Some Questions

[bfresh]

Hi, I know I am young im only 18, but am sexually active.

I was just wondering how large I am compared to other teenagers, im at least 6", and sometimes up to 7" when im really horny. Is that average or above?

Another question, I had lost my virginity to a virgin, and during sex I would give her sometimes as many as 3 orgasms without any rubbing or anything, just going at it doggy style. Well im with this girl now that lost her virginity to me, and she hurts my confidence because she isnt as loud as the other girls. Shes the tightest girl I have ever been with, but she doesnt make much noise at all. Well recently she told me sh e was holding it in because she didnt want me to make fun of her making noises, and im not sure about that because we havent had sex since she told me. My favorite position is doggy style, but with this girl she tells me it does nothing for her, and me on top is much better. It also feels weird doggy style, I cant even go in her all the way, and if I push real hard and try it feels like im poking something inside her and hurts a little.

[bfresh]

Some more questions....

Ive given a girl anal before, and it wasnt a challenge to fit it in or anything. Well ive tried with this girl, and shes about 5'1" 95 lbs. The first couple times we tried having vaginal sex I couldnt even get it in her, well I cant get in her anally now. Ive read that you should finger her or play with her there a little bit, but that makes me kind of uncomfortable, I would rather just put it in and go to work, I love foreplay but I just think it would be awkward playing with her butthole.

Im very sexually experienced, and shes not at all. Im her first and we have probably banged like 10 times, while I probably have like 50 times before I met her.

Condoms are also very uncomfortable on me. Sometimes the tip of the condom (thats supposed to fill with sperm) will like push itself down so that the top of my penis shapes into the tip. Its uncomfortable and really bothers me.

EDIT: I have a normal shaped penis also.

[bfresh]

Sorry, maybe I worded it wrong.

I still use condoms, even though lately she has told me to just not wear one and pull out. I still wear one and always have with this girl.

Thanks for the info.

Sir: I want to reach out and strangle you. I can't believe you think that its more important for you to feel good and not use condoms, because they are tight, or don't fit right, than to risk getting a girl pregnant, or giving, OR GETTING, an STD from her. How do you spell STUPID?

I will spell it out. Sex is about adult play time. Sex is suppose to be fun. Sex does not involve pain for most of us. Pain IS NOT FUN! Sex is about pleasuring your lover, while you leave the role of pleasuring you to her concern. Both of you have to be both teachers, and students, guiding, and showing the other how to go about pleasuring you. Because you have more experience than her, you know better what pleasures you. Good! NOw you can show her all the ways she can do that, but LET HER MAKE THE DECISION as to how, when, and what she does to you. That is what puts the fun and laughs into sex. Its what keeps sex from being boring.

Please read the Sex ed materials here about anal sex, and about giving women orgasms. Then learn thise basic things:

1. The anus does not lube naturally like the vagina does. Somehow, you were sleeping in your science classes and missed that critical bit of information.

2. There are two separate Sphincters in the anus, and they both have to relax if something is going to penetrate up the ass. Since those tissue are DRY, you need to use some kind of lubrication. Spit is an inferior lubrication. Buy a bottle of TOO TIMID lube, or astroglide, or any of the better rated lubes found here. Use it liberally. YOU CAN NEVER USE TOO MUCH LUBE DURING ANAL SEX!

3. USE your finger(s) with lube on them to gently massage those sphincters until they relax and open enough to alloy you to put three fingers in her ass. At that point, then lube your cock, and Slowly insert it into her ass. It should be lubed enough, and those sphincters should be relaxed enough to let you in. But don't ram it in. The tissues on the walls of the rectum are very thin- much thinner than the walls of a vagina. They cannot take a " Pounding " as you suggest. Anal sex is about slow motion, not speed and pounding. Don't believe me? Give her the lube and a dildoe and let her go to work on your ass! I think that will make you a believer.

4. The anus is usually very tight, and that increases the sensations that both of you will feel. Most women report having very intense orgasms from anal sex, and that is the attraction that women seem to have towards anal sex. BIG ORGASMS! So, here is where you practice the GOLDEN RULE:

Do unto her as you would have her do unto you.

Conversely, ( the confucian version of the Golden Rule:)

Don't do unto her what you would not want her to do to you.

Go very easy. If she wants you to speed up, she will tell you. Many women do learn to relax and demand hard driving and pounding on some occasions, but let it be her call. Again. change rolls, and tell me who you would want to make that call with something pounding in your ass.

Guys go very wrong about sex with women, when they think that sex with a woman is the same as masturbation. She is not a toy for your benefit so you can get your rocks off. She is a woman, with feelings, and passions, and some kind of interest in you. Its your job to explore those feelings she has for you, to nurture them, to make them grow, to help her grow as a woman and as a competent sex partner. Some women will need more help than others. Don't look down on them for that. Respect the fact that they are willing to try in order to pleasure you. I think I used fingers on one lover for a whole month, loosing her anus, before we finally had anal sex. But it was great anal sex, she had a huge orgasm, and so did I. She was only a little sore the next day, and she told me that she wanted to try anal again. That is a great success story, compared to all the women who have written in here complaining how insensitive their husbands, or BFs are, and how much pain they experienced trying anal sex with these idiots the first time.

Guys also need to understand that the first orgasm of the night is just that: The First One. You are not having sex with a hooker, who charges you by the orgasm. You are making love( hopefully) to a woman who cares about you enough to take her clothes off and play with you. Make her happy and you will not be lonely for love. If you cum so soon that you feel disappointed, tell her its your compliment to her because she turns you on so much.( its the truth) Then play with her until the next erection comes up. At your age, that is often less than 10 minutes. Certainly you can find ways to make her have orgasms during that ten minutes so that you both want to continues sexual intercourse.

Howard

[Mikayla1]

I do not think that you are stupid, I think that you are young. Let me explain something to you that may help you. Having "sex" does not make you experienced. Sexual experience comes from knowing not just what feels good to you, but what feels good to your partner as well. When you are ready, willing and able to do whatever you can to bring both of you pleasure in different ways, then you are sexually experienced.

Second, you can NOT compare one girl to another. Women are ENTIRELY different in all ways. What one girl likes, another may hate. What one girl hates, another may love. Also, if you are having sex with virgins, I doubt they know what they like. It takes time and practice to learn that. Many newcomers to sex do not favor the doggy style - it seems rough and not intimate enough to them. Most men like it from the get go - as you do. Let me ask you, have you had sex facing a girl yet? How about with a girl on top? These positions can be much better for a woman - especially new comers.

Also, how do you know the first girl came? If she moans and says she is coming it doesn't mean she did. Many girls feel that they have to "fake" it to make their man feel good. I highly doubt that this girl - a virgin - climaxed during sex in the doggy style with NO clitoral attention. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it just doesn't happen that easily.

As for the anal sex - there are a WHOLE BUNCH of rules and important things to remember with anal sex. Are you using lube? If not, you HAVE To be. You can hurt her and cause bleeding. Anal sex is not something you can rush into, you have to get her ready, and that means stimulating her with smaller objects first.

Also, if you do not want to "play with her butthole" then what do you think anal sex is? You have to be willing to help her get comfortable wth it and NEVER push it in. This goes for sex too. IF she doesn't like doggy style it is most likely because she has a shorter vaginal canal, and when you go deep (as in doggy) you bang her cervix. This can hurt her and you. Try other positions.

As for condoms - you need to use them...PERIOD! You may think all these girls are virgins, and you may eventually get one who isn't - you have to protect yourself. NO sex is worth an STD or HIV!!!

[Tyger]

OK, I will conceed to the fact that you're young, and inexperienced, but, no offense intended, you're not sounding like a "good lover" to me. GOOD LOVERS ask questions to their lover, care about giving THEM pleasure, and want to please, as well as be pleased. Maybe I got that wrong, but if so, I am sorry for that.

If she's not "loud" as the other girls you've been with, honey, each girl is different. And, I am assuming that she isn't sexually experienced much either. It can sometimes take YEARS to dixcover what someone likes & dislikes. And also what they are comfortable with. Not everyone is loud in bed, for whatever reason. If you're going by pornos, and how the girls act on porn, well, they are, for the most part, acting. Sometimes sex can be like that, but in real life, probably not. A lot of porn stars that are extremely loud, are being loud because they are faking, and they do that to take attention off of that fact, so you look at their face, and not what their body is doing.

As far as anal, just wanting to "stick it in, and go to work" is one of the most selfish statements I've read so far. I'm really not trying to be insulting, and I am keeping your age and experience in mind. I just wanted to point that out to you. Howard is right, the anus doesn't naturally lubricate itself for sex. If you want to get overly technical, it's not designed for it either. Using lots of lubrication (like K-Y, Astroglide, or any other personal lubricant that is SPECIALLY MADE FOR INTERNAL USAGE~not like Vaseline or hand creams) is key in pleasant & pleasurable anal sex. That is TOTALLY normal, and NECASSARY. Now, she is small, and if she's tensing up cuz she is nervous, well, nothing is going to happen anally except lots of pain for her. It takes relaxation, patience (which it doesn't sound like you have yet), and a willingness to listen to your partner.

You may need to switch condom brands. Not many men find them overly comfortable, and usually can tell they're wearing one, but if it's to the point of pain, then I would say switch brands or type you are using. You may be rolling it on too far too. There is a resevoir tip on the end of condoms to catch sperm, that you should pinch and twist a bit before rolling the condom on, so you know not to go too far with it. Never do I NOT recommend NO condoms! Just for your info, and for hers as well, "pulling out" is in NO WAY a good form of birth control, because the penis leaks seminal fluid pretty much thru-out the sexual encounter. And in that seminal fluid is some sperm (it only takes ONE), and can carry diseases, as well as allow diseases in, as well.

With the possible discomfort of doggie style sex, are you just kissing all over her then stripping her down, and "going to town" on her, or are you actually spending time with FOREPLAY? Kissing her a couple of times doesn't constitute FOREPLAY, neither does tweaking her nipples. It's a time where you spend exciting her, getting HER ready for sex, mentally and physically.

From my experience, most 18 yr old guys don't have that down yet. I will say that posting your questions here are a GREAT start in learning how to please your lover. Asking questions is very important if you don't know. And I do hope that our information has helped. Oh, and BTW, you are average sized. Women are designed to stretch and expand *down there*, so, even if a woman is small, there can be stretching. I would suggest that you try to use different sorts of lubricants (read the labes so that you know the lubes you're using are safe with your condoms as far as structurally, for instance Vaseline, which should NEVER be used internally, breaks down condoms, allowing them to tear and rip very easily).

Please remember, that having sex is not only a responsibility, it can also be fun, but it should be fun for BOTH people involved, not just for the guy to get his nut off. Take the time to ask her questions, LISTEN to her, and then have her ask you questions. Sharing info, exploring what you may not know, willingness to please, and to teach, and above all RESPECT, are all very important to having some really great SEX!!!

[learningeveryday]

I feel like I have to stick up for this girl a little, going on my own experience.

I have never enjoyed doggy style. It either hurt or I felt nothing. Part of that may have been a lack of experience. However, unless one of you is providing her with some clitoral stimulation, she may not feel anything. And if you are hitting her cervix, it hurts--a lot!!!

Also, some women are quieter than others during sex. I don't believe that anyone has to make a lot of noise to enjoy sex.

[bfresh]

Another thing....

This girl told me she was vaginally raped when she was 10, at least 10 times by guys as many as 5 years older, including once being raped by 4 guys in a row.

Well she has since told me that she lied about that after I talked to her (she said she honestly thought she was but 'couldnt tell' because she was 10 and 'it just hurt down there when they were doing something'), but she mantains she was raped anally by a single person at least 10 times, and this guy was 14 while she was 10. However anally she is really tight still.

Should that be a red flag that she is lying? When she was 10 she was like 4' tall. Does the butthole become looser after anal sex?

Sorry for my ignorance.

[whittibo]

I have had anal sex many times, including a couple times in the last few months, but my anus is still "really tight" so I don't think that is an indication of whether or not she has ever had anal sex and/or been raped.

[bfresh]

Just to be more clear, the most important thing for me when having sex is pleasing her, I would much rather her have a great time and me feel nothing than the other way around.

I would have no problem playing with her anally, but I think it would be kind of awkward if I just did, is there a good way to bring it up to the girl?