Members amberlin Posted March 14, 2011 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kace Posted March 14, 2011 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 It sounds like he may feel ashamed of his sexuality, it's not uncommon. As with everything, porn in moderation isn't a bad thing. But if he's using it as a substitute for intimacy then it can be destructive. However, you can use his taste in porn as an advantage. Rather than flat out confronting him about it, work it into a conversation and find out what kind of porn he prefers. That may open him up a little and you can find out about what his fantasies are. You could also offer to do "Top 10's" - each of you writes down your top 10 fantasies/wishes and trade notes. You each pick something off each other's list and make an effort to fulfill it. The nice thing about top 10 is that there's no rejection associated with it - you get to pick from a range of options rather than saying no to one. You don't have to turn yourself into the supermodel of the week he's salivating over - most guys view women in porn with a detached lust. Take heart, It's all just eyecandy to fuel masturbation fantasies - I'd wager he doesn't think less of you for not "measuring up" to the airbrushed bodies on the screen. It's an unattainable ideal - you're the real thing! If the top 10 doesn't get a reaction, sit him down and lay it out.As for your comment - "I could buy the biggest, fattest, dildo around and never leave the house, but I don't because I'm in a relationship.", why NOT buy the biggest, fattest dildo around? There's no shame in it, doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or not! You might be able to incorporate it into your love life and draw him in. Get him to try a toy or two on you, maybe work a new position in. It's worth a shot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted March 14, 2011 Review Team Report Share Posted March 14, 2011 I agree with Kace, especially on the toy topic. I was in a very sexual relationship - twice a day was not uncommon - and I still bought new toys during that time for the fun-factor. Sometimes I used them alone, sometimes with him.As for the porn, everyone will have different ideas on how much is too much. For some, it is any at all. For others, there are degrees of acceptance or tolerance. My thought, is when porn (or really about anything) starts to interfere with normal life, then it is too much. If he is watching porn all the time and not having sex with you more than once a month, I think you have every right and reason to be unhappy. The porn may not be the reason he isn't having sex, but it is still an issue.What to do? Well, I can only tell you want I would do, and I am no expert, but I would not be in a relationship with a man who was not willing to at least put in effort to make me happy. What is the point of co-existing in life if not at least some level of happiness? Sex once a month would not do it for me. That may seem harsh, but I have spend too much of my life unhappy already. I can't and won't try to change who I am or pretend I am happy when I am not.Good luck and let us know how things go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted March 15, 2011 Members Report Share Posted March 15, 2011 If he has so much porn he needs an additional drive space I would have to say that he's either trying to get the world's largest porn collection or he's got an addiction. Porn addiction is very real and is very much an intimacy killer. His fantasies become all consuming and the realities of real-life sex never measure up. Your intimacy suffers, your relationship suffers, and eventually this will likely affect his life outside of your home as well. If I were a betting man, I'd bet dollars to dingos that your boyfriend needs help to kick this and it may take more than just you.Randy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members amberlin Posted March 16, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 I have to agree with Thurisas. Sounds like he may definitely have an addiction to porn. Having to add memory AND download it to a 2nd computer is not usually a good thing, unless you're an adult film director at home working on a film. The problem with porn, though I watch a lot of it myself, is that sometimes, men, and women, get the wrong idea of what sex should really be like, and how a person should be during sex. It's fantasy, unrealistic, and you'd be surprised at how "boring" an adult film star's sex life truly is in real life! If he can't orgasm without the use of pornography, then I would definitely seek some professional help with him. Sex toys and porn should be enhancements, not replacements, when you're in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with spicing one's sex life up with toys/adult films. However, when they get in the way of the relationship, it's time to curb it down......alot!Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted April 22, 2011 Report Share Posted April 22, 2011 I have to agree with Thurisas. Sounds like he may definitely have an addiction to porn. Having to add memory AND download it to a 2nd computer is not usually a good thing, unless you're an adult film director at home working on a film. The problem with porn, though I watch a lot of it myself, is that sometimes, men, and women, get the wrong idea of what sex should really be like, and how a person should be during sex. It's fantasy, unrealistic, and you'd be surprised at how "boring" an adult film star's sex life truly is in real life! If he can't orgasm without the use of pornography, then I would definitely seek some professional help with him. Sex toys and porn should be enhancements, not replacements, when you're in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with spicing one's sex life up with toys/adult films. However, when they get in the way of the relationship, it's time to curb it down......alot!Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie Nebrakadesra Posted July 13, 2011 Newbie Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 Based on the few facts you have given, I can't say definitively that your boyfriend has an addiction to porn. I completely agree with MsLayD in the idea that if a vice (I am in no way condemning porn! I, personally, love it. But, for OP's boyfriend it is classified as one.) interferes with normal life it's a huge problem. Does it interfere with daily life or just your personal sex life with him? Does he still make time to talk and visit with family or hang out with friends? Or does he chose to, once again, dive head first into his immense collection? [A side note on porn collections: a large one does not necessarily denote an addiction, either. It may be that he has many different interests and fetishes and picks and chooses based on his mood in that moment.] If he does, he needs help. If he does not then there is only one thing that pops into my mind. He no longer wants to invest the time and emotions into your relationship. In other, less eloquent wording, he was over you two a very long time ago. It is true that LTR's experience high's and low's involving sex, but the complete lack of sexual interest is a key indication that he's moved on (Another would be that you two have been together for six years and have yet to marry, though there may be extenuating circumstances behind the decision). In my honest opinion, you need to do everything in your power to keep yourself happy. If this has been going on for an extended period of time, maybe it's time to consider other options. You need to watch out for yourself because this has seemed to become very detrimental to your mental and emotional wellness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members amberlin Posted November 19, 2011 Author Members Report Share Posted November 19, 2011 getting better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Review Team sass Posted December 2, 2011 Review Team Report Share Posted December 2, 2011 getting better!YAY!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.