Confused And Frustrated

[MSMSAM5725]

Lately I have been horny as all hell. Ya, not such a bad thing. The only problem is I don't want my wife (I'm sure I'm not the first guy ever). I am bisexual but haven't been in one of my 'moods', as my wife and I put it, in a while.

On Saturday my wife and I went to a coming home party for one of our friends who spent the last year in Michigan which was held at another one of our friend's apartments. As usual at a party I spent my time drinking and mingling with new and old friends, meeting new people and generally having a great time. The only problem is I cannot stop thinking about a girl we met there. She's a very cool person, laid back, good sense of humor, and secure with herself and her sexuality. I feel guilty because she is constantly on my mind, even fantasizing about sex with her. We have become facebook friends and talk regularly now.

I just don't know what to do. Do I not say anything to my wife and stop talking to the girl? Keep talking to her? I know I should (have to?) tell my wife. I'm just confused and frustrated.

[Sunday]

If you don't want your wife, why are you married to her? You need to deal with that situation before you start thinking about another woman.

Lately I have been horny as all hell. Ya, not such a bad thing. The only problem is I don't want my wife (I'm sure I'm not the first guy ever). I am bisexual but haven't been in one of my 'moods', as my wife and I put it, in a while.

On Saturday my wife and I went to a coming home party for one of our friends who spent the last year in Michigan which was held at another one of our friend's apartments. As usual at a party I spent my time drinking and mingling with new and old friends, meeting new people and generally having a great time. The only problem is I cannot stop thinking about a girl we met there. She's a very cool person, laid back, good sense of humor, and secure with herself and her sexuality. I feel guilty because she is constantly on my mind, even fantasizing about sex with her. We have become facebook friends and talk regularly now.

I just don't know what to do. Do I not say anything to my wife and stop talking to the girl? Keep talking to her? I know I should (have to?) tell my wife. I'm just confused and frustrated.

[MSMSAM5725]

I love my wife more than even I know. It's not that I don't want her at all but lately she hasn't been doing it for me sexually which has nothing to do with whether or not I want to be with her. I am usually perfectly content with not having sex as I normally don't have much of a sex drive, but as I said, I've been in the mood a lot lately.

[Mikayla1]

What you mean when you say 'you don't want your wife' is that currently you are fantasizing about this other woman, right? I am not quite sure where your confession of bi-sexual comes in with your fantasizing about another WOMAN, but OK.

HEre is the thing: we all do this. We all have fantasies about other people. It could be the Barrista at the Starbucks or a celebrity or movie star. Fantasies are harmless fun. Now, your fantasy girl is someone whom you are initiating a real life conversation with, correct. Does this girl share your interests? Has the talk turned to sex or sexual situations?

Here is the thing: I am not opposed to a little 'on the side' sexual banter. It is fun, it is flirty, it can be extremely satisfying. However, if you are thinking of taking this to the next level i.e. meeting and actually having sex with her, then you will have to decide how you want (or if) you want to proceed.

Listen, we are all adults, we know affairs happen, cyber relationships happen, sexting happens. It is not for me to judge what you want to do - or maybe will do. However, you did come here and post about it, which means you probably have a bit of internal struggle on what to do about this.

I think the fact that you do not have sexual desire right now for your wife is what bothers you. This is not uncommon. Many couples wax and wean when it comes to desire. Not necessarily a bad thing. You may be just attached to the notion of having the 'forbidden fruit' so to speak. So, you have to decide where this goes, how far you want to take it. If you love your wife - then perhaps you should think about that when you engage in conversations with this other woman. I do not think it is necessary to let our SO in on EVERY sexual thought we have that does not involve them, but, if it is affecting your life, then maybe you should consider talking to her about it.

[sun_flower969]

What you mean when you say 'you don't want your wife' is that currently you are fantasizing about this other woman, right? I am not quite sure where your confession of bi-sexual comes in with your fantasizing about another WOMAN, but OK.

HEre is the thing: we all do this. We all have fantasies about other people. It could be the Barrista at the Starbucks or a celebrity or movie star. Fantasies are harmless fun. Now, your fantasy girl is someone whom you are initiating a real life conversation with, correct. Does this girl share your interests? Has the talk turned to sex or sexual situations?

Here is the thing: I am not opposed to a little 'on the side' sexual banter. It is fun, it is flirty, it can be extremely satisfying. However, if you are thinking of taking this to the next level i.e. meeting and actually having sex with her, then you will have to decide how you want (or if) you want to proceed.

Listen, we are all adults, we know affairs happen, cyber relationships happen, sexting happens. It is not for me to judge what you want to do - or maybe will do. However, you did come here and post about it, which means you probably have a bit of internal struggle on what to do about this.

I think the fact that you do not have sexual desire right now for your wife is what bothers you. This is not uncommon. Many couples wax and wean when it comes to desire. Not necessarily a bad thing. You may be just attached to the notion of having the 'forbidden fruit' so to speak. So, you have to decide where this goes, how far you want to take it. If you love your wife - then perhaps you should think about that when you engage in conversations with this other woman. I do not think it is necessary to let our SO in on EVERY sexual thought we have that does not involve them, but, if it is affecting your life, then maybe you should consider talking to her about it.

Ditto that!! I just wanted to add... Facebook and online networking sites are havens for cyber sneaking!! If you love your wife and don't want to hurt her, then try to exercise some restraint and be careful! NO JUDGMENT! The thing is you LOVE your wife, but do you love this other person? Would it be worth it, even if it was just a fling, if she found out? I am thinking NO, she would be devastated!!

Maybe try to spice things up a bit at home! Some new lingerie or toy for Christmas or a weekend away...

Best wishes to you!

[mnjon]

Wow, I agree with everyone else on this... The Ladies KNOW...!

But also on the side note, 25 and your just now LUSTING for someone else....? This is a case where yes perhaps your hormones are just higher for now and just want to screw everything in sight, perhaps you should have your levels checked by a doc and take care of that OK.

Are you and your wife in a open marrage...? Have you and her ever talked of bringing a third into the bedroom? OR is that what you are thinking about trying to do...? Are there problems in the marriage already....? There are many things to look at and there are just as many things to error on side of caution as well....! Is it possible you are worried for nothing...?

We are all animals in essence and to some it isn't about love or anything else, its just the urges to resort to our primitive selves comes out more, most of the time it is in men, but as time has gone by more women are allowing themselves the freedom to do this just the same... Too bad that when a women does it though she is labeled a slut or whore or worse... and us guys are looked at as normal... Its a shame really... but, think things out before you do anything..!

[MSMSAM5725]

Thanks guys. All of your responses made me feel better. I don't know why I threw in the bi fact...just did it.

An extra-marital affair is defnately NOT what I'm looking for, intriguing maybe, but won't happen. Now bringing 3rd MAY be a possibility but my wife is very, VERY insecure with herself and her sexuality so I doubt it would ever happen. Opening up the relationship would probably be out of the question, no matter now nice it could be, as I don't think the wife would go for it.

There are no problems in our marrage (as far as I know anyway!)

It is probably just a lust thing, just makes me feel a little guilty, yanno?

[ladylove]

Your married, your young, your hormones are in an uproar. Don't do anything stupid that could jeopardize your marriage.

Remember, It doesn't matter where you get your appetite from as long as you come home to eat.

[square]

If you truly want to behave with eating healthful foods, don't go shopping down the Dorito aisle in the food store, and especially don't go when your hungry. (Avoid the temptation altogether, rather than rely on self-control when presented with the temptation.)