How Should I Handle Different Sex Styles?

[mtnwife530]

Hi Everyone, I really hope someone out there can give me some advice on how to handle this situation. Up until I met my current husband(whom I love compleatly) on occasinon I liked to do party a little and have have some wild sex. Watching some really hot porn ,looking at mags, then maybe share some fantacys. I loved having toys used on me in every possible position especially while blind folded and acting out something from the movie or mag.

I remarried a couple yaers ago to a man who is very much a man in bed(something I hadn't experienced in the previous 12 years) Quiet a while back I decided to buy some lube,on my own, and brought it home. He was very open to it and really liked it,and eventually used the cock shaped bottle as a sex toy, so I suggested getting a vibrator, he agreed. He is very skilled at operating it on me,and loves to watch as he works it. He even got brave enough to ask if he could work it into my ass. Just him asking almost sent me over the edge!

How can work in some more adventuresome sex without him thinking I have suddenly lost my mind. He knows I used to watch some porn and has made it clear he's not into that then coments how kinky I am. He thinks I'm wild because I said I wanted him to watch while I suck him off. His idea of getting crazy is tit fucking me,or screwing my from behind.We have been together almost 6 years(married for 2) and I'm afraid it's too late to show him that other side but lately I have really begun to miss really mindblowing sex. I even ansewed an ad for a female to join a couple and will try to work something out with them. I even recently set up this new e-mail address (that he doesn't know about) hope to find someone locally to share some hot e-mail with in hopes that some time I get away by myself we can act out what we have talked about.

I would love to hear any input anyone may have. Help me out before I go INSANE.

[whittibo]

Welcome! All I wanted to say is, it's never too late.

I just introduced my husband to some more frequent sex and more exciting stuff and he's been doing fairly well handling it. I think I shocked him a bit, but I just pulled back a bit and stopped introducing so much so quickly and that seems to have done the trick.

Others will have great advice, I can't wait to read the answers!

[Mikayla1]

Welcome!!!

Well, this situation sounds SOOOO familiar to me. Before I was married, I was quite into odd sex, bondage, toys, toys, toys, porn, anything and everything - I too WAS (am) wild in bed! My hubby is the NICEST guy you could ever meet - but, he was not into the kind of sex I liked - at first.

He came from podunk country, and for lack of a better explanation, had "backseat, partially dressed, hurried" sex - not much foreplay, no anal, no bondage, no titty fucking - not much of anything. He was good in bed - lasted a long time - wanted to please me, but he basically didn't venture out of "safe sex" land. I loved him SOOOOO much that for a while I kind of put my wild desires on the back burner, then I started to miss it. I MISSED being tied up and fucked with my toys. I missed using toys more frequently, I missed having anal sex. I talked to him about it - being careful not to offend him or make him feel bad.

What ended up happening is the discussion worked for some things, and didn't work for others. He started to use the toys - and LOVED it - used other things, bondage was still an issue, as was anal sex.

Well, I wanted anal, so one night while he was pounding my from behind I pleaded with him to "fuck my ass" and he sort of didn't respond, then I begged him again and he did - loving every second of it. Now, anal is a part of our nornal sex life. The rest of the stuff followed suit, and he even let me in on some of his fantasies.

He thought I was wild in bed too - and he liked it. He just needed to be reassured that I loved him and would love him no matter what - and that he was enough for me!

My advice, be honest. Tell him how horny and happy you would be to spice things up a bit. Tell him how hot he makes you when he eats your pussy, titty fucks you, etc. and that you want to explore new avenues. If it is a matter that can be done without discussion, just do it. While you are sucking his cock, stop, fondle him and tell him to watch as you suck him off. Once he starts looking at you, it will be all good!

Good luck, have fun and always post if you have questions!

[Tyger]

Sometimes it's scary to read how similar to Mikayla (and now Mtnwife too) I am!!

I've been open with hubby, to a degree, as far as how wild I use to be. I say to a degree, cuz I don't want to go into gory detail exactly WHAT I did in the past, or with whom. But if he does ask, I will answer as honestly as I can.

He knows I've tried anal, love wild sex, love porn, and have loved toys for a very long time. However, he was also from "Podunk City" and never really used toys, tried anal, or watch a lot of porn. His idea of wild sex, truly, was either doing it out in the Jeep (which WAS wild in a rain/wind storm!), or tying me up with his horse's halter. Fun, yes, but I was into a bit more than that. Not extreme, but, you have to learn to walk before you can run!

Since becoming a Reviewer, it's actually opened my desire for a bit more wilder sex again, and his curiosity to be peaked again. He's actually wanted to try newer things, and is trying to be a bit more open minded. Which is WAY cool!! He even jokes about my "growing toy collection" to others (I am pretty open, and don't mind it around certain company), which is a HUGE accomplishment for him!

I also love reading, learning, and sharing sex stories. Not in a pornographic capacity either. How do people learn? By sharing in one form or another! Suggestions, ideas, an openness to try new things, asking questions, and honesty are all paths to the road of discovery!!

Maybe start off by asking him, away from the bedroom, what he'd like to do. Slowly bring him into whatever it is you'd like to do. Figure out a way to try and fulfill these fantasies. If, say, you want a little bondage to go on, get some handcuffs, and when he comes into the bedroom, have him find you handcuffed to the bed, naked, or in lingerie. I'm sure he'd get the hint! Buy a new toy that you want to try. Let him "catch" you with it, or give him a show!

I would suggest that you stay away from any sort of online relationships. If you need a sexual connection, and are married to a person you love dearly, then you're first and only choice should be your partner! Now, if you both think it'd be fun to try a bit of couple cybering, hey, that can be fun. But finding a cyber buddy can sometimes be seen (especially by the partner being left out) as cheating.

Let this also serve as a hint to those that are, or may be starting new relationships: never try and hide who you are, or what you like from your partner. If you trust them enough to become intimate with them, why not share the whole you with them too? Let them share that part of you too. Take it one step at a time, and be honest!

I hope these are helpful. Good luck to you!

[mtnwife530]

Sometimes it's scary to read how similar to Mikayla (and now Mtnwife too) I am!!

I've been open with hubby, to a degree, as far as how wild I use to be. I say to a degree, cuz I don't want to go into gory detail exactly WHAT I did in the past, or with whom. But if he does ask, I will answer as honestly as I can.

He knows I've tried anal, love wild sex, love porn, and have loved toys for a very long time. However, he was also from "Podunk City" and never really used toys, tried anal, or watch a lot of porn. His idea of wild sex, truly, was either doing it out in the Jeep (which WAS wild in a rain/wind storm!), or tying me up with his horse's halter. Fun, yes, but I was into a bit more than that. Not extreme, but, you have to learn to walk before you can run!

Since becoming a Reviewer, it's actually opened my desire for a bit more wilder sex again, and his curiosity to be peaked again. He's actually wanted to try newer things, and is trying to be a bit more open minded. Which is WAY cool!! He even jokes about my "growing toy collection" to others (I am pretty open, and don't mind it around certain company), which is a HUGE accomplishment for him!

I also love reading, learning, and sharing sex stories. Not in a pornographic capacity either. How do people learn? By sharing in one form or another! Suggestions, ideas, an openness to try new things, asking questions, and honesty are all paths to the road of discovery!!

Maybe start off by asking him, away from the bedroom, what he'd like to do. Slowly bring him into whatever it is you'd like to do. Figure out a way to try and fulfill these fantasies. If, say, you want a little bondage to go on, get some handcuffs, and when he comes into the bedroom, have him find you handcuffed to the bed, naked, or in lingerie. I'm sure he'd get the hint! Buy a new toy that you want to try. Let him "catch" you with it, or give him a show!

I would suggest that you stay away from any sort of online relationships. If you need a sexual connection, and are married to a person you love dearly, then you're first and only choice should be your partner! Now, if you both think it'd be fun to try a bit of couple cybering, hey, that can be fun. But finding a cyber buddy can sometimes be seen (especially by the partner being left out) as cheating.

Let this also serve as a hint to those that are, or may be starting new relationships: never try and hide who you are, or what you like from your partner. If you trust them enough to become intimate with them, why not share the whole you with them too? Let them share that part of you too. Take it one step at a time, and be honest!

I hope these are helpful. Good luck to you!

[mtnwife530]

Sometimes it's scary to read how similar to Mikayla (and now Mtnwife too) I am!!

I've been open with hubby, to a degree, as far as how wild I use to be. I say to a degree, cuz I don't want to go into gory detail exactly WHAT I did in the past, or with whom. But if he does ask, I will answer as honestly as I can.

He knows I've tried anal, love wild sex, love porn, and have loved toys for a very long time. However, he was also from "Podunk City" and never really used toys, tried anal, or watch a lot of porn. His idea of wild sex, truly, was either doing it out in the Jeep (which WAS wild in a rain/wind storm!), or tying me up with his horse's halter. Fun, yes, but I was into a bit more than that. Not extreme, but, you have to learn to walk before you can run!

Since becoming a Reviewer, it's actually opened my desire for a bit more wilder sex again, and his curiosity to be peaked again. He's actually wanted to try newer things, and is trying to be a bit more open minded. Which is WAY cool!! He even jokes about my "growing toy collection" to others (I am pretty open, and don't mind it around certain company), which is a HUGE accomplishment for him!

I also love reading, learning, and sharing sex stories. Not in a pornographic capacity either. How do people learn? By sharing in one form or another! Suggestions, ideas, an openness to try new things, asking questions, and honesty are all paths to the road of discovery!!

Maybe start off by asking him, away from the bedroom, what he'd like to do. Slowly bring him into whatever it is you'd like to do. Figure out a way to try and fulfill these fantasies. If, say, you want a little bondage to go on, get some handcuffs, and when he comes into the bedroom, have him find you handcuffed to the bed, naked, or in lingerie. I'm sure he'd get the hint! Buy a new toy that you want to try. Let him "catch" you with it, or give him a show!

I would suggest that you stay away from any sort of online relationships. If you need a sexual connection, and are married to a person you love dearly, then you're first and only choice should be your partner! Now, if you both think it'd be fun to try a bit of couple cybering, hey, that can be fun. But finding a cyber buddy can sometimes be seen (especially by the partner being left out) as cheating.

Let this also serve as a hint to those that are, or may be starting new relationships: never try and hide who you are, or what you like from your partner. If you trust them enough to become intimate with them, why not share the whole you with them too? Let them share that part of you too. Take it one step at a time, and be honest!

I hope these are helpful. Good luck to you!

[mtnwife530]

Hi Everyone and Thank you, I did find some helpful suggestion. Maybe if I give you some more info, I can learn better how to handle this. I am 39and the man of my dreams is 55,a very young 55 though so I'm afraid he has matured sexually as much as he ever will. I have started reading "The Joy of Sex" in front of him and I hope he take an intrest in it as well.

And I will definitly try a frank discussion about how I feel outside the bedroom. And howard4570 was so right, anything but kindly blunt would be misunderstood.

Keep the suggestions coming!

[mtnwife530]

If Talking doesn't get him fired up, try just taking it slow. Don't introduce more than one thing new each time you have sex. Change the time of day when you have sex, and have sex more than once a day. If he suggests that you are crazy, tell him, " What if I am? As long as I am crazy in love with you, how can that hurt us?"

Really, everyone has expectation of what married life is going to be, and men are no different. They listen to family members, read too many of those " surveys " , and generally believe that sex is a 10 minute deal 2-3 times a week, just before going to sleep. Sex becomes a sleep aid, and not play time with their wives. The more you get him to play, even if it doesn't involve him having an orgasm, the more he will enjoy just playing with you. Then the sex can be the icing on the cake.

Be aware that many men, even in their 20s are afraid of not being able to perform. The more sex they have, the more they worry about WHEN that shoe is going to drop. And worry is more likely to make it happen. Men are not sophisticated animals. When it comes to sex, they know almost nothing, I cannot recommend a better training aid for men than the Better Sex Educational videos and dvds sold here. They not only teach men and women how to enjoy each other, but they show it being done in a loving relationship, which is often all that men need to see to finally get rid of their hidden fears about not being able to " measure up " to porn stars.

Have you looked at the Better Sex educational videos and dvds sold here? Many men who don't think they should be involved all that much in sex get a very good education watching these dvds.

Howardf

Thanks for the thoughts. I wish I could get sex 2-3 times a week! I really have whine to get it once a week. He says it's not that he doesn't want to,but he's getting "old". To his credit I must say he ALWAYS takes care of me first,usually 2-3 times before he gets his.But like most men when he's done,it's over. He was married once before(for 23yrs. and she left) then a single father of 4(at home)for 10. We definitly get together different times of the day because we still have a 14yr old at home. Since he's a little old fashoned,maybe I'll try introducing something new every fews months to avoid the shock factor. Thanks!

Anyone else?

[mtnwife530]

I wish!!! He's retierd. Though he is a big guy, he walks the treadmill 30min a day,and we hit the tennis court 1-2 days a week,when I'm done working. OK, I confess!!! I did take him to the doctor for a going over(and I talked to the doctor myself) and he's fine then got a Rx for the "little BLUE pill" which does work as far as I'm concerned but for some reason he "doesn't like" them. Then we tried the other meds available,apparently their all "the same".

He swears he very attracted to me and has even said it's my fault for getting him too excited and draining all his energy. Do all men use that for an excuse to get out of sex?

[mtnwife530]

Just a quick note. But I have good news!!! While waiting for his "meds" to kick in today I decided to break out THE JOY OF SEX an let him "catch" me reading it. At first he asked what smut I was reading.I explained it was smut and began reading a few passages to him, the he read some while sitting next to me. Well it wasn't long,he took the book from my lap and,well,it was on.

All I can say is WOW!!!! All I can say I guess I just have to proceed very,very slowly and maybe I will be able to teach an old dog some new tricks! I just have to pray the conditioning from his upbringing can be overcome. The family was very religous but none of that stuck very well. I'm more concerned about the fact that his father is a retierd shrink!!

Gotta run. Thanks for the help and you can bet I'll keep checkin back!!!

[mtnwife530]

I think he was joking, he also says every bad driver he sees must be a female.And he knows better( I have a commercial DL) and he knows that word"FEMALE" bothers me.

He does have a habit of exagerating some things and is very opinionated. There is the real world then there is the world according to "HIM", but really has nothing against adult stores, he's been in one with me....once, but believes people who go there must feel inadaquate.

My point about his dad being a shrink, is that he still believes men don't show emotion,positive ones anyway. I know that he loves me and will give anything and eveything I want,within reason. which means as long as it require little or no emotional investment on his part.....and he doesn't have to be away from home for long.

I should quit, I'm getting a liitle off topic here, but I would love to hears your thoughts.