Members jesse123 Posted November 27, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2007 Hello again! Here's my problem, I CANNOT orgasm unless I do it myself by clit stimulation. I never even get close when my bf and I have sex or when he fingers me or even when he gives me oral. Ive tried to show him but it just doesn't work...nothign works and really, it is frustrating HIM more than me because he feels hes not doing anything right. I don't know what to do! He has been with three other women, and I lost my virginity to him, and he says I am the hardest one to get even near a climax! I'm starting to feel really bad! I orgasm when I masturbate but it never works when I'm with him...He gave me oral for the first time the other day, and even that didn't help! We've even tried a combo of penetration and clit stimulation. NADA!!! You get the drift...Its not that I am uncomfortable at all with him...I'm not, I trust him completely and can totally be myself with him.Help!? Thanks so much and I hope you are all having a great night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted November 27, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2007 The other day was the first time he gave you oral? How long have you been together? He needs to be giving you a lot more oral than he apparently has been and he should be exercising his fingers while he's down there. This will do a couple of things. He'll be able to feel and see what does and doesn't work as long as he's paying attention to your reactions and you'll become more acclimated to the sensations of someone else stimulating you. It is very possible that you've trained yourself through masturbation to only come a certain way with a certain pressure. Start doing your kegels and start trying to bring yourself to climax in a different way than you usually do when you masturbate. This can help you immensely.Thurisas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jesse123 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2007 Wow! First of all, THANK YOU GUYS! That was a ton of information Howard! That's awesome and I appreciate it. Lets see here. Many of your points were right, I was brought up in such a strict Christian home that when my mother saw kissing on the TV she turned the channel...I know, weird!!! Anyway, I have been with my bf since Jan 07...We didn't have sex until July 07, and we only just started swapping oral recently. He has however been giving me stimulation with is fingers since about April/May. What can I say, I was a bit shy to do oral or let him do it either. So yes, I suppose that reflects me not truly being comfortable with him or even myself. Howard you are also correct about me masturbating in specific ways, but even then it takes ME forever to get to orgasm. Ive tried to train my body to come to orgasm differently, and more easily, but I guess I need to work more on that... I will definitely try some of the things you mentioned and let you know how it goes!!!Come to think of it, I think part of the reason its so hard is because we are sort of long distance now. It didn't start that way, but we both moved. Now we see each other only a few times a month and since I KNOW there will be sex involved maybe I'm subconsciously stressing myself over it??? I don't know.I will work on it and see how it goes!!!Thanks a million! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted November 28, 2007 Members Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 I would say that the fact that you can orgasm by yourself, but not with your partner, says a lot about your 'subconscious' feelings about orgasm! This is not to say that you are not turned on by, or comfortable with, your partner, but since you went soooo slow, getting to know each other, waiting to have sex, etc. that you are more accustomed to stimulating yourself than having a partner do it.The thing is, all women have a certain....technique. Some like it hard, some soft, some fast, some slow....we KNOW what we like - but do our partners? If you are thinking.....gosh, he is sooo close to the spot, or if it just doesn't feel 'as good' as it normally does, then I would suggest you try telling or showing him how YOU like it. He seems like he wants to be able to please you, so try to help him along.Everyone else is correct too - more oral girl! More women climax during oral than during vaginal sex! Have fun, breathe, be creative - and again - HAVE FUN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted November 28, 2007 Report Share Posted November 28, 2007 I'm glad that you found us and want to ask questions! Great! It's always a good thing to learn about one's body.Since you can get your O on with masturbation, then I would say, no, your BF isn't doing it right for you. He may or may not have had women that have been able to O before. If they're young, they may have just faked it, so he would feel good about his ego, or he may have done it right for THEM. Each woman is different. Each woman finds pleasure in a different way. The chances of you finding a lover that likes the same exact things a past lover did (all of them) are slim to none. There may be similarities, but it won't be 100%. He may be getting frustrated, but, he should have the willingness to learn what turns you on, and you should be willing to teach him thru many expiriments. Just because each of you has genitals doesn't mean that you know what to do all the time. Do what feels good, but also teaching how to please yourself to your lover is a great way to enhance not only the sex, but your relationship as well.Maybe have a masturbation night. Show him how you touch yourself, tell him what you're doing. Also, having HIM masturbate too, telling you what HE'S doing, each of you paying attention to what the other's saying and doing. Maybe take turns. Show him how good you can make yourself feel, and vice versa.Best wishes to you both! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amylynn920 Posted December 8, 2007 Members Report Share Posted December 8, 2007 I think you need to get past whatever it is in your head that's blocking you. If you can learn what it takes for you to get off then that's half the battle. He can't know unless you tell him or show him and you have so it's not that.How about you masturbate and let him assist in other ways. You control your own fingers or toy and let him just play with other areas. Maybe that will work for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted December 8, 2007 Members Report Share Posted December 8, 2007 Just a little thought here. When you do orgasm are you always in the same position? If so you may try another position to get your body and mind to a point of enjoying orgasms in other ways. Try finding a lonely spot at the beach/river and strip naked (if you are comfortable with something like this) and enjoy yourself. Have your bf do the work for you and tell him how to please you. You are an adult and you are allowed to feel good. Just relax and concentrate on the feelings you are creating or he is doing for or with you! It may take time but if you are able to do it yourself the rest will eventually happen. You are young so you have lots of time. Try standing naked in front of a mirror and look at your body. Watch while you play with yourself. Get comfortable with your body and see how sexy you are. I'm sure your bf sees you the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Laycewolf Posted December 29, 2007 Members Report Share Posted December 29, 2007 Need more foreplay, get fingered and come first. Make yourself cum first, show him how with a masterbation show. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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