registering it all as if it were a dream. Yep. His hands were wandering, and I remember objecting to it by continuously pulling his hands away. I also recall warning him to not make me wake up because I wouldn't be happy. Well, guess what. I did. To his penetration. Of his dick. I told him to get out and off of me or I would bite his face. He didn't believe me at first, but he did went I went to do it. He looked at me, moved three or four more times in me, and pulled out.

Thanks a lot, bastard, now nearly two weeks later I think I may be late on my period. Granted, I sometimes work on a five week schedule, maybe six? And, I suddenly started working out multiple hours every day the past six days, and I know exercise can also affect the menses cycle some. So can stress, which, of course, I wouldn't know anything about because yes, a baby would be GRAND at this point in my life!!! Because, if I were pregnant, I would keep it--Abortion is not for me--But dear God, please, PLEASE don't let it be so!!!!! So yeah, I am FREAKIN' S-C-A-R-E-D!!!!! ...and a bit pissed too.

Oh, and did I mention that this just so happens to also be timed perfectly with the two year anniversary of my first rape later this month? Fantastic.

[mystofpric]

Okay hun first off, report the SOB. file charges, now. Don't wait. If he's done this to you imagine what he could be doing to patients who can't say no. Secondly is this your partner or the guy you slept with or are they the same person? Not that it matters I'm just trying to make sure i call the right person a scum bag. Now are you on BC? Did d-bag of teh year use a condom (even some serial rapists do)?

Go talk to your doctor now so you can discuss options. I know you won't consider an abortion (and I can't blame you) but there is also adoption as keeping the child of a rape is extremely difficult, and you can have teh whole the signed and sealed so that as soon as the baby is born you never have to see it or deal with it (makes it easier on you) or you can do an open adoption if you want to be a part of teh child's life but wouldn't feel comfortable living with him/her.

But press charges above all else, pregnancy or no, press charges. He has no right to do that to you, further he is a danger to any and all women who are under his care. If you need anything feel free to PM me and we can talk.

[raniedaize]

The guy from December was also the partner I was working with a few days last week. Work partners. We're not butt buddies. No, I'm not on birth control. And no, there was no condom. He's not the kind of guy who would do this to the patients, I promise you. I honestly think there may have been a little bit of miscommunication, and a lot of thick-sculledness going on. As far as legally, I don't think I'll have much of a leg to stand on. I've been through this before, and if you count this as a rape, it's my third from three different guys. The first guy, I did eventually go to the police, but nothing ever happened to the guy. The second time, I went directly to his employer and got him fired and told his friends who were then disgusted and completely on MY side. Pretty much destroyed that one's life as he knew it. This time, I swear I'm not defending him, but I will tell him to keep his hands to himself and I WILL go to the authorities next time. Plus, he will have to face the full fury next time, and I am not a merciful human being once I unleash the beast within.

Rape happens, and this was by far not the worst. I am mostly pissed off that this is right as I am FINALLY getting my life back together from the aftermath of the first rape. Of all timings, this was perfect to F my life up again! But, I have quit the coffee and not had a drop to drink of alcohol since just in case.

[mystofpric]

The guy from December was also the partner I was working with a few days last week. Work partners. We're not butt buddies. No, I'm not on birth control. And no, there was no condom. He's not the kind of guy who would do this to the patients, I promise you. I honestly think there may have been a little bit of miscommunication, and a lot of thick-sculledness going on. As far as legally, I don't think I'll have much of a leg to stand on. I've been through this before, and if you count this as a rape, it's my third from three different guys. The first guy, I did eventually go to the police, but nothing ever happened to the guy. The second time, I went directly to his employer and got him fired and told his friends who were then disgusted and completely on MY side. Pretty much destroyed that one's life as he knew it. This time, I swear I'm not defending him, but I will tell him to keep his hands to himself and I WILL go to the authorities next time. Plus, he will have to face the full fury next time, and I am not a merciful human being once I unleash the beast within.

Rape happens, and this was by far not the worst. I am mostly pissed off that this is right as I am FINALLY getting my life back together from the aftermath of the first rape. Of all timings, this was perfect to F my life up again! But, I have quit the coffee and not had a drop to drink of alcohol since just in case.

Well while I'm glad your being carefuly just in case, I'd still go talk to your doc and get a tes taken. I mean, why cut out the goods if you don't have to? But again you dont have to keep a baby, you are just getting your life back on track and it wouldn't be fair to you or a baby to have to start all over again from scratch and be miserable. Just something to think about as there are non-abortive option out there.

I didn't mean to insinuate that you were anythng other than work partners I was just trying to figure out if you were talking about the same guy from december or not Let's call him Juan-Carlo from now on, LOL.

[raniedaize]

I didn't mean to insinuate that you were anythng other than work partners I was just trying to figure out if you were talking about the same guy from december or not Let's call him Juan-Carlo from now on, LOL.

No offense taken, babe. Only, Juan-Carlo is actually way too close to the first rapist's name (Juan Carlos)! Oddly enough. So, we'll have to call this one something else. Hmmm....Any ideas?

[mystofpric]

I didn't mean to insinuate that you were anythng other than work partners I was just trying to figure out if you were talking about the same guy from december or not Let's call him Juan-Carlo from now on, LOL.

No offense taken, babe. Only, Juan-Carlo is actually way too close to the first rapist's name (Juan Carlos)! Oddly enough. So, we'll have to call this one something else. Hmmm....Any ideas?

WHOA, totally just a name I thought would be really random! How about fred?

[raniedaize]

WHOA, totally just a name I thought would be really random! How about fred?

That's my granddaddy. Strike two.

[mystofpric]

That's my granddaddy. Strike two.

Ralph?

[raniedaize]

Ralph?

Ralph works swell.

[mystofpric]

Ralph works swell.

WOOOHOOO!! Third times the charm!

Well my nest question would be, have you told Ralph your late? I mean, more than ever you have a right to scream "YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU BASTARD" should you be preggers.

[raniedaize]

WOOOHOOO!! Third times the charm!

Well my nest question would be, have you told Ralph your late? I mean, more than ever you have a right to scream "YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU BASTARD" should you be preggers.

I'm waiting until I can get a definitive answer before I even hint at anything to anybody...but you guys, because you guys are special and privy to all sorts of information I wouldn't share with anybody else otherwise! Believe me, if I am indeed pregnant, I'll let Ralph know it's his. And then I plan on thoroughly bitching him out and telling him EXACTLY how everything will be. It is ALL MY decision--since the sex wasn't--and he's just going to have to own up and live up to whatever I dictate on the matter! This will be MY baby and not his, but he definitely will be forced to help where it's needed. Fortunately, I have a well-enough paying job already. I had just been hoping to get on with the fire department, though. It'd be a bit difficult to change jobs in the middle of this, especially to go be a fire fighter! Kids mean I have to stick with the crappy ambulance service I'm already with. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE EMS, just not this company.

[Shariana]

ok. Tell your supervisor. And if you aren't happy with the company, change. I work in EMS too, and you should NOT work where you don't feel safe.

Your supervisor has to know.

And if you said no at any point, he should have stopped RIGHT then. No working around it.

*hugs*

[mystofpric]

Don't forget the magic of a home test. You can often find them in a buy one get one free situtation, which is cool cause then you have a "second opinion." I'd go ahead and do that, then if your still unsure go see a doctor. the sooner you know one way or another the better you'll feel.

[sass]

I was just about to say, go get a home test. They aren't cheap, but you can get an EPT with two tests for just a few bucks more than one - get it. From someone who has been there done that, trust me - getting a second 'no' a few days after the first is well worth the extra $$.

As for pressing charges or telling his boss, those are options you have to weigh. You know the situation best. Going through something like that can be very difficult on the victim, as I am sure you already know, and going you know if you can go through all that especially in a case where the outcome is not clear-cut.

Reguardless of whether you are preggers or not, and whether you pursue any legal action against him or not, we're here for you. Many women on this forum have similar stories from their past and can relate to what you are going through. Stay strong.

[Tyger]

First off, report the fucker. Sorry, but, even if you ARE dopey from medication, you said you remember pushing him away and telling him to stop, yet he continued. Yes, report his sorry ass. He will claim that y'all had a sexual relationship in the past, and that he thought you wanted it. You will have a fight (meaning he will argue that you asked for it) on your hands, but NO IS NO, drugged, comatose, or wide-awake. No means no. At the very leasthe should be fired. If your boss decides to go turn a blind eye, report them to the labor board in your state.

And, if you're incapacited due to alchohol or drugs, that does NOT give him the right to assault you the way he did.

Get a pregancy test, get verification whether or not you are pregnant. Get one with at least 3. Test yourself every couple of days. EPT is a great one cuz they have ones that have the "earlier detection" kit.

Being in the medical field yourself, you KNOW of the things that can be passed around, and you really need to go to your doctor/GYN ASAP about seeing about STD testings.

I have a helluva lot more I could say, however, in the interest of not seeming like I'm a lumberjack on vacation, I will just shut up now. LOL

Best wishes darlin'.

[ladylove]

Would you ever take the morning after pill... it's not the same as abortion.

[Guest eminatic]

^yeah i'd suggest the morning after pill, it needs to be taken within 72 hours, the sooner the better your chances are. it is available OTC now or if you are on the pill you should be able to look up the dose for emergency contraception for your specific pill. (the morning after pill is just a higher dose of birth control) the dose needs to be high enough to stop ovulation immediately but not so high that it causes vomiting (the pills are no good to you if they come back up)

[raniedaize]

It's too late for the morning after pill. I couldn't get to a pharmacy in time. If I still haven't started by Wednesday morning, I'm going to go buy an at-home test. Fingers crossed I either get my period or that it will be an accurate negative!!! I can't go to the doctor until after May 15th. I'll probably go on ahead and make the appointment, though, later today so I can be sure to get to see one. Sometimes their schedules are all jammed up.

[mystofpric]

It's too late for the morning after pill. I couldn't get to a pharmacy in time. If I still haven't started by Wednesday morning, I'm going to go buy an at-home test. Fingers crossed I either get my period or that it will be an accurate negative!!! I can't go to the doctor until after May 15th. I'll probably go on ahead and make the appointment, though, later today so I can be sure to get to see one. Sometimes their schedules are all jammed up.

Well like we said, buy the multipack, it'll be fairly reassuring and I believe LeslieAnne had said they are the same as the pee test the doctor gives you, so rest assured if two come up negitive then your fine. Just keep breathing hun. Either way you're gonna be fine. And we're here for you.

[ohshelly]

I'm thinking good thoughts for you, sweetie.

Fingers Crossed. ((hug))

[raniedaize]

Archer: Yes, male and female both share the same bunk room. It is all divied up by who is on what truck. They are extremely tiny and hold two twin beds, one for each person. I agree about the Benadryl. I have only taken one once on shift because my lungs were literally filling with fluid (oh wonderful anaphylaxis!), and only one won't put me to sleep, just make me sleep better.

Otherwise, as an update, I still haven't had my period yet. Thank you so much, y'all, for your good thoughts and crossed fingers. I plan on confronting "Ralph" tomorrow. I'm going to demand that he give me the money for pregnancy tests. Then, I'll make him sweat a few weeks on the results afterwards--regardless of whether it's positive or negative. I think it's only fair that way! Plus, we're going to be having a very, VERY serious discussion over how he is so lucky he hasn't been turned into a girl yet. He shall be learning a great deal about respecting a lady and dealing with the repercussions when he doesn't. It'll be grand.

[sass]

Archer: Yes, male and female both share the same bunk room. It is all divied up by who is on what truck. They are extremely tiny and hold two twin beds, one for each person. I agree about the Benadryl. I have only taken one once on shift because my lungs were literally filling with fluid (oh wonderful anaphylaxis!), and only one won't put me to sleep, just make me sleep better.

Otherwise, as an update, I still haven't had my period yet. Thank you so much, y'all, for your good thoughts and crossed fingers. I plan on confronting "Ralph" tomorrow. I'm going to demand that he give me the money for pregnancy tests. Then, I'll make him sweat a few weeks on the results afterwards--regardless of whether it's positive or negative. I think it's only fair that way! Plus, we're going to be having a very, VERY serious discussion over how he is so lucky he hasn't been turned into a girl yet. He shall be learning a great deal about respecting a lady and dealing with the repercussions when he doesn't. It'll be grand.

I am so impressed with how together you seem to be. You are being rational and thinking things out and that must be terribly hard. Good luck and keep us posted.

[raniedaize]

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, God. Thank you, God. THANK YOU, GOD!!!!!!! I FINALLY got my period!!!!!!!!!!! Never ever ever have I been so grateful. Really, thank you, God. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Phew. And, hallelujah.

I am NOT pregnant.

Great timing, though, that I got to start AFTER I confronted "Ralph." I wonder if that was psychological--holding out until after I chewed him out. I spoke with a mild decibel level and violent words. It was grand. I have never been so brutally rude and blatantly threatening before. Quite liberating. The sad thing is that I know I still have not reached my full potential of bitchiness. But, such times are reserved for very, VERY special occasions. I like graduating things in degrees according to severity and previously given warnings of repercussions. Generally, I am extremely calm and coherent but with firm conviction when I confront people. You just have to watch out for when I do inform people of the future consequences if they proceed like so again. Once you have been warned, there is no need for mercy. So, this is how the conversation pretty much went:

It had been quite quiet for a while and I randomly start talking--

me: So Ralph, remember that incident a few weeks ago where I said I would bite your face?

Ralph: Ummm....thinking....thinking....Oh, yeah.

>>>Bastard was acting as if he couldn't recall it<<<

me: Well, I just thought I'd let you know that I'm now a week late on my period.

Ralph: I didn't do anything.

me: You were INSIDE me!

Ralph: I didn't do anything. I couldn't anyway.

me: Okay, so you literally had your dick IN me, and you're calling it 'not doing anything'? >>>insert stare that says "You better fucking not say anything"<<< Regardless, you were in me, so there's always that chance. I'm now over a week late on my period. Just thought I'd share the information. Because, you know, there is that chance. So, yeah, I'm not very happy right now. And when you say such things eluding to how if I want to get on with the fire department, I have to be nice to you, it makes seriously me want to permanently disfigure your face so everytime you see yourself in the mirror, you'll be forced to remember how absolutely angry you have made me rightfully become. >>>which, when he had done that earlier this morning, I told him straight out "I would kick [his] ass...or get someone who would"<<< So, you need to CUT THAT BULLSHIT OUT.

Ralph--changes the meaning of what he had previously said about the FD and my application with them

me: No, you made it seem as if you would somehow influence whether or not I get hired by the way I treat you so that no matter what you do, I have to just grin and bear it. You need to stop that shit! I'm warning you now, you'd best not interfere with me getting that job in any way, shape, or form. Your father must have forgotten to give that talk about respecting women that every boy needs to get or you have forgotten it over the years >>>the dude's 46<<<

Ralph: So you're blaming it on my father now?

me: No. YOU'RE the one responsible. You've just OBVIOUSLY forgotten how to respect women, if you ever truly have at all.

That's where the conversation pretty much ended. My tone was extremely icy and do-not-push-me-over-the-edge-or-you-will-truly-be-sorry-beyond-all-belief. I am so calm and mild in all manners of adversity that when I do unleash the inner beast even just a little, it demands and commands FULL attention. It's happy right now; I let it come out and play some today. Ralph saw a glimpse of it and became acquainted enough to know to leave me the fuck alone and never, EVER push my boundaries again. We're on better terms now with him having that understanding. In fact, I think he may have been slightly scared! haha. After all, it's not the size of the bitch in the fight that matters, but the size of the fight in the bitch!!!

First rape: Handed it over to the police and NOTHING became of it. Never confronted him. Nearly 2 years turmoil.

Second rape: Talked to his boss and friends and destroyed the guy's life. Never confronted him. Some gratification.

This time? I took care of it myself and actually confronted the bastard. Feels good. I can move on, feeling as if something has been achieved. I have conquered a personal milestone!!!

[ladylove]

After all, it's not the size of the bitch in the fight that matters, but the size of the fight in the bitch!!!

I love it

Glad every thing worked out for you.....

[sass]

So glad to hear things are going your way!