Need Advice

[codione]

I need some advice on how to handle a situation I am in. I am getting married next month to my boyfriend. We have been together for a year and a half and engaged for about a year. Here is a little background. I was married before to someone that I met when I was 20. I am not extremely experienced sexually, at least not until I met my current boyfriend. I have opened up alot with him, but I have only been with a few guys in my life and none of them did things like he does. He on the other hand has had alot of experience including a few threesomes with girlfriends and their friends, and even an ex girlfriend that had sex with a couple of his friends and him. None of this ever bothered me as he has always made me feel like the most important person in the world. Last week he asked me if I would go to bed with a woman. I assumed that he just wanted to pose the question to see if I would like to have a threesome. I immeadiatly said that there is no way. He assured me that he has no need to participate, just that he wants me to have the experience. I have thought about it before and dont really see anything wrong with it. He suggested a girl that I have gotten to know since we met. She is bi-sexaul, and very cute but youuger that me. I have actually held hands with her one time and we kissed another when we were drinking. I am conflicted on this for two reasons. First she is younger and very cute I dont want him to even know about details if I do this. Second she works for my boyfriend. I actually have never felt that she has wanted to do anything, Rather it was me that had flited with her. I just think that if I want to try this I should do it before I am married.

[thurisas]

My biggest question is why? Why would your boyfriend suggest it...has he asked to watch? Why are you considering it? Why would you do it with an underling of his where sexual harrassment could become a problem? If you do go through with it just keep in mind that it can(maybe/maybe not) create tension that will ripple through your personal and his professional life. If you are to engaged, it seems to me that you both have decided to commit yourself to each other, why bring a third party into the mix now?

Thurisas.

[codione]

please, read Mikayla's article on Threesomes, and read the postings here on the forum from members about this subject. I can't imagine what your BF is doing this for, and particularly now that your wedding is so close. What is this all about for him? The fact that she works for him can cause a major scandle, and cost him, and her, their jobs if this is discovered. For that reason alone, I would advise against it. However, The whole thing bothers me. Its as if you are drifting through life without any moral compass> What do you know about this woman, really? Who else has she been making love with in the past 30 days? Why is she interested in doing this with YOU? Why has she not expressed some concern to know why you are doing this with her, when you are about to marry her boss? Then there is the question of STDs, and all that entails. If you don't know if your heterosexual at your age, then I don't think you should be committing to this marriage. `I think your comment about wanting to explore this kind of thing before you marry is correct, but a bit late to be doing it. And at his suggestion, I have to wonder how serious he is about being married?

Howard

Hetrosexual at my age? I think in my post I said that I met my former husband when I was 20. I hardly had any time to experiment. And this really does not have anything to do with being hetro, bi or gay. This forum is full of people who have experimented and are open to talking about it. Whether they are married or engaged or not. Some have had good experiences others not so good. As for the other woman-I had not thought about the fact that she works for my husband, definitlly something to consider strongly. But please don't talk about my "Moral Compass"-I did not realize you were the self appointed head of this church group.

[cdwaldorf]

I have to agree with Howard. I am wondering what would be the difference in having a threesome before you are married or after you are married. You have committed yourself to your bf. I would just be concerned about why he wants you to have this experience. The question you need to ask is have you ever wanted this experience? Is this the lifestyle that you want to lead? I wouldn't be suprised if you bf starts asking you to have threesomes even after marriage. Do not do it unless you know that you are ready. I also have to agree that doing anything with a co-worker is a very bad idea and can lead into a lot of trouble.

[Tyger]

I'm all for experimenting, and having fun. Some people go thru many many years without fully knowing what "orientation" they are. However, that wasn't the topic of your post. It was basically that your BF wants you to have sex with a woman to see if you like and it, and you're kinda curious, and also wondering WHY he would want you to do so....is that it?

If so, and he claims that he doesn't want to participate (which, IMO, is BS! If he wants to watch, he will probably try really hard to participate), I guess you should really ask him WHY he wants you to do this. If you don't want to do it, then say NO. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people are perfectly happy with NOT trying to have sex with the same sex, and are fine with that.

Now, if you are curious & want to, and he has given you the go-ahead to do so, then, there are a few things to keep in mind:

Use protection. Yes, you can still get an STD with a woman-woman situation. It's not as "romantic", but it's better than bringing something home.

If you don't want your BF to know the details, tell him so. Say you are willing to have sex with that girl, if she's willing, however, it will be in private, no shows, sorry.

I didn't notice your age, however, if you and he are both young, I would highly suggest waiting to get married. I'm not trying to sound "holier than thou", however, younger people really have a hard time, since they're still growing up, figuring out who they are and what they want to be. It's very challenging and hard. You know this since you've been married before, though I'm not sure how long ago.

You are right though, it's best to do these sorts of things before marriage if at all possible. Some people lead swinger's lives, and they are fine with it, though it takes a strong marriage to withstand that type of situation, or even 3-somes.

Anyway, best wishes to you and I hope that you are able to get it all figured out.

[Mikayla1]

Alarm bells are ringing for me!!!!

This man says he "wants you to have the experience?" Uh, why? If he doesn't want to watch or participate - why would he care if you had a lesbian encounter? I will tell you why, he wants this girl that works for him, to tell him all the dirty details and then get you to do a true threesome with the both of you. He realizes if he asks you to do a threesome you will say "no" but if he gets you into it with this girl...then things might happen.

I am not suggesting that all people who have had threesomes have to continue to have them to stimulate themselves, but hey, it sometimes does happen. IF he is really committed to YOU then he will not want to bring someone else in against your wishes!

I echo the other sentiments here as well and suggest that you have an honest conversation with your fiance before you even consider marrying him!

[laadro]

I need some advice on how to handle a situation I am in. I am getting married next month to my boyfriend. We have been together for a year and a half and engaged for about a year. Here is a little background. I was married before to someone that I met when I was 20. I am not extremely experienced sexually, at least not until I met my current boyfriend. I have opened up alot with him, but I have only been with a few guys in my life and none of them did things like he does. He on the other hand has had alot of experience including a few threesomes with girlfriends and their friends, and even an ex girlfriend that had sex with a couple of his friends and him. None of this ever bothered me as he has always made me feel like the most important person in the world. Last week he asked me if I would go to bed with a woman. I assumed that he just wanted to pose the question to see if I would like to have a threesome. I immeadiatly said that there is no way. He assured me that he has no need to participate, just that he wants me to have the experience. I have thought about it before and dont really see anything wrong with it. He suggested a girl that I have gotten to know since we met. She is bi-sexaul, and very cute but youuger that me. I have actually held hands with her one time and we kissed another when we were drinking. I am conflicted on this for two reasons. First she is younger and very cute I dont want him to even know about details if I do this. Second she works for my boyfriend. I actually have never felt that she has wanted to do anything, Rather it was me that had flited with her. I just think that if I want to try this I should do it before I am married.

Seems ours started about the same way- odds are hes already touched -tasted and enjoyed this young ladie and is now attempting to put the two of you together- hum- did the same thing- and even now progressed as such- my young beautiful girlfriend told me about how her last boyfriend was havng intercourse wth her and set up his friend to supposedly come in and whatever-maybe a 3some-- however the guy just watched his friend bang my now girlfriend untll he came- then when the guy got up the friend (as she tell me) came over to her and started kissing and tasteing her pussy. She tells me she had control and yes she enjoyed it-and came in his mouth. It does excite me to think about this- and now I've bought some toys and am going to tie her up(my first) Ive got a tape recorder and one of my guy friends(no i wont share) yet- is going to walk throught the entire thing to the point that he says wow look t her wet pussy- you are going to let me sink my cock in her arent you? (tape only) Ive got a expensive dldo i bought just a little larger than I- that i am going to tease her with- I know she wll do a 3some- it would be my first- am i nuts here> thanks

[laadro]

I need some advice on how to handle a situation I am in. I am getting married next month to my boyfriend. We have been together for a year and a half and engaged for about a year. Here is a little background. I was married before to someone that I met when I was 20. I am not extremely experienced sexually, at least not until I met my current boyfriend. I have opened up alot with him, but I have only been with a few guys in my life and none of them did things like he does. He on the other hand has had alot of experience including a few threesomes with girlfriends and their friends, and even an ex girlfriend that had sex with a couple of his friends and him. None of this ever bothered me as he has always made me feel like the most important person in the world. Last week he asked me if I would go to bed with a woman. I assumed that he just wanted to pose the question to see if I would like to have a threesome. I immeadiatly said that there is no way. He assured me that he has no need to participate, just that he wants me to have the experience. I have thought about it before and dont really see anything wrong with it. He suggested a girl that I have gotten to know since we met. She is bi-sexaul, and very cute but youuger that me. I have actually held hands with her one time and we kissed another when we were drinking. I am conflicted on this for two reasons. First she is younger and very cute I dont want him to even know about details if I do this. Second she works for my boyfriend. I actually have never felt that she has wanted to do anything, Rather it was me that had flited with her. I just think that if I want to try this I should do it before I am married.