Parents Who Don't Take Responsibility For Thier Kids

[froggystyle1977]

Yesterday was a very bad day and the more I think about it the more upset I get,

I have gotten along ok with my nieghbor since I moved in a little problem with the property line no biggie since the area is so small I won't be doing anything with it. ok so her boyfriend leaves to go to another state about 3 weeks ago and suddenly noone is watching her almost 4 yr old daughter no usually an issue since she is usually with my DS in my yard, she used to at least check on her periodically now rarely.

So yesterday hubby gets my van and parks it on the culdesac (tar-we have a dirt driveway) to do an oil change. I was sitting at my patio table talking to my little sis on the phone, Ds and nieghbors DD were playing in a dirt pile on the side of the culdesac, Hubby gets everything ready opens the oil cover on the valve cover and realizes he doesn't have any rags and runs in to the house to get some. While he was doing this my DS starts yelling Mom, mom, mom then yells dad I see DH headed that way and keep talking thinking he will deal with it. Next thing I know Hubby is screaming for me to come over, I get off the phone and go over only to find SAND in my engine!!!!!!!! The sweet little girl decided to fix the oil and dumped aprox 3/4 to 1 cup of sand into my van. Ds knew this was wrong and that was why he was yelling to me. of course she heads right home and doesn't say anything to her mom I send DS to her door and tel him to get her mom. I told her what happened and she went inside to deal with her daughter, then returned to talk to us. DH was trying to get in touch with his friend (a mechanic) She says I don't know anytihng about this stuff and goes inside to call her dad. About ten min later her dad shows up and tells us he isn't a mechanic (as she claimed) but fixes his own cars. He tells my DH you will have to clean it with something K1 will work best. Basically then they walk off. Lessson learned was all she had to say. and oh let me know if your working on vehicles again so I can keep her in my yard.

WTF seriously her dad did not offer to help and she didn't even offer to pay for any of it!! I know none of us parents saw what happened but still even if my son did any of it (I know he didn't he knows better) offering to pay for half of it would have been decent. In the end it cost us about $60 counting the gas it took to go to the parts store. then my van wasn't running that great after he cleaned it, flushed it ect.... (hoping that its just because its clean oil, vans not used to that)

Lesson was obviously not learned since I found the kids in her yard this afternoon playing doctor and she wasn't even around!!! Then after I got them to play in my yard she kept turning on my hose. I sent her home. Her mom needs to keep a better eye on her!!!!

I don't know what to do now this little girls b-day party is next weekend. Its not her fault her mom is being lazy. UGGGG so damn irritating!!!!!!!!!

[cmwise1]

You will find yourself watching this child in increasing amounts if you continue to allow this child's mother to leave her with you. An arranged babysitting time is okay. Can you confront this woman and tell her you are not comfortable with the amount of time you see her dd unsupervised...that you are not always there to watch her and you are concerned for dd safety, let alone your ds's safety if she should want to "see" if anything else can be fixed, etc. Unfortunately it is the little girl who suffers in this situation, from an inattentive mom. Maybe you can jog her mother into assuming her responsibility towards her daughter. Good luck. i hate to see these kids suffer.

[mystofpric]

I grew up in the "projects" and this was a very common problem. Confront her mother and if it continues the best thing you can do is call CPA, it sounds extreme but you need to protect yourself (if she gets hurt while she's at your place your going to be help responible) and the child.

[ToyQueen]

Wow, Froggy. What a way to spend your weekend! I do agree with Pinky, though, that you will end up being the full-time babysitter if you don't put a stop to it now. I know my son would sneak away from me at home, but I did at least TRY to keep one eye on him...

[toohotcatmom]

That's neglect - call Child Services....seriously. Neglect often hides other things....bad situation for a child.

[whiskeywoman]

Ungh, what a way to spend a weekend.

Ok, first off, even though you have flushed the engine throughly, there will still be sand in your vans engine.

Sand is very fine particels, even though your hubby flushed the system, it is still in there.

Wich is why it was running funny.

Here I go, about to pull out the ol 2x4.... in all honesty it is quite possible that it will cause some damage to your engine, thereby shortening the life of it.

The only way to tell for sure EXACTLY how bad the engine damage is, is to take it into the shop and have the engine completely and totally torn apart.

And as you can imagine, this is NOT a cheap or easy procedure.

Engines do not like dirt, sugar, wood chips or any other foriegn body inside.

It loves to get into oil and it damages, Pistons, rocker arms, camshafts, you name it.

If it is in the oil, it is everywhere that the oil lubricates.

It MAY run itself out, but I am highly doubting it.

Sand loves oil, because it does not turn into mud on contact, the oil kind of suspends the sand, allowing it to flow through the system.

I am sorry hon, I did not want to be the bearer of bad news, but i used to live in the desert, I have seen what happens when even a teaspoon of sand gets into an engine.

Now, as for the mom.....

If you have arranged a set ammount of days to watch her kid, thats fine.

If you have no such arrangement, and she continues to do this crap, bill her.

Hey, why should you have to watch some lazy bitch's kid for free?

She wants a sitter? make her pay for it.

While your at it, make a bill for damages done.

Bill her for your engine, the water her kid insists on turning on, any snacks you may feed her.

Get a release form, so that n case something happens to her kid when she is at your house, you can take her in and seek medical help.

If she wants to treat you like a damn daycare, treat her like a daycare would treat a client!

Thats my 2 cents worth anyways.

[pappyld04]

Whiskeywoman that is a great description of sand and oil! You covered pretty much everything. Maybe a part or two not mentioned but then every part as you stated is in jeopardy!

[whiskeywoman]

Pappy,

I wanted to be a mechanic when I grew up.

unfortunatly, I was one step away from gettng my ASE cert.

I couldn't find a shop that would hire me.

Meh, anyways, I know enough now that I can fix vehicles, and enough so that I wont get jipped by shops thinking they can pull a fast one over on me.

[pappyld04]

I had caught that in something you said a few weeks back. I've been to a Diesel Mechanic short course at OSU Tech and got my small engine via correspondence course. Of course working motors on drilling rigs gave me a lot of my experience just never a certification. It may be difficult to get your chance in some areas but I've seen a lot of women coming into the oilfield and haven't seen one fail to prove herself worthy yet. Well I may have to take exception with one Geologist who tends to end up screwing a lot of the drillers whe works withbut that doesn't mean she can't do her job she just makes it look bad for other women.

[angelkisses98]

i would make a copy of the receipt for the repairs and tape it to her door.

[pappyld04]

If you tape it to her door there is too much room for her to claim that the wind, a child, some unknown force of nature took it away. Hand it to her directly with a summons and drag her to court if neccessary to get your money!

[Tyger]

Since I talk with Froggy everyday, her rant does sound a lot worst than it is. The child in question, is heathy, bathed, and well fed, according to Froggy. The mother just seems to think that everyone else is going to watch her DD when she's outside. To which, I agree that Froggy should go over and have a direct discussion and put this parent on notice that she needs to pay more attention. They are in a culdesac, which is rather safe, and up in Maine, you don't have to watch for dangerous bugs (except ticks), stinging critters (for the most part), or poisonous snakes. But the woman needs to smarten up, cuz that doesn't mean that there can't be accidents. Culdesac does NOT mean DAYCARE.

As for the vehicle situation, unless the van dies, there's really not much that she can do. It was less than $100 to try to take care of it (I believe), and court costs are probably higher than that. The woman has admitted to being in financial trouble (which isn't Froggy's fault of course). So, getting anything out of this woman would be like trying to bleed a rock. The van is an older model, though that's not Froggy's fault, it would probably be held against her in court as well. Though, during the discussion that she should have with this mother, she should bring up that she should've at least paid for half the damage, since her DD was caught pouring the sand into the van, with expressed disappointment.

I will say that I am very proud of her for trying to be calm about the whole thing, and trying to keep the peace in her new neighborhood. If she was in the city, she'd have gone off like a rocket! LMAO

[angelkisses98]

i would make a copy of the receipt for the repairs and tape it to her door.

thats true, either way, she needs to offer to pay for the repairs.

[ohshelly]

There seems to be one family like this in every neighborhood.

I'd tell her half the repairs are hers, and she needs to keep an eye on that kiddo.

Our last neighbor like this we refered to as the 'teflon mom'

It all slid off, and never seemed to matter.

[pappyld04]

A lot of people think I am too strict and overbearing on kids but even I have made the mistake of thinking they would be OK for 1 second while I turn my back. X-gf's 3 kids found the potatoes that my neighbor had piled up on the edge of his garden. They started throwing them at my neighbors very expensive Jet Boat. He actually caught them and I heard him yelling (even though I was almost back outside with them). He was being far too nice about it IMHO since he only made them clean them from the boat. Even had 1 in the exhaust pipe. I let him finish but before he could walk away I did tell him that any damage would be taken care of and would then be taken out of their backsides. I also made sure to tell him that if my charges were messing up and I didn't catch it that he was more than allowed to treat them like they were his own. Granted it may not seem like his place to do this but he is the one that caught it and they should learn that people will not turn a blind eye to things. It takes a village to raise an idiot but the same theory also applies to raising children with respect for other people and property. Unfortunately parents like you speak of didn't have that village and we see the resulting idiot! She should get a little lesson here also in taking charge in raising hers. Help is one thing but expecting others to do it for you is somethings else entirely!