Just This Morning

[Kace]

Not sure where to put this but I've got to write it out. Might get some catharsis from it.

First, a bit of background: My wife had a fairly simple outpatient procedure (to remove a uterine growth) about a week ago which healed up quickly. The doctor's rule was "nothing in the vagina" for two weeks as a precaution against infection. A week ago we hadn't had any sex for 6 weeks so she's a little bit pent up and I'm seriously close to losing my mind. The past couple of days I haven't been able to think straight without a hot and steamy image popping up in my head (and consequently popping up in my pants.)

Fast forward to this morning. I lazily stirred awake about 6am-ish. We were laying face to face and she had draped her top leg over mine in a way where she was almost straddling it. I gave a long stretch and she uttered a little sigh and slowly humped my thigh while she was still in a sleepy twilight. I'm sure she was asleep and unaware of it. I was so turned on and pent up that I felt like I was going to boil with lust. I reached over and caressed the back of her thigh and she twitched a little. I drew designs along her inner thigh all the way to the small of her back. She eventually woke up and rolled over onto her back with a grin.

"You're going to get me in trouble. Doctor said no sex for two weeks."

"No, the doctor said no *penetration*. I can follow doctor's orders."

"Now you're just teasing me."

"Don't worry, I follow through. I'm not gonna leave you hanging."

With that I gave her a chaotic stream of kisses from her mouth, down her neck, chest, then made my way to her first stiff nipple. I paid careful attention to her breasts as she's very sensitive there and I knew it would work her into a lather. A pinch, a slow circular lick, a nibble, a squeeze.... It had been a long time and I could tell she missed it. I had about 45 minutes to work with before her alarm clock decided she needed to get ready for a 12 hour shift. I aimed to give her an orgasm she would remember me by the whole day. My hand had drifted between her thighs, continuing the swirling designs earlier but brushing past her clit every now and then. Every time my fingers made contact she would twitch a little and take a fast breath. I moved my way south and positioned my head between her legs. I nibbled at her thighs and kneaded her butt with both hands. Her own hands were gripping the pillow behind her head in anticipation. I blew a hot breath across the curly tuft of strawberry blond hair on her mound. Even in the dim light coming through the window I could tell her face was blushing red. I took the first labia between my lips and tugged gently, then the other. I swirled them around in my mouth with the slightest bit of suction. I thought she was going to tear her pillow in two so I started nibbling her hood and ran the tip of my tongue under the base of her clit. She moaned and bucked and I kept it up until the pace of her bucking hips became frantic, nearly convulsive. Her clit was really engorged by this time so it was easy to suck it into my mouth into an almost miniature blowjob. Three seconds of that and she was done - her back arched up and she nearly pulled the bedsheet off as she lost control of her lower half. Her knees buckled and she snapped her thighs shut while an orgasm rushed over her.

<pant> "Please <pant> too sensitive <pant> I'm done. <pant>

She rolled to her side still twitching a little and I moved up behind her to spoon since I know that's her favorite part. Her panting slowed to controlled breaths as she drifted back to earth. The alarm clock went off and instinctively her arm reached out to silence it in one swat.

"See? I didn't break doctor's orders." <grin>

"Good."

She began to sit upright and patted my thigh. I was so worked up at that moment that the simple touch could have sent me through the roof. I was sooo ready. Then she got up and said:

"But you didn't include yourself."

"Huh?"

She walked over to the bathroom and started getting ready for work. I was stunned and so horny my erection was aching in pain. I just laid there staring at the ceiling not knowing what to say. Really, WTF? I curled up under the covers, still sleepy but too worked up to doze off. I could hear as she got dressed, walked to the kitchen and eventually walked out the front door. I guess it's just me and some porn today though it doesn't satisfy anymore. I feel like a doormat right now.

[Mikayla1]

Dude....that was just harsh and so uncool, in my opinion (for her to do that). Wow.

[Tyger]

That was NOT nice of her to leave you hanging like that. Totally uncool. I don't blame you for feeling very used right now. Because you were. She could've hit the snooze button again, and helped you out too!

[Kace]

I'm going to talk to her about it when she gets home from work. I should be more level headed then - I was pretty steamed when I posted this initially. This isn't the first time something like this has happened though. I called her out on it the first time and she seemed surprised that I was upset. She's not a cruel person and I'm usually hard to rattle but this'll do it. It's common courtesy, one good turn deserves another right? I wish she'd initiate like I tried to this morning but I'm losing hope it'll happen.

[Tyger]

She probably was surprised that you didn't stroke yourself while you were going down on her, since it's very hard to do unless otherwise positioned. Next time, get into the 69 position to give her the hint better.

[Still learning]

Not sure where to put this but I've got to write it out. Might get some catharsis from it.

First, a bit of background: My wife had a fairly simple outpatient procedure (to remove a uterine growth) about a week ago which healed up quickly. The doctor's rule was "nothing in the vagina" for two weeks as a precaution against infection. A week ago we hadn't had any sex for 6 weeks so she's a little bit pent up and I'm seriously close to losing my mind. The past couple of days I haven't been able to think straight without a hot and steamy image popping up in my head (and consequently popping up in my pants.)

Fast forward to this morning. I lazily stirred awake about 6am-ish. We were laying face to face and she had draped her top leg over mine in a way where she was almost straddling it. I gave a long stretch and she uttered a little sigh and slowly humped my thigh while she was still in a sleepy twilight. I'm sure she was asleep and unaware of it. I was so turned on and pent up that I felt like I was going to boil with lust. I reached over and caressed the back of her thigh and she twitched a little. I drew designs along her inner thigh all the way to the small of her back. She eventually woke up and rolled over onto her back with a grin.

"You're going to get me in trouble. Doctor said no sex for two weeks."

"No, the doctor said no *penetration*. I can follow doctor's orders."

"Now you're just teasing me."

"Don't worry, I follow through. I'm not gonna leave you hanging."

With that I gave her a chaotic stream of kisses from her mouth, down her neck, chest, then made my way to her first stiff nipple. I paid careful attention to her breasts as she's very sensitive there and I knew it would work her into a lather. A pinch, a slow circular lick, a nibble, a squeeze.... It had been a long time and I could tell she missed it. I had about 45 minutes to work with before her alarm clock decided she needed to get ready for a 12 hour shift. I aimed to give her an orgasm she would remember me by the whole day. My hand had drifted between her thighs, continuing the swirling designs earlier but brushing past her clit every now and then. Every time my fingers made contact she would twitch a little and take a fast breath. I moved my way south and positioned my head between her legs. I nibbled at her thighs and kneaded her butt with both hands. Her own hands were gripping the pillow behind her head in anticipation. I blew a hot breath across the curly tuft of strawberry blond hair on her mound. Even in the dim light coming through the window I could tell her face was blushing red. I took the first labia between my lips and tugged gently, then the other. I swirled them around in my mouth with the slightest bit of suction. I thought she was going to tear her pillow in two so I started nibbling her hood and ran the tip of my tongue under the base of her clit. She moaned and bucked and I kept it up until the pace of her bucking hips became frantic, nearly convulsive. Her clit was really engorged by this time so it was easy to suck it into my mouth into an almost miniature blowjob. Three seconds of that and she was done - her back arched up and she nearly pulled the bedsheet off as she lost control of her lower half. Her knees buckled and she snapped her thighs shut while an orgasm rushed over her.

<pant> "Please <pant> too sensitive <pant> I'm done. <pant>

She rolled to her side still twitching a little and I moved up behind her to spoon since I know that's her favorite part. Her panting slowed to controlled breaths as she drifted back to earth. The alarm clock went off and instinctively her arm reached out to silence it in one swat.

"See? I didn't break doctor's orders." <grin>

"Good."

She began to sit upright and patted my thigh. I was so worked up at that moment that the simple touch could have sent me through the roof. I was sooo ready. Then she got up and said:

"But you didn't include yourself."

"Huh?"

She walked over to the bathroom and started getting ready for work. I was stunned and so horny my erection was aching in pain. I just laid there staring at the ceiling not knowing what to say. Really, WTF? I curled up under the covers, still sleepy but too worked up to doze off. I could hear as she got dressed, walked to the kitchen and eventually walked out the front door. I guess it's just me and some porn today though it doesn't satisfy anymore. I feel like a doormat right now.

[Still learning]

If you read my first intro, this special woman I am into actually left me dry the fitst time we met

as we had sex twice on our first intimate time together and I told her, not begging, that while I was very happy

she had her happy time twice (nce for me) i was still needing to get it after I gave her an intercourse orgasm but did not orgasm yet. I would have been happy to receive a BJ, HJ or any kinky play, between the breasts, you name it since another vaginal orgasm would have been too much for her, it saps her ebergy after. Anyway, I still look after her every time we meet becasuse I really care for her and while i don't forget I don't keep tabs .... but can't forget.

If I let the bad me take over I would take her to the edge, let myself orgassm and well, too bad for you sweetie I am done.

But this is not me. Howevermin retrospect you need to take the time to talk with her when you feel she is receptive .. never mind spoiling the moment or mood ....just DO IT .... let her know how it makes you feel, DO IT man, and let me know how it went. If it happens again, knowing what I know now, don't give her what she needs next time unless she gives it to you at the same time or together. Serious. Too bad. Been there and I don't like this no matter how I feel for her.

If a woman can feel it she can relate better. I still have to go through this with my special gal except things have been good so far.

[Kace]

We had a discussion about it but I'm unsure if anything was resolved. She was surprised that I was upset because she rushed off for work and she apologized for it. That's good, but she still hasn't reciprocated. She told me that while I might regard tiptoeing around her doctor's orders as a "challenge", she doesn't and wants nothing sexual for several more days. I can respect that. I guess I don't understand why she interprets "no penetration" as meaning no sexual contact at all for either of us. I was pretty proud about getting her off without breaking the rules and it hurts a little that what I thought was creativity came across to her as contempt for medical authority.

I'm starting to believe we see sex in completely different ways. I've noticed that whenever she mentions sex it's in the context of reproduction. It'll boil down to only doing the bare minimum to ensure she gets pregnant. I fear that once this happens she's going to lose interest in sex completely. And it's not an unreasonable fear - it's happened before.

My own view of sex is a tad more complex. I love how Greta Christina put it in her article "Sex and the Off-Label Use of Our Bodies": (http://gretachristina.typepad.com/greta_christinas_weblog/2010/05/sex-and-the-offlabel-use-of-our-bodies.html)

---------------------------

"Human beings took our animal need for palatable food... and turned it into chocolate souffles with salted caramel cream. We took our ability to co-operate as a social species... and turned it into craft circles and bowling leagues and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We took our capacity to make and use tools... and turned it into the Apollo moon landing. We took our uniquely precise ability to communicate through language... and turned it into King Lear."

"None of these things are necessary for survival and reproduction. That is exactly what makes them so splendid. When we take our basic evolutionary wiring and transform it into something far beyond any prosaic matters of survival and reproduction... that's when humanity is at its best. That's when we show ourselves to be capable of creating meaning and joy, for ourselves and for one another. That's when we're most uniquely human."

"And the same is true for sex. Human beings have a deep, hard-wired urge to replicate our DNA, instilled in us by millions of years of evolution. And we've turned it into an intense and delightful form of communication, intimacy, creativity, community, personal expression, transcendence, joy, pleasure, and love. Regardless of whether any DNA gets replicated in the process."

"Why should we see this as sinful?"

"What makes this any different from chocolate souffles and King Lear?"

-------------------------

For me, sex is that biological process that we humans have taken and elevated to an art form. It's way more than baby making - it fills personal, social, communicative needs. It's what makes me feel tightly bonded to her and without it, we're just roommates that share bills. While she'll say everything to the contrary, her behavior says so much - mostly that she views sex in a strictly biologic way. And having sex just for the sake of reproduction seems akin to settling for the lowest common denominator - settling for microwave food and fluff fiction rather than aspiring to Chaussons Aux Pommes and Franz Kafka. There really is no bigger turn-off than knowing your partner sees intimacy with you as a means to an end. I would love to be a father but not like this.

Sorry this was so long, felt like I needed to write it out. I don't really have anyone local to bounce these thoughts off of.

[ladylove]

Kace, This may not be the case, but if you and your wife have been trying to have a baby and it's not happening her need to procreate trumps all for the time being. If this is not the case ignore this post.

[Kace]

You're right, we've been trying to conceive. Maybe I'm freaking out over nothing? Being the higher sex drive part of a couple is frustrating and I'm trying to channel the energy elsewhere when possible. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not. It's probably frustrating for her too putting up with my requests.

[ladylove]

You're right, we've been trying to conceive. Maybe I'm freaking out over nothing? Being the higher sex drive part of a couple is frustrating and I'm trying to channel the energy elsewhere when possible. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not. It's probably frustrating for her too putting up with my requests.

I've been on both sides. When I had young children my libido was low, eventually as life demands became less I became the higher sex drive partner. It is not frustrating to be the lower sex-drive person, I found it tiring. I do find it frustrating to be the partner with the higher sex drive. As you state you are tying to conceive, if your having trouble that brings about a whole bunch of psychology. One, which I stated before is that sex is for procreation. If your wife wasn't like this before, she probably won't be after she becomes pregnant. Some good news, pregnant women are ALWAYS in the mood.

[WendyNY]

Kace, I just came across this (even though you wrote it awhile ago )

OMG---the description of what you did to her was SO HOT and I feel so badly for you.....

I hope things are going better between both of you...........

[Kace]

Kace, I just came across this (even though you wrote it awhile ago )

OMG---the description of what you did to her was SO HOT and I feel so badly for you.....

I hope things are going better between both of you...........

Thanks!

Unfortunately nothing has really changed, though she is pregnant now. It's like life is stuck on a loop - she gets home from work and immediately turns on the TV for background noise and camps on the couch behind her laptop reading Facebook and Babycenter until 11-ish. Then she'll announce that she's tired, shower, then crash. I've asked her why we aren't more intimate and her answer keeps changing. The excuse now is that she's pregnant and tired. Ok, I can understand that. But before that it was stress, then vvs, then I'm not "romantic enough" to get her in the mood. That last one's the kicker - not sure how I'm supposed to do that when her body language makes it obvious that she doesn't want me too close while she's on the computer. It's always something.

Bringing it up is another toughie - I figured I'd try to get her to watch an episode of the Dr Laura Berman show to break the ice but it's never been a go. Everyone tells me that her libido will pick up 2nd trimester but I doubt it. I can't imagine what it'll be like once the baby arrives. I want to be excited about it. I should! But it just isn't happening.

[WendyNY]

Kace ---Congratulations !!!!! I am so excited for you. I feel badly though about how you are being treated. I completely sympathize. I think that somehow, someway you need to try again to get though to her. It does sound like you are always the one to go out of your way and unfortunately she does not want to meet you halfway. As far as her comment about you "not being romantic enough" --------Wow. That was hurtful. You seem like such a thoughtful, romantic guy and it's so sad that she can't see that.

You need to get her away from the computer. (Easier said than done ---I know) Every woman is different and it's hard to pinpoint when her libido will pick up (or if.....sorry......) The very beginning of pregnancy is when women typically do feel the most tired. (she's not too tired to be on the computer though.......) Maybe suggest doing other things together. Not even sexual (at first). Just something to start to bring the two of you a little closer.

Yes, try to get her to watch the Dr. Laura Berman show. My husband has really surprised me because he seems to be getting so much out of it. It's taken a long time for us to be close again. Oh, we still have ups and downs like everyone else. Well, keep trying and keep us updated.

[ladylove]

Have you tried having good conversation at dinner time. No work, no bills, no tv, no household stuff, just talking and lingering enjoying dinner at home. Dinner should not be just functional, it should be pleasurable also; no matter if it's just the two of you or a house-load of many. Try this as away to start.

I will also suggest you read a book called "The 5 languages of Love" by Chapman. A short book that won't take you long to read. Have your wife read it too. The best present you can give to your child is two happy, satisfied parents in love.

[Kace]

Thanks WendyNY! I'm trying to get her out of the house this weekend since she's off. We've been meaning to visit some family that's about a half day's drive away. But rather than stay at their house I'm shooting for a hotel, preferably a swanky one. Work has me travel enough that I've got points coming out my ears. We'll see how it goes. I got an inspiration from another thread on this site for Valentines. She works a long shift today so we can't do dinner - that's postponed until some undetermined future date. On the bright side, we won't have to fight the crowds! But for today I'm going to take the backup set of her car keys and leave a card and massage gift certificate on her seat during my lunch hour. Hopefully that takes the edge off her stress?

Ladylove, that's a good book! Both of us have read it. She took the test and her love language was "quality time" by a huge margin. What's strange is lately she hasn't sought it out and doesn't seem bothered by it. I'll take your advice and see if I can't steer her away from the computer for dinner. The laptop might have to go down for "maintenance".

When I took the love languages test, my results were baffling. I had a 3-way tie between "quality time", "acts of service", and "touch". That seems pretty spread out and no single one really stood out amongst the others, not sure what it means. I guess I'm easy to please. All I need is the slightest bit of effort.

[WendyNY]

I hope your night away is enjoyable. (Yes--I agree-- go for the "swanky" hotel !! ) I think that it's what you both need also---time away together. I'm sure she'll love your Valentine's surprise also !! What a great idea !

I think that the pregnancy is taking a lot out of her. It's also an exciting time so she may just be pre-occupied with that as well. That book sounds really good. I will have to look for it.

Yes, definitely take the computer out of the picture for a bit !!

[ladylove]

Kace, I a huge advocate for a night or weekend away, enjoy. This becomes even more important after having a child, or children. I'm sure she loved the cards and gift certificate. Let us know how your evening went. Was it what you hoped for?

As far as your wife seeking out 'quality time'? If you remember the book did state "Meeting my wife's need for love is a choice I make each day". Remember " Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself". It also stated and I don't remember the exact words, but, the idea is that one won't necessarily ask or seek for what they want and need. Since you know your wife's language make that choice, as hopefully she will for you.

Even if you sit on the couch next to her, maybe rub her feet or just sit. that would be enough for right now. You also might find in time, she will be returning your love language.

It also had a chapter for those who might have a hard time honing in on their love language. If you have the book, take it out, reread that part it might take you all of 10 min, to help you figure out how you will feel most loved by the love of your life. And I agree, it's a very good book.

Just a reminder, first trimester of pregnancy can be very tuff, and first 3 - 6 mth of having your first baby is a BIG adjustment.