Sex In The Shower

[whittibo]

How is this possible? Do you have to be similar heights? Hubby is 6' and I am 5'4".

I tried it last night, put my foot up on the soap dish which was about the same height as his pelvic area, but he still had to crouch down, that wasn't very comfortable for him and he couldn't do this maneuver very long.

[Mikayla1]

I too am very short (5' 3") and my hubby is quite a bit taller. Sometimes it is a bit of a struggle to have sex in the shower. I would say it depends on many factors - what type of shower you have (tub, surround, tiled) and how likely it is that your hubby can lift you. For example, my hubby will lift me up and put me against the wall as I straddle him with my legs holding on. Or, if we are in a shower with a tub (as our downstairs is) I will bend over against the tub sides and let him pound me from above - sort of down into me.

Now, if you can not find a decent position, do not worry - just give eachother oral sex and then get out and fuck somewhere else! Trust me, it will work to get hot and bothered in the shower and then move on to other things.!

Have fun!

[whittibo]

Well I am quite relieved that we weren't stupid for not figuring it out then. We have a small fiberglass stall shower. Both of us together just about fill it up. If it wasn't fiberglass, I could have braced my feet on the wall behind him and my back on the wall behind me, but when I pushed to brace one foot, I heard the fiberglass kind of make this cracking sound and since our house is in escrow, the last thing I want to do is break something we have to replace in the next 30 days. The tub we have is a "garden tub" no shower, just the tub, and I don't think that would make for a very erotic place without the water cascading over us.

We did make good use of our time, we ended up in there because of all the KY massage oils (only thing I could purchase here locally in podunk) and they don't fully rub in, they leave you either oily or sticky. :s So in the shower we went, we tried a few things, couldn't get anything to really work that was comfortable for us, so I started to give him a BJ and made him stroke himself till he came on me. Now THAT was exciting and I was sure to make him know that it was really GREAT! That has been one of my fantasies for a long time, just watching him touch himself makes me hot. He NEVER does in front of me. I am telling you, he's way to modest, so I have to break him of that.

So I will look for a new house with a much better shower then we currently have. I told him I want a full glass surround steam shower with a seat and a step in there.

[Tyger]

Oh ho ho!! My dear!! A bathtub can be a GREAT place to make love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A nice, warm bubble bath, and, don't fill the tub up as much as you normally would (to account for splashing and 2 people in the tub, rather than just one), and it can be soooooooooooo much fun!! Think of it as a smaller bed, with edges. If you're saying that tub may be too hard, there are always bath mats, and bath pillows that can add to the fun, not to mention comfort.

Never think you're "stupid" for not being able to figure some things out, whether it be sexually or otherwise. Seeing/hearing that others go thru the same things you are experiencing is a wonderful thing to be sure!! Sometimes, it just takes another's POV to get the idea. And if you don't ask, how will you really know?

My hubby and I are almost the same height, but not quite. He's 6' and I'm a leggy 5'9". He's leggy too though, so we don't "line up" so to speak, when we're in the shower. Now, it's not as much of a height difference, but we've found, that us doing it standing up, with him going into me from behind, with me sticking my ass in the air a bit higher, and him bending his knees a bit, really works. Facing forward, and trying to do it, also in a fiberglass cased shower/tub, just doesn't really work for us either.

[nosleepnmesa]

I am only 5'2" and hubby is 5'11. My trick in the shower (with a tub) is I put one foot on the side of the tub, and the other on the other side of the tub, then plalean over and place my hands against the wall. This works great for the height problem. We also have another bathroom which is the stall type shower, but it is huge and there is a step stool in my bathroom just for that purpose. I stand on the stool and reach over and hold on to the wall.

OH and the bathtub fun. WOOHOO!!! Tubs are great, he will sit in the tub, and I will straddle him, he places his hands under my ass to help me, so my legs dont give out. Nothing like a warm bubble bath and a little fun.

I have jumped in the shower with my husband before he goes to work and surprised him many of times, washing him, and then giving in oral in the tub and not quit finishing and sending him to work that way so when he comes home he is more then in the mood and ready for me to finish what I started that morning. Sometimes I will finish him off of course and swallow, then send him text messages through out the day, asking so how was your wake up etc.. By the time I am done teasing him at work he walkes in the door and heads to the room and yells honey. LOL

Never think you are "stupid ". That is why this forum is here to help others and learn from each other. It takes practice and to find just the right position can be difficult to but fun. Good Luck!!!

[whittibo]

Thanks for the tips guys (and gals)

I am not opposed to the bathtub, but was just trying to figure out the whole shower thing. Our bathtub is wide, so straddling it would be hard, and cold as there is no shower in our bathtub. But taking a bath isn't out of the question, I might just have to do that.

As for mornings, he is adamantly opposed to such stuff. *sigh* He doesn't shower in the morning, only in the evening. He hasn't even shaved in the morning for awhile. I mentioned on another thread that bi-polar is in his family and I am thinking there might be a hint of it in him. If not bi-polar, then depression for sure. The last two nights have been horrid for us. Left me sobbing quietly by myself. We did talk a bit, and he keeps telling me he's just "too tired" He still preforms just fine, but it's been only one sided with only HIM being pleasured. That has left me feeling rejected and unwanted. I don't think he understands much of anything. I mean, I did spring this all on him suddenly, we went from maybe once a month (no joke) to now every night. He's stressing about the house, his job, church... stupid things really. I say have sex and forget everything else.

We have resigned to taking Monday/Wednesday/Thursdays off for now. This way, I don't get all "excited" for him to come home and for bedtime, only to be let down. At least I will know full well that there's nothing but cuddling for those nights. And he knows those will be nights of rest. Now if one thing leads to another, fine, but for the general rule of thumb, no sex M/W/TH.

[calvin]

Whittibo,

once a month sounds a lot like what my wife and I were doing until recently. It wasn't even all that great, in fact it was a lot like the article on "mistakes men make in bed" by Mikayla, all over in about ten minutes. I was thinking that this is what happens once you get married - after a while sex gets boring. It wasn't until I found this forum that I realised that we were doing it wrong So now we are trying to make it more interesting. I don't feel like doing it every night though (maybe I will once we get into this a bit more) so I like your rule about what days of the week are for sex and which are for resting. Then both people know what to expect, and there are no unwanted surprises.

About your husband being shy: shyness is mostly about fear of rejection, being rejected by the other person. If you can talk to him about this and get him to see that this is why he becomes introverted, this might help him overcome his shyness a bit. I used to be much shier than I am now, and it was this realisation (brought about in conversation with a cognitive therapist) that helped me to get more confident. And at least now, when I start to feel shy, I know that it is because I am fearing rejection, and so I can think about why I am fearing rejection, often realising that my fear is groundless, and so it starts to dissipate. This approach might be worth a try. Cognitive therapy is great, by the way. It's just a way of thinking about why you are thinking the way you do, because how you feel starts from how you are thinking.

I hope that helps a little. I'm getting lots of help and reassurance from this forum, so it's nice if I can offer something in return.

Calvin

[whittibo]

Thanks Calvin. Great hearing about things my husband might be thinking, from a guy who has been there too.

My husband brought up the fact that we NEVER had sex before, now all of a sudden I want it all the time. I did have to remind him it USED to be boring, now that I have learned some things on spicing it up, of course I want more. I THOUGHT he would too!

I am feeling a bit rejected over it all. I don't understand what the big deal on his part is, I mean, it's not like I am asking him to perform acrobatic stunts or hours long of violent humping or anything, I guess I don't understand why he can't just lay there and enjoy it and help ME to enjoy it.

I also have to realize we're both going through some things right now, and both reacting to it differently. First, having our house for sale is enough stress, and it's been for sale for nearly 3 years now. And now that we're in escrow, I am feeling like instead of this house being my safe place, that he needs to be that for me. I need to know he wants me and he'll be there. I mean, I "know" that, but I need to feel it too. It's a weird feeling, unlike anything I have ever been through, selling your house. This is our first house together, all our kids were born here (not IN the house, but brought home to this house) we took it from a tacky cheap mfg home to an almost half million dollar home. It's going to be hard to walk away from it. So I think in me needing him to comfort me and love me, he's dealing with it differently then I am?? That's all I can rationalize. That, and he just really doesn't know how to express himself, never has, doesn't have any self confidence, so that really shows, as you said, in a situation like this. I am much like him, but I am finding it very easy to move forward with our sexual relationship, so I don't get it why he's finding it difficult. *sigh* I think I am babbling.

[whittibo]

Howard, I do hear what you're saying but really, I can't force him to have sex every night. That wouldn't be showing him respect either. It's been a horrible 3 days now for me. I am just discouraged that things are falling apart when they were so great. Could it be that I overworked him in bed?? Could he be sore and just not wanting to tell me? He's also had a stomach ache for about 4 days, I don't know if it's a bug that my daughter has, or if both of them have some sort of nervous stomach and the stress is making them sick??

I agree that scheduling sex is wrong. Although it was my idea, it's still wrong and won't work. I was left feeling empty and sad again last night (our night off), again sobbing because I felt unloved. That's no way to feel when I am married to a man I love.

His work, showering and shaving. Well, the shower thing isn't a big deal. He works with pesticides daily, and comes home to shower. I don't expect him to shower at night AND in the morning, there's no need. As for playing in the morning, I don't get it. I know he thinks his life/job is stressful, but it's him THINKING that, is what makes it so. He sprays houses with pesticides for goodness sake, how stressful can that be?? I do think he stresses easily, and with our house in escrow for the third time, he is worried that it will fall out again, worried that the inspectors will find something wrong, worried it won't appraise for enough. I think those are just stupid things to worry about.

Shaving, UGH.. he knows I have issues with this, I love him clean shaven, and he tends to be lazy about it. Again, how damn hard is it to shave in the morning? He doesn't understand his stubble is like rough sand paper on my skin and irritates me so badly. It's also like me not wiping my ass after crapping, it's a daily thing that should be done, I don't care how much you don't like doing it, it takes 5 minutes tops, I bought him a $200 shaver, but still, he acts like it's some difficult horrible job.

I have been up since 3:30, and wrote a letter to him, I guess I should just post it here.

Darren,

Over the last 3 weeks I have really fallen in love with you again and have enjoyed our closeness and our intimate relationship. I know we were both feeling unloved and needing more passion in our lives and I think we found it and I don’t want it to end, ever.

I know we are both going through a lot right now, and our needs are different, and we both should respect each others needs and desires, in order to do this, we need to communicate more and be open with each other which has never been a component of our relationship, but is necessary. If you feel like you would rather sleep then to be romantic, then explain this to me gently, I will try to be understanding of your needs, I just don’t want to feel rejected by my lover. I know there has been rejection in the past on both of our parts, mine toward you for the most part, and I am sorry about that, I wish we would have found our “spark” years ago, but we can only move forward and shouldn’t dwell on who did what or who didn’t do what in the past.

Backing up for a moment here, I know that neither of us is very good with compliments and expressing love, but I feel like I have improved in this area recently, but feel that you are still being derogatory about things I do, granted some are just jokes, but they really do hurt sometimes. Just off the top of my head these are the comments that have been hurtful the last few weeks. You told me my language needs to change, and what words you want me to stop using. You told me how I park your truck funny. You told me that I am always cold, except when I am hot and open a window when it’s only 30 degrees outside. You have also told me “you’re weird”. I know my attitude toward sex is “different”, but it’s not “weird”. You also said my shaving my pubic area was “pokey”, never once did you express whether you liked it or not.

Things you haven’t told me that have also been hurtful are how much you love me, or love my body, or love the things I do for you and TO you. We all need to know that we’re “OK” in the other person’s book, and it’s good to hear it once in awhile. We BOTH have self esteem issues, and need to really make a pointed effort to let each other know how much they are loved and enjoyed.

We have never had a really functional sex life, it’s been plain vanilla and boring for the most part, but the last 3 weeks have been so amazing and I don’t want it to end, or put boundaries on it. I want us both to feel comfortable that if we need compassion and love, that the other will provide it. This doesn’t always mean we have to have sex; there are ways in which to pleasure each other without both people being sexually involved. This is where blow jobs and touching come in to play. There are times that I don’t need to have sexual release, and want you to, but I don’t feel that is reciprocated adequately. If you don’t want to have sex, but I need sexual release, then touch me until you fulfill me, but you have to be dedicated to it, you can’t just put your hand on me and not be emotionally involved. You have to WANT to pleasure me and enjoy doing it as I enjoy doing it for you. We also need to know from each other when these times are, tell me, “I would really love for you to give me a blow job tonight since you don’t want to have sex”, and I need to feel free enough to ask you the same without fear of rejection.

I know you have come a long way in our sexual relationship and I know things like this are hard for you, and I give you so much credit for going along with me. You need to know it’s not easy for me either. It would really help if sometimes you were the initiator and do special things for me and really initiate and guide our experience, show me what YOU want, DO what YOU want, don’t just always go along with what I do.

Last night I dreaded going to bed because all I wanted was to be close to you and have you love me and make love to me, but knew it wasn’t going to happen. Your touching/comforting me was hard because I knew I would want far more, and you didn’t, which is ok, but I still needed something. I really don’t want to lose what we have just found; I want the closeness and the fun to continue. I want our whole relationship to keep evolving and growing as it should. I don’t want our experience to ever go stale again. I love looking forward to you coming home, love looking forward to going to bed with you and being intimate. I love the spontaneity of our relationship and love that you touch me and kiss me through out the day.

Let’s please work together and keep this love alive.

[Tyger]

I think that that is a great start! Of course, you don't want to overwhelm him, giving the type of person he is. Your letter was direct, gentle, and to the point. It also wasn't a blaming letter, which tends to turn people off.

I hope it's an appreciated step.

[whittibo]

Thanks Tyger. I wrote the letter at 3:30 (we aren't good communicators at all) and I keep reading it over and over to make sure I didn't say anything wrong or point the blame on him. I know he blames me for our lack of sex the last 15+ years, but I could do the same and blame him, but I don't. I just know things weren't good and it was about time to spice things up and make it exciting and enjoy each other finally!