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What Is Attractive?

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I have what amounts to a stupid question. What makes a person attactive? Is it more than just their physical being? I am 37 years old and age has never bothered me. Once again I am finding myself alone. I have been told many times that I am attractive. I know they mean physically. I am 5'5'' inches tall and have a fairly athletic body. When I was younger I was a dancer and did gymnastics. Even now I still do some dance and I teach yoga. I am proud to say I can still put my leg behind my head. My body is almost as good today as it was before I had my son 16 years ago. I have long blond hair and blue eyes.

Yet the only men I ever seem to attract are losers. I want to fin a good man to share my life with but instead I find the one who wants me to have sex with other men and not him.

My friend Vix says it's my attitude and my low self esteem. So when you look at someone of the opposite sex can you really tell if they have low self esteem? I find it hard to believe that you can. I know different people like different things. Some men like redheads and some like blonds. Some like butts and some like boobs. That I can understand, but low self esteem? Part of me wonders if she is right because she is not what you would typically consider attractive. Vix has a pretty face but she is a plus size woman. I know that alot of men are not attracted to a plus size person. When we go out it seems like where ever we go people respond to her and not me. I know she is smart and very up on current affairs. No matter what the subject she can carry on an intelligent conversation and isn't scared to say what she thinks.

She says I need to talk to someone and work on building my self confidence. She has been nice enough to give me pointers. However I guess I am wondering if it would really be worth all effort. Do men really like a woman who is confident in herself and more than willing to tell them to kiss off if they offend her?

Now that I am back to starting over I would like to keep making the same mistake over and over. I have been divorced once and don't want to have that experience again.

Thank you all for allowing me to ramble. I look forward to hearing what you all think on this subject.

Babe :rolleyes:

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Well, the basic answer is that everyone is attracted to different types of people. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It sounds like you are beautiful inside and out - which is good. People who are only beautiful on the outside end up loosing out on real partnerships because they are too into themselves to share with others.

I know what you mean about loosers - I had dated a long string of bad boys until I met my husband. What made them attractive to me? Some were very attractive - too attractive - and as a result, they got a lot of attention from all kinds of women and couldn't keep their peckers in their pants. Then there were the other loosers - the ones who literally were L O O S E R S! Why were they attracted to me? Well, I lilke to think that I am attractive, fun, intellectually stimulating, funny and generally a nice person.

I do not have low self esteem - I really never have. I am a firm believer in believing in oneself, being the best YOU can be, playing up your good points, etc. I have many a girlfriend who has low self esteem -due mainly to the men in her life putting her down. You really have to have a firm belief in yourself and a strong sense of who you are sexually and sensually to not be affected by someone's comments.

So, my advice to you is this: believe in YOU - your beauty, inner and outer. Believe that you are a worthwhile person - cause you are. Know that you are worth a relationship where he gives to you 150% and you want to give him the same in return. Do not settle for anyone who will not give you this. This formula will ensure that you find the man of your dreams! We are all entitled to that.

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We have known each other forever and a day. You are a beautiful woman inside and out. The reason I say that you need to talk to someone and get help learning to be more slef confident is not to be mean to you but because I know what you have been through.

Your ex-husband was very controlling and demanding. Not a day went by that he didn't belittle you and make you feel small. I think the reason you end up with some of these men you end up with is because on some subconcious level you do not think you deserve better. You do! i also think at times, that you are trying very hard to find someone exactly the opposite of what you ex was. That's not the solution either.

You have so many friends who love you and think you're the best. Not to mention a son who adores you and wants nothing more than for you to be proud of him. Take some time and get to know you and what you want. The right man is out there and when the time is right you'll find each other.

Love ya,


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Confidence is what it is about. Build your self esteem. I have noticed that a beautiful women with low confidence will be taken by men looking for someone to do what ever it is they want.

I am sure that you are beautiful, because beauty IMO comes from within, not with out.

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Again, different people like different things. Like, I like the color purple, and a friend of mine can't stand it. Neither can my hubby. OK, whatever. My point is, that everyone likes different things. But, there can be similar interests too. Like, I also like green, so does my friend. My hubby loves horses and all animals, So do I!

Some men like to find a woman that is easier to control. They think it's less hassle, drama, and effort on their part to have a woman that will cow down to their every whim. Belittling these types of women make them feel better about their pitiful selves. They can't HANDLE a strong woman.

You can be the most drop-dead gorgeous woman on the block. But, if you don't put forth a confident attitude, you won't attract a life-long mate. You will, most likely, attract users and abusers who look for women to dominate, boost their ego, cheat on, and put down, just so they can feel "manly" & tough. These immature men don't realize that they look brutish and stupid, not manly and tough.

A man of quality will want someone they can share experiences with, learn, and have fun with, someone to teach their interests and be willing to learn other people's interests as well. Flirting, fun, and friendship all lead to love, eventually. A man of quality will be willing to wait to have sex, not pressure you into going at it when you're not ready. He will want to enjoy the experience, as well as bring you pleasure, not be selfish and only get his nut off, and to hell with your desires. He will be willing to talk about himself, as well as LISTEN to you too.

Your friend explained that you went thru a lot. Which, everyone goes thru some bad points. Live, learn, and grow from them. Be proud of your accomplishments. You're a mother! Be proud of that!! You made it out of a bad relationship! Be proud of that! You keep yourself in shape, and are probably a lot healthier than some of your friends! Be proud of that!! There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself. It doesn't make you arrogant at all. What makes a person arrogant, is them bragging all over the place about themselves, and putting others down, again, to make themselves look better.

Nobody can "make you happy". People choose to react to other people in a certain way, to a major degree. You can choose to either believe compliments with grace, or second guess them (what DID they mean by that??"). You have to learn what makes you happy. What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of friends and lovers you want in your life. All of those are your CHOICE. But, you need to sit and really think about all of that, learn from your mistakes. Delve deep inside yourself, see what all the bad men in your life have had in common, and then, steer clear of it. And, if you find yourself in a bad situation with a man, he's doing something you don't like, VOICE it, get rid of him, stand up for yourself! In no way does this make you a bitch, or bad person. A confident woman stands up for herself. There is NOTHING wrong with doing so!!!! Weak men, that love to be contollers, make a big fuss out of women who stand up for themselves (which, I am assuming your exes have done), and do so to keep their women in control.

I was with a controlling BF for 2 yrs in High School. He liked to degrade me, keep tabs on me, and hit me a couple of times. I'm not the type to usually put up with that, but, after 2 yrs of it almost being constant (except in the very beginning), I started to believe it. As skinny as I'd starve myself, I was still fat. Ask Valntyn, I was far from fat in high school! LOL At one point, he told me I was too tall! HUH?? It's not like I wasn't tall when we got together. I started to believe him still.......Until the last time he hit me. I had forwarned him NEVER to hit me again, cuz I'd make him a woman. He did, and I grabbed a hold of his shoulders and jumped, as hard as I could, with my knee up, and connected with his groin. Then I told him to get the fuck outta my house. I felt liberated!!! And, I had done it myself. He called me every name in the book. And I just kept agreeing with him. Sure, I am a fucking bitch. But, I'm the fucking bitch that brought you to your knees, so shut up. After that, he begged and begged me to come back. I just looked at him, and told him that HE was the weaker one, and he could kiss my ass. I stood firm. It felt great! I also knew that he'd go back to the way he had treated me before. Men like that hardly EVER change.

Just because a man shows interest in you, doesn't mean you HAVE to go out with him. Be gracious, and kind in a refusal, but firm too. "Thank you, but I don't think so." No excuses, no lame reasons, just short, sweet, and to the point. Never get desperate for company! Don't settle for anything but who you want in your life. Show your son how a woman really should be: caring yet strong, and willing to do whatever it takes. Showing him this, will also make him a better man to his woman, when he finds her.

There's a lot of personal growth and discovery to be had, if you choose to do so. But, as with everything, it's your choice. Best wishes to you!

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