Orgasms...help!

[LeiLei]

I'm 24 and I've been with a guy for 5 years in a great relationship. and we have great sex. but the only problem is i've never had an orgasms. i feel like i am on the "verge" but its like i stop it.. i don't know.. it's weird. i enjoy having sex with my boyfriend, but i feel embarassed if i "get off". but i want to have an orgasm. but i don't know how.. i'm now gonna buy myself a vibrator (any suggestions) to see if that helps. i feel like i'm letting him down by not getting off.. I get to the point where i feel like i'm about to pee on myself, and it's like i try to stop it. When i feel like i'm "there" my boyfriend is done. He says he tries to hold off for me as long as he can, but he always cums and orgasm and i never do.. Please someone help me to get over this hurdle so i can experience what everyone is talking about..

[telecom69]

I'm 24 and I've been with a guy for 5 years in a great relationship. and we have great sex. but the only problem is i've never had an orgasms. i feel like i am on the "verge" but its like i stop it.. i don't know.. it's weird. i enjoy having sex with my boyfriend, but i feel embarassed if i "get off". but i want to have an orgasm. but i don't know how.. i'm now gonna buy myself a vibrator (any suggestions) to see if that helps. i feel like i'm letting him down by not getting off.. I get to the point where i feel like i'm about to pee on myself, and it's like i try to stop it. When i feel like i'm "there" my boyfriend is done. He says he tries to hold off for me as long as he can, but he always cums and orgasm and i never do.. Please someone help me to get over this hurdle so i can experience what everyone is talking about..

I'm assuming your talking about penetration and oral? If you're not getting a lot of clit stimultaion, you may need that. My girlfriend (gf) had, and still has the same problem sometimes, but not as often For my gf, I found out she has to be highly aroused and relaxed to let go. She will get to that max point of almost there, and then wham, it just goes away. Sometimes she'll have the "O" and sometimes not. Its a matter of letting yourself go, though that may be easier said than done. My gf uses the same words you use, "letting him down". That is what she would tell me. I bought her a vibrator about a year ago to help her learn about herself more and it has helped. The vibe will help you to. When you feel comfortable enough, bring it into bed with you to share the experience with him. Most guys love it. I do.

Telecom

[Turdlebugga@yahoo.com]

I'm 24 and I've been with a guy for 5 years in a great relationship. and we have great sex. but the only problem is i've never had an orgasms. i feel like i am on the "verge" but its like i stop it.. i don't know.. it's weird. i enjoy having sex with my boyfriend, but i feel embarassed if i "get off". but i want to have an orgasm. but i don't know how.. i'm now gonna buy myself a vibrator (any suggestions) to see if that helps. i feel like i'm letting him down by not getting off.. I get to the point where i feel like i'm about to pee on myself, and it's like i try to stop it. When i feel like i'm "there" my boyfriend is done. He says he tries to hold off for me as long as he can, but he always cums and orgasm and i never do.. Please someone help me to get over this hurdle so i can experience what everyone is talking about..

I was in the same situation for a long long time. When I was younger... (Like 3 months ago)

Well seriously, When I was in my 20's. I came from a household that NEVER disussed sex. EVER.

I thought by what little I did hear, that sex was mainly for the man. He was to enjoy sex. I never thought I was supposed to enjoy it. Even when I thought I was. I would never admit to anyone that I wanted to enjoy sex. I thought this non orgasmic sex was, well, what it was. Until I once had an orgasm. Then I started thinking hey....there is more to this. I even felt, embarrassed becasue I liked how it felt. I still wouldn't admit it. I would shy away from sex or stop before having an orgasm, just so I didn't have to deal with how it made me feel. This all may soound nuts, I know.... Well many years later, a serious live-in boyfriend and x husband later.... I decided... I want sex, and lots of it. Not just sex but great, orgasmic sex...and damit I am gonna like it. SO.. I held my breath, and decided to talk to one of my girlfriends about it. I was relieved that the stuff I was talking to her about was no big deal. We sat and chatted about it like we we talk about anything. then we started to talk about toys. I didn't have any...she did... I ordered one. It was the best thing I EVER did for MYSELF. DO IT. It is the best way for you to get to know you. I had a problem with having 1 orgasm. It was intense and I would always say "no more". But after some practice...and Howard's awesome breating advice....I am now up to 10.... So I must say...Really get to know you. If you are already enjoying the time you are having while having sex with your guy...this will make it so much better. If you care about him. Trust him. Talk to him about this issue you have. You shouldn't feel embarrassed.

Explore yourself. let him help you. You will feel closer to him, he will be very excited about it too.

I am a much happier person. I am all for self exploration. It is the only way to let some one else know what you like. Ok ...now I am rambling. One more thing... Question..You have oral?. I find it almost impossible not to have an orgasm durnig oral (sometimes I can't) but if he has a hard time "waiting" for you. Maybe he should spend a bit more "you" time. He is guaranteed an orgasm..so it sounds. Have him give you some great oral... then move on to something else...maybe take care of him after. Whatever you do,have fun and good luck.

[ktflyer]

Hi All, I am having the same problem that Chickiedoo is having... I can't cum during sex with my bf.. We use toys and they work but, I would really like to get there without using anything... What do I do?

[chickenmom]

I just recently had my first O at the age of 37. Read the posts that Howard and Mikayla have written. It'll help so much. Relax, breathe deep and go for the clitoral stimulation. OMG will you have it. I have found that I can only O with a toy, not with the hubby. He understands now and has just adapted them to our sex life now. He doesn't feel badly, because he knows that I'm now enjoying sex and it's not a chore anymore. The best advice I can give is get a bullet, relax, find your "perfect" place on your clit, and O away.

[ktflyer]

How can I find Howard and Mikayla posts?

[nosleepnmesa]

Folks: I have written about this standard relaxation technique so many times, I am reluctant to do so again, But, IT WORKS!

While you are being sexually stimulated- manual, oral, etc. breathe in slowly and deeply, to a measured count, and then exhale slowly, and deeply. You should like you have pushed or pulled your navel into your back bone!, and the diaphragm up to your heart. When you exhale as completely as you can, count slowly to 5.

Then, and only then, slolwly inhale again to that count. Repeat this and you will feel your body relax. Somewhere during that 5 count exercise when you have exhaled hard, you will lose control, and you will take a big gasp of air. Your brain will let you go over the top and orgasm in the process.

To experience multiple orgasms, ask your husband to continue stimulating you through the orgasm. You will go from one to another, to another, etc. until he stops stiulating you. Once you have experienced this a few times, your body will learn to relax in anticipation of the exciting feeling about to happen, and climaxing will be easier. Multiple orgasms will also be easier to have, and to have more often. Your nervous system will be sensitized, resulting in you being able to respond to stimulation of other erogenous zones. with simple caresses and light touches from your husband. You will even learn to have orgasms when none of your genitals are involved, or being stimulated directly.

Next, you can learn to control your pubo coccygeal muscles ( PC muscles) and use them to bring both you and your husband to orgasm without either of you moving any other part of your bodies, just by sitting on his cock and working it with your muscles. The original Ben Wah balls are good training for this aspects of sexual pleasure, but you first need to learn to relax, and then learn to enjoy climaxing.

Please have fun. If you still are having trouble getting there, let us know and we will try to help some more. Not everyone gets this the first time they try, although I have had great success with lovers using this relaxation technique, or rather teaching them to use the technique during our love making.

Howard

Here is the post from Howard on this issue!!

Sorry Mikayla has numerous post on this to I will hunt them down for you and post them here. Mikayla will prolly see this though before I find them. Hopefully this helps.

Also Welcome Kal!!