Members Harpy6 Posted December 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 2 years ago I was ready to divorce my husband. He had accused me of cheating whenever I went out with friends. Mind you they were all girls. I'm not attracted to the same sex at all. I was throwing a surprise party for the man who owed the stable where my horse was being boarded. He was turning 53. I get a phone call from my husband accusing me of cheating on him and that he can't trust me. I had never cheated on him or any of my boyfriends. I was shocked. But this turned into a reoccurring accusation when I did things. Anytime I went out with friends I would be getting texts the whole time asking me who I was with, what I was doing, when I would be home, etc. If i didn't reply then I would receive phone calls. My friends would get pissed because I wasn't giving them my attention. He would get pissed because of the same thing. I was in a losing situation and I was getting more and more stressed. I was only 21 yrs when this all started. I suggested therapy and was shot down everytime. In june of that year I told him in a letter that I was moving out and thinking about divorce and that I would be staying with some friends. That at this moment we were sperated and that i would not being telling him every aspect of what I was doing. We could communicate but that who I was with and such wasn't his business. Well I was out of the house for 2 months and had gotten close to someone. In a romantic way and I never lied to this individual about where I was at emotionally or status wise. He knew I was married and trying to work things out with my husband. He was there for me and such even though I knew he liked me, I was keeping him at an arms length. Well things went wrong and I did end up sleeping with him. I became one of those people I never wanted to be a cheater. I felt horrible. But I didnt get the chance to tell my husband what had happened, because he had been snooping through my phone whenever we were together during those 2 months of speration because he felt he had a right to do so. I felt violated because he had been going through my phone to find out if I was cheating on him. All I could think is how long had he been doing this. I had conversation with my family on there about him that were private. He didn't care that I felt horrible about what had happened he made it a point to hurt me for weeks both physically and emotionally. I like rough sex(biting and such) but he wold scratch me hard enough to make me bleed or bite me hard enough to leave bruises and welts. I had chosen to go back to him and this is how I was being treated. I have never wanted to or really been one to cheat or look for another person when I am involved with someone. I give that person my everything. All of who I am. All my trust. All my love. To feel like I don't have that in return for the 4 yrs we have been married kills me. We have been together for 8 yrs and not once has he fully given himself to me. The one time that I was the cheater I felt disgusting and worthless and like I was the scum of the earth.this forum has given me a new outlook on life and what I deserve. I definitely feel like settled for less than I probably deserved. Thank you for helping open my eyes to the fact that I'm not worthless. I made a mistake and he says he forgives me but he doesn't act like it. One mistake in 8 yrs is pretty good. I'm always afraid now that no matter what i say or how I say it he will become angry or violent. He does have a bad temper.I just want him to understand that I do love him and that I'm constantly feeling hurt or unloved. He always turns a conversation into me saying he is a bad husband but that isn't what I am trying to tell him. It's just very difficult.Thank you for reading this very long rant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted December 3, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to have pleasure. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bigcock Posted December 4, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 4, 2014 Yes, you do deserve to be loved and if he is not going to love you maybe you just might have to find someone else. Sometimes that's the only way out. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted December 23, 2014 Report Share Posted December 23, 2014 You deserve to be respected! His actions drove you out. I totally understand where you're at with this. My ex husband did the same thing when I'd go out with friends. I did the same thing to him once, to show him how it felt. But, I stopped going out, to avoid this situation. I resented him for it.You left. You made a mistake by sleeping with someone else before you were legally seperated or divorced. If he chose to accept you back, after you confessed, him showing you physical and emotional pain is NOT appropriate. It NEVER is, no matter what. If he says he forgives you, he's lying, because his actions tell a different story!You deserve to be loved. Him physically and emotionally hurting you is NOT love. It's a form of ownership and control. This man sounds like he is pathetic, immature, and blames everyone else for his problems, and not taking accountability for his own actions. You deserve SOOOO much more!!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Harpy6 Posted December 26, 2014 Author Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2014 Thank tyger, your words have brought tears to my eyes. I love this community for there support 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted December 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2014 Tyger has a wonderful voice. She is a wise woman. I too like this community and the kind words from all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted January 18, 2016 Report Share Posted January 18, 2016 On 12/26/2014 at 7:54 PM, RC4BLUE said: Tyger has a wonderful voice. She is a wise woman. I too like this community and the kind words from all. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members krisleightate Posted May 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 12, 2016 Harpy6 I am so sorry you had that in your life. You deserve love and respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted May 19, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2016 This breaks my heart for you. This sounds like something we can try to council you through as support but this also sounds like something you may want to talk to a professional for. There is nothing I read in what you said that made me feel like you are in a safe place or healthy place. I have lived in your shoes not exactly but know this story in a way and I had to learn a bit about myself to realize that me justifying someone else's behavior does not help me or them. I know this is a rant but it seems rather lite for the context I would be hopping mad if someone treated me like that like drop a plate on purpose mad 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 12GAUGE Posted May 26, 2016 Members Report Share Posted May 26, 2016 On 12/2/2014 at 9:05 AM, RC4BLUE said: You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be respected. You deserve to have pleasure. Absopositively yes you do. We all do even me and I am one of the loneliest and miserable people on the planet so I make do on various sex sites whether xhamster or xxxbunker or zitybiz or tootimid FetLife and others. I retreated to the position that likely I will be alone for the rest of my life. I've already been single for 63 years so what's the diff if I go another 63 years? I need to start a ***Who Do You Like For Prez In 2016*** thread. No buoys and gulls I AIN'T JOSHING!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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