Jojo1231

It does come down to the two of you & how committed each one is to the other, what are both of you willing to do to keep this situation from becoming a cancer. If it does bother you that much, you must take steps forward if you want change, otherwise I can't see from my perspective (DAM Dumb Ass Male), that it will change. I re-read your original posting and it was like that from the very beginning & it's unlikely that it was something you did or there was some kind of environmental change. I kinda hate to ask the obvious but is he gay? I mean all the outward signs point in that direction and I don't want to seem spiteful but assuming you are sexually attractive, it's a little hard to fathom. I think you really need to sit and have a long, long, long talk because this just doesn't add up (and I'm a geek as well). It doesn't appear to be you as the problem but then again, we're only hearing from one side of the picture. It is entirely possible that you appear to be either too "motherly" (if there is such a term) or somehow you intimidate him. Whatever the reason, you need to find out quickly, otherwise you'll be stuck in this morass of ambiguity and questioning yourself. Not good for you or him or your relationship.

Fundamentally, the question needs to be raised on why? Whether male or female, you need to ask that question first. Some guys cheat because that's what they know, others may be driven to it. While there is no good excuse, the question, in my opinion, has to be asked first.

From a male (which seems to be rare on this topic<G>), there was a gal that literally layed there. Hardly moved, nary a peep it bordered on necrophilia. She did give great head but that was it. I asked about it (cuz I was worried she wasn't enjoying herself) but she said she did and wanted more.

You really need to get a better set of guys. They're using you and the worst part of it, you're letting them. Look, I'm guy so if the guy isn't going to at least treat you right in bed...move on. You can do better, you deserve better, go find better. Sex is at least 50% in the mind...technique helps but the grey matter between the ears can make all the difference. I think the biggest is trust...you don't have to love but you have to trust. If you can't trust him/them, kick them to curb and be done with it.

I can't say the gal I'm having great sex squirts but brother does she leak. I have never come across any woman that releases the amount of liquid that she does...it is awe-inspiring to say the least. It has happened to her in past but very infrequently but when we're together, it's totally magic. If she was reading this she'd be totally embarassed by it. It's literally flash flood warning should go into effect when we're together<G>. The most important thing tho' is enjoy what you're doing and w/whom (is there plurals for whom?)

Speaking from a guy's perspective, yeah he knew what he was doing. I might give him the benefit of the doubt if he wasn't "getting any" but that's not the case here. You established the ground rules and he went ahead and broke them. I agree that best thing is to get out now before it gets any worse (ie having kids involved). That's the great thing about this place...nobody is here to preach or run their life rules by someone. You want advice, no prob, ppl will give them to you, straight up w/moralization. Deep down, I think you know what course of action you should take and really, you're the only one that can make that decision.

Shouldn't it be about the intensity rather than how quick? Getting there is part of the fun...staying there for as looong as possible is even better. If I just masturbate...2-3 minutes. But it's the afterwards that leaves me some what hollow. For sure it takes the edge off but nothing beats having another person (whatever gender tickles your fancy) & pleasuring both sides.

That's one thing about this place...nobody is judging you and everyone has been great and helpful w/advice. That really is appreciated. I guess part of it is the anonymity of it all but yet I've read a lot of great information. The hard part is having her go see some kind of therapist. We've been married almost 30 years and I can't fathom why she thinks she's ugly, undesirable or whatever. I never kid her about her weight (yeah, she's gained a few but not much). Always tell when we go out to dinner that she looks just great, sexy, fabulous... The phone sex thing was great because: 1. I didn't pay for it, so her involvement was real 2. She loved it (or she was just giving me great phone) 3. She wanted me I just don't know if I could get her to go because much like any addict w/a problem, that person needs to admit there is a problem before any kind of healing process can begin. In her mind, she doesn't think there is one. But I will keep trying and you good folks keep giving out the advice and thank you all for listening. All the best from Hawaii

I'm stuck in a situation that I've run out of ideas on what to do and gave up. My SO (female) has not initiated sex for years now. I cannot remember the last time she wanted it. I've done I think everything that there is to do. I've been angry, upset, sad...ran thru the gamut of emotions. I've been very blunt about it and told her in very clear terms of how upsetting this was to me. Everytime I played w/her body, she would push me away...I've bought toys, lingerie, nice dresses. I've talked to her and even pleaded w/her to talk to her gyno about it. That backfired on me because her gyno asked if she thought everything was all right and her answer was "yes, it was". I've complimented her, told her how sexy she was...but nothing works. Currently she takes care of my urges (physical) but doesn't want anything else. I'm open to suggestions and recommendations because I do love her, have done so for nearly 30 years. Admittedly, I've had phone sex and feel pretty bad about it. But I do miss that sensation of being desired and wanted. If there's another course of action to take or a recommendation, please let me know about it. Thanks all

Just wanted to thank everyone for chiming in on this one. Appreciate all the feedback and real world comments. I'll probably send the link back to her and just let her read this. I don't think she's faking it but then again, I can't say that w/out an absolute certainty. Again my thanks

This female & I are having a discussion on her ability to have multiple orgasms within a short time frame (ie 5 within 15 minutes). These aren't the short, garden variety type but fairly deep usually lasting about 1-2 minutes. She says that's normal (for her at least) & thinks it's common. I told it's not (at least from readings I've seen). Here's the kicker, we've only had phone sex. I told her I'm kinda scared about what it'll be like in person (we've never had physical contact) but she insist that her drive and orgasms are normal. I realize this kinda sounds like something you read on Penthouse or some other fantasy type mag/column, whatever but I can assure you it's real. She does have complete trust in me (which is a necessary and vital component) but I'm trying to find out if it's normal or higher than normal. I don't believe it's "abnormal" but she does seem to have a very high sex drive when we talk. Told her she's very lucky because there's a lot of woman that would kill to orgasm the way she does. Just wanted to sound out the board here and see what the comments are. I'd appreciate it if you all would keep as clinical as possible. I suppose I'll get pinged by a few 'tards but that's the risk I'm taking by expounding here but I'm hoping I do get some intelligence. Thanks