Men's Opinion Of Female Body Flaws?

[LittleDandelion]

I apologize if this has been asked before. I am a new college student...out on my own for the first time and such. I am now exploring more physical relationships, but in doing so, it has led me to be more self-conscious of my body. I will admit that I have not had much in the way of experience and have not gone further than foreplay (making out, dryhumping, above the belt action, etc). Some things have concerned me before I'd even consider going further with a guy. I am not currently in a relationship in which I'd have sex with a guy anyway, but when the right guy and time comes, I don't want to have my insecurities hold me back. I am one of those poor souls who have fallen for the media hype of what's "normal" and "acceptable." Due to this, I do not know what to believe. Physically speaking, what appeals to men? 'My guy' left me feeling squirmy when he playfully pinched my fat roll as I sat talking to him. He said that guys actually like that on a woman, but after having a mother trying to encourage me to lose weight the past few years, how was I supposed to believe that? Due to my lack of experience, I couldn't tell if he meant it, or just wanted to get into my pants. He seemed sincere at the time, but his opinion contradicted everything I have learned in our culture and society...so how COULD he really mean it when guys are supposed to like pencil-thin women like Eva Longoria or Paris Hilton?

I've actually dropped about ten pounds from a few months ago and am now not considered overweight...I may have some excess fat I could tone, and therefore still have a bit of stomach pooch or fat roll when I sit down... it disgusts me, though 'my guy' claimed it didn't disgust him (FYI - he and I are not in a relationship, so that whole "Shouldn't what he thinks be the only thing that matters" doesn't really apply here. I only refer to him as 'my guy' to make this easier to read and comprehend).

So anyway, I understand all guys are different, but what do men usually like about a woman's body? What do they think of our 'flaws'? And in addition, America has an obsession with women who shave down-south...is this what men typically prefer, or do guys like a woman unshaven?

I really appreciate any advice you can give. Like I said, I'm quite new to physical relationships and dealing with these insecurities.

~ Rea

[Mikayla1]

Howard has given you some excellent advice! He knows what he is talking about!

My advice to you is this: try to be happy in your own skin! Take it from me, that avatar picture is me, about 8 1/2 years ago now. I obviously was very thin. I was a model, sort of. I felt 'good' about me - actually, 'fantastic' in my skin. After the years, a baby and some issues with my knee that have caused me to not be able to jog (my exercise of choice) I have since changed considerably. I have the "c-section pooch" of skin that will never go away, I have stretch marks, I have gained weight - but you know what? For the most part, I am still 'me' - the inside of me didn't change, I am still sexy, happy, intelligent, secure and I have my 'inner sexy!'

My bfs and now hubby all have found me sexy no matter what my various sizes! I have gone through periods of self pity, or whatever, about my weight gain, but you know what? For the most part I have always been happy in my skin - and that confidence really says things to the men and women who observe me!

That is my best advice, if you are unhappy with your weight - try to change it. Start walking, running, doing weights - whatever. If you change yourself, GREAT, if you don't GREAT - you have to be happy in your own self, and skin. There will be men out there who will find you attractive and sexy just because you are confident with yourself. In fact, I know a few size 6 girls who have less confidence than I do. They spend all their days running and dieting and counting calories and still 'feel fat' and 'ugly' and that is just not what we see. We see an insecure woman who is too worried about an ounce of fat to be happy in life!

While I'll admit, I am trying to loose some of the weight that I have gained - I am not changing how I act with my hubby! I am attempting and succeeding at being happy in my own skin - no matter how that skin might appear! So, take all of Howard's suggestions about birth control, kegels and everything else, and walk into the world being confident. If you do that, your tummy pooch will be so much less noticeable to many men than the tiny girls who bitch and moan about 'calories' throug a whole date!

Good luck and happiness!

Mikayla

[Tyger]

"Money is always a problem when you are in college, unless you are Paris Hilton"~Howard

Did Paris Hilton even GO to college?

Seriously, first off: WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!! To reaffirm what was already mentioned, the only "stupid question" is the one gone unasked!! How are we to learn anything if we don't ask questions? You won't hear ANY snickering at niavity here!!

OK, along with Mikayla, I too have the C-section pooch, and also am trying to loose weight. I feel down about myself, because, also like her, I was a "model" of sorts. I'm trying very hard to also feel comfortable with who I am no matter what I look like!! In other words, we know where you're coming from!!

Have you seen the newest People magazine, and other periodicles? They are now saying that too thin is NOT in!! I mean, who in the Real World of financial un-independance, can one really DO the whole weight trainer, exercise for HOURS a day, hire a dietition, and buy racks of clothes? That's what models and movie/TV stars do. The skinnier they are, the more parts are available to them. Thank goodness in Real Life, that your work doesn't depend on your weight!! How refreshing to know that, even though they make more mula that we do, we don't have to starve, purge, binge, tighten, Botox, or a lot of other self torture to be successful!!!

As for "your guy". If he says that a little roll doesn't bother him, then it doesn't. If it did, he wouldn't be fooling around with you to begin with. Each person is attracted to different types. So asking what "most men" like, is a bit broad. I mean, I prefer blue eyed, blonde guys. Does this mean that's all I've ever dated? No, of course not.

Some men prefer rounder, softer women. Some skinny-stick girls. When I was really thin, I found that a lot of the guys that prefered the skinny me, were only after sex, and a "trophy" so to speak. Not overly deep relationships there. Not that I am saying all men that like skinny women are like that, don't get me wrong.

Some men prefer women with hair, other men prefer the women that they're with are well-trimmed/groomed *down there*. Don't change yourself just for a guy. Do what YOU feel comfortable with. You can always trim in down there, then go for more, or let it grow back. Try different things. Find something you like, and go with it! If you constantly change for a guy, then a different guy, then more changes for another guy, you loose yourself after a while. And you won't know WHAT it is you like or dislike!

I hope this helps a bit. Sorry for the length!!

[Tyger]

Thank you Howard.

[ssuksdorf]

Rea - I don't really have a lot to add to what Howard, Mikayla, Tyger have already said--they always give such great advice. But I wanted to reassure you that after watching and listening to my husband and his friends, it sounds like most men are attracted to women who take care of themselves--are clean, groomed, appear to have put at least a little effort into looking good, and most of all, are having a good time. Of course there are going to be guys who are really into boobs or legs, or whatever other body part appeals to them, and that's okay. Here's my example: I was in fantastic shape when we got married 7 years ago, but since then I've gained and lost 30 pounds, developed stretch marks, had a baby (and the resultant pouch), breastfed our daughter for a year, lost most of the baby weight, and am currently pregnant again. Despite the lumps, bumps, sags, and stretch marks my husband still thinks I'm beautiful and marvels at the fact that he has (almost) anytime access to a real, live, naked, willing woman. I think that's one of the miracles of love--that we're willing to both look beyond the imperfections in our partner and trust that our partner will see beyond our imperfections. Good luck.

[whiskeywoman]

You know what?

I have said this before and I will say it again,

Women spend too much time obsessing and spending hundreds and thousands of dollars trying to look like the anorexic barbie doll that all of hollywood and the fashion rags are spouting as beautiful.

The problem is, that once these women have taken out 3 or 4 mortgages on their house and have more plastic in them than Micheal Jackson, the guy they did it for is now too old or is interested in someone else.

And what did they get? a perfect body that will last them a lifetime, a broken heart and a very expensive very lonely house.

They have no sense of who they are and they have no personality, they are like robots who keep looking for a newer way to remain anorexic to impress the guy next door.

I am not by ANY stretch of the imagination anywhere even remotly close to looking like a barbie, I have had 5 children, I have stretch marks, and scars and the baby pooch that never goes away.

I am very happy with who I turned out to be, yes, I am overweight, but, I have a great personality and a killer sense of humor that the guys seem to like.

Just be happy with who you are, and be proud of what you stand for, if the guys don't like it, they can get over it and find some barbie doll wanna be.