Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted March 5, 2008 Members Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 Okay so I was not sure where in the heck to put this, so if it's not in ze right area so sorry!So I have been reflecting lately on my previous relationships and experiences and I've come to the conclusion that there's not much there. I am a coward and have yet to get past even kissing anyone. I don't know exactly why, but anytime I get far enough in a relationship to even consider beyond the kissing I get freaked out and completely close off any sort of chance of exploring unventured territory (ha). I guess it scares the guy off or he doesn't quite get why. It's not really meant to insult him, persay because it's NOT their fault. I guess I am just really insecure about myself? or I'm afraid to just break out of my comfort zone. Could be both. I definitely know I want to, I mean there's no icky or yuck factor, i guess it's more mustering up the courage to finally be like okay this is what I want. I guess my question to anyone who has been there or known someone like this, is it normal? like, how do you get out of this awkward like scared state of mind?Another reason i might be feeling like this is because when I was younger, I never had "the talk". We just don't discuss this stuff EVER, and it's a don't ask don't tell issue. So all the knowledge I know, prior to lovely tt :] has been just from hearsay or like tv, pathetic right? I guess when you grow up never familiarizing yourself with anything it makes it scarier because you have no idea. Gah. I just want to know I'm not some weird freak. This can be fixed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted March 6, 2008 Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 I agree with iha here. This sounds a lot like I was when I was a teenager. I didn't go past what I didn't feel comfortable with. It sounds like you probably just aren't ready, and if not, that's fine too. You have a lot going on right now, so concentrate on you. If a guy gets spooked or turned off cuz you won't have sex with them, and they run for the hills, then he wasn't worth it to begin with.There's nothing wrong with you if you don't feel comfortable with having sex. Having sex, especially for the first time, can be worrisome, and it is a big responsibility too. At least you have the sense to realize that you aren't ready, and do just go do it to be "in". Proud of you for that!Be true to yourself, and how you feel. You will KNOW when you find the right guy, and the right time comes along.My mom never had The Talk with me either, and though I lost my virginity at 16, I was fully prepared, ready for it, and with the guy that I wanted to do it with. It all fell into place, and I was responsible for my actions, and was also responsible protection-wise(using condoms) too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Desires08 Posted March 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 I agree with what everyone said about being ready...and believe it or not, you will be. I remember my first kiss....and if you ever do end up like me, God forbid (married twice) then you'll find those same feelings again possibly. I'm sure you've seen the movie, "Never Been Kissed". It's really a lot like that to some degree. You know, the anxiety, the nervousness, etc... It is very normal for you to feel this way....just remember this when your time comes....Every first kiss is different. If you special someone has kissed before but hasn't kissed you, it will be a new experience, and I'm willing to bet you that they would be just as nervous as you. One thing I did was to close my eyes and feel the moment. In saying that, I mean, pay attention to how you are feeling. Does it feel right? Does it make you jittery and weak in the knees? Or does it leave you feeling, like "Please don't let him bite my lip again" lol. I truly hope that when your time does come, that you'll feel the magic deep within your soul and that it will be better and more than you ever dreamed or imagined that it could be. Take your time. Follow your heart. And to get past the fear, remember that everyone under the sun who has ever kissed anyone before or anything else for that matter has all started where you are. Be proud of yourself for being who you are. There is someone special out there just for you, and if you take your time chasing the rainbows...then you'll be sure to find a pot of gold. (Just be careful with the Leprachauns lol.) Whoever you do choose to have sex with when you are ready, make sure it is someone you care about who you won't regret later. And make sure that you are doing it because you want to and for that reason alone....when the time comes, you'll know it's right because darling, there won't be the slightest alarm going off inside you. and more than anything else, it will simply feel right to you. Just don't forget to protect yourself when the time comes. (condoms and birth control )Sorry for the corny analogy but I couldn't resist. I have a 17 year old sister and we talk about things like this a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted March 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 You are only 18 - and while some gals have had a lot of sexual experiences by then, it is refreshing that you are more reflective (not that there is any issue either way).Iha and Tyger are dead on. Learn, read, explore - be ready before you do what you are uncomfortable with. There is no magic age about sex. You can always find the information you are not getting from 'the talk; by reading up and educating yourself - and TT is a great place to start.I just wrote an article (not posted yet) on having 'the talk' and I tend to think that it should not be a one session thing, but instead an 18-20 year conversation. Many parents don't see it that way. We here at TT can be those 'advocates' if you would like. Ask away, and we will answer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pappyld04 Posted March 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 It would be hard to say what has made you this way but it shouldn't bother you to be yourself. I'm sure you've seen some of the mistakes made by your peers in this area and that may be a part of it but it really seems to me that you are just not ready. Progress at the pace you feel comfortable with. Never let anyone convince you otherwise. You will find the right person one day and will be more than happy with all the choices you have made to that point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Twist Posted March 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 I am again in agreement with what everyone else has said, when you're ready to sleep with someone whether you know three facts or three hundred facts about sex you'll know when that time comes. You'll all of a sudden find yourself in the right situation with the right person, and a lot will come naturally to you. The main thing to do is not to rush yourself, and don't let anybody rush you, waiting until you're ready will be ultimately more satisfying sexually and emotionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members littlemissnonamegirl Posted March 6, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 Hey, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for taking the time to read about my "dilemma" and give me some very HELPFUL feedback. I definitely feel like it's helped me feel better because I guess now I realize I am not strange, and that it just takes time. When I do finally break down the wall, you'll all be the first to know . and Mikayla, when you do finish that article or like put it up let me know. i would really enjoy reading it. Thanks again everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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