Pleasing My Husband

[russlynne]

Hello Jen. I have been with my husband now since I was 15 years old ( I am 33 now) Obviously you can imagine how routine things are in my bedroom, and my husband (who I love dearly and couldn't see my life without) is very bored with me and I don't do something about it it could seriously hinder our relationship. We have three kids and sex is just not what it used to be. I can't do the same things I used to do but soooooo want to. I need some ideas on how too wow him. It is my desire to drive him crazzzzzzyy! Can you give me some pointers or steamy ideas on how to make it happen?

THANKS!!!!!

[jazzie]

Hello Jen. I have been with my husband now since I was 15 years old ( I am 33 now) Obviously you can imagine how routine things are in my bedroom, and my husband (who I love dearly and couldn't see my life without) is very bored with me and I don't do something about it it could seriously hinder our relationship. We have  three kids and sex is just not what it used to be. I can't do the same things I used to do but soooooo want to. I need some ideas on how too wow him. It is my desire to drive him crazzzzzzyy! Can you give me some pointers or steamy ideas on how to make it happen?

THANKS!!!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[jazzie]

i too was in your shoes once, this is what i want you to do, not once, but over and over again. buy a new nighty, buy some wine, send the kids to grandmas, take a long relaxing bath, put lotion onmake sure your skin is soft,put your make-up on, fix your hair sexy, take a glass of wine to the bath with you, relax.... put your new nighty on, make sure the lights are on low, let him see you all dolled up, be sexy, think sexy..... use your imination honey, you are a woman, don't let time drag you down. be creative, seduce him! so why can't you do the things you used to do, why not do things you've never done, go to bed naked, leave the lights on, make love like you just can't get enough of him, you take the lead, just let him lay or sit and enjoy you doing all the work, he may be shocked,but before long you'll see him watching you at differnt times, he'll be wondering what you will be up to next. if you need ideas watch a sexy movie during the day while he's at work, try some of the moves. what have you got to lose? sounds like your at your wits ends as it is.........

[starshine]

Hi Russlynn:

I was having similar problems and still have some work to go. See my post in this section topic of questions. We had major problems going on due to health reasons and other issues.

What I started doing to get my husband's attention was flirting morning, noon, and night. I flirted on the phone when he called home from work, which he has always done, and every chance I could. I took the initiative because I felt it was my fault our marriage was on the rocks even though it really wasn't. My health issues caused a lot of fatique, pain, and the many stages of grief of a life that was no longer the one I had before. I also put notes in his pocket, his wallet, and even in his briefcase but only in places where he was the only one that would see them. My DH is in construction so there are chances the guys would go into his binder or case.

Long hot baths with candles are a wonderful way to increase your self-esteem too. I keep scented candles tucked away in the bathroom, bedroom, and spa room. I'm a candle fanatic anyhow. If you can get to a Bath and Body Works, find the Silken Spray and bath salts/bubbles/oils for the tub. There are scents for relaxation, revitilization, sensuality, etc... I enjoy lavender for the tub and Sweet Pea or Juniper Breeze in the silken sprays. I even spray the sheets before he comes home. Scented candles in the bedroom is nice too. I can't bear lights on in the bedroom because of my eye disease. I have little light perception but what I do have causes light sensitivity. Low candlelight is a compromise we made together. After slowly letting him know I was interested, he came around - so to speak. Now we simply need a little more spicing up beyond warming oil massages and taking showers together. Time together in the spa usually has to wait until the kids are away for the night or the weekend though we did have the forethought to put locks on the two entrance doors so the doors lock from the inside instead of the outside.

I wish you the best of luck. My husband and I have nearly twenty years ago so I can certainly understand where you are coming from.

SS

[Muffy]

All replies seem to be fine with the exception of all the candles. If one has ever been caught in a domicile or hotel that burned as a result of tipped or just candles they would be a no-no from this moment on. Try using the low glow plug in nite lights and they can be covered with a coating if too bright. Frosted bulbs or other colors may be used.

[starshine]

Muffy:

Soy candles and gel candles have a much lower melting point than regular candles and are less likely to cause problems. Usually if they tip over, they go out. The small jar candles are the best to use.

I am legally blind with some light perception and I use candles all the time. the ones I use in the spa room, bedroom, and bathroom are small jar soy and gel candles. I actually have knocked one over by accident and it went out immediately. Granted candles can be dangerous but so can everything else one can think of if used incorrectly or without supervision. Manufactured homes scare me. I lived in a brand new trailer briefly when I was growing up and it caught on fire from faulty wiring from when it was built. As an adult, one of my dear friends lost everything she had except for the wash on the line outside where she was hanging out clothes with her two children playing at her feet and she was pregnant with her third. Her trailer was less than a month old and it burned to the ground in 12 minutes. It was faulty wiring from the manufacturer. All things have the potention to be dangerous. Not an argument, only an observation.

SS

[Jen]

Ask and you shall receive "russlynne"! I think the advice you have gotten from your fellow readers is a great start.

It is so difficult to get out of a routine. Routines are comfortable and predictable, but they can be dull and boring also.

I do like the idea of baths, and silky naughty nighties (what girl doesn't?) But you mentioned you have kids and I don't know any kids that are going to give you the opportunity to do that every time you and your husband want to have sex.

I love "Starshines" way of getting things going. The flirting? GREAT idea. Sex is always good, but get me feeling a little randy before sex--then I'm butta! Sex is not simply a physical thing (you men paying attention here?) it's a mental thing too. Feel sexy and you radiate sexiness!

Add excitement slowly. Heaven forbid you walk into the bedroom with a trunk full of new sex toys--you don't want to overwhelm your husband. Convince your husband to come home for lunch, and make yourself the meal! Try sex in the morning; not only are the kids still asleep but neither of you are "too tired" for sex. You mentioned "I can't do the same things I used to do but soooooo want to". Can you do a modified version of it? Remind your husband of the things that you used to do? And if you would like to introduce a toy or two into your bedroom I recommend finding one that your husband can use of you.

This would be a fabulous toy to let your husband use during sex or better yet--ORAL sex!

FUKUOKU 9000

I hope this helps!

Good luck.

Jen

[KNIGHTDJ]

Ladies you are all great and your husbands are very lucky! However, I have the opposite problem! My wife started menopuase early and her sex libido has gone from NOW to WHAT EVER! The only time she had an intrest in sex in the last eight years was when she cheated on me and I allowed it! She didn't do anything new and exciting with this guy but he was black and hung like a horse. Now that is over ,and she ended as it was getting boreing and same oh same oh, she is back to I just not interested even after all the steps you have mentioned! Ladies with harmone problems and solutions??

[starshine]

Ladies you are all great and your husbands are very lucky! However, I have the opposite problem! My wife started menopuase early and her sex libido has gone from NOW to WHAT EVER!  The only time she had an intrest in sex in the last eight years was when she cheated on me and I allowed it!  She didn't do anything new and exciting with this guy but he was black and hung like a horse. Now that is over ,and she ended as it was getting boreing and same oh same oh, she is back to I just not interested even after all the steps you have mentioned!  Ladies with harmone problems and solutions??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm going through early menopause too and am I in my mid-thirties. A few years ago I underwent a partial hysterectomy. Afterward, I spoke at length regarding hormone replacement therapy. It was the best thing I ever did. Granted it took some time for the medication to work but when it kicked in, it KICKED IN. After a few weeks of my instigating sex nightly, daily, twice daily, etc... My hubby pleaded for a break. I'm evened out more now. At least I don't want to fuck his brains out every time he brushes past me.

It sounds like she needs to have her hormone levels checked. Menopause is a major pain to live with. The hot flashes, night sweats, exhaustion, etc... For me, all that was compounded with systemic lupus and degenerative joint disease. I got through it. I'm sure she can too. Plus, I have to manage all this with little to no sight.

Wishing you the best,

SS

[flyboy367]

hmm

[starshine]

you all suck

my wife seems to have no intrest in me anymore. i have gotten to the point where i can watch regular tv or cartoons and imagine senarios and go jerk off. she gets annoyed whenever i touch her. i relize she had a baby 4 months ago but she started this before being pregnant. its been almost a year now since sex. its just agrivating. i jerk off so much i dont remeber what a pussy feels like. it sucks and i dont know what to do i just love her so much but there are things i need too. she doesnt even kiss or hug me much anymore

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Flyboy:

I have a few questions for you if you don't mind my asking. I had a similar problem after the birth of my last child. I'm female so I can kind of give you the female side of things and hope it helps.

1. Is your wife breast feeding the baby?

If so, this is taking a lot out of her physically and emotionally.

2. Does she show any signs of depression, sadness, etc... is this your first child?

If some of this holds true, she may be simply going through what is called post-partum depression. It is very difficult on a woman. There are fears of whether or not you will be a great mother, will you give all you can to the child, then the sheer exhaustion of caring for the baby/house/other children/diapering/etc...... A lot goes with being a first time mom. Then, there is always the fear of getting pregnant. Unless she is breast feeding, it is very very easy to get pregnant right now. I have a sister-in-law with three kids back to back all with birthdays give or take two weeks under to over a year from one another. She had a baby and wham got pregnant, had the next, wham got pregnant. She swore if my brother looked at her wrong she would get pregnant. LOL! After the second pregnancy, the family even started thinking it was true.

If you want to really help, help out with baby chores. Get a sitter. Get a grandma to take the baby for a night, evening, weekend. Don't expect much for starters because the mom is literally wiped out emotionally, mentally, and physically. If post partum has anything to do with the problems it runs even deeper. Ask to go with her to her ob checkups. Ask to speak with her doctor. More may be going on than either of you realize.

Don't feel too bad. My poor husband spent a large part of my last pregnancy caring for himself because I was on bedrest, medically ordered, and nearly lost our child a few times before she was born. Even afterward there were a few complications but with caring for an infant and me the only one with breasts that produced food, it was tiring for me. The last thing I wanted was sex. We made it through and so will you two. You need to find the root of the problem and those problems may take time to get through to find out which it is.

One thing I can recommmend.... Make sure you tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is to you. Most women feel especially vulnerable and unattractive at this time of their lives. That lucious pre-pregnant figure is gone, you seem to be up all hours of the day and night and you simply do not feel sexy or beautiful or loved.

In closing, take a look at yourself too. Make sure that you are not experiencing baby envy. It affects most new fathers too. There is a subconscious jealousy of the child because the child is getting all the attention. That fades with time especially when you are able to provide more of the child care duties and start to feel just as important. At four months, the baby is still really attached to mom and it is especially true if she is nursing intead of using bottles. Give it time and speak to a doctor. You'll get there. Just don't push the point to causing any resentment.

On a final note, regardless of whether your wife gave birth naturally or had c-section, she is going to be sore. It could be a fear of having painful sex. I had gone through two perineal cuts and had tearing with both kids (natural childbirth) so yes, it was painful and even now all these years later the scarring can get a little sensitive and sore. IT may simply be a fear factor for her too. Her body has changed drastically over the past year. The changes didn't take place overnight and they won't be resolved overnight either.

I hope this helps. My kids are now almost 18 and 8 years respectively. It has only been within the last year or so that my own sexual lifei with my husband has improved. We have done the soccer mom, dance classes, PTA, plays, chorus, etc.... until there was no time for either of us and add to that my own personal health illnesses coming into the picture and it has been no picnic. We are working our way back to where we were before. It's working and I'm glad. Small steps and you'll get there.

SS

[flyboy367]

thanks for the reply. alot has gone on actually. maybe i dont want to think things changed up but they have. im a bigshot in my company and i make good cash. she feels like she does nothingt o help us. (she is a real estate agent and does good) i tell her she does the best thing take care of our daughter. my company moved me to the southern part of our state. so i ride 1.5 hours each way and put in generally an 11hour day. we had to give up our apartment cause the dravel expenses hospital bills and all. so we live at her mothers. i guess im muck more open about my sexual self then she is. but even before the baby she had no desire for sex. she does it to keep me happy but said a few times she can do without it all together. i just dont know what to do about it anymore. i cant even put my hand up her shirt to give her a backrub without her clenching up to protect her girl gear. its been so long since we had sex, supposedly we are having it tonite but she always promises and then doesnt want to, doesnt feel good, or something else distracs her. i dont know what to do anymore

[SirGuile]

Girl gear - I like that.

Could the concept of having another child be keeping her legs pressed together? Rubberise that hose, perhaps?

Also, maybe a weekend away would help - hopping in the sack at Ma's might not be conducive.

If you can, try talking to her in a very forthright and gentle manner. She may be feeling a bit of guilt somewheres that could come out sideways. But, if your lucky, SHE might be able to tell you what's not working for her...and she's apt to be the first person to know what the problem is.