whittibo

I have probably given 30-45 minutes, but gosh, I didn't know men could be multi-orgasmic, maybe I have to try something new.

*sigh* for some reason my husband doesn't/won't/can't?? I don't know, we have been together for 21 years and I don't think he has gone down on me more then a couple times. I tried to get him to tell me why he doesn't/won't/can't, but he won't tell me that either. And I lick him everywhere, suck him daily as of lately, and prior to that, would pretty consistently give him BJ's. So it's not that I won't give that I don't receive.

Njoy, isn't it odd that two couples can be so much the same, but polar opposites. Here it's my husband, there, it's your wife. All I know for sure is, I didn't want to have sex because it was boring and plain and no foreplay, no kissing, no warning even. He wouldn't kiss me when he got home, didn't talk to me, was grumpy all the time (probably from lack of sex?) I felt shut out of his life and frankly didn't care what his needs were. I also have 3 kids, almost 14, almost 12 and just turned 8, and I home school all of them, so my days were consumed by needy children and overwhelming responsibilities for the house (cleaning, cooking, shopping etc., just normal mom stuff, but when you add 3 kids home 24/7, I think it just got to me?) so I craved adult interaction, wasn't getting it at home, so turned to my computer and that's where I spent all my time just visiting with adults. So I think for me, kids and the lack of communication was what drove me away from my husband. He on the other hand is a pest control guy, so he spends all day just talking to people, he gets home and that's the last thing he wants to do. *sigh* Things had gotten increasingly worse, everything he did, right down to breathing (he breaths very loudly for some reason) was driving me insane, I hated to be around him. I could list probably 100's of irritating things he would do daily, and things I just rolled my eyes at, but I knew there were probably just as many annoying things I did that drove him nuts. So I just started having sex, every night. Things were great at first because he had gone so long without it. After week two, I think he was getting overwhelmed with our new found relationship and we're also selling our house and will be closing escrow in 18 days, so life is pretty confusing now. But that's when we started having problems because he didn't want sex. I found myself all day waiting till he got home to hug and kiss on him and couldn't wait till the kids were in bed to be intimate with him, and when he started showing signs of disinterest, I lost it. I think the overwhelmingness of moving just effects me differently and I WANT intimacy, he doesn't. We have had a few blow outs the last 3 weeks, ending in our last one this past Wednesday when I, as frustrated as I could ever be, finally got angry and told him at first it's either all or nothing because I can't desire him all day long and have him come home and not want me, and I wasn't about to schedule things in on the calendar "OK to have sex tonight" and then I told him that it isn't all or nothing, it's all or the marriage is over. What he doesn't understand is, there's more to intimacy then sex. Cuddling, kissing, stroking, licking... if he's sore or tired, we don't have to have sex, but he NEVER should ignore me. I think I finally made him understand that we are each others best friends, and soon, all we will have is each other. (we moving 2000+ miles away from everything we have ever know, family, friends, and that's no easy task). I think for us, we need to learn to communicate better without words. Last night I knew he was tired, so I left my clothes on and was going to just cuddle and be near him, enjoy him laying on me. I gave him a massage and wasn't showing any signs of wanting sex. But he did. Well women (at least me) I can be ready to have sex, but if I am going to have an orgasm, I need to work up to it all day, thinking about him, and the night etc. So I hadn't done that, so took care of him quickly so he could go to sleep, and he did. Well at about 4 am, we both were awake and I was telling him how much I enjoyed just being near him and kissing him and such, and I did sneak in a touch or two, then he rolled over and let me really touch him, we had the BEST sex this morning and I told him how great it was and how much I enjoy him. He isn't very verbal and just said, "it was fun". But he'll get there. So I don't know if my life has any similarities to yours, if your wife is just overwhelmed with other stuff... or perhaps needs affection outside of the bedroom instead of just when she goes to bed? But, as you can see, we have sorted things out and for now anyway, things are great. I hope you find the same thing with your wife. Reading here has been an enormous help, and yes, I wish he would read too, but on the other hand, I am glad I have this all to myself and can be more open. I might just start printing out the education articles and adding them to his lunch box.

HA... I thought about that, how his friends and family would wonder what in the hell was wrong with him NOT wanting sex every night, and how many of them would love their wifes to do what I want. I told him almost exactly what you just said Howard, as my husband he is to lust after me and love me and want to be intimate with me and if he doesn't, then he needs to leave me because I deserve better then to not be loved. I think he finally realized that our intimacy is an important part of our marriage. I also told him I wouldn't go back to a loveless marriage, it's either this or nothing. I know he loves me more then anything, and feel bad because he had to suppress his desires for so long, but it was boring. His idea of foreplay was to put his hand on my shoulder and if I didn't "respond" he would roll over and be upset for a week. So I resorted to staying on my computer till I knew he would be asleep and get up before he woke up. Pretty pathetic and sad, and I won't have that anymore.

Ya know, one thing my husband told me about why he didn't know what to do is, he said his parents never touched, never had any affection for each other, just always put each other down all the time, which is what he does to me. I was raised in a home where we didn't put each other down, but were terrified of our father. He just had a temper. He did pick on me/us a bit, but nothing like my husbands family. My husband will complain about everything, I was washing him down in the shower and he complained the water was too hot, the sponge thing was too scratchy, not enough room, he's cold when not under the water. So I stay out of the water and he complains about that. He teased me about how I parked his truck when I took the garbage for him as a surprise. He teased me and said I was "weird" when I put a surprise picture in his lunch of my bare breasts. He just really doesn't know how to act. I think it comes natural for women because we're nurturers by nature, we're made to nurture children, men really aren't (not all, but I say a majority) which makes me wonder if those men who ARE natural nurtures are better in the romantic setting too. For me, it's hard to be a taker. I lick his whole body, massage his back, his feet, his legs, butt, just take time to look at him and tickle him (which he complains about too, but now I jump on top of him and tell him to stop complaining or I'll keep doing it) but when he finally does try to do those things to me, I can tell he isn't really interested in it, and I can't relax. For instance, the other night he was giving me a back rub because my back is so sore from packing and cleaning and such. While rubbing my back with ONE HAND, he was channel surfing with the other. I finally just resolved to not care, and did enjoy the massage. But it's hard not to notice he isn't giving me 100% of his attention, but again, I think that leads back to his parents, he doesn't know HOW to devote all his attention to me?? Knowing these things is making it a bit easier on me to understand him. He also told me he's "hyper", which in the 22 years I have known him, I would NEVER think he was hyper, but he says it's an internal hyper, like if he's laying down, or sitting watching TV, he is always thinking about what he has to do and he gets anxious, maybe that's why the channel surfing?? (but during SEX, channel surfing is NEVER OK, and I told him that this week that it's plain old offensive to channel surf while your wife is fucking you)... This forum is wonderful, if I could change my user name and hide my old posts, I might make him log in and learn something.. Oh, and porn, uh... I know he would learn a thing or two, but just READING about sex is almost too much for him, he would never WATCH two people having sex, that's just immoral.

My husband is very shy in the bedroom and a very modest person. We have been together for nearly 22 years and I have just now started seeing him nekid on a regular basis. What I did started just 5 weeks ago, and just started going for it. I started being flirty, undressing in front of him on purpose (which I NEVER did before because he was so modest, I was too) If he wasn't in the room when I undressed, I would call him in and say, "just thought you would want to see this". I did get tired after about 4 weeks of me always being the aggressor so to speak, and he started becoming overwhelmed with sex every night so we have had a few heated discussions about our sex life, which he assures me he enjoys but just not every night. I don't see a problem with some type of intimacy every night. I also bought some very non-threatening sexy items. My first purchase was some sparkly cherry tasting dust that didn't work, and a cock ring we still haven't used. But it did put it out there that I wanted to add some spark to the sex life. I also ordered some other items and have been "surprising him" with them a little at a time. Nothing too bold yet, and I just put them where he can see them, but don't introduce them to our play very often, I try to let him do that. Don't give up! It's worth every amount of effort you put out. And I sympathize with you, it's hard to want more with a guy who seemingly doesn't want it. :s

I am glad you're finding answers now, my husband is 4 years older then me too and was a virgin when I met him, I wasn't. We have been together now for almost 22 years and he is still shy about sex, uneasy about new things and easily freaked out. I am still trying to get him out of his shell. Albeit, there were 3+ years we didn't do ANYTHING except heavy petting with his clothes on, then a couple other years with clothes off but only accidental penetration (prior to marriage) and once we were married, sex wasn't all that great, so it happened less and less often till recently when I decided i didn't want to live in a loveless/passionless marriage anymore. But it's been 5 weeks and he's still very unsure of it all and we have actually gotten into some heated arguments lately about our sex life. I don't see any reason why we can't be intimate in some fashion nightly, but he's still thinking once a week is fine, hey, it's 4 times as much as he WAS getting. I'll be following this thread closely and wish you luck, again, kudos for doing something about it now!

I had a little (OK, HUGE) blowout with my hubby Wednesday night, he doesn't understand how just because HE isn't in the mood, doesn't mean we shouldn't do anything and he should just be left alone. I had to tell him how important it is for him to respect MY feelings (and me respect his too) but that it goes both ways, what if I wasn't in the mood and just blew all intimacy off for the evening, how would he feel. He threw something at me, about how he "doesn't know what he's doing"... because he was a virgin when we got together, and I wasn't. He thinks I have this sex thing all figured out because I got around. WRONG... I was with a bunch of moron teen-aged boys who didn't know what intimacy was, they only wanted to cum. So I told him I don't know either, but we both need to learn and that we both have to be open and honest about what works and what doesn't. And if we're too embarrassed to TALK openly about it, watch for signals/signs from the other. I don't have a problem asking him, "is that good, do you like that?" but he doesn't say a word to me, and usually doesn't even make a sound. I think we all have things to learn, and quite possibly you're doing things to him that he doesn't like and he's thinking of those things in the back of his head, "why does it matter if I am not doing it right, she's not the greatest either". Just a thought?? Perhaps you could ask him if there's anything you're doing that he would like you to do differently?? Maybe when he see's you changing and wanting to please him, he'll do the same for you?? *sigh* I wish society wasn't so screwed up.

Gee, I don't have any answers, but have sympathy. I have a DH much like you describe. I wrote a letter to him so he wouldn't feel confronted, but he told me a couple days ago I was rude in it. It was anything BUT rude, just stating how I feel and he got upset. Thing with some people is, all our lives we had criticism and anything out of anyones mouths now is taken as such. Can't tell me how to do something because I take it that I am an idiot and doing it wrong now. So I understand from both perspectives how your husband and you feel, but have no idea how to conquer it.

I did find the area that has the spongy feel to it, not smooth, more like chicken skin. (ewww) so that's just behind the bone (the picture didn't show any bones?) But when I touch that area with my fingers, there's no special sensation or anything, so I wasn't sure I was getting it. Like when you touch your clit, you know it. Does that make since? So am I not getting it, or does it have to be stimulated before I can find it? The G-spot stimulator I got is pretty hard, I think I would have to push it back really far on the outside so it goes up on the inside? I just wish I knew if I was getting it or not. But I will try it once I have an orgasm. I just hope I know when I get it??

OK, I am after the elusive G spot and need some assistance. I looked over the article "how to have a G-spot orgasm" but there's no mention (that I saw anyway) about the pelvic bone? Or maybe its' not the pelvic bone. But just about where I think the spot is, there's a hard bone there. So is the spot above or below it. AND, will I know it once I hit it? So should I just keep searching for it? I did get in on the great giveaway last week for the G-spot stimulator, but not sure how far in it's supposed to go, how to know if I am there yet or not and what to do once I am there??

I’m a woman and my favorite toy is also my first/only toy, is the G-Spot stimulator(although I still haven't found the elusive G-spot yet, I use it mostly as a clit stimulator, but love the non-threatening/non-intimidating look of it). I have used it about 4 - 5 times a week. I prefer to use my toy anytime I can be assured my kids won't barge in on me, and my favorite place to use my toy is in my bed or shower!

Welcome! I am by no means an expert on anything, but I knew a friend who couldn't get pregnant because she ovulated during her period and, like many other people, never had sex during that time. Once she found that out, she got pregnant right away. And being a woman, I can speak with confidence that I for one, get VERY horny when I ovulate. That's why while on birth control, women usually suffer from low sex drive because it stops you from ovulating. So it's possible you're ovulating during your period, and that's why you're horny??

Ah, I don't think I used enough then. I used maybe a small pea size dab. Now will the husbands get the same sensation on their penis as we feel? I did get the cool tingly feeling, but nothing erotic or exciting, but maybe if I use more.

OK, there was discussion on this cream on another thread, so I thought I would do a search on it as I bought some and haven't used it yet, but am very curious and might want to give it a try in the near future. First, how much is enough? And it lasts 20-30 minutes, could it be reapplied? What if I just go and try it now, when there isn't going to be any stimulation in the next few hours, if I just wanted to see how I react to it, would that be bad?? What I mean is, I am not going to NEED stimulation if I put this on just to test it would I? Like I won't be in humping the sofa or anything.

Good to know the Viva cream comes highly recommeded. I bought some but haven't tried it yet.

I think my husband would have a heart attack. But.. maybe in time.

Well all this sex as fun stuff is new to us, it was just 'plain old vanilla' and boring, which is why it rarely happened. About a month ago I decided it was going to change and ordered some very mild stuff, the first order was just a cock ring and some cherry tasting (which doesn't taste) sparkly dusting powder. I thought with the powder, we could each use it as a signal to the other that we wanted sex. If he saw it on me, he would know I wanted it, if it was left out on the counter, I would know he did. But since we started having fun sex, we haven't really stopped. But when I ordered the stuff, I told him I ordered some "toys" for him and that he better open his box in private. He didn't really believe me and is very modest, so I kept reminding him that his box of toys would arrive soon. Took two stupid weeks to get it!~ that was the longest two weeks ever, and I will never order from that company again. Anyway, he did finally open the box, as embarrassed as he was. And we used the powder right away, but still haven't used the ring. The last order I placed was from Too Timid and included the free G-spot stimulator, that was the first "real toy" I have ever ordered/bought before. I also got a pouch from another company and a wedge pillow thing to match, and when I got the Too Timid order, I just placed all the items in the pouch, and left it on his nightstand and told him there was a surprise there for him. He never did get anything out, they have been there awhile now. So a few nights ago, he was not in the mood, but I was, and he still hasn't perfected fingering me, and isn't really into going down on me, so I reached over and grabbed the stimulator and handed it to him. He didn't insert it, but did use it on me. I think he might have been a bit mortified about the whole thing. :s I think I'll lay off the toys for awhile, we have enough things now to get us started playing, and I just want to get him used to these before I spring anything else on him. I did tell him I was going to order this lounge chair made specifically for sex, even showed him the pictures and asked what color to order, he helped me decide, but I need to wait till we move and get into our new house. I also got the double bullet from Too Timid, that just got here yesterday. I hid it right away, I don't think him OR I are ready for that just yet. Whew!

I am still confused as to how something soft like the head of his penis, could irritate your throat? Does your throat hurt any other time? I am getting my daughters cold (just what I need right now) and my throat hurts, it hurts to swallow. I wonder if you could be getting a cold or something. And yes, I too enjoy oral sex on my husband, he has been very lucky in that department the last few weeks, wish he would return the pleasure. :s

My kids are almost 14, almost 12 and just turned 8 and I had all of them via c-sections. I remember no sex or driving for 6 weeks. I didn't do either I don't think. I know with my first, I HAD to drive a week after she was born because my husband had totaled or car 10 days before she was born, and we had to buy a new car. So he drove the rental down to the dealer to buy a car, and I drove the rental back to town to return it. But that was it, I didn't drive after that, I had to have people drive me around in my new car, that I hadn't even driven yet. My milk dries up at 6 weeks, I KNOW for a fact we had sex prior to 6 weeks because I remember him stimulating my breasts and me freaking out that I was going to leak all my milk out. LOL! A funny story here, I was selling a trailer years ago, and this family came to look at it, they had two daughters, they looked VERY close in age, but not like twins, so I asked if they were twins and the older one quickly pointed out that SHE was older. I asked the mom what their ages were, there was 10 months difference. I blurted out, "you didn't even wait the 6 weeks" I was a bit embarrassed that I actually said that in front of our husbands and children, but had just had a child and knew I was supposed to wait 6 weeks.

LOL! Gee that sadly sounds familiar.

Congrats!!! I know what you mean about pregnancy sex, I couldn't get enough!

I doubt I get anywhere near deep throating, I can get about 4.5" in, but then I start to gag. I have tried a bit harder since reading these articles here, but still doubt I am getting close. However, I have always finished my husband off, (unless we have wanted to continue in another fashion) and it's never burned. 99% of the time it's not unpleasant at all, it's rather a huge turn on for me. But 1% of the time, there is a weird taste to it. I did wonder if perhaps it's if he has been cumming too much, and that's what changes the taste, but I don't think so. From reading here, apparently what he eats can change it?? But I have never had any burning ever.

I have the reverse problem, TOO WET. Ugh.. nothing better then dripping everywhere ya go. I have been wearing a panty liner because if I don't, I am soaking wet and I think that's what caused my UTI. Sorry to hijack the thread, but I think these people are right about the foreplay, it's not a specific time, but rather it should be all day of flirting to get her wanting you. Then once you are together, don't just "go at it" rather take your time until she can't stand it anymore. She should be wet enough, if not, perhaps she isn't going to be, and lubrication will have to be on hand for those times. I do have to commend you highly for coming here and looking for answers! Your wife is a lucky women who has a husband who wants to please her and wants to know how and isn't ashamed to look for help. Kudos!

Well I have been working him too hard. We have a lot going on, and I understand he's tired, but I just wanted to cuddle a while and he just wanted to sleep. He did come home from work between jobs to see me and cuddle with me. He had to run up and do the neighbors house, so he came by first. And low and behold, we were laying on the bed cuddling and he fell asleep again, so he really is tired. I have to just understand he's doing what he can, and this has only just started, it's kind of a weird time for us, but hey, no better time then the present.