Members slartibartfast Posted August 30, 2007 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2007 Hi,My wife and I have been married for 14 years now, but over the last couple of years I've developed post-viral fatigue, which has unfortunately started to affect my penis. I really struggle to get an erection, and if I do, it often doesn't last. However, I'm still just as randy - maybe even more so as I want some comfort! The problem is that not only is my cock affected, but it's also had an impact on my wife - she's had to take on a lot of stuff I used to handle, like the bills and parental stuff, and I just can't help out as I used to. She's really stressed, and as a result hasn't had an orgasm for ages, even if I do get a hard-on. She used to want sex a lot, but as a result of her stress combined with a knowledge that I probably can't get it up, she mostly brushes me off.I know some really good sex would really help us both... But she's resistant to anything out of the ordinary. Dildo's or vibrators are out - she even struggles with finger play and oral (although to be honest I would rather not use toys either - I want to be the thing she puts in there!). Also the idea of watching porn together would result in major strife - as far as she's concerned it's immoral in many ways. As far as some porn goes, I probably agree, but I don't think it's all abuse...Don't get me wrong - she is adventurous and sexy, but her boundaries are different from mine, and in the circumstances I really want to try and get her to expand them. It wasn't a problem before, and we used to have great sex, orgasming together pretty much every time, and feeling so amazingly close. Her parents are of the 'don't talk about it because it's dirty, but if you're married the missionary position is just about OK' school, and she's already gone a long way from that.I'm trying to gently win her over to the idea that there's more to sex than penetration, but I'm not succeeding. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she just says that she finds the feelings 'too much' if I try to stimulate her with my fingers or tongue.Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted August 30, 2007 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2007 You are SOOOOO right - there is more to sex than penetration! While I understand why your wife would like to have sex with penetration, if she understands you situation, then she will be happy to engage in any kind of sex you are able to have. Oral sex, sex with toys, fingers or whatever can be extremely satisfying for her. You have to assure her that you want to pleasure her, and that if you don't "get any" that it is still OK. She may feel guilty, like if she is getting off you have to also - and that is sweet and fine - but not having sex or orgasming does indeed take the toll on her I am sure.As far as your viral fatigue - have you asked your doctor about Viagra, Cialis or Levitra? These medications work by forcing blood into the penis. If you are horny (randy as you say) and have the DESIRE to have sex, these drugs should be a big help to you. While you may feel tired - you can still get aroused - and this might help for some nights when you want and need to get off.Also, have you considered or tried masturbation nights? If you get your wife off, and then she works on you, this might be a low stress and easier way to satisfy you both. If she takes her time - rubbing and sucking on you - you may be able to orgasm since you will be in a relaxing situation. This may be a viable option for you both.The important thing to remember is to try your hardest to work together to make your sex life still a priority. I liken this to someone who may have had an accident and was rendered a parapalegic. The spouse of this person would still desire sex - and need sex - and likewise, the parapalegic would still want that connection - the intimacy - even if he or she couldn't "feel" the pleasure.While your situation is not as dire, it is similiar in the stress that this kind of situation causes is very damaging to a relationship. I would definitely speak to your doctor and see what you can do about getting on an erection enhancing drug!Good luck and I truly hope this helps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members slartibartfast Posted August 31, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted August 31, 2007 Thanks for your thoughts. I did go to my doctor to ask about viagra. The thing is that the cost is prohibitive. We don't have much cash, and it would cost about £10 per session of sex. I will get some at some point, but it's not financially possible for it to be a solution. I've seen adverts for other products, which you take over a period of time to improve blood flow, but I have no idea if they work, and if they do whether they'd help me....I am totally into exploring each others bodies all over and with all available senses, but my wife struggles with such concepts. She doesn't mind it for a little while, but only as a small part of foreplay.... I guess I'll just have to try harder to win her around to those ideas. I like the idea of masturbation nights as you call it, Howard, but I don't think she'd be up to that yet!I'd never understood what cock rings are for. I'm going to look into that. I think I'd be happier about the idea of using other toys if I could perform properly. At the moment, it really would be trying to replace my cock in a sense, which is not what I want! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted September 1, 2007 Members Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Just one quick thing about buying meds on line. Be very very careful who you're buying from. Keep in mind that companies do not have to follow the same standards outside of the US as they do within the country and as such you may be getting an inferior product.Thurisas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members *Mikayla's~Man* Posted September 2, 2007 Members Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Listen to Mikayla on this one - she knows what she is talking about. Every guy at one point or another has ED issues - even I did - and some of the things mentioned here can be extremely helpful in fixing temporary issues - or more permanent ones like yours. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members slartibartfast Posted September 3, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted September 3, 2007 Hi,I've been thinking more about this. I think maybe I should suggest getting a toy of some sort for her stimulation. I am actually quite worried about the fact that she hasn't 'come' for a long time. It's not really like her, and I think it would do her a load of good just to forget about stuff for a moment.Any suggestions? I've read a few of the articles here, but I'm still not really sure. At the moment she doesn't like the idea, so it would have to be something very, very gentle and easy to use. I'm not sure whether a dildo, vibrator or whatever would be best...edit - I think I'll ask that one on the sex toy forum.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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