Past Lovers

[NewlyExcitedAt37]

Listening to the radio the other day, the topic was "your lovers sexual past". Some interesting questions were......

Would you want to know how many lovers your partner had?

Would you volunteer this information or only provide if asked?

Is there such a number that you would consider too high for a certain age group?

If your partner exceeded this number would your feelings for that person change? Meaning, would you look at them differently.

Share your thoughts! I'd like to hear responses on the above questions from both males and females.

[Mikayla1]

OK, Here are my answers:

I would want to know how many lovers my partner has had - and I do. I think in todays day and age it is not only important to ask how many, but more importantly, "were you safe." I think that if you are in a new relationship, whether with a man or a woman, and find out he or she has had, oh, 100 partners, it doesn't reflect so much on that person, but might make me double check the disease issue. A person CAN have many partners and be safe with them, but if someone has had an extreme amount, the safety issue may be just that...an issue!

As for providing the information, I think I would only if asked. I think this is a conversation many new couples have. I wouldn't come right out on the first date and say, "so, 'Mike' I have had 20 partners, what about you?" I think there are some men and women who don't care - or don't want to know, and for that reason I would wait until asked.

I really don't feel that there is an unusual number for a certain age. I think that some people have to go the distance to find their "special someone" and some people like sex. I don't think I would bat an eye if someone around my age (35) had 50 partners or less. Over that I might start wondering if this guy was a major player - but I would have to judge him first before his "number."

If I found out my current lover (hubby) had more than 50 partners I would surely be in shock! He was sexually inexperienced when we started dating and I would be appalled that no other woman could show him the things I had!

If I were single and a man wanted to sleep with me who had 50 or more partners, I would have to get to know him more before sleeping with him, unless that is what I wanted. I also would be triple careful about sex - let's face it here, the more partners the more opportunity for STDs!

Mikayla

[strobelite69]

A guy in college once approached me but I knew he was a huge player - the funniest thing was my roommate went to HS with him so I knew exactly how many people he slept with (56) and he was only 23 while I was 18 and had 2.

Again due to the fact I was largely inexperienced and he was very experienced along with the scare of STD's - I passed.

My current guy and I due talk on occassion about past relationships but only when brought up - we've never volunteered the information. We also have had the same number of partners.

[clewing]

She was actually more reserved than most of the others, and it was hard to understand how this quiet, nice woman could attract, and bed so many guys, but she had. She still had much to learn, and I taught her a lot during the brief time we were lovers. She was quite wonderful, and it was a pleasure teaching her some things she had missed. She thought she knew everything, until we became lovers, and then marveled that there were some new things for her to learn.

Howard

I mentioned in a post I just wrote that I had many lovers before my husband, yet I too was more reserved, almost painfully shy. But in many of the situations I was "looking for love in all the wrong places." My parents were divorced in a time frame when divorce was not common; my step-father was horrible--he made me feel fat and ugly and not worthy of any man. My dad was having cancer surgeries and treatments the last three years I was in high school so even though he was the most wonderful, loving father, the only contact I had with him were letters. My mom would not let me have any contact with him, because he wasn't paying child support (because he wasn't working due to the cancer) and even back then it took a while for SSDI to kick in, so I had to get letters from him through a friend. But that's another story....

Anyway, because of my feelings of inferiority, and the desire to be loved, I equated sex with love. There were four men before my husband who truly loved me, but for one reason or another things didn't work out. But there were more men that I had sex with because I wanted to feel loved. Even with my husband, it took me about four years to fully trust him that he was not going to just use me and that he really loved me.

[NewlyExcitedAt37]

Thanks for answering guys!

It amazed me that many people didn't want to know of past history. But, this one caller did share with her husband before they married and she said that everytime they have an argument he brings this number into it somehow. Now that I don't is fair. This one guy wanted a woman who'd been around the block cause he wanted one with experience. But like my male friend told me, just because you had many lovers doesn't make you a good lover.

Ok, I'll answer the questions also...

Would you want to know how many lovers your partner had?

In todays world I would want to know. Hell, I'm almost inclined to ask for medical verification to make sure the guy is std free!

Would you volunteer this information or only provide if asked?

I volunteer nothing! Compared to the numbers that were spat out on the show I was listening to, my number is low for my age. On the show some men thought 5 by 30 was too much for a women, but of course the number for men surpassed this.

Is there such a number that you would consider too high for a certain age group?

Some people have a crazy phase that they go through, but this should be done with by a certain age. I think having 20 or more lovers by the time your 30 is a lot to me.

If your partner exceeded this number would your feelings for that person change? Meaning, would you look at them differently.

I think it would. I would think that I was just another conquest and wouldn't want to involved with him. But, if it happened in his early twenties or so I may take that into consideration.

Come on people, share your thoughts!

[chickenmom]

I have been married 16 years. To this day, I really don't want to know about my hubby's other partners, lovers, etc. I don't think it's denial, but to me that kind of information taints the relationship that you currently have. I prefer the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

[nosleepnmesa]

Okay here I go in order to answer the questions.

Yes I would want to know how many lovers my partners has had. I do know to how many myhusband has had. I think in todays world that this question is a given due to all the things out there that you could get. Not only do I know how many he slept with but I also know if they were all "Save Sex".

Yes I would provide this information if I was asked. I am not just going to share information unless asked then of course it would be honest information. As far as a number, I dont think there is one that is just way to high. I mean people have to learn and alot of people go threw numerous boyfriends, lovers etc.. to find the perfect person. I think todays society labels people on the number along with some people.

Since I dont have a number that I think is to high, this last questions I honestly can't answer. I would never change the way I felt or feel about someone due to a number. That number doesn't say who they are, whether it is high or low it is all a matter of how long it took them to find that special person. I dont thinkt hat it is ever right to judge someone in life unless of course you are going to judge yourself to. I mean really who are we to judge another by how many people they have slept with?????

Just my thoughts!

[Tyger]

Would you want to know how many lovers your partner had?

Yes, I usually do ask them how many. There have only been 2 that I haven't asked, one being Junior. Funny thing is, is that me and my hubby have had the same amount of lovers (9).

Would you volunteer this information or only provide if asked?

Yes I would/have, but only when asked. I don't just go "bragging" how many (or lack of) men I have been with.

Is there such a number that you would consider too high for a certain age group?

Well, if we're talking under the age of 18, hell yes. But, as for my age group, probably nothing would shock me really. Maybe over 100?

If your partner exceeded this number would your feelings for that person change? Meaning, would you look at them differently.

Well, I'd insist on other STD testing before anything happened. Since, the majority of the regulars on the board probably remember, I DO have an STD, and if, Gods forbid, anything happened between hubby and I, I legally HAVE to disclose what I have anyway.