To Big For The Top

[cdog]

Ok this is hard for me to post first of all but I need to get over it so I am turning to you guys. I used to be a bean pole I mean 5 foot 7 130 pounds. Now however I am not so fortunate but lets say I am probably 185 pounds now. Anyway I have always been attracted to tall not skinny but smaller men. Since I have gained weight I find that I am not at all interested in being on top in bed. I used to have a very spicey sex life and the top was my specialty. Now I am so uncomfortable and out of shape I just avoid it all together. Not only does this suck for me but my boyfriend thinks I am just being lazy. I have tried to explain to him but most guys could never understand. How can I get my confidence back?

[Mikayla1]

While I agree that it is instrumental for you to be happy with yourself - weight included - I think that in the meantime it is also important for you to try and revive that spicy attitude you once had with sex. You have to remember that just because you are carrying extra weight does not mean that the man who you are in bed with notices or cares! In fact, many men find a little extra weight to be attractive!

I would suggest that you just bit the bullet and get back on the horse - so to speak - and get back on top of your sex game. Now, if for some reason this is unfomfortable for you because of your knees or back - you can try to start on top, knees bent and then lie down on top of your man facing backwards. This way you still have the top position, he gets a GREAT view of your pussy, and you get great clitoral pressure and feelings. This is the only way to go for me when my knees are getting to me. I start on top, facing him with my knees bent just kind of gyrating - then I turn around for the money shot - leaning down slowly. In this position he can play with my ass or grab my ass - whatever. If you carry your extra weight in your tummy region - for me - c-section pouch - then this is a good position cause that faces AWAY!

I would also advise you to get in touch with your inner sexual goddess. We all have them - no matter what size. Feel good about YOU - do things to better yourself. Take walks, run, bike - exercise is a proven afrodisiac - and it is good for you to do something positive. Trust me, it will work!

Good luck and girlfriend - just be happy to be you - and if you aren't - find a way to become happy!

Mikayla

[nosleepnmesa]

1You know I have to say I totally agree with the other post here. I think you need to relize that just because you put on weight you are still sexy. I use to weigh 100 pounds about a year ago, thanks to Graves Disease and I had my Thyroid completely removed and now I weigh 125 and I am not totally in the best shape either. I get tired on top facing him but I have to say when I am on that horse I do what Mikayla does and my hubby finds it hot hot hot.

I think that you need to relize that you are still sexy and with age and life at times comes weight. Get back on the saddle.

[hrnychick]

I know just what you are talking about....girlfriend i have been there too. I have seen the numbers on my scale go up and down and sometimes up and up and up.......It does get you down i know i have been there my self esteem hit a all time low at one point with my weight....and I just took control and focused and just took one pound at a time. YOU CAN TOO.

You have to find that inner sexy goddess as the other post stated and also start doing things for you......start doing things that make you happy and make you feel sexy.....and there are other ways to spice up your sex life.....do some research on here there are many many topics on things to do.....it doesnt matter if your 100 lbs or 200lbs all that matters is if your happy healthy and feeling sexy......once you start working on you and being happy with yourself you will find that all other parts of your life fall into place. Keep us posted on how things go for you.....you have a lot to offer so dont let a few extra pounds get you down.

Hrnychick

[Turdlebugga@yahoo.com]

Ok this is hard for me to post first of all but I need to get over it so I am turning to you guys. I used to be a bean pole I mean 5 foot 7 130 pounds. Now however I am not so fortunate but lets say I am probably 185 pounds now. Anyway I have always been attracted to tall not skinny but smaller men. Since I have gained weight I find that I am not at all interested in being on top in bed. I used to have a very spicey sex life and the top was my specialty. Now I am so uncomfortable and out of shape I just avoid it all together. Not only does this suck for me but my boyfriend thinks I am just being lazy. I have tried to explain to him but most guys could never understand. How can I get my confidence back?

Naudia...

Girl I get it.... I have been suffering from an eating disorder for many many years.... I am a complulsive

binge eater.... I can go for days...eating til I want to bust... (I never purge) then I can go for a few weeks ok. It is all about stress..(for me) Anyway... so indoing this... I go up, and down....Not a good thing.. But I have finally started therapy after all this time....It is helping. The key is, as everyone said. Find the inner sexy you. It is a mind thing. Find ways to make you feel girlie and beautiful....cause you know you are...you just forget sometimes, then you worry about it, causing the lack in confidence, you spoke of. Been there, done that... Things I have done to help a little. First, and this may sound silly... I have no business wearing a thong! So many many many many...would say. BUT I bought some anyway...They feel good. I feel like a woman wearing them... I compare it with a good hair cut.. You know that feeling.... Anyway...so I started with wearing nice underwear...matching bra.... Even if you are wearing some raggidy ole jeans and a T. You know under that, is pretty and girlie. So that is a start... I also...tan... (not too much) I know it is bad. But tan fat...way better than white fat. If you are already naturally dark....then you are a head of the game.

Next.. I started wearing a little bit of make up....again not too much, I never did before. Then I do my hair....Used to be a ponytail girl....I get my nails done, and toes too.....

These things make me feel good... when I feel good....It shows to the people around me. It is more attractive than if I was a perfect hour glass.... When I am this way I feel confident. Let me tell ya, becasue of these few little things, although I am still heavy, I am a wildcat in the sack!!!! I feel good about it. I have never hurt or crushed the man...(on top) Has your guy ever complained? I think you are just feeling selfconsious. ( I understand that) He, I am sure is just fine. Find ways to feel good about you.

Sure I would like to be thinner, more beautiful for my man. (and myself) You know what I discovered. He loves me just the way I am. Should I change that's ok. But my point is. if you have a good relationship it is ok, all of it. Be you. What do they say.... change the things you can, accept the things you can't? Just be you, and be happy. Happiness...doesn't always just happen...sometimes you have to work at it. It all depends on you and how badly you want it... Now give your self a hug... and save a horse...ride that cowboy...and love everyminute of it.

[sam7970]

I love that quote (and the song) "save a horse...ride that cowboy." It is so true!! Ride that cowboy till one of you pass out.

Naudia, I totally understand where you are coming from. I am 5ft, and about 155lbs. When I first start a relationship with someone, I always feel so self conscious and fret about what is going to happen when we are suppose to have sex for the first time. But when that time comes, I say fuck it and go for it. First of all he knows what he signed up for, he can see that I am not a skiny chick and he can see my fat roll. So, when I take off my clothes he better not be expecting perfection. And when I start making love, I am not worried about what my body looks like because I am focused on pleasuring MYSELF and my lover. BESIDES, WHY THE FUCK AM I WORRIED ABOUT MY FAT ROLL, IF HE WASN'T PLEASED OR TURNED ON BY ME, HE WOULDN'T HAVE A FUCKING HARD COCK WAITING TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!!

So, I stop fretting about it, and when are finished making love, I don't cover myself up. I get up and walk to the bathroom buck naked. He has already seen EVERYTHING.

But at times those insecurities do come back, and when that happens I exercise, pamper myself, and masturbate. Cause when I feel good about myself, I am more confident.

As Mikayla said, many men love the extra weight. When I'm with someone and I am relaxed and not worried about what he thinks of my body, my partner picks up on that and he starts to feel comfortable and confident. My partners often tell me how great my body feels in bed, how beautiful I am, how soft my skin and hair feels, and how they have always wanted a girl like me. My point is that if you find ways to feel more comfortable and confident about yourself as a whole, not just your body, you won't be worried about what anyone thinks about your body in bed. You and your partner will be focused on pleasure. And remember that NO MATTER what size you are, confidence is ALWAYS sexy, and your partner will find you even sexier.

[ambrelyn]

BESIDES, WHY THE FUCK AM I WORRIED ABOUT MY FAT ROLL, IF HE WASN'T PLEASED OR TURNED ON BY ME, HE WOULDN'T HAVE A FUCKING HARD COCKING WAITING TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!!

This is a VERY good point. I have had insecurities myself. This is normal with women I think, with so many models and scrawny gorgeous cover girls, it's a wonder any of us have self confidence. I am an xxl woman, and I had a hard time at first with being intimate. I think that's why I waited so long to have sex in the first place. (which I'm glad for now.) But my fiancee tells me all the time how good I look and how much I turn him on. And there again is the point made above. If he didn't want you, if you didn't make him hot, he wouldn't be hard. So quit worrying and have fun. If it'll make you feel better about yourself, lose a few pounds, but in the meantime don't deny yourself alot of pleasure and fun teasing your man just because your feeling self conscious.

[jl492981]

I think all of us, no matter what size, have self esteem issues. They surface, usually, when we have our clothes off! I am thin but still obsess over every little bulge (after 4 kids, you get 'em, no matter what you weigh!) You asked, "How do I get my confidence back?" I find that, if I exercise, even just for ONE day, for that day, I feel about a million times more self-confident. It's not like that 30 minute walk completely transformed my body, but for some reason, I feel much more confident showing it off. Try it, and you'll know what I mean. Plus, it's GOOD for you!!

Love, Jen

[Amethyst]

I totally agree with everyone 100% so I am not going to waste my time repeating them. But I will make another suggestion, maybe in the meantime, while you're working on self-esteem, weight, etc., and you want a quick-fix, you can try wearing a sexy negligee (short nightgown) and a hott pushup bra (with no panties) so you can RIDE HIM HARD COWGIRL!! (and not be worried about whats jiggling about because it will be covered in a sexy way Now I'm not saying you ladies need to cover up what your mama gave you, but on days where I feel bloated, dressing up totally works for me!! I don't know of a guy who doesn't like a lady in sexy lingerie! Goodluck!