Newbie ljo418 Posted August 31, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 so here goes, I've been married 4 14 yrs. husband doesn't seem interested anymore. I've tried everything but he just ignores me.... literally pushes me away. When we do have sex it is good, not great He averages about once every 4 mo. or so. This does not cut it for me, anyone have any advice???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted August 31, 2006 Members Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 OK, first, anyone who says, "I have tried everything" really hasn't. There is a world of things out there to try - even I have not tried EVERYTHING! What, exactly, is everything to you? Have you tried shaving your pussy? Have you tried porn? Have you tried the fantasy box? There are thousands of ideas on this board about how to spice up the sex life and reignite the sexual fires! I suggest you look around and see some of the suggestions.IF, at that point you have honestly tried EVERYTHING, let us know and we will all brainstorm to help you. Your man is probably bored or going through a rut - it happens - you just have to find out how to get him out!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ambrelyn Posted September 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 Toys? If you aren't interested in that to kind of get you through the dry spells, then I would definitely follow Mikayla's advice. Use your imagination. Go that extra mile to get his attention. Do something you've never done before. Ask him about his fantasies, and if they aren't too uncomfortable for you (like if he's into bondage, but you aren't), go for it. If he still pushes you away, it's time for a serious talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hrnychick Posted September 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 WELCOME LJO418It may seem to you like you have tried everything you could think of. But chances are you havent.....so in order to help you out with your problem please give some more information....as in what have you tried? Is there something that has changed in your husbands life,,,,,such as work, medication etc? Im sure you will get some good advice to try if we can just know a bit more. Thanks and keep posting!!!!!!!!Hrnychick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted September 1, 2006 Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 so here goes, I've been married 4 14 yrs. husband doesn't seem interested anymore. I've tried everything but he just ignores me.... literally pushes me away. When we do have sex it is good, not great He averages about once every 4 mo. or so. This does not cut it for me, anyone have any advice????I hate to say it, but this is a much bigger issue than him wanting sex. Becoming sexier, doing kinky things may get him interested in the short term, but his lack of interest in you is from a deeper problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chickenmom Posted September 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 I agree with Rob and Howard. When you're not interested in sex, there is something in the relationship that is not working. Talk to him, go to counseling, something. I too one was a person who wanted nothing to do with sex. A big part was that I had never had an orgasm, so I thought, big deal. It was too much trouble. Now that's been fixed, thanks to this site. In any case, the other aspect was that, and I failed to recognize it, we were having serious problems. I was avoiding sex because I didn't want to be around him. Counseling and time have helped heal our relationship. Now am I not only having orgasms, I am initiating sex, wanting sex, and generally driving him crazy. Find out what is going on in your relationship or you might eventually end up in a position that could end the marriage. It takes time for a relationship to get to that point, and it will take time to fix it, but it's work. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted September 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 I agree with the other post. I am just wondering if he may be cheating, or if that is even a possiblity?I think you should check with a marriage counselor, also try a few of the other tricks mentioned above. Heck jump in the shower with him one morning totally unexpected and start playing with him. Just had to add a few thoughts to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hrnychick Posted September 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 I hate to say it, but this is a much bigger issue than him wanting sex. Becoming sexier, doing kinky things may get him interested in the short term, but his lack of interest in you is from a deeper problem.Hey Rob it was a nice surprise to see a post from you.....Now I have to ask you do you think if she really tries something new it will only be short term??? I think before we can go further on this she needs to shed some much more needed info.....Dont you agree?HrnychickP.S. always wanted to tell you LOVE your avatar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted September 1, 2006 Report Share Posted September 1, 2006 I have to agree with Howard & Rob. Sounds like there is more to it than just "not liking sex". 14 yrs is a LONG time (esp these days) to be married. Most men can even have sex with women that they don't really like anymore. But 3 times a year is a bit sad, for the both of you. If he pushes you away, chances are, unfortunately, there is someone else occupying his sexual time. You will probably have to bring that up. Also, the counselling may be an option if there isn't anyone else in his life.He also may be trying to push you away so you will be the first one to leave. Some people hate "being the bad-guy" in the relationship (aka the one to leave).Good luck to you, and keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted September 3, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 3, 2006 I am going to play Devil's Advocate here a little bit.....he may LOVE sex, but he may have ED issues (erectile dysfunction.) One of my very good girlfriends came to me not more than a year ago and said that her hubby was pulling away from her. Sexually first, then everything else. He would sit in front of the TV, and when she would suggest they go to "bed" he would say, "No, I want to watch Star Trek" or something. I gave her my best advice, wear sexy lingerie and come and turn off the TV, stick your body in front of him. She did it, nothing - he walked away. I told her to surprise him one night at the door naked - nothing, he went to the bathroom.Nothing seemed to work. he would only approach her for sex every 3 months or so, and it was quick and rushed and not like it used to be.After all my suggestions, including some talking games - he was resistant and angry. I suggested couseling for them. He DID NOT want to go - but she threatened him with divorce, so he finally went. After a few sessions, he finally admitted he was having trouble getting an erection. The times HE would initiate sex were the times he had the erection and he was rushing through it to get it done before the erection went down. He was embarrassed, ashamed, couldn't tell his wife.The counselor told him he had to go see a urologist - which he did, reluctantly, and they found out he has "flow issues" which get worse when he was stressed. He was recently laid off (worked for Ford) and was worried about money. He was in his early 40s, and time was just catching up to him. The Dr. prescribed Cialis and he takes it and it is good for like 36 hours and he can get boner after boner.What ended up happening was, once his security that he COULD get an erection came back - thanks to the pill - along with an explanation as to WHY, he didn't need the pills so much.So, while I am not sure that this could be his problem - I would caution you to delve deeper, not give up, and try to get him to talk about it. Men are embarrassed when their little friend (or big friends) do things like this - so try talking to him, or try to get someone to talk to him. DO NOT accuse him, just ask him, and be as understanding as you can!good Luck!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members todd1107 Posted September 27, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Mikayla is wise beyond her years...I am 43 and she and others here are probably right. Deeper issues here in one form or another. Probably as likely if not more that he is having some form of difficulty. Biggest thing is you have to get to the truth of what it is. 14 years of marriage is not something I would want to trash based on an assumption. Without knowing his or your personality one approach could be simply finding the right time and after 14 years you will likely know when that is, and using the approach of the simple truth that you miss being close. Maybe take him off the hook a little bit with some above and beyond understanding. Things like " I know we have been together a long time and it gets to be pretty routine sometimes, I understand, lots of people get bored and look for something else and I can even understand that but it is the not knowing that is eating me up" grant some understanding to his possible problem and let him know you don't want to be judgemental, just fix things because you still care about him. It also lets him know you are having problems too. I think that would get you a lot further than accusing, harrasing or anything else. Also, see if there have been any changes in medication, diet, etc. that co-incide with the drop off in interest. He may be affected by something he does not understand and that makes it tough to try and talk about. Make it as easy as possible for him to talk and you are far more likely to get the truth....Good luck, hope it is nothing that can't be fixed and most things can be if you both care for each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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