Okay, Update From My 1st Post, Still Needing Advice, Lol

[colletteski]

Okay so if you remember in April I posted about my frustrations with my husband, and my hiding my toys, etc from him and not knowing how to change things up and make it more fun and pleasurable. Well I'm going to update and ask for some more advice and really open up here, while i'm sure i'll get criticised for the things i'm going to put down here, try not to be too harsh, i'm here trying to straighten out my love life and I know it's really screwed up....

So some more background on hubby and I, we were married right after high school, I had just barely a few weeks before turned 18 and hubby was 19, we were young and still are. At that point we were each others only partners. Our parents discouraged us having sex (my parents actually went as far as to take me out of the 9th grade health class that teaches sex education) and we were reprimanded for any sexual behavior and honestly I didn't know what masturbation or anything like that was. If it werent for hubby (boyfriend at the time) I wouldn't have even known what the hell sex was lol (totally kidding, sort of) anyways, hubby became my boyfriend when I was 13 my parents didn't like him at all because we were best friends right from the start. Then when I was 15 we started exploring a little and messing around with hand jobs, oral sex, dry humping, stuff like that. More or less I would be the only giver at this point, he did sometimes but it didn't feel good to me, he wasn't doing it right and I didn't know what I wanted at all and didn't care at the time because I didn't understand that it would feel good and help our relationship; I guess I was pretty naive to say the leaste. Well after a year or year and a half he got bored with what we were doing and we started having sex. That did somewhat feel good to me, but it wasn't like wow I can't live without it ya know? I mostly just did it to please him and I really enjoy making him happy. In high school we had sex many times a day, 3 - 5 times most days. It was fun and it was something we'd never experienced and something we 'weren't supposed to do' so it was rebelious. I dont' remember at what point he lost his job and he came to work with me at my families business. We stayed together all through high school and right after I graduated we got married (he graduated a year before) that was Aug of 04. We would go to work every day together, come home every day together, do everything just like always. In November of 04 my sister had a baby and hubby and I went to go see her in the hospital, we went home that night and decided that we wanted to have children sooner rather than later. I was on the NuvaRing birth control, the next month when we were deciding to take it out or leave it in, we realized I was already pregnant. When I was about 4 months pregnant I started to become seriously horny. I couldn't control it at all, it was like my clit was constantly engorged even walking would turn me on because it would rub. Until then I had no idea what it felt like to be properly turned on. I just sort of figured that sex was specifically for pleasing our husbands. I was confused and I remember the day that we were sitting watching TV and I just couldn't take it anymore and I went into the bedroom and I lit candles and came into the living room and got my husband and told him how turned on I was and that I NEEDED sex now (lol, I remember so vividly how horny I was probably the horniest I've ever been in my life!) After I told him that he looked at me so disgusted and said that he wasn't going to have sex with me when I'm pregnant because that's just gross. I was really bugged because we had been having sex, it was just this time that he didn't want too. So I went into the bedroom and cried and cried (I can tell you now my hormones were screwed, this probably shouldn't have bothered me as bad as it did) for the 1st time in my life I touched myself because I couldn't handle it anymore, I was soooo horny I needed something! This was also the 1st time I ever orgasmed. Until that day I didn't know if I had or not, I guess I didn't know what orgasm was. I know that probably sounds stupid, but seriously sex felt good, and I was wet so I figured that yes, I must have orgasmed? I was really stupid, I know.....

Well through the pregnancy we would have sex when he really needed it and that was about it, I sucked at hand jobs honestly and giving head would make me throw up so it was just when he was really interested and couldn't take care of himself that we would do it. I felt horribly guilty for pleasuring myself then, and I think I did for about a month and never did again because I thought that it was suck horrible thing to do and that only men were supposed to and any woman who did was a nymphomaniac.

Fast forward, we had our baby in Aug 05 and I had a c-section our baby was born the day before our anneversary and my husband did not stay at the hospital with me because it was too uncomfortable for him. He came up to the hospital the next day and wanted to have sex at the hospital. That is the one and only time I have ever told him no, the baby was in the room with us or I'm sure that we would have. I went home the next day and we did. then I started into the after baby bleeding and we didn't do it for a few weeks. After the bleeding stopped I wanted to have sex but he wasn't interested because I didnt' look good enough, so I worked hard and tried to get off the baby weight, I did get most of it off but I'm still a little bigger than I was when I got pregnant, I was 150 then and I now weight 158. I dont' think that I look all that bad, I do have a small mommy pooch on my tummy, but I don't know if it's even possible to get rid of, my boobs are still bigger than my stomach.

So he's basically been a prude forever, it seemed like just since we got married because in high school we'd have sex numerous times a day but he never has been interested in pleasing me. A year ago was when I got my 1st sex toy, I never told him because he was so against it, I have since told him and aquired quite a few more off of here and tried to use them to spice up our sex life and show him what I want and need.

I am going to share here what I'm sure some people will not like about our relationship, and what I know has caused much of our marital problems, but I am hoping with an insight to our WHOLE relationship and sex life I can find some help and figure things out, so, here goes:

Okay in high school hubby would go out and party and drink and do things that I didn't approve of and he did it just to make me mad, he wouldn't let me talk to other boys or even my best friends I wasn't allowed to hang out with unless he was there, but he had a friend that I could talk to, it was his best friend and he trusted him, so the friend would talk to me on the phone all of the time, for a good portion of knowing each other he dated my best friend. In fact I met my husband through him. We would talk and my husband was really controlling and wouldn't let me talk to other guys and such and his friend would talk to me and make me feel better when I was having a bad day since I wasn't allowed to talk to a lot of people or go many places without him, the friend was the only other person around to talk to and confide in. I still feel bad for doing what I did but when you get so in depth about things with a person and they seem to care more than the person that is supposed to love you certain things happen, and one night we ended up kissing, the 1st time we kissed I actually was so surprised that I punched him in the eye (lol, I really did feel bad) and I did tell husband about that time since we sort of had to explain his black eye. But we did kiss again one time after that, while husband was out partying I went to the friends house and we were watching a movie and talking about husband and some things that he had said that hurt my feelings and we ended up making out through most of the movie. I wouldn't let him get any farther than that. I felt really guilty for what happened but the friend and I did decide to keep it between our selves just move on. We talked about it sometimes after that, but a while later he ended up getting a girl pregnant and getting in some trouble and going to jail (theft by posession) for a while. While he was in jail husband and I got married and got pregnant and we never talked again after that, he got out of jail and had his baby and at the same time that I got pregnant his girlfriend got pregnant as well. Husband and I lost touch with the friend and we never talked to him until when I was in the hospital giving birth to my baby he was up there as well. I didn't want my husband to talk to him, partly because of things that happened, and party because husband had changed and I didn't want him to get in trouble and go back to drinking and partying again (which he did with the friend often in high school).

After coming home from the hospital the friend calls a lot and wants to hang out with husband and I since we have babies the same age and such and I kept telling him that husband was working a lot and that we couldn't and was hoping that he'd stop calling, I really felt guilty for everything didn't want it to happen again and also didn't know if he was still a druggie and such so I just didn't want to hang out at all. after a few months I couldn't avoid him anymore and we hung out and I realized that he had straightened up, he was with the same girl friend that he had gotten pregnant in high school, they just had their second child and he seemed clean. We hung out a few times and then the friend needed to find a new job. Well it turned out that hubby and I were opening a new office for us sepereate from my parents and someone needed to take hubby's place with my parents so we got him hired on. So now we worked with the friend, he and his girlfriend moved into the town that we lived and we would hang out all of the time the friend and I would talk a lot at work and after work and we flirted sometimes, and the friends girl friend and hubby would flirt, she's quite the prudish lady and husband found it funny to tease her and make sexual comments because of the look of disgust she'd give him and seriously we'd all laugh and it was a good time. Then last spring we had a sleep over at our house with the couple and things got really carried away, I was in the mood and wanted some and hubby didn't at all and was being a jerk to me and so was the friends girl friend and we were all outside watching a movie on the front lawn and the girlfriend and I were teasing and trying on my lingere and modeling it for the boys and it was a lot of fun until the girlfriend and hubby started saying how fun it would be if the friend and I had sex. They were saying that it would get him off of her back and me off of hubby's back and everyone would be happy and I kept telling hubby that I wouldn't be happy because I didn't just want sex I wanted a relationship with HIM and they kept egging and pushing and pushing and they had done this often before so I went inside i didn't want to hear about it and I really didn't want to. I went in the house and sat on the rocking chair and was just going to go to sleep when the friend came in the house and was talking to me and telling me that it would be okay just to do it and get it over with and maybe then that they'd be happy. I was really depressed and I told him no and I went back outside and laid by my husband and told him to hold me and he rolled over and told me that he just wanted me to do it so that I would be happy and that he could be happy and be left alone because he just wasn't interested in sex. I was crying and went back inside and the friend was talking to me and talked me into it, and I didn't want to do it, I don't know how to explain it it was 3:00 in the morning and I cried the whole time. After it was over I went outside and told my husband that he can be happy now and I rolled over and was crying and he got mad that I was mad and so I went back in the house and layed on the chair and I couldn't go without talking to my husband and so I went back outside and he said that he and the girlfriend were talking about it and the thought of us having sex had turned them on and that they figured that since we had done it that we shouldn't care if they do (so it became like a swinger thing) and I told him that I can't be mad if he did since I did but I would still rather he have sex with me since that's all I wanted in the 1st place, he told me that I was being selfish and that I should go in the house because they wanted some alone time. I was crying and crying and couldn't stop so I just sat inside and cleaned the house and they apparently went into the camper because when I went outside they weren't there and I tried to go and talk to him and he told me to go away that he was busy. The friend didn't want to talk to me beacuse he wasn't happy either and so he went for a walk. Well the night got over and the next day came and we all went for a hike and while we were hiking I was talking to my husband and telling him what a mistake it had been and that we should never do anything like that again, and he told me that he didn't actually "do it" because he didn't want to and that he was mad that I went through with it and that he thinks that he's in love with the girlfriend and that he thinks that I should leave. I was then crying again and the girlfriend asked what is wrong and so her and I were walking and talking and I told her what he had said and she said that it made her mad that he was lying about it and she didn't know what his deal was but not to worry. So we went home and when we got home and I told him that I wasn't leaving, he left me. I tried and tried to call him and talk to him because then I felt like it was all my fault and I had done something wrong and he wouldn't talk to me, so I finally broke down and called his uncle (who raised him) and he said that he was acutally there but he was talking to the girlfriend on the phone and that he didnt' want to talk to me right now but that he'd call me later. Well hours went by and he finally called me and talked to me for about 5 minutes and then said that he wasn't coming home and that he had to go because he wanted to talk to her and not me right now. I was heart broken. I couldn't sleep at all the next morning I went to my bishop (a religous figure that I trust) and told him what had happened and asked him what in the world I should do because I was lost he called my husband and asked if he would come and talk to him and he set up an appointment and we were all going to meet and talk that night. my husband didn't show. He came home a couple of days later because he had to go to work and he then called and told my parents what happened, but he told them that I had cheated on him and had sex with a bunch of guys. I was furious. When he came home that night we went to the meeting with the bishop and he asked me to leave and we worked out a plan that I would leave and we'd do counseling and see what happens so I left and went and lived with my Mom, who has never liked my husband and pushed me for a divorce but I didn't want a divorce because I do love my husband, I'm not sure why. Sometimes I think I may just be afraid to leave because he's said on many occasions that if I left he'd kill me and whoever I ended up with, but he says it jokingly but it still sticks. I just have been so confused. After a few months I came back home, I found out after the fact that he had asked the other girl if she loved him and she had said no, that's when I was told I could come home it was right around our daughters 2nd birthday and we have been doing counseling every week for nearly a year now. If we talk about our sex life my husband just says that it's great. But then last night I went to help his Mom move and I didn't get home until late (which is about 9 for us, lol) and when we got all situated I opened the mail, and realized that our toys that we bought from here had come, including the male masturbater that was the freebie a week or so ago. I was excited because I am on my period and he's not as into anal sex as I am so I wanted to give him a treat I lubed it up and got him hard and started playing, he really actually enjoyed it, I was surprised because so many of you said that your husbands and such didn't like it. So anyway after it was over we were laying there and I asked him what he thought of it because I was excited to bring a toy for him into the bedroom because he's not comfortable with the toys for me. He told me that he liked it a lot that it actually felt better than me and that he'd rather just have the toy because it's not as much work and that he thinks that toys should be for a personal base and not something to do together. But that he liked it because he's been bored with our sex life. I told him that I was bored too and that's what i've been trying to tell him but he wont listen. I have brang in new toys to play with, both couple ones and for me, and now for him as well and I think it should be things that we do together and seperate but not just one way or the other. I asked him if the things I had been reading on TT were helping, since I've learned how to do much that I dind't know about before and he said it was helping but he dind't like to look at me because I don't look good. I told him that maybe if he's bored he should get on here and read what he can do to not be bored like I've done because I did learn how to give head and he could benefit from reading as well, he flat out told me that he didn't care about if I was pleased just if I could do something more because he needed more, WTF?!? I was really offended and wanted to ask him questions about what I could do about it and he fell asleep! Snoring and all! I stayed up most of the night crying and thinking about everything and then he was mad at me this morning because I seriously couldn't stop crying, he was being a jerk and I didnt' know what to do so I avoided him and now i'm at work and sitting here. Finally I've stopped crying, but it's taken me all morning to type this between working and stuff. But now I need help, I'm thinking about just plain out stopping giving him any type of favor, oral or hand or such until he's willing to return the favor, and possibly even just plain stop having sex because if he doesn't like to look at me and doesn't care about my pleasure or needs why should I care about his?? I'm so lost and confused and dont know where anything is going or what I should do, now he's saying that I should just forget what he said last night that he shouldn't have said it. Well I want to know how he feels and I do want to make him happy but I am burned out, why can't I get satisfaction without doing it myself??? What should I do? Anyone actually get through this whole thing??

Now that I just read it I noticed that I never put the reason I put this, I'm lost on what I can do to please him and make him like me and want me but I am not sure how to get him to care about pleasing me and yes I do fake orgasm, and I know that's wrong, but I dont' know how to tell him that I dont orgasm since I've done it for so long. The fact it that he has NEVER brang me to that stage. I just don't know what to do. Thanks for any advice, ya'll are wonderful

[sun_flower969]

YOU POOR THING!!!! So much drama. I think in a nutshell you need to find out WTF he wants. It just seems like a bunch of head games and drama! You are So young! I am certain that you could find love again if that is what you are afraid of! He treats you like crap and IMO has no clue about respect, and marriage! Or love for that matter. Keep your head up. Have the talk, find out what he wants, if he is happy how to fix it etc. I don't know what else to say there is so much. everything just screams GET OUT to me!!!

[ManofHerdreams]

I don't know what else to say there is so much. everything just screams GET OUT to me!!!

I'm with Sunny on this one. You are much too young to spend the rest of your life miserable with someone that from the sound of it doesn't care about pleasing you in any way. Sexually or emotionally.

Easy for me to say this from the outside looking in but if were me I'd cut my losses and get on with my life.

Man

[mystofpric]

Love I'm with everyone else here that you need out. That being said I know it is damn hard, especially since you've been with him your entire adult life. ARe you still going to counseling? Try talking to him. Just tell him that nothing would give you more pleasure than pleasing him (a falsehood sure, but you did say that you enjoyed pleasing him). Then once he gets talking point out thinsg that you do like that he does for you. Maybe coming at this froma more postive angle will help. When he starts to get angry or defesnive just say okay, we can talk about this again later and let it go. This is hard I know, but if your trying to make this work then that's teh best I can say.

Again though, the best thing you can do is to take your daughter and leave. This will be hard as you work together, but it will eventually have to be done. Talk to your parents and see if they can put the hubby in his old position and teh friend with you. Iknow that may seem like out of teh frying pan and in to the fire, but it might be better for you if you do split. You said he threatened you? Does eh do this often? Is he physically violent or just emtionally? If you do get a divorce request a restraining order and supervised visitation at least to start. There is a chance that me may follow through on his threats or try to take your daughter. The court will do their best to help you. Explain that YOU suggested counseling and all the positive steps you've taken to attempt to fix things, while he'll like try to make you seem like an adulterous whore, the steps that you've taken will protect you. Always remember to take care of you and you daughter first. If you try to work on issues with teh hubby and nother helps then it is safest and healthiest for you to remove yourself and your daughter from the situtation.

Calm rational side taken care of, now I'd like to say that he seems like an ass and you deserve 1000 times better!

[flutterbie]

I just read your entire post, and I swear, short of the pregnancy and child part of it, I was looking into my own past. I've walked that road that you're on chica, you need to find the closest off ramp.

Pack up that baby, and get out. He doesn't know what he wants, and there's no sense in you sitting around waiting for him to figure it out. He says you don't look good because of the fact that you bore HIS CHILD for 9 months?

His comments of the fact the toy felt better than you, etc etc etc, I like to call that "emotional terrorism", because that's exactly what it is.

I'll keep you in my thoughts, and if you need to talk, PM me here, okay?

[Beunolas]

Bunny, please leave his ass.

He doesn't deserve a girl like you. He deserves a kick in the face, the balls, and then the throat for good measure.

Doesn't care about pleasing you? Threatening to kill you? He's a controller...and he doesn't give a damn. He said so. Get away, get a restraining order, and try to get over it, please.

He doesn't deserve you.

[Guest cockney]

You have a baby now. You need to take steps that will allow you & your child to live in the loving environment you deserve. Your husband is a kid, and sounds like a not very nice one. He's a project you don't need. Forget about pleasing him. Decide that you are going to make yourself happy.

You seem like a lovely person. Good luck. It won't be easy. But it will be worth it.

[Amylynn920]

Take the baby and go, that man is an ass. There are worse things than being alone and frankly he is one of those things.

[ToyQueen]

Please, bedbunny, get out while you can. Your little one needs you, and needs you alive and well. Your husband is being emotionally abusive, and those who abuse emotionally tend to become physically abusive. Please protect your baby, as well as yourself. The Church will help you in whatever way you need. I know that those of us on the board can be a support, but you will need people in close proximity to you. Your bishop should be able to get you whatever counseling or assistance you may need. Feel free to PM me anytime. I've also been in a verbally abusive relationship. And we share a religious background.

[mystofpric]

Hey Bunny,

I was talking to a friend of mine with more worldly experience than me, she cautioned that if any arguement gets reported that Child Protective Services can come in and worry about teh safety of your child. They can take your child because it would be deemed a "hostile enviroment". Also, in my own experience that the police and the agencies that are designed to help and protect you (the victim in this case) will not step in unless there is serious pyshical harm. Not just bruises, but broken bones and such. Remember too that controling people get worse when they feel they are losing control. when you leave and you go back you give them the power to control you, so if you leave you actually have to go, you have to stay gone, you can't go back for your own good and for your daughter's.

I hope things get better nd I'm here if you even need a shoulder (who is totally biased and will remind you how awesome you are!).

Suzy

[whitefang2002]

I read the entire post...and I agree with the others...you need to get out. I was just in a relationship like yours. But I refused to marry him unless I was truely happy with him. But thats the only difference...we had a daughter together too. And right after she was born on the way home in the truck she started crying and he told me to shut her the F up before he did something he would regret. I tried many times to get out and he wouldn't let me. I didn't have a vehicle to use...stuck in the house....yeah really really controlling. You don't want to stay in there.....mine started to get physical when I told him I was leaving him... So please don't let on to him that you are leaving. Maybe your parents would be willing to help you. Granted they didn't like him in the first place (mine didn't either) and I didn't want to go to them cuz I didn't want to hear "I told you so" dumb, but true.....and now I realize I should have gone to them for help ASAP when I needed out. I worry about the safety of you and your daughter....men like that don't deserve someone as great as you. Your trying but he just doesn't care...and he isn't going to change unless he wants to...and it sounds like he never will...just like my ex.

You can PM me if you would like to talk some more...but please please care about your 2's safety and get out! This is not looking like a happy future if you stay....and something bad might happen that you won't be able to fix later on. So take action now! If you don't have money to move out and get your own place. Talk to the county...they can get you a place...don't feel like you are stuck there, cuz you have many options to take.

Hope you the best and please keep us updated as if he agrees to change or wants to change or if you get out. We will be worrying about you until you are in a safe environment. Hang in there....we are here for you if you need us!

[colletteski]

That's what my parents and friends IRL keep saying. I did try to leave a couple of times a year or 2 ago, and it did get physical then one day he actually threw my bags at the wall that I was carrying out, held me down and took my keys from me and my cell phone and then locked me in the house and wouldn't let me leave. That day, he broke my curling iron, hair dryer and ruined all of my makeup when he was throwing things around. I keep thinking he's getting better and like right now I feel bad typing this because he's been really good while we've been going to counseling. I don't know how to leave. Lucky me, today on MSN there is a "how to leave your husband" guide, lol how convenient. I started my own checking account a year ago and had about 2 grand in it at one point, but when he kicked me out he kept my vehicle and so I spent half of it on a car and the other half on stuff for my daughter and I to survive because he kept everything, clothes, crib, food, car seat, etc.

It's hard to think about leaving because he goes through spurts of great, and then spurts of aweful and so when he's really bad I decide to leave and then when I'm leaving he makes me stay until he can talk his way out of it. Normally it comes down to, if you'de keep the house clean, or put a smile on your face, or not go with your friends, we wouldn't have these problems. So then somehow he talks me into feeling guilty like its my fault and even though in reality I know it's NOT my fault at all it's just so much easier to say, sorry babe i'll try harder, and move on because after I take fault he's fine again for a few days or weeks. But if I try to tell him it's his fault he gets even madder and yells that I have to have the last word and all sorts of things until I just say sorry anyway. It's just a really easy way to stop the fight and have us move on.

This is so difficult and I can't just up and leave we have a lease on our house which neither of us could afford sepperately and we have a business together and man this could be very difficult. I think I am going to go to the lawyer like the website says and just talk to them about what I should do. I don't know if I should bring it up in counseling or just be quiet for a while and see how it pans out. I just don't know...

[mystofpric]

Keep your cards hidden. Figure out how feesible it would be to leave, what your legal recourse is going to be about the business and house and get all your duckies in a row. Then you leave when he's not home to stop you, when you go, go someplace safe where he won't think to look. Then wait it out a couple of days or a week and drop all the legal stuff on him. And remember if he got physical once, he has it in him to get physical again. Tell you that you bring this on yourself is a very common and typical response from an abusive (physical or emotional) person. As is the periods of really sweet. So please be careful.

[Tyger]

HOney, he is NOT going to get better without some EXTREME counselling. And, with controlling as he sounds, he won't go, IMHO. You are his prisoner. And, he throws fits and tantrums because you get out of his control, and have independant thoughts. Any man that has threatened you extensively is NOT joking. No matter what kind of spin he tries to put on it.

Getting super horny while pregnant is normal, with hormones fluxuating, and things all over the female body engorging with some sort of fluid! And him saying you didn't look good after pregnancy?? WTF is that? Control, that's what it is. Nobody's body ever looks the same after having a baby, especially if you had the baby via-c-section.

I know he's the father of your baby, but, while he's at work, grab all the stuff you can, and get out of the house! Do NOT call him, do NOT write to him, and put a order of protection out on him. That way, you CAN'T go back without him going to jail.

He's going to hurt or kill you. He is uber controlling, selfish, and he doesn't really love you. He may think he does, and says that the thought of loosing you just KILLS him, well, darlin', that's the oldest line in the Abuser's Handbook. He can't stand the thought of loosing you and the control he has over you. If he truly cared, he would've given you the baby's things, and tried to work it out, not keep all that stuff to get you to come back. He is emotionally abusing you, and holding you hostage.

I hope you re-read your posts. Really see how bad it is. A loving relationship isn't about fear, control, and selfishness. It's about love, respect, and a willingness to compromise. I can guarantee that he doesn't even know the meaning of the word compromise!

Best wishes!

[Guest eminatic]

he's already saying he wont have sex with you because of the way you LOOK at this age?!?!? i'd ditch him fast.

[froggystyle1977]

I am not sure how to respond here, I felt ill reading your post something in me screamed out for you to open your eyes. I read the whole thing and darlin I won't flame you for what happened because I know the truth behind it. He guilted you and so did the girlfriend they wanted to have sex with each other and not cheat or feel even slightly guilty so they convinced you and the friend to have sex. I can tell you are still feeling guilty over this, from the sounds of it that wasn't the only time they had sex. He wanted what he could not have (the girlfriend) so he took you back. You need to get out now before he kills you and your daughter. I don't mean to sound harsh but its the truth. He doesn't know the meaning of love. He has no clue as to what a real relationship is and honey to him your just a thing. There is only one question to ask and that is do you want your daughter to end up in a relationship like yours? If your answer is no then start getting yourself together and find a way to get out!! It may take some time for you to be able to. Don't even focus on yourself focus on your daughter she is all that matters right now. After you get out and move on with your life you can start to focus on you!! Hugs and more hugs I hope you can do what you need to and if I could I would send you and your daughter a plane ticket to come live with me!!!!

[Tyger]

I admit it, I had to take a break and reread the post again. LOL

And, another thing, I forgot to mention. Yes, you should absolutely stop doing him sexual favors if he's not willing to reciprocate.

Darlin', a man that TRULY loves you will NOT insult you by saying that YOU bore him, and that he would RATHER have a TOY instead of YOU. He just doesn't like all the "work" that goes into sex with a relationship. He's a lazy SOB that doesn't know his head from his ass. I'm sorry to sound so bitchy, but, he's treating you like sh*t, and you're wondering what YOU are doing wrong? The only thing wrong in the relationship, is that he's still there, you're tolerating his behavior, and haven't kicked his sorry selfish ass to the curb.

That's my opinion, we welcome yours....

[zakdad]

I read this the other day and it has been on my mind ever since! Tyger is right, he does not know anything about compromise! This man is abusing you in so many ways and it does sound like he did screw the girlfriend, no matter what he says! Talking to a lawyer is a good first step and you should start planning how to get the hell out of there!! I am worried for you and your daughter!! The lawyer should advise you to get a restraining order and the police will go with you to get your belongings!! Then get somewhere safe! Somewhere that he knows nothing about or with family that can help protect you and your daughter! I wish you the best of luck on this and hope you find someone that knows how to treat a woman!! This guy is a prick and a dangerous prick at that! Good luck!

Peace,

Mark

[tootimidtoo]

That's what my parents and friends IRL keep saying. I did try to leave a couple of times a year or 2 ago, and it did get physical then one day he actually threw my bags at the wall that I was carrying out, held me down and took my keys from me and my cell phone and then locked me in the house and wouldn't let me leave. That day, he broke my curling iron, hair dryer and ruined all of my makeup when he was throwing things around.

I see that you live in Utah. It is a law here if there is a domestic dispute where someone was physical (i.e. breaking your stuff) they have to arrest that person. You may not want to go that avenue, but if you are truely affraid of him the law is on your side.

I know it is so easy for us "outsiders" to tell you to leave him, we don't have the emotional ties to him that you do. But truely, when everyone in your life, including strangers are telling you to get out, you really need to think about it seriously.

Good luck to you. Keep us updated.

[colletteski]

Im gonna update when he leaves for the weekend and I see my bishop again on Sunday. I called bishop last week and I left for a few days. That's why I haven't been posting. I just lurk off my cell when I'm out. I don't know what I'm going to do, but everyone is right that yes, he either needs serious help that he'll take or I need to get out. I know that the cops will arrest him, that's why I haven't called. I feel so dumb because all of my neighbors usually see him run out hucking my stuff accross the yard and stuff. Well ya, just have to wait until I can update. I don't dare start to write it all out here because he's here. But it'll be another long one like last time. You all are wonderful! I want you to know that. I haven't posted much but I feel like I know you guys and can talk here so thank you all for being so great to me.

[flutterbie]

Will be thinking about you until you post and let us know how you're doing.

[froggystyle1977]

Yes we will definetely be thinking of you!! Just post when you feel safe enough too!! Hugs!!