Inexperienced "good Girl" With Super-experienced Boyfriend

[goodsoutherngirl]

I'm really bummed, and I could use some help from you guys (gals too of course). I've been reading your threads for about a week now, and really appreciate the tips on giving head. The deep throat, humming, figure 8, etc etc etc - I've noted it all. (I'm super jealous LOL)

I thought BF and I had a great sex life. Great for me I guess. He is super experienced and seems most interested in pleasing me when we are intimate. He is very affectionate and loving, and that is the part I love the most. The added bonus is that I climax non stop during intercourse, and he can bring me to orgasm in a matter of minutes (and over and over) with his tongue and hands.

He doesnt climax every time, but there is quite an age difference (he is in his early 50's, I'm in my mid 30's) - and he had told me in the beginning that it wouldnt happen everytime and that was cool. It wasnt that big a deal - we have a very loving, intimate relationship and I think both very happy. Performance was just not the priority and I didnt give it a lot of thought.

The 2nd time I went down on him, he came. That was a first for me and I wasnt expecting it (no indication it was about to happen - it just did) - but I LOVED it. Felt like queen of the freakin' mountain!! But it only happened that once.

The last time I went down on him, he stopped me after awhile. And then he said something really sweet to me, with the best of intentions I'm sure. He said that my lack of experience, and the fact that I'm a "good girl" is one of the things he loves most about me. That me not having a clue (my words, not his) about how to get him off is very appealing to him. He said I would learn, I would figure it out with practice. And he held me and kissed me - and was very kind about it.

I felt like my heart was going to fall out my ass. I dont know why I took it so hard, but I did. And that's when I did a search and found you guys... and started taking notes. I feel like a failure, and I know thats silly thinking, but I cant seem to shake it off and get it out of my head.

I started thinking maybe that's the reason he doesnt climax during intercourse every time - because maybe I stink at that too. But then he gets an erection almost every time we kiss, he is always kissing on me and touching me and wanting me, and we have been together (in bed) every single day since the first time we had sex. So I tell myself if I was THAT bad, he'd be losing interest by now. Surely.

Still. I'd give ANYTHING to give a killer blow job.

I know you guys said in the other thread that your man moaned or lifted his hips to you or talked to you while you were giving head. My partner does not do that. So I'm left feeling like I may never "figure it out on my own" because there are no indicators as to what I'm doing right - or not.

I did mention that to him. We're close enough to talk intimately, so he knows that.

Guys - does the same thing work on all of you? Do you ALL like the deep throat and the figure 8 tongue thing? Or are all guys different? And how am I supposed to know whats working and whats not - and when to try something different? The one and only time he came during oral sex I had no idea he was even close - so I wouldnt want to stop something that had him almost there, and I wouldnt want to keep doing something that was going nowhere.

My other issue is figuring out exactly what some of the things you say mean. Like I dont know how to do a "hand job" so I get discouraged when the hand job is suggested. Do you grip it tight and move the skin up and down, or do you grip it loose and wet and let it slide up and down in your hand???

Being inexperienced at my age SUCKS.

Our relationship is so perfect in every other way. But I feel disheartened and I would give anything to pleasure him like he does me. Its taking a toll on me and on the overall balance.

I asked him today... If I did it right, or knew how, would he get off every time? He said sure, most definitely. Which made me feel even worse. Now I know its not a guy thing or an age thing. Its a ME thing. *sigh*

I'm sure he would teach me step by step if I asked him to. But when I think about that it really gets to me. He knows because he's been with good women (good in bed I mean). And somehow the thought of being shown how other girls did it doesnt set well with me mentally, ya know? I wish I could just figure it out and do it, and get past this.

[joey9817]

Sorry but you have some tough love coming your way.....

Drop the bs.....You sound like a very sexual person that knows what feels good.

Also sounds like he has a little innocent school girl fetish..

Some men just really dont come that often from blow jobs..I myself have only came twice since I got my first at the age of 14.

At first I thought I was alone till I asked around then I found that it is very common.

Best thing for you to do is to relax and let the good times roll...stop thinking and worrying so much about it....nothing good will come of it. Enjoy the moment, read his body language, listen to his breathing, notice the subtle changes in his cock, and relax!

Pretty soon that man will be putty for you to mold.

Now for the hands...I prefer a firm grip with plenty of lube..saliva is a great lube.. .really soak it down! Try alternating up and down strokes and twisting motions..not too tight with the twisting though...dont want to do any damage here... thats where the wetter the better comes in.

Most important...you need to realize that you hold a good deal of power...use that for the better and stop doubting yourself!

[Tyger]

Let me also add, that just because he is aged & experienced, doesn't make him "great". A great lover not only pleases YOU, but TEACHES you how to please them. Letting you "get the hang of it" by letting you just drift in the wind, makes him rather lacking, IMHO. How are you to know what pleases him if he doesn't TELL you??? This isn't an Easter Egg Hunt, where you win a prize if you find something! He has to be willing to teach you.

It's not only rude, it's inconsiderate, the way he's making you feel inadequate. It's NOT your fault that you don't know how to please him in particular. It's not like you're a mind reader. There should be good verbal cues, as well as physical, but, he should also TELL you things that he likes. Even stuff that you may not have done before/yet.

Each man, just like each woman, likes different things. For instance, I had one lover that just LOVED it when I squeezed his balls HARD while he was pounding into me. My hubby does NOT like this at all.

My added advise to you is to stand up for yourself, and tell him that, well, if he wants better, he has 2 choices: he can teach you how to please him, or he can go find his "better in bed" partners. Making you feel like a failure in bed is just an ego boost for HIM. He knows this bothers you, and it's a power trip for him, to make you feel bad about yourself. I don't get this. I mean, if one feels like they suck in bed, why would they want to continue to have sex with the partner that makes them feel this way?

I may sound a bit pissed about this, and, I am. I have been made to feel like this, when I was younger, and not so experienced. And so, I know how you feel. It took me a few lovers later to realize that it was HIM that had the issues, and that, if he had taught me how to do what he liked, things would've been a lot nicer in the bedroom.

[goodsoutherngirl]

I feel better just having someone to talk to about such a sensitive topic.

Just to clarify, I am not jealous of past lovers. I have a past too, and I'm a very easy going mellow person - that kind of stuff doesnt bother me. What bothers me when I think about it is how it makes ME feel - and I feel inadequate enough without that mental comparison going on in the back of my head.

It doesnt help that I know that his ex was great at BJs, etc. That's all. I guess it makes me feel like he must be terribly disappointed in comparison. And I'd really like to be for him what he is for me - in bed.

[goodsoutherngirl]

Talking it out here really helped me to open up and figure out more of what I was feeling. I talked to my partner about it last night and we worked through it. And made love off and on all night between conversations. I do feel a lot better, and appreciate this outlet and your input - very much.

What he meant as a compliment (such as: "the fact that you dont give head like a 2 dollar whore who could suck the chrome off a fender"), I took with hurt feelings (such as: "you really suck at this, but you'll get better with a little practice I hope").

Men are from mars, women are from venus - right?

I asked him some questions, and he told me very plainly what he liked. I tried it out and he seemed very pleased, so I feel encouraged and excited about being on the right path now. I LOVE to go down on him. True that I dont have very much experience, but I found right away that it is very arousing for ME and brings me incredibly close to climax myself.

Getting to explore sexually is very exciting, and learning my partner thrills me to no end. It just kind of puts a dent in the fun when worries get in the way, or you feel like a failure at it. Tough love was good (thx). I am so glad I found this site - I'm off to learn more that I can try...

I just printed off the deep throat instructions here on the site. You got to love the detail! I cant wait to try it out!!

[pappyld04]

There are a few things that I really FEEL should be added to this. Some men have hang-ups about cumming in their lovers mouth. I never figured out why. Some women also don't pay enough attention to what they are doing while giving a blow job. One scrape of the teeth can kill it for some guys. Some appear to enjoy it. Another thing I didn't see in your post is whether or not he knows that he is making you feel inadequate. If he has not been told this by you it is PAST time for you to inform him of this. If your lover does ANYTHING to displease you it is only proper that you inform him of this or it will continue to happen. If this man had such great lovers in the past and lost them there is a reason. Possibly the same problems that are showing up in your sex life. I hope he isn't one of those guys who continually tell you how much better his former lovers were in bed. If that is the case he should have some serious therapy. He is spending far too much time destroying his relationships. Now you stated that you already know you are inexperienced so the best thing you can do is to realize that you can get better. There is so much you haven't learned, yet. The key word here is Y-E-T! You are open-minded enough that you are at least willing to try. Trust me, he is lucky thatyou are a willing lover. Many men would give anything for a lover like you.

[goodsoutherngirl]

Thank you. I did discuss my feelings with him. He knew when he said it that it was hurtful to me, and was immediately apologetic - and our later discussion cleared things up quite a bit. So things are good, and he is a very kind man. I am madly in love with him, and glad to be past that situation.

I read up on the oral sex tips here and have been "practicing" (lol) - he calls me a quick learner Of course, I didnt tell him I was following detailed instructions haha.

Thank you again. I have come to the conclusion that all men ARE different, and maybe as lovers we should always be open to learning preferences and techniques for pleasure. As for me, I am very much enjoying all of the new experiences and loving the learning process!!

[jfochtman]

I'm really bummed, and I could use some help from you guys (gals too of course). I've been reading your threads for about a week now, and really appreciate the tips on giving head. The deep throat, humming, figure 8, etc etc etc - I've noted it all. (I'm super jealous LOL)

I thought BF and I had a great sex life. Great for me I guess. He is super experienced and seems most interested in pleasing me when we are intimate. He is very affectionate and loving, and that is the part I love the most. The added bonus is that I climax non stop during intercourse, and he can bring me to orgasm in a matter of minutes (and over and over) with his tongue and hands.

He doesnt climax every time, but there is quite an age difference (he is in his early 50's, I'm in my mid 30's) - and he had told me in the beginning that it wouldnt happen everytime and that was cool. It wasnt that big a deal - we have a very loving, intimate relationship and I think both very happy. Performance was just not the priority and I didnt give it a lot of thought.

The 2nd time I went down on him, he came. That was a first for me and I wasnt expecting it (no indication it was about to happen - it just did) - but I LOVED it. Felt like queen of the freakin' mountain!! But it only happened that once.

The last time I went down on him, he stopped me after awhile. And then he said something really sweet to me, with the best of intentions I'm sure. He said that my lack of experience, and the fact that I'm a "good girl" is one of the things he loves most about me. That me not having a clue (my words, not his) about how to get him off is very appealing to him. He said I would learn, I would figure it out with practice. And he held me and kissed me - and was very kind about it.

I felt like my heart was going to fall out my ass. I dont know why I took it so hard, but I did. And that's when I did a search and found you guys... and started taking notes. I feel like a failure, and I know thats silly thinking, but I cant seem to shake it off and get it out of my head.

I started thinking maybe that's the reason he doesnt climax during intercourse every time - because maybe I stink at that too. But then he gets an erection almost every time we kiss, he is always kissing on me and touching me and wanting me, and we have been together (in bed) every single day since the first time we had sex. So I tell myself if I was THAT bad, he'd be losing interest by now. Surely.

Still. I'd give ANYTHING to give a killer blow job.

I know you guys said in the other thread that your man moaned or lifted his hips to you or talked to you while you were giving head. My partner does not do that. So I'm left feeling like I may never "figure it out on my own" because there are no indicators as to what I'm doing right - or not.

I did mention that to him. We're close enough to talk intimately, so he knows that.

Guys - does the same thing work on all of you? Do you ALL like the deep throat and the figure 8 tongue thing? Or are all guys different? And how am I supposed to know whats working and whats not - and when to try something different? The one and only time he came during oral sex I had no idea he was even close - so I wouldnt want to stop something that had him almost there, and I wouldnt want to keep doing something that was going nowhere.

My other issue is figuring out exactly what some of the things you say mean. Like I dont know how to do a "hand job" so I get discouraged when the hand job is suggested. Do you grip it tight and move the skin up and down, or do you grip it loose and wet and let it slide up and down in your hand???

Being inexperienced at my age SUCKS.

Our relationship is so perfect in every other way. But I feel disheartened and I would give anything to pleasure him like he does me. Its taking a toll on me and on the overall balance.

I asked him today... If I did it right, or knew how, would he get off every time? He said sure, most definitely. Which made me feel even worse. Now I know its not a guy thing or an age thing. Its a ME thing. *sigh*

I'm sure he would teach me step by step if I asked him to. But when I think about that it really gets to me. He knows because he's been with good women (good in bed I mean). And somehow the thought of being shown how other girls did it doesnt set well with me mentally, ya know? I wish I could just figure it out and do it, and get past this.

[jfochtman]

Okay ya'll I knew here posting, so please be patient

Everyone is right about asking him what he wants, desires, feels good, etc. You both have to be honest and very open to each other to make a really great love making session vs. just having sex.

Regarding him not cumming everytime, isn't really a big deal especially if this is part of his history. My SO doesn't always ejaculate everytime, but does cum without cumming (his words). He's on medication that sometimes effects this ability that has nothing to do with my performance. I'm not complaining because this also has us making love for hours with occassional intermissions for a quick breather or a drink of water. So don't be discouraged in that department.

I would like to suggest taking this as a huge opportunity to do some role playing. So he likes the "good girl" does he??? One time I went to the thrift store to buy a school girl outfit, with the oxford button down white shirt, tie and short pleated skirt. Yes some people might find this odd getting it from a thrift store, but hey as long as it gets the desired results?! Anyway I purposely bought them too tight so I couldn't even button the shirt all the way so my boobs popped out. I put my hair up in pigtails with red ribbons and even had on knee high white socks with mary jane shoes on. When he walked through the door from work, he instantly popped out of his pants seeing me sitting at the table. Before he could put his eyes back in his head I went into the "school-girl" role, asking him questions about the assignment he assigned me, asked him what extracuricular activities I could do, called him Mr. Shannon, dropped my pencil bending over straight legged to pick it up showing him my white cotton panties (had to actually buy those too, because I didn't own any that weren't thongs). So you could be his student and he be the professor.

If you're interested in trying and you've never role played before, practice what you're going to say in front of the mirror, completely get into your role! That way you won't be full of giggles.

Oh yeah I even got some hubba bubba bubble gum and played with in my mouth so he had to spank me for having gum in his classroom. And when he kissed me he tasted the gum. Needless to say, our session that night did not last hours... when the actual "lesson" started, it wasn't long at all!

OMG... YEAH my boyfriend goes to break at 8:30... I can't wait to see him after visiting this site!!!!