No Love Just Money

[cdogdevon]

I have been seeing a guy now for three monthes and he is a great guy. We have so much fun together and we are now living together. I know he cares so much for me but I am having trouble feeling as strongly for him. A lot of times he will say things about the way he feels and I feel like I am pretending when I respond. I do care about him just not as much yet as he does me and I know if he knew that a lot of things would change. To make matters worse he has a great job and makes more money then anyone I have been with and sometimes I find myself wondering if that is why I am really with him. I see him as more of a friends with benefits then the guy I love HELP!!

[Tyger]

I stayed with a man for months after I realized that I didn't love him. Mostly because of the whole comfort aspect. We'd been together for 4.5 yrs. One day, I realized that I had just lied to him by telling him I loved him. And I respected him enough to realize that, and was frank with him that night, after some serious soul-searching and thought into how I was going to tell him.

Financial security is a beautiful thing, however, if he thinks that you are truly in love with him (gotta agree with Howard, 3 mos isn't enough time to fully know if this is true love or not), then you are being unfair to him AND to yourself.

After all, you are holding each other back by putting up the facade of loving him. If he knows that you don't love him, then maybe he is waiting to see if you will fall in love with him. If you don't think you can, then maybe you should be moving on, to be fair to both of you, and your future potential mates as well.

I'm not trying to sound demeaning when I say this, but you ARE young, and this is the time to be having a bit of fun, learning about yourself, what you want, experience a little life before committing to a life-long relationship too.

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. YOU must search yourself and your feelings. There is no easy answer.

Good luck.

[Mikayla1]

I think in today's world people are rushing into the "love" thing. I have seen many of my friends take years...literally years to say "I love you" because they wanted to be sure. I knew my hubby for a while as a friend, dated for a while before that even happened. We were only 3 months before we said it, but "when you know, you know!"

Today, I see my sister and her friends (20 range) telling their guys I love you within weeks! How can you possibly know? I am sure there are exceptions to the rule, but I don't believe you can truly know enough about a person tolove them in a week! Lust does not equal love in my book!

Now, your situation sounds different. If you have been with this guy for 3 months (not terribly long) but you do live with him, meaning you get the 24 hour perspective of what he is like, you may just inherently "know" that you do not love him.

I am a romantic at heart, and I sort of believe that the heart knows, what the heart knows. People fall out of love just as easily as they fall in. Perhaps you did love him, perhaps you thought you might fall in love with him. You are the only one you can make that determination (like Tyger and Howard have said) - it is YOU who knows how you feel.

I do know, that if this man loves you and you are already living together that it is unfair to him to lead him on. If you are not getting the love vibe, then maybe you should have the heart to heart with him and end it before he gets hurt. The last thing you want is an engagement ring being thrust in your face by a gleeful and happy man, and you saying yes because you are afraid to hurt him! That would be a real mess!

I respect you for coming here for perspective, I suggest to you that is your subconcious trying to make your inner thoughts outer thoughts! I also suggest that you already know what you have to do, but you are waiting for someone to tell you. We can't do that, you have to decide for yourself. Ask yourself: do you want to wake up everyday with this man, sleep with this man, have sex with this man, have kids with this man? IF you say no, there you go. Perhaps you want more fireworks, excitement. There may not be that out there, there may be. You might never know. However, waiting around in a relationship that is only partially fullfilling may not be the answer either.

Good luck,

Mikayla

[hrnychick]

Have to say i agree with the other posts here. Only YOU know what you want and only YOU can make that choice. Maybe everything just moved a lil to soon like living together......a lot of times couples hurry things cause they "think" thats what they want but after the newness wears off they realize it was all in the moment and not true feelings.

Maybe if you take some time apart you will realize your true feelings for this man it maybe finding out you really miss him and hate being away from him or finding out that youre happier being apart and only want to remain on friendly terms.

Im sure most of us here have had someone like us or maybe even love us and we didnt feel the same and vice versa.......and it is unfair to lead a person on unfair to beth involved......staying with someone for reasons of "just because" can lead you both to miss out on the one that maybe right for you. The one you know in your heart that you love.

I agree that you can not know if you are in love truly in love in a weeks time like Mikayla said her sister and friends say to boyfriends.....Love said that early i would take it as meaning loving in a friendly way.....I told my hb i loved him well into our relationship hell i made him wait awhile before we had sex as well.......and i knew the feelings of love were true because i wanted to talk to him every chance i got......even if for only a few mins......wanted to see him everyday......just couldnt wait to be with him........and the days we couldnt were like total torture......I was young when i met him but we didnt rush into living together or getting married until I knew it was the right thing/ and person for me.

So take your time.......have a talk with him.......spend some time apart and see what feelings you have then......you will know if you love him or not

[ambrelyn]

The last thing you want is an engagement ring being thrust in your face by a gleeful and happy man,

I TOTALLY agree with this. I was dating a guy that a friend set me up with. We had been around each other several times in the past. Then he asked if I'd be his girlfriend. (We were in our teens) I said yes, and we dated for several months. We didn't talk about love or the future or anything, but one day he told me he was going to be moving out of state and said everything would be better if we got 'hitched'. His words exactly! My eyes just kinda got wide and I thought to myself, wait a minute, I don't love him, I just like to hang out with him. I had to say no, and he was crushed, and obviously we broke up. You don't want your situation to reach that point. He's going along thinking everything is awesome, and your sitting there going, well...

My advice would be the same as the above advice. Take some time to yourself to figure out how you really feel. Stay with a relative or a friend for a weekend and see how you feel about not being around him. If you can't stand being away from him, then you know you have something there. But if you feel this sense of relief instead, then you know. And if you find that you don't really love him, talk to him about it. It's not fair to let him believe you feel as intensly as he does. And it may be that you just aren't there YET. Talk about that too. Maybe he's just moving too fast for you. You may not want to end it, you may just need to ask him to slow down a bit. Hope this helps. Just make sure you don't end up like I did with that guy. It was a really crappy feeling to reject him like that when he thought we were in love.

[Turdlebugga@yahoo.com]

I TOTALLY agree with this. I was dating a guy that a friend set me up with. We had been around each other several times in the past. Then he asked if I'd be his girlfriend. (We were in our teens) I said yes, and we dated for several months. We didn't talk about love or the future or anything, but one day he told me he was going to be moving out of state and said everything would be better if we got 'hitched'. His words exactly! My eyes just kinda got wide and I thought to myself, wait a minute, I don't love him, I just like to hang out with him. I had to say no, and he was crushed, and obviously we broke up. You don't want your situation to reach that point. He's going along thinking everything is awesome, and your sitting there going, well...

My advice would be the same as the above advice. Take some time to yourself to figure out how you really feel. Stay with a relative or a friend for a weekend and see how you feel about not being around him. If you can't stand being away from him, then you know you have something there. But if you feel this sense of relief instead, then you know. And if you find that you don't really love him, talk to him about it. It's not fair to let him believe you feel as intensly as he does. And it may be that you just aren't there YET. Talk about that too. Maybe he's just moving too fast for you. You may not want to end it, you may just need to ask him to slow down a bit. Hope this helps. Just make sure you don't end up like I did with that guy. It was a really crappy feeling to reject him like that when he thought we were in love.

I totally agree with EVERYONE. I lived with a guy for 4 years!!!!! I wanted to love this guy in the worst way..

Really. He was everything anyone could want. Classy, handsome, good job, from wealthy family (millionaires) smart..... BUT.. we didn't have that thing. The more I tried the worse it got. Then I started resenting him becasue he wanted things from me. Emotionally. Physically I was uncomfortable having sex with him and couldn't perform the way he'd have liked. 1st big clue!! I had a hard time being honest with him and he ended up giving me "the ring". I ran for the hills...(I was very young, not my proudest moment)

When I moved out and was driving away..He was standing in the roadside holding a big sign that said, in big letters "Please Don't Go" He was crying. It was awful. If you don't feel the same way as him... let him go. Don't waste your time or his. There is someone out there for you. When you get that feeling of "Oh Wow!" this is it. You'll know. It will be worth it. All the money in the world isn't.