I Am So Goddamn Frustrated

[horneyhousewife]

I can't even begin to describe how frustrated I am at the moment.

Let me start by saying that I don't expect replies, I don't want sympathy or understanding, and I am not looking for advice. I need to VENT and I have no other outlet for it.

I am also not editing for typos and if admin wants to pull this then by all means, go for it. I really and truly just need to scream, and since he is SLEEPING i am going to do it here.

So here it goes.

We had a family thing earlier tonight, and during the family thing, he had ample opportunity to tease me into a frenzy. So we get home and I spend probably 20 minutes (not long, not as long as I'd have liked, but whatever) doing all kinds of neat stuff to him with my tongue. So I tell him that I would love him to return the favor, so no fucking lie, he spends 3, count them THREE FRIGGIN' MINUTES performing oral on me, which he hasn't done in ... how long have we lived here... 2 years? Last time I got oral was in our old house. No shit.

So then he fucks me and goes to sleep. What the fuck is that?? It's fucking 8:30 on a Saturday night and the kids are at my mom's house. Seriously.

He doesn't like toys. He thinks that he's "not enough" if we use toys, so we've never used toys. I've got some fucking news for him. HE'S NOT ENOUGH. But with the fragile ego he's got, if I even attempted to have a discussion with him about it, he would go into some sort of shell and I wouldn't even get what I'm getting now. What the fuck.

I have tried talking to him about it, he won't respond. He literally shuts down when I broach the subject of sex. I want to hit his parents over the head. What the fuck did they do to this guy?! Everything is "dirty". EXACTLY! He didn't marry a fucking NUN for Christ's sake! He married a normal healthy woman on he way into her sexual prime that needs more than a fucking quickie on the way to lights out.

Holy crap, if it wasn't for the vibrators that he doesn't even know I own, I don't think I would O at all. Goddammit. 8:30 on a Saturday, no kids, and I'm bitching to a bunch of strangers on a message board about my sex life instead of getting the ride of my life because he is fucking SLEEPING!

The rest of my life is perfect and I really should shut the fuck up and accept my lot in life, but I can't because the part of me that is a woman is in a constant state of freakin throbbing because it is never fucking sated.

Okay, thanks for the vent. It didn't help, but at least more people know I'm freakin' miserable than just me.

I am respectfully asking that you don't insult me with advice. I CAN'T talk to him, he won't talk about it. I'm dealing. I just need to vent on occasion so I don't stick my head in the oven. I have MS and I get depressed about it so my neurologist put me on some antidepressants that killed my libido. I swapped drugs so now my libido is back. he was bitching about the lack of sex.

I think I'm going to just switch back. I'd rather be without it and not want it than be in a constant state of arousal with no outlet for it besides a piece of fucking plastic.

Holy crap I'm pissed. Do you have any idea how badly I want to tell him all this? It would land me in divorce court. Jesus Christ.

[Mr.SP]

Sometimes blowing off steam to a bunch of strangers is a good way to go.

Its kinda like bad gas, "Better out than in."

Besides we won't judge you in the morning.

So go for it.

[Mikayla1]

I am so glad you feel you can vent here! Do you realize how many other readers and posters have the EXACT same experiences and are afraid to post or ask about it?

I know you said no advice - but you have to remember that for all the people the actually post here - thousands read these posts and some of them might want some advice.

So, for those persons let me just say this: men are not mind readers. They DO want to please us, they DO want good relationships, but many do not know the first thing about how to do it. They do not understand our wants, needs and desires - because we do not tell them! Many men are damaged by their families or past relationships, and still others are out to just "get their nuts off." So, for all the men who are lacking in the bedroom - we need to tell them. We need to show them what we want and need.

Trust me when I say this: if your partner loves you, he will listen to your sexual desires - he WILL want to make it better. If he doesn't he isn't worth it - life is too, damn short!

Jenn: come vent anytime!

[horneyhousewife]

yeah. i wish he wasnt so freakin' sensitive. there is absolutely no way i can broach the subject without him feeling all inadequate and withdrawing from me. i don't know what kind of crap his mother filled his head with when he was growing up, but she didn't leave me much to work with.

He is the absolute most perfect man in every way but this one, and I am so completely in love with him that sometimes I cry. But then there's this part. I literally cannot talk to him about it. When I try, he does one of two things. He either gets defensive and upset or he looks at me like I'm a sick freak. Three things. He will put his good ear in the pillow and pretend he doesn't hear me.

We were in the hot tub the other night and he said something about getting the kids to bed so we could have some "alone time" and i said "'ive got some new toys we could try out' and he said 'now why do you have to go and spoil the mood like that'. i was like wtf. i said you're not threatened by toys, right? he said, no but they make me feel like i'm not enough for you. I said that's silly. they're supposed to make it even more fun than it already is and he shut down. end of conversation. done.

you know tht how to guide that makayla has out about being multi orgasmic? Well i am, and i miss it. I take care of my own damned business during the day most of the time and if he knew he would feel cheated on. he doesn't do that, but if he did, it would be such a turn on for me.

Then, he tells me tonight that giving me oral doesn't "do" anything for him other than being happy that he's making me happy. I said WTF do you think it's supposed to do for you? Jesus Christ. I said what do you think i get out of doing it for you other than loving making you feel that good?

He stuck his good ear in the pillow. End of conversation. done. What pisses me off is that he gets it all the freakin' time, and i am always trying to find new ways to make it better. I don't know if he's afraid that he'll do it wrong or what, but i wish he'd make an effort to learn. I'd like to spend some time slapping his mother around for ruining a perfectly good incredibly hot guy with whatever Catholic guilt she put on him growing up.

He won't role play, and there's nobody on this earth that i want to fuck more than Jack Sparrow. Holy crap. And even if he did, I wouldn't want the fantasy ruined by the same old boring sex with a guy in a Jack Sparrow wig.

When I set up this whole thing like I was his naughty mistress, he came home after he read the note I left for him and didn't play along at ALL. so I said wtf. and he said that the only woman he wants to make love to is his wife. Jesus Christ. It's sweet and all but come ON!

Well, I thought i was done venting. I gotta go get some sleep. Turkey shoot in the morning. Need to be rested. This is assuming I can sleep...

Thanks for letting me vent again.

[pappyld04]

My first thought is WTF!! Second is please tell others where they grew this guy so they will know to run if they are in this same garden. How could anyone think that 3 minutes of oral is even a start on being pleasure? I don't think he is even close to giving a dam about your pleasure. You have obviously settled for someone far beyond second best. I think all here would agree when I say FUCK THAT IGNORANT TURD AND HIS FEELINGS on this matter. There is no way you should even be still with him. His only concern is to make you feel freakish and to get a nut as wuick as he can. Trust me when I tell you that therr are men who would bend over backwards to show you what real pleasure is about. I think you are giving yourself far too little credit for staying as long as you have but you deserve a MATURE partner who will care about you also!!!

[masquedxangel]

It almost sounds like when he puts his ear to the pillow you let him...maybe if you MAKE his ass sit up and pay attention to you, you'll get your point across... I don't know. Since I'm not in your shoes I can't give anything beyond a weak suggestion. But I really hope you can convince him to take more care of you - that comment on how he doesn't get anything out of pleasing you bothers the hell out of me. =(

[Willow~]

I think it's very sad to hear how frustrated you are. I would not and could not be with a man that had no interest in my desires. In my opinion he sounds very selfish.

3 minutes? That's crazy. When my husband goes down on me, well we never timed it, but he stays until I cum. He does this willingly and often, and I don't have to ask. Just like I suck him off, willingly and often.

If I was blowing him regularly and there was no attempt or offer made to me, I would not stay with him.

Oral is a very important part of foreplay. We can't give ourselves that ultimate pleasure.

As for toys, I think most men feel that the toy is a substitute, it's not. It's an aid that's all it is. They feel damn good for us and for our men if they're open enough to try them. My husband is very "macho" and always said "nothing's ever going in MY ass". Well that attitude changed when he found out how good it feels for him for me to penetrate him anally while I blow him. We love anal sex, I love it when he does me and I love giving him some anal pleasure too.

My husband knows I can't cum unless I have clit stimulation. It has nothing to do with him, it's just the way I am.

He works hard at stimulating me. During foreplay he fingers me, or licks my pussy or places my vibe on my clit while doing either.

He's got no problem doing this. I know it turns him on when he gets me off, because his cock is practically weeping so much precum that he's soaked.

Sometimes after we make love, he'll gently finger me again while he's resting and either suck on my nipples or just kiss me so that I cum once more.

How does that make me feel?? Worshipped and adored. I will do anything for my husband, he cares about my pleasure so much.

You are missing out by being with this man who could care less about your needs, is insecure about your sexuality and has no intention of pleasing you.

Sleeping at 8:30?? Well that's well and good, but you both should be resting, gathering your strength for more lovemaking.

Most of the time after we both cum we rest, and sometimes sleep for a bit, then wake up and go at it again.

Hell your vibrator treats you better than he does.

[pappyld04]

As for toys, I think most men feel that the toy is a substitute, it's not. It's an aid that's all it is.

Willow, I'm glad to see you didn't throw all of us under that bus! There are a few of us that do realize how much better things can be when you are willing to try new things.

[thurisas]

I know you don't want advice but I can't help but posting this anyway.

It seems he's very up front with you about what does and doesn't do it for him and shuts down that part of his sex life. I have a feeling that if you let his ego take the blow and let him know of all the things that don't do it for you and stopped doing them as well he'd get the point. I am not a proponent for using sex for leverage, but this man deserves it.

His oral technique isn't good? Let him know how to improve and if he throws a fit just tell him his oral isn't doing it for you and you don't want him there.

Does giving oral do anything for you? If not, let him know that it doesn't and that you'll no longer be performing it.

Sex isn't as good as it could or should be? Let him know how to improve and if he throws a fit let him know that intercourse with him just isn't doing it for you, grab one of your vibes, and use it.

Eventually, once you hit him with enough 2X4's he'll get it.

Thurisas.

[horneyhousewife]

Now it's two days later and I have calmed down quite a bit. I see that I have gotten the ire up on several of you. That was not my intention, I needed to vent.

To address the issues that you have put forth:

First of all, there is no way, shape or form I would leave this man. The sex part of our marriage sucks, I'll give you that. The rest of our marriage, however, is like a fairy tale. He built me a beautiful home, he fathered two beautiful children, he allows me to grow and evolve into the person that I need to without judging. I have lost money selling Pampered Chef and Big Yellow Box by Crayola. He has never complained. He has always supported me when my MS gets bad. He takes over the household responsibilities, including paying the bills, cleaning, cooking and bathing the children when I can't do it. He cries for me when I am in pain. We are as in love as much today as we were on our honeymoon, if not more so. 7 years of marriage and all of the trials we have faced together has made us stronger. I would not pull my children apart and destroy a family because I am not getting laid good enough.

A lot of my frustration the other night was because I have been trying to work with him, and it is slow going. I want progress to be faster. I knew who he was when i married him, and because I let it go for 7 years, it's that much harder to work it out. I am the one that made it acceptable, and for a few years in there, I didn't want anything to do with sex at all because of meds and MS symptoms. When your completely numb from the waist down, what's the point? So it is what he is used to.

Now, my symptoms are different, my meds have changed, and along with them, so have my desires.

This guy has been driving the same truck for 10 years. He bought it because the Toyota he bought in high school finally quit on him. He is celebrating 21 years with his company this month, a family business he has been with since he was 14 years old. He bought his parents house when they were ready to sell it. I am trying to say that he is not one to change quickly. He does change, and he does try new things, but it's really slow going to get him warm to the idea.

I don't know what his pre-me sexual experiences were. From what I can gather, he must have dated some real dead fish. The man has never had any formal training in that area, and I have been too uncomfortable to ask for what I want. This is as much my fault as it is his, and I know that we will eventually work through it.

I have made a list of what I like. It is right there in black and white, and when I get up the nuts to, I will hand it to him and we will discuss it. Will it make him squirm? Absolutely, and me too.

I will not deny him his pleasure because he is denying me mine. I love him totally and completely and making him feel good makes me feel good. We will get past this, and we will have an amazing and fulfilling sex life but I have to learn to communicate what I need without hurting his ego. He should never be made to feel like he is anything less than a wonderful human being. That is what he is.

He is not a control freak. Quite the contrary, as I said, he has allowed me, even encouraged me to evolve into whoever I need to be. He has always been here for me to support me and to give me a leg up when I need one.

He is the vice president, of a multi-million dollar company, as well as its sales manager and advertising guy, and he gets damned stressed out and damned tired at the end of the day. Whoever said not to wait 'til bedtime is right, and that is probably part of the problem. The guy crawls into bed, exhausted, and here is his wife demanding that he put out. All he wants to do is go to sleep, because he is doing it all over again tomorrow. The weekends really aren't much of a reprieve, as he has outside stuff to get done. the woodshed is finally full for the winter. He cut and split 14 cord this year.

What about me? I get up, get the kids ready for school (on the days that I am able), then I get to take a nap if I want, or go trolling TJMaxx, or fuck off on the internet or whatever it is that I want to do that day. He has never, not once, complained about it. He has never once told me that I couldn't go shopping, or hang out with my friends, or go out for an evening. He has never made me do laundry or clean the house, nor has he ever even asked. When he's out of underwear, he will run a load of laundry. When he can't find the sink, he will do the dishes.

We discuss everything. Business, politics, money... we rarely fight, not because we avoid it but because we don't have anything to fight over. Our last big one was when we were building our house, he wanted oak floors, I wanted bamboo floors. We finally compromised and got maple.

He wants me to be happy and he wants to make me happy. I need to learn how to tell him what I want, I need to do it with better timing, and things will fall into place. I need to communicate my needs without making him cry. If he knew how unhappy I am with our sex life, he would cry. Hurting him hurts me.

In the meantime, I will rant from time to time about how frustrating it is to try to teach an old dog new tricks and I am glad that you are here for me so I can do that.

[HotMamaBT]

*HUGS* No advice, no pitty, just a simple hug in hopes to make you feel at least a tad bit better.....

[pappyld04]

Now it's two days later and I have calmed down quite a bit. I see that I have gotten the ire up on several of you. That was not my intention, I needed to vent.

To address the issues that you have put forth:

First of all, there is no way, shape or form I would leave this man. The sex part of our marriage sucks, I'll give you that. The rest of our marriage, however, is like a fairy tale. He built me a beautiful home, he fathered two beautiful children, he allows me to grow and evolve into the person that I need to without judging. I have lost money selling Pampered Chef and Big Yellow Box by Crayola. He has never complained. He has always supported me when my MS gets bad. He takes over the household responsibilities, including paying the bills, cleaning, cooking and bathing the children when I can't do it. He cries for me when I am in pain. We are as in love as much today as we were on our honeymoon, if not more so. 7 years of marriage and all of the trials we have faced together has made us stronger. I would not pull my children apart and destroy a family because I am not getting laid good enough.

A lot of my frustration the other night was because I have been trying to work with him, and it is slow going. I want progress to be faster. I knew who he was when i married him, and because I let it go for 7 years, it's that much harder to work it out. I am the one that made it acceptable, and for a few years in there, I didn't want anything to do with sex at all because of meds and MS symptoms. When your completely numb from the waist down, what's the point? So it is what he is used to.

Now, my symptoms are different, my meds have changed, and along with them, so have my desires.

This guy has been driving the same truck for 10 years. He bought it because the Toyota he bought in high school finally quit on him. He is celebrating 21 years with his company this month, a family business he has been with since he was 14 years old. He bought his parents house when they were ready to sell it. I am trying to say that he is not one to change quickly. He does change, and he does try new things, but it's really slow going to get him warm to the idea.

I don't know what his pre-me sexual experiences were. From what I can gather, he must have dated some real dead fish. The man has never had any formal training in that area, and I have been too uncomfortable to ask for what I want. This is as much my fault as it is his, and I know that we will eventually work through it.

I have made a list of what I like. It is right there in black and white, and when I get up the nuts to, I will hand it to him and we will discuss it. Will it make him squirm? Absolutely, and me too.

I will not deny him his pleasure because he is denying me mine. I love him totally and completely and making him feel good makes me feel good. We will get past this, and we will have an amazing and fulfilling sex life but I have to learn to communicate what I need without hurting his ego. He should never be made to feel like he is anything less than a wonderful human being. That is what he is.

He is not a control freak. Quite the contrary, as I said, he has allowed me, even encouraged me to evolve into whoever I need to be. He has always been here for me to support me and to give me a leg up when I need one.

He is the vice president, of a multi-million dollar company, as well as its sales manager and advertising guy, and he gets damned stressed out and damned tired at the end of the day. Whoever said not to wait 'til bedtime is right, and that is probably part of the problem. The guy crawls into bed, exhausted, and here is his wife demanding that he put out. All he wants to do is go to sleep, because he is doing it all over again tomorrow. The weekends really aren't much of a reprieve, as he has outside stuff to get done. the woodshed is finally full for the winter. He cut and split 14 cord this year.

What about me? I get up, get the kids ready for school (on the days that I am able), then I get to take a nap if I want, or go trolling TJMaxx, or fuck off on the internet or whatever it is that I want to do that day. He has never, not once, complained about it. He has never once told me that I couldn't go shopping, or hang out with my friends, or go out for an evening. He has never made me do laundry or clean the house, nor has he ever even asked. When he's out of underwear, he will run a load of laundry. When he can't find the sink, he will do the dishes.

We discuss everything. Business, politics, money... we rarely fight, not because we avoid it but because we don't have anything to fight over. Our last big one was when we were building our house, he wanted oak floors, I wanted bamboo floors. We finally compromised and got maple.

He wants me to be happy and he wants to make me happy. I need to learn how to tell him what I want, I need to do it with better timing, and things will fall into place. I need to communicate my needs without making him cry. If he knew how unhappy I am with our sex life, he would cry. Hurting him hurts me.

In the meantime, I will rant from time to time about how frustrating it is to try to teach an old dog new tricks and I am glad that you are here for me so I can do that.

Jennn, I don't think you have to bother with the ire of most that I've seen here. Sometimes a monitor has a tendency to communicate things in different ways than intended. Some of us may have read more into it, myself being one, but this is one forum I've found where people post as they see things and as more details become available things level out! Your vent is exactly why this R&R topic was created and you should never feel bad about doing so. I don't believe any of us are perfect so at times it may take a bit of patience and understanding and a few more details before we catch on to the whole thing.

[Mikayla1]

Jenn, thanks for the additional info. You know, we can be with WONDERFUL Men, but they can still fall really short in the sex department! I think it is incredibly important that you do get up the guts to tell him or show him what you want, need and expect in the bedroom! IF you had a better sex life, you both would be happy, and you would have your dream man, it seems!

Good luck and please let us know how it goes! Feel free to rant anytime - these questions, comments and concerns really do help a lot of people!