Members HisAngel Posted October 1, 2009 Members Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Sorry for the epic post there guys, felt great to write it though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mstrpink Posted October 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Interesting point HisAngel. When we married 10 yrs ago this w/e, I was about 30 lbs heavier and had a few bad habits. Now, I'm a SAHD with 3 kids and work PT, hit the gym 3 days/week and have slimmed down and shaped up. My SO doesn't even notice and it concerns me. The sex thing has been that since we had kids. It feels like she sees it as an obligation and not a want. I can't think of a time when she came home drunk and didn't want sex but last w/e that was the case. Sure, we had it sober the day before but she was uninterested and I can't help but feel emasculated. She makes the $$ and recently bought a new house for us but I feel like I'm not on her priority list. I go down every chance I get b/c I enjoy getting her off but there's never a reciprocal action. She doesn't ever just go down on me for the sake of doing so. It's more of "well he did so I will for a bit but then he can fuck me". I can't remember a time when she finished me off since before we got married. She never initiates either and I've talked to her about it. she just sees herself as stressed and preoccupied with other things.I understand that with a job stress comes along and after kids women may not feel like having sex all the time but I do feel ignored. I wonder if she's with someone else b/c she may want more kids (which I don't b/c I've sacrificed my career the past 10 yrs to raise ours). I wonder if she's just that Asexual. I feel that sex is intimacy and in a relationship with kids that's about all the two of us have that is "ours" just the two of us and not our roles as mom/dad. It's important to me but I feel like she sees me as a horn dog. I've had a vas. b/c I don't want anymore children. She's recently mentioned she "never said" she didn't want more. That clouds my mind and bothers me.Sorry to rant. I just needed to let it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted October 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 ...Sorry to rant. I just needed to let it out.OK well firstly rant away!! You are most certainly NOT alone!!Second... have you had "the talk" you know? The one where you tell her how dissatisfied you are? I think LOTS of women are like her. The part where you said " It's important to me but I feel like she sees me as a horn dog." I can relate actually.... I used to think that my husband only wanted sex... not me do you get that?It was my own insecurities and hangups that kept me from enjoying it!Take some time and talk about it, go away for a weekend and have some alone time. It sounds like you BOTH need it!!Also the SAHD thing, yes it can be sort of emasculating I have heard... maybe it's time to send the kids to daycare and get a full time job. For your own well being! I am a SAHM (with 3 kids too incidentally) and I know how things can become sort of stagnant and you start to question your worth but it is usually all in your head! Talk it out...Best wishes to you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2009 UPDATE!!!My friend filed for divorce. His wife is not contesting. She said she loves him, but is not going to change as far as sex goes. The divorce should be quick and fairly painless for them, as far as these things go. My friend is relieved in a way, but sad that she wasn't more open to counseling and at least talking about fixing things. So sad....lack of sex ruined another marriage.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DrKitten Posted November 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2009 I have never been married, but I can't help but think if you're not willing to put effort into the relationship, why be in a relationship at all? It's different if someone has a medical issue, of course. (Christopher Reeve and his wife still had sex though!) But it just seems downright selfish to just give up because you're not interested or don't feel its worth the effort. Marriage and sex isn't all about yourself, it's also about your partner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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