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He Refuses To Cum Unless Its During Oral...


hm7380

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My boyfriend refuses to cum in me while we're having sex... (hes only done it twice, the entire time we've been together). We ALWAYS use condoms (at his behest, as he's terrified of pregnancy, even though I've made it clear I'm on the pill, and will NEVER be having kids, and godforbid I DID somehow get pregnant, I'd be having another abortion - and fyi, he wasn't the progenator of the first fetus). The condoms are not the problem. It's the fact that he won't cum inside me even while wearing them.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE giving him oral sex, and do it at LEAST once a day, if not 2-3 times/day. He tastes delicious, and I enjoy the feeling of getting him off with my mouth. However, he seems to only want to get off this way now, and I honestly need to feel him get off inside of me (condom or not)... it's something that I've always associated with closeness in a relationship... Of the people I've been with before, I only let the ones I love cum in me, and I REALLY want him to do so. (Once again, IN a condom would be fine). It REALLY helps me bond with someone, and I feel like there's something 'missing' from the relationship because he won't do this. When we're having sex, he'll get me off, then pull out and sit back and wait... he never ASKS for me to go down on him, but it seems like it'd be a bitch of a move to NOT attempt to get him off after he's done it for me.

I was under the impression that guys were pretty much indiscriminate as far as who they came in (condoms or not - and I'm being *somewhat* sarcastic here, though I really did think most men would rather get off from vaginal sex rather than oral sex, even though I've been told I'm talented in that particular area). And just for the record, I'm average-to-tight in my vagina, so it's not a question of lack of sensation from unproportionate genitals.

Any advice would be helpful! :)

~~ wants a full load up in her... and not her mouth

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Honestly, I see this as being one issue: he does not want to get you pregnant. He knows that pills fail, condoms break, etc. The only way he can assure that you won't get pregnant is not to cum inside you. For some reason, he has this mental block. Maybe it was ingrained into him by his parents, or maybe he had a pregnancy scare. In any case, it sounds to me like this is his core issue. It could be other things, but I am guessing this is what it is.

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That is so incredibly wrong.

While I am personally (for myself) not for abortion, I AM for a woman's right to choose. So, we need to be respectful of that, even if we do not agree or understand.

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I agree and disagree with the whole abortion thing. I don't think that abortion should be your primary choice for birth control. However, if you have been using something else, like the Pill, or condom, and they fail, then, you were obviously trying to avoid pregnancy, so, therefore, it's a back up plan that's there. That sort of situation I do agree with.

But, I digress. I agree with Mikayla, it sounds like he's overly-pregnancy paranoid. Maybe a form of BC failed on him one time. It could be something as simple as that. He probably has a mental block, like she said, and, if it continues, it may be the only way that he will be able to cum. It's going to take a lot to get him past that. It's a good thing that he doesn't want to get you pregnant, and smart that he knows that relying on one form of BC is risky. However, using the Pill AND a condom, you probably have a better chance of getting struck by lighning than you would getting pregnant! LOL

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While I am personally (for myself) not for abortion, I AM for a woman's right to choose. So, we need to be respectful of that, even if we do not agree or understand.

I agree with Mik on this, I myself could not have an abortion. However, if a woman does decide to have one, its her choice, and one has to respect that, even if you do not agree. That being said, I also agree with Brandy. Rather it was meant this way or not, the comment came across as sounding very nonchalant about the entire thing. Almost as if she were saying, pffft what do I care?

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My boyfriend refuses to cum in me while we're having sex... (hes only done it twice, the entire time we've been together). We ALWAYS use condoms (at his behest, as he's terrified of pregnancy, even though I've made it clear I'm on the pill, and will NEVER be having kids, and godforbid I DID somehow get pregnant, I'd be having another abortion - and fyi, he wasn't the progenator of the first fetus). The condoms are not the problem. It's the fact that he won't cum inside me even while wearing them.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE giving him oral sex, and do it at LEAST once a day, if not 2-3 times/day. He tastes delicious, and I enjoy the feeling of getting him off with my mouth. However, he seems to only want to get off this way now, and I honestly need to feel him get off inside of me (condom or not)... it's something that I've always associated with closeness in a relationship... Of the people I've been with before, When we're having sex, he'll get me off, then pull out and sit back and wait... he never ASKS for me to go down on him, but it seems like it'd be a bitch of a move to NOT attempt to get him off after he's done it for me.

I was under the impression that guys were pretty much indiscriminate as far as who they came in (condoms or not - and I'm being *somewhat* sarcastic here, though I really did think most men would rather get off from vaginal sex rather than oral sex, even though I've been told I'm talented in that particular area). And just for the record, I'm average-to-tight in my vagina, so it's not a question of lack of sensation from unproportionate genitals.

Any advice would be helpful! :)

~~ wants a full load up in her... and not her mouth

All I can say is ask him why! Tell him all you have said! "I only let the ones I love cum in me, and I REALLY want him to do so. (Once again, IN a condom would be fine). It REALLY helps me bond with someone, and I feel like there's something 'missing' from the relationship because he won't do this."

This issue is right there! You don't feel as connected ...and he needs to chill out, re assess and meet YOUR need! :)

How long have you been together?

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I believe that abortion is wrong in 99% of all circumstances and that the right to life trumps the right to control one's own body... But as offensive as I found that statement, too, I don't know if that's really an issue right now. I'm still wondering what your boyfriend has said about your concerns, hm7380.

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Let me weigh in once more: I don't believe that the original poster was saying that abortion is her 'birth control method' - as she is on the pill and uses condoms. Anyone who wants to use abortion as a BC method must be severely de-sensitized, as even the most nochalant and 'free thinking' person can't look twice at what an abortion IS. Not to mention, it is medically dangerous. Abortion is a hot button topic - so I agree with LGP, let's just move on and find out if the original question was answered!

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There are, in fact, other possibilities for why he insists on this; he may need a greater degree of direct stimulation in order to orgasm (a vagina and a mouth are very different, the mouth being much more intense stimulation.)

I assumed, and perhaps incorrectly or prematurely, that when she said he 'won't' cum inside her, even with a condom, it inferred more that he didn't want to, and less that he couldn't get off that way.

Of course your interpretation is completely plausible as well. I suppose the original poster should weigh in here...

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Ah yes, she did say 'won't'. I guess I am always suspicious about my gender's honesty when speaking about what is going on with us sexually. Guys tend to work hard at explaining away our sexual dysfunctions.

And I agree, it would be good if the OP would give a bit of feedback.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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All I can say is ask him why! Tell him all you have said! "I only let the ones I love cum in me, and I REALLY want him to do so. (Once again, IN a condom would be fine). It REALLY helps me bond with someone, and I feel like there's something 'missing' from the relationship because he won't do this."

This issue is right there! You don't feel as connected ...and he needs to chill out, re assess and meet YOUR need! :)

How long have you been together?

Agree. Communication is key here. Just tell him why, I would leave out the "I only let the ones I love cum in me" part. But telling him that you miss the closeness you feel when that happens could go a long way. And it may be a bitch move but you do have some control or input in what happens to you. Especially if HE is not attending to YOUR needs.

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  • 10 years later...
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On 8/1/2010 at 7:07 AM, hm7380 said:

My boyfriend refuses to cum in me while we're having sex... (hes only done it twice, the entire time we've been together). We ALWAYS use condoms (at his behest, as he's terrified of pregnancy, even though I've made it clear I'm on the pill, and will NEVER be having kids, and godforbid I DID somehow get pregnant, I'd be having another abortion - and fyi, he wasn't the progenator of the first fetus). The condoms are not the problem. It's the fact that he won't cum inside me even while wearing them.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE giving him oral sex, and do it at LEAST once a day, if not 2-3 times/day. He tastes delicious, and I enjoy the feeling of getting him off with my mouth. However, he seems to only want to get off this way now, and I honestly need to feel him get off inside of me (condom or not)... it's something that I've always associated with closeness in a relationship... Of the people I've been with before, I only let the ones I love cum in me, and I REALLY want him to do so. (Once again, IN a condom would be fine). It REALLY helps me bond with someone, and I feel like there's something 'missing' from the relationship because he won't do this. When we're having sex, he'll get me off, then pull out and sit back and wait... he never ASKS for me to go down on him, but it seems like it'd be a bitch of a move to NOT attempt to get him off after he's done it for me.

I was under the impression that guys were pretty much indiscriminate as far as who they came in (condoms or not - and I'm being *somewhat* sarcastic here, though I really did think most men would rather get off from vaginal sex rather than oral sex, even though I've been told I'm talented in that particular area). And just for the record, I'm average-to-tight in my vagina, so it's not a question of lack of sensation from unproportionate genitals.

Any advice would be helpful! :)

~~ wants a full load up in her... and not her mouth

Cum with us sexy lady Dewey and Mandy C

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