thankyou all for your responses,. and im sorry its taken me this long, theres just been sooo much going dealing with my own stuff and issues ive been ignoring for a long time. but im doing alot better. so im in a much better place i told hubby that right now i am not interested, i have no desire to experience a woman. i want to lose some weight and im starting a new job, so i want to get settled there too. and also, as im becoming more and more comfortable in myself, i find myself enjoying sex alot more. im able to turn my mind off and enjoy the moment. which is a big step for me. sex has become more passionate and intimate. so right now this is the road i want to be on. i told him that if i ever reconsider ill let him know. which he seems okay with. i know i could never watch him with another woman. i just know me. i wouldnt be able to get past it. maybe someday down the road ill be alot more secure but for now no. thankyou all for your advice and perspective. it really helped me to think this thru once i calmed down. and mikayla you were right, i was freaking out for nothing.