Weirdly After My Baby I Have Little Interest In Sex.

[ameliamaples]

My boyfriend and I have been together now for almost two years and we have a beautiful little three month old daughter. Before I got pregnant with her and thru out my pregnancy and even right after I came home from the hospital we had sex every night, if not more than once a night. But since I got infected where they had to sew me up and the pain was so intense even though the baby sleeps thru the night and Im all healed I have little interest in sex. I don't want anyone else I just don't have much inerest in sex period. I am trying though and everything is still to tight down there. I don't know what to do, this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend and I don't even know what's going on. Can someone please give me some advice on hwo to fix this or at least make it some what better? I don't know what's wrong with me, It's like for some reason I feel wrong about having sex. Please some one help me understand what's going on. I feel so alone in the way I feel about sex now and my boyfriend just doesn't understand. Help me!

[curvacious_lust]

First, I have a feeling the doctor sewed up your episiotomy site a lil "tighter" than you're used to. Believe me...it will get better!! Use LOTS and LOTS of lube!! I won't lie, there will be some tearing and a lil bleeding. Almost like being de-virginized again. Also, the lack of desire is your hormones trying to get back in balance after having your daughter (congrats on baby!) and they will go a lil whacko for a while. Remember, it took 9 months to create the child, so don't expect it all to magically go "poof" and be back to normal. Also, are you on any type of birth control after your pregnancy? This will also send your hormones crazy. Be patient...and explain to your B/F what's going on. Maybe find some literature or online sites to help explain to him whats going on with you.

Good luck.

[trickychick]

Hi maples,

Not weird!!

9 months in, 9 months out we say, infact it can take the body a year or maybe more to become fully 'normal' after having a baby (congratulations BTW ) Its probably normal for your BF not to understand, hes not a woman!!!

Having a baby is a big deal, emotionally, phsically, mentally, and affects your life throughout.

You were pregnant for 9 months, your body changed rapidly, you gave birth, then had a new person around needing constant care whilst you were recovering from birth, then the infection, your body has gone wild changing like mad, in and out, hormones sending you up and down...!

You say you had sex straight after you got home, but it may have been a euphoric time and now the hormones are re-adjusting and the infection was a bit of a downer too I expect...All these experiences will have some effect on you, and at some point your body and mind might just say 'we gotta get off this ride'!

Time and patience may help heal that one, but keep in touch with the midwives or doctors in any case.

CL may be right about the episiotomy being a bit tight, but also I might add I know someone who had that done in the 70's when they routinely did it for every birth, and in those days they didnt always do it/sew up well and it can mean that sex is not the same afterwards (forever) and theres an awful lot of older women over here who havent enjoyed sex since having a routine episiotomy, all due to bad sewing or healing. Could be you got one of them? GET IT CHECKED and get a 2nd opinion too, and 3rd if youre not satisfied, tell your doctor things are not right, you may find theres another cause, but tis better to do something about it.

meanwhile, you can still please your man as howard said, thats what I did! xxx

very quick links here:

Link about sex drive after baby:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/sexandrelat...ems/200653.html

Link about episiotomy:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/sexandrelat...ems/201080.html

[whiskeywoman]

I have to agree with CL.

Your hormones are trying to re arrange themselves to where things were before baby.

I am assuming you are some sort of hormonal form of birth control to prevent pregnancy?

If you are like many women, you recieved a shot of Depo Provera at the hospital the day after you gave birth, or the day you went home.

This shot that prevents pregnancy is prostogen based, it causes a lot of problems.

I myself am still trying to recover from the one dose I was given.

Your sex drive will bottom out, you entertain the idea, but nothing and I do mean nothing can excite or stimulate you.

you get upset when he gets upset.

you have mood swings unexpectedly.

you feel as though your all alone in your problem, and you probably even get a touch of depression.

Sound about right?

If so, it is from the depo shot, and it DOES get better after a while.

In the meantime, enjoy that baby, and congratz!

[nosleepnmesa]

Maples I agree with all the other post since I am a mother of five, but I do have a question for you. I am assuming this is the same man who raped you, beat you etc..... I think that also has alot to do with you sex drive, not only hormones. I mean I am calling it rape since you said stop and he didn't, traumatic things that happen also effect your sex life.

Just a thought and a question.

[Melody]

lot's of good advice already given.

you don't mention whether or not you're breastfeeding, but if you are, that is one other thing that will both reduce your libido, and decrease lubrication, making sex generally harder, due to all the oxytocin it releases, but please don't use that as a reason to wean early if you are breastfeeding.

the Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy said, regarding sex after birth, something like "inebriate, and lubricate." not that i'm suggesting you get smashed, but just a little something to (mentally) loosen you up, and the lubrication is KEY. also do be sure to talk about it beforehand with your partner so that he knows to go slowly and gently.

i had serious tearing with our second daughter and ended up going to a physical therapist (who specialized in these issues) and that helped (a combination of estrogen creme to help soften the scar tissue, exercises to strengthen all the muscles, and biofeedback to help me learn how to relax down there).

also, i think it's important to say that for most people, having kids is a life changing event, and sex is different post kids than it was pre kids. not to say it's bad, just different, so it was sort of like learning all over again.

[Tyger]

Well, congrats on the healthy baby girl!!

I lost all of my sex-drive after my baby was born too. It's just now slowly coming back (and she's 3). But I think most of that has to do with my low body image of myself.

Anyway....someone mentioned a possible "rape"? If this is the case, it could be your lacking libido is caused by not wanting HIM at all...resentment and so on.

If not, talk to your DR/GYN and tell him/her what is going on. They can't help if you don't tell them. It's actually fairly common.