Members sun_flower969 Posted December 12, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 12, 2009 I heard a quote last night on that show Dexter... (love it!!) the quote was, "Everyone has a public side, a private side and a secret side, the one which defines you"...I asked a couple friends if they agreed with it and I got varied responses...What do you think??I think about these sides of me;The public side: Wife, mother, friend, listener, teacher, comedian (yeah everyone thinks I am Sooo funny), employee....The private side: private home life, raising kids, my relationship in my marriage, with my dad, sister. My personal views/thoughts on issues, politics etc...The secret side: the thoughts I hide, the things I long for but never say. The things in my heart that I just can't share with everyone. The way I feel inside. Secret needs, interests, desires.... Do those things define me? Well, maybe in a way.I am thinking that when the secret side is the thing that is paramount in your mind and heart, when you are alone. If these things consume you more than anything else. If the other things feel empty without it... It could define you.I think it is a combination of all of them but it is personal. It depends on how you relate to each side, how the concept of each makes you feel...For me it is a little of each but the secret side, although it may be stifled, I think is the inner truth... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted December 12, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 12, 2009 Interesting question Sun! I think that everyone has these sides - how can you NOT? I mean, we are forced, virtually, by the standards of society to adhere to certain....mores (not morals). For example, when we go to look for a job, we eagerly try to convince the person hiring that we are perfect for THAT job. We have all the right characteristics. We can't go in there saying we are an atheist, or we have our nipples pierced, or we love anal sex with big dildos - NO, we have to be appropriate and we keep the rest of the things PRIVATE. We adhere and mold to THEIR standards, even if we may not agree with them.Sometimes we marry a person whom we have worked very hard to impress, sometimes changing our values or our attitude to become what they want or expect. Sometimes we have a private or secret side (sexually speaking now) that we hide in order to be their 'perfect' someone. Occassionally, we can be completely open and honest and let our friends or lovers see the 'real' or 'whole' self - and when we can, it is a tremendous, enlightening event! However, think about it, how many of your friends or lovers know the 'total,' unencumbered you? It is sad, really, that we do this - but I believe we all sort of do.So, what defines us? Well, some people would argue that since we are a mixture of these 3 parts that none can truly 'define' us. However, I think about truth. Are we defined by truth or are we defined by a lie? When we look for answers to things, do we look for facts or opinions? I submit that if we really think about it, the truest definition of ourselves, the one that most represents us, is the one that is completely naked to any restriction, any limitation. The true self is not afraid to expose wants, desires, loves, hates, interests. This true self will not be accepted by all - and probably won't be accepted by even many - but, when we are allowed to express ourselves in this fluid and natural way, we are the most happy. In that way, our 'secret' self -the one only we know is the definition of 'us' in the most base sense.Everyone has a secret self. Even those who are pretty open and honest have a secret something. It might be something as small as sneaking downstairs to enjoy the ice cream you politely refused at dinner because you are 'watching your waistline' or as big as spending your weekends as a Dom at a club. Secret selves are more common than we would like to admit. Even I have a secret self and I am a pretty open and honest person who has never much worried or cared about societal norms. I have hidden facets of my life for professional and personal reasons. Why do I not post MY pictures here? Why do I not advertise my kinky sexual side to my closest professional friends or colleagues? I have a secret side, and when I am allowed to express it - unencumbered - I am my truest, most honest self and that, I submit, is the definition of Mikayla. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 ...I have a secret side, and when I am allowed to express it - unencumbered - I am my truest, most honest self and that, I submit, is the definition of Mikayla.Awesome!! That's why I <3 ya!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members square Posted December 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 I don't think I have much of a secret side; maybe more of a corner. And I would not agree that it defines me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted December 14, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Great question, I had to think about this......I think we all have many facets to who we are. When you are in certain situations different parts of you shine through. When I'm with my children the Mother-nurturer shines through, when I'm with my husband the wife-friend-lover shines through and on it goes. Each aspect contribute to the whole of what and who makes me who I am and how others will view me. We all have a private side that is kept closed or secreted until one choose to expose it or maybe it never is. I've decided it's the whole of all the pieces, that contributes to makes me who I am, not just a single piece. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted December 14, 2009 Review Team Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Great question, Sunny, and you are making me think way too hard. For me, honestly, so much of who I am is that inner, secret side. All of my life I have had to hide my true feelings and thoughts. I have recently made some changes that have allowed me to let some of those secrets out, but only to very few people. So much of that secret-self is caused or inspired by negative events of my past that it is probably best for everyone, including myself, that I am not allowed to show that side often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mnjon Posted December 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 I think that in todays society we are all forced to live double lives, with the amount of information that can be found on any given websites that do personal info checks, 20.00 the persons name, age, and state is all you need and you can find all kinds of dirt. So I would say more then ever that we have a secret life that no-one knows.... But does that side of us define who we are.........? I would think for the most of the population that the answer would be Maybe.... BUT..... I mean from a point of view of seeing things as they are I would say that the side that we show is our altered persona that is geared to what todays society expects of us, now grant it, Acceptance wise.... We as a country have come a long way, But even then we still shun and turn up our noses to most sexual lifestyles, and anything that has a sexual overtone or direct link to the subject. We are supposed to keep sex and anything that deals with it behind closed doors, don't talk about it don't flaunt it, don't teach it for what it is..... pleasure, comfort, belonging,acceptance,release. Any time we watch TV our children are hit with sexual overtones and out right acts of fake sex and the great government thinks this is OK, but to teach them everything about sex and what can be gained from it and the nuts and bolts of it so to say isn't...! And they wonder why the teen birth rate is up.....LOL, It is related to just telling a kid how to drive and just throwing them the keys and saying... Have fun...!! Now I know of people that keep nothing from their kids, the kids are not abused and are very well adjusted to life in the crazy world outside. They are the happiest family I know, They live life to the fullest everyday with no regrets and no worries, they in a sense are free, they have their little quirks, outright displays of affection bring on a new meaning with them, but once you know them.... well ya just got to love em. I feel sorry for the rest of us as we go through a life that we only have one of, and not to be able to live it like we all would want to. The funny thing is that even though it is a different lifestyle, no matter what your quirk would be, if it is done with digression when needed and explained to those that it should be, live your life!! This would be OK if we didn't need to worry about "what society" would say about it, so I guess till times change or we are all allowed to live life to our terms, we will always need to keep some things private. Now in conclusion after reading through this one last time all the while hoping I didn't jump around too much!! I Would say that in todays world we need to have the different sides of us, we are forced to in honesty, but once again I re pose the question... Does it define us..... Perhaps not define us, but perhaps it just adds to the over all person that we are, we are all a combination of all parts we have and the time that we are the happiest is when all sides of our being is allowed free run....! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2009 I think that in todays society we are all forced to live double lives, with the amount of information that can be found on any given websites that do personal info checks, 20.00 the persons name, age, and state is all you need and you can find all kinds of dirt. So I would say more then ever that we have a secret life that no-one knows.... But does that side of us define who we are.........?....Does it define us..... Perhaps not define us, but perhaps it just adds to the over all person that we are, we are all a combination of all parts we have and the time that we are the happiest is when all sides of our being is allowed free run....!I love this reply thank you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted January 17, 2011 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think everyone has a secret side. After all we are still animals and have animal thoughts that we suppress through the pressures of society. Some of these thoughts are right to be suppressed and perhaps some not so much. Deep down I think we all suppress those animal thoughts and urges and only indulge(? not sure that's the word I want) in such things when we're completely alone.Randy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WendyNY Posted February 4, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2012 A friend and I were discussing this topic not too long ago. Recently the Swinger Topic I posted started me thinking about this thread. We ALL have a secret life or side to us . Some--more than others. My friend gave me his thoughts and I call it the "Triple Lives Analogy". It's a pretty deep subject when you think about it. He said that we have 3 sides to us---The life we want to live---the life we pretend to live and the life we HAVE to live. This is very true--again, parts of it may be more true for some, than others.I teach Religion at our church. Would I EVER mention this site or things I share on here--my deepest fantasies and things I've done with any of the "church" people ??? Absolutely not--- Am I being a hypocrite ?? No---I do have my beliefs and I don't think I'm pretending to be anything other than myself. But, this side of me is left out of that circle. It's not something I share with everyone. When we are at work like Mikayla stated above, for most of us it's a professional setting--it's not the place to discuss certain subjects or our fantasies. On the other thread I started about Real Life Swingers, I got thinking that a Swinger Lifestyle is definitely a "secret life". It's not something you share with your neighbors , co-workers, or your mother in-law !! So, in a way it's part of one of the "Triple Lives" above--you present the life you "have " to live in public.This is such a deep subject......I don't think that I am fake in any way. I am always myself for the most part. But , there are lots of sides to me I just don't show everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chloegirl Posted February 5, 2012 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2012 Your secret side may not define you but if you repress it, it will make you less than whole! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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