Dogs In Relationship - Crap!

[telecom69]

Hello All,

Since I last posted, my gf has moved in and things are better sexually. She has changed a lot.

Ok, moving on to the next issue now. She has two small and very high maintenance dogs, that to be honest, I do not like. They are hairless dogs and the ugliest things you've ever seen. I have a bigger dog of my own that stays outside and I love that dog very much. One of the concessions she agreed to when she moved in was they could not sleep with us like they did at her apt. They whine, lick themselves all the time, and always kept me up. They now stay in our spare room at night, and also during the day when we are at work. I recently had new carpet put in that room also. They pee on the carpet during the day and now the room smells like urine. When you open the door, its bad. She has tried to clean it up, but it won't go away. When ever I bring it up to put them in a cage during the day, she gets upset, withdrawn, etc. She even had to pay $700 to pay after she moved out of her apt for carpet to be replaced in her bedroom since the smell was so bad. She will even cry sometimes telling me the dogs "are the only things in life" she has. Come on, they're just dogs. She has never had kids, so I guess I can see some of that. These dogs are spoiled rotten and they follow her EVERYWHERE she walks, are all over us on the couch when I would like some private time with her, etc. Its very annoying. When I let my dog in, he'llbe to himself on his blanket and leave us alone. She takes it personal when I ask her if she can put the dogs in the room for awhile so we can be on the couch to ourselves. Dogs are wonderful pets, but have to have some limits just like kids do. The dogs issues are actually starting to put stress on out relatinship. And, she has told me in the past that her dogs would always win out in any relationship. That scares me to and I take that personal.

How can I deal with this more? Am I out of line?

THX!

Telecom

[greenkimmy35]

It sounds like the dogs are leading the pack instead of the humans. First , it is not very healthy for the dogs much less your relationship for this to be going on.

Have you ever heard of Ceasar Millan ( The dog whisper)? He has a show on the National Geographic channel, I belive it is on Friday nights at 8PM. He also has his own web site (www.ceasarmillaninc.com). Their is all kinds of books and videos for training the humans and dogs.

If she isn't open to hearing what you have to say about the dogs and your relationship try the

(I heard about this show about dogs lets watch it and see if we can learn anything new to help our dogs).

I know that for our family that watching this show and using this method has done wonders for tranning our puppies (2 chow/pit 10 months old). My 3 year old Nephew can control them and they respond.

I'm just rambeling now... hope this helps a little.

Kim

[nosleepnmesa]

Hey Telecom , First off let me say NO you are not out line or overreacting in anyway. I own a collie, I have had her since she was a puppy. Kim is right the dogs are being the leader of the pack, someone and it sounds like your gf really needs to get control over the dogs. My husband and I had this problem at first with our collie, it didn't effect our relationship only because I was getting sick of it to . I know trainers are a little expensive I paid 500.00 dollars for a personal trainer he came everyday to our house, not only did he train the dog but us to. Let me tell you that if I tell my dog to sit, she sits. If I tell her off ( if she is on us or the furniture) she gets off. It is all a tone in your voice that lets the dog know who is incharge. I say no to her in a firm voice and off in a happy voice, takes lots of patients ect. Our dog listens to everyone in the house and to new people coming, my 4yr old was able to tell her to do something and she would listen. Okay now that I am rambling let me get to the other issue at hand.

The other issue that seems to bother me I shoud say is that you said, she has stated that the dogs will always win out in the relationship. My best friend has a dog and has recently gotten into a relationship sort of like you I mean they dated forever and he moved in with her. So the table is a little turned here. Anyway my gf has no children, and as also stated things like yours to her bf. One day I had to ask her how could you choice a dog over a man that loves you, cares for you, and will be there for you. She stated I don't know but my dog is like my child. Well in time after her boyfriend talked to her numerous times, I talked to her she finally reliazed that a human relationship provided sooo much more... I am not sure what to tell you except try to point out the good things to her in your relationship with her, let her know that you understand how she feels about her kids aka dogs. Also let her know how the dogs are making you feel etc.. The best thing I can think is to talk more to her. You also have to decided that if she isn't going to change about the dogs whether you are willing to get over it and continue this relationship or if it is time to move on. You need to think about what you really want in a sense if she isn't going to allow her dogs to be dogs and not let them run the humans. Try talking again hun..

Hope this helps, Wish you the best of Luck!

[Tyger]

Ok, first, please forgive me if I play both sides of the fence here.

To start with, you knew about these dogs, and that if she was going to move in with you, they would be coming too. She probably feels that you hate the animals, even if you haven't said it. What you may need to try to do, is make some effort into actually getting to know the critters. Pet them a bit, talk to them, show them some affection.

You also must've known about how they were in her apartment, as far as peeing goes. Small dogs can be a great source of company, but they have small bladders and need to be walked more often than bigger dogs, they can't be tied out all the time, especially in cold weather, or they have to be kennelled. She may not like that option, but if I were you, I would insist that she replace that carpet and start kennelling the dogs whenever they are left alone in that room. They can even be kennelled in the same room you are in. It'll take them a few tries, but if she is firm, and doesn't give in, the whining should stop. This is not to say they should be kennelled all of the time. Just because you don't like them, they are a part of her, as much as pets can be. They will need exercise. But she is in your house, and she needs to respect your property as well. But you knew about how she felt about these animals, and still you had her move in with you with her dogs. You shouldn't be shocked at any of this happening.

I've had to get rid of urine smell as well, and let me suggest, that if the floor under the carpeting is either bare plywood, or particle board, that the whole floor be painted with some sort of paint (water-resistant) after the rug is removed. This will kill the smell totally, so whatever may have seeped into the wood underneath, it will be killed off. Plus, the water-resistant paint will ensure that if there is more urine, or any other liquid spilt on the rug, it will stay in the rug, and not seep into the flooring again. It really works. Or, instead of laying new carpetting down, have her replace the carpet with a linoleum floor, with maybe some scatter rugs (that are easily cleaned or replacable) to break it up a bit.

They are going to follow her around everywhere, she is their human. They definitely own her. And they know it. Also, they've bonded with her. She is their ticket to food, affection, and being spoiled rotten.

There is a line of where pets and partners need to know about. The pets have a time and a place. If they are distructive, or harmful, or dangerous, then they need to be given away, no matter how much we love them. Pets need to learn their place in the household. But there also needs to be a bit of compromise, when it comes to 2 people trying to combine 2 households together. You need to try to be a bit more accepting of them, yet sticking to your rules of like "no dogs in our bed". I see that as reasonable. Maybe her dogs are the only source of affection she's been able to count on, and if so, they're going to be a big source of comfort for her. She needs to be a bit more respectful of your house, and property. Like kennelling or taking her dogs out more often.

I CAN tell you that if you give her an ultimatum of "it's either me, or those dogs!!", you will loose, just by forcing her to choose, especially so fresh into the whole moving in together deal. She loves them, and I have found, in my experience too, that women tend to love their pets in almost a maternal sort of way. So when a childless woman says her pets are like her own children, she's not kidding. She just needs to learn that they are pets, and they also need discipline and structure, just like human children, to be happy and healthy.

I hope this makes sense. Best wishes!!

[telecom69]

Ok, first, please forgive me if I play both sides of the fence here.

To start with, you knew about these dogs, and that if she was going to move in with you, they would be coming too. She probably feels that you hate the animals, even if you haven't said it. What you may need to try to do, is make some effort into actually getting to know the critters. Pet them a bit, talk to them, show them some affection.

You also must've known about how they were in her apartment, as far as peeing goes. Small dogs can be a great source of company, but they have small bladders and need to be walked more often than bigger dogs, they can't be tied out all the time, especially in cold weather, or they have to be kennelled. She may not like that option, but if I were you, I would insist that she replace that carpet and start kennelling the dogs whenever they are left alone in that room. They can even be kennelled in the same room you are in. It'll take them a few tries, but if she is firm, and doesn't give in, the whining should stop. This is not to say they should be kennelled all of the time. Just because you don't like them, they are a part of her, as much as pets can be. They will need exercise. But she is in your house, and she needs to respect your property as well. But you knew about how she felt about these animals, and still you had her move in with you with her dogs. You shouldn't be shocked at any of this happening.

I've had to get rid of urine smell as well, and let me suggest, that if the floor under the carpeting is either bare plywood, or particle board, that the whole floor be painted with some sort of paint (water-resistant) after the rug is removed. This will kill the smell totally, so whatever may have seeped into the wood underneath, it will be killed off. Plus, the water-resistant paint will ensure that if there is more urine, or any other liquid spilt on the rug, it will stay in the rug, and not seep into the flooring again. It really works. Or, instead of laying new carpetting down, have her replace the carpet with a linoleum floor, with maybe some scatter rugs (that are easily cleaned or replacable) to break it up a bit.

They are going to follow her around everywhere, she is their human. They definitely own her. And they know it. Also, they've bonded with her. She is their ticket to food, affection, and being spoiled rotten.

There is a line of where pets and partners need to know about. The pets have a time and a place. If they are distructive, or harmful, or dangerous, then they need to be given away, no matter how much we love them. Pets need to learn their place in the household. But there also needs to be a bit of compromise, when it comes to 2 people trying to combine 2 households together. You need to try to be a bit more accepting of them, yet sticking to your rules of like "no dogs in our bed". I see that as reasonable. Maybe her dogs are the only source of affection she's been able to count on, and if so, they're going to be a big source of comfort for her. She needs to be a bit more respectful of your house, and property. Like kennelling or taking her dogs out more often.

I CAN tell you that if you give her an ultimatum of "it's either me, or those dogs!!", you will loose, just by forcing her to choose, especially so fresh into the whole moving in together deal. She loves them, and I have found, in my experience too, that women tend to love their pets in almost a maternal sort of way. So when a childless woman says her pets are like her own children, she's not kidding. She just needs to learn that they are pets, and they also need discipline and structure, just like human children, to be happy and healthy.

I hope this makes sense. Best wishes!!

Tyger,

Wow!! Your description was SPOT on about my gf and her relationship with her dogs. Its not to any ultimatum thing yet, so I'm not worried about that. She does feel bad about how they are stinking up the house and tries her best to remedy it. I lived alone for a year after my divorce, so I guess I need to lighten up more. I just wish she would have more discipline with them so I wouldn't have to say anything to her or walk around and see what they've done. They aren't destructive or anything. And yes, I knew what I was getting into, so I have to deal with it.

Thanks all!

Telecom

[WifeMomSlave]

Hi, Just wanted to say that too me it seems like she is very insecure about the relationship. She is using the dogs as a sheld to her own heart. It is just a way for her to push you away be fore you have a chance to reject her. A lot of women who have been very hurt in past relationships do stuff like this, mos of the time with out even realizing it.

My suggestion to you would be talk to her about all of this, as you have, and maybe get into some type of couples therapy. Also the dogs need trained and as stated above you will find a lot of good tips on ceaser millans web site and tv shows.

Best of luck!

[willtryanything]

I see that you have made a lot of sacrifices for your girlfriend and have to put up with a lot. You do it because you love her and that is very respectful, but she has to sacrifice as well. With a little time and effort, she can crate train her little dogs. I have done it and so have several people I know. It's hard to get that pee smell out of anything. I know it isn't easy dealing with her condition and you seem to be doing a great job. I'm not saying that she's trying to, but don't let her walk all over you. I know she's emotionally delicate but sometimes you have to put your foot down. Just make sure she knows that those dogs are not the only ones who love her. I'm sure she loves them a whole lot but they are not people. When she has children, she will understand that.

[telecom69]

I see that you have made a lot of sacrifices for your girlfriend and have to put up with a lot. You do it because you love her and that is very respectful, but she has to sacrifice as well. With a little time and effort, she can crate train her little dogs. I have done it and so have several people I know. It's hard to get that pee smell out of anything. I know it isn't easy dealing with her condition and you seem to be doing a great job. I'm not saying that she's trying to, but don't let her walk all over you. I know she's emotionally delicate but sometimes you have to put your foot down. Just make sure she knows that those dogs are not the only ones who love her. I'm sure she loves them a whole lot but they are not people. When she has children, she will understand that.

She is 45 and doesn't plan to have kids, and I certainly don't. She has told me that her ex never told her "no" or put his foot down with limits on her dogs. It was if she was telling me she wishes her ex would have said enough is enough. Emotinally delicate is the word. VERY sensitive. I let go on her (just being honest, not yelling or anything) the other day and told her it annoys the shit out of me when we're on the couch just trying to snuggle with each other and her dogs are all over the couch on us. Like you said, they are dogs, not people. In the end, I know I'm second in her life after her dogs, but thats something I have to deal with.

Telecom

[willtryanything]

She is 45 and doesn't plan to have kids, and I certainly don't. She has told me that her ex never told her "no" or put his foot down with limits on her dogs. It was if she was telling me she wishes her ex would have said enough is enough. Emotinally delicate is the word. VERY sensitive. I let go on her (just being honest, not yelling or anything) the other day and told her it annoys the shit out of me when we're on the couch just trying to snuggle with each other and her dogs are all over the couch on us. Like you said, they are dogs, not people. In the end, I know I'm second in her life after her dogs, but thats something I have to deal with.

Telecom

Oh Telecom, I feel bad for you. You should be first in her life. I do understand how she feels as I too have been in her situation (not with dogs but emotionally). You do have to deal with it to be with her but it still sucks, you deserve better. Not that she isn't wonderful, just don't sell yourself short. There is only so much you can give up for someone else. Don't let it get to the point where it is all about her and her needs. You have them too.