My Step Father Isn't Understanding

[Sunshine Sam218]

I haven't posted here in so long, I honestly forgot my password and account name but thankfully I found it. I've always been interested in woman for the longest time. When I was dating my last boyfriend he asked me a few times if I actually ever thought about being with a woman considering on how much I always daydreamed about them. At first when I was younger, I always thought it was just a fantasy, but once I moved back after my boyfriend and I broke up, I was thinking about woman constantly. At first I thought I may be bi-sexual, then slowly men were never on my mind. Anytime I thought of men I wouldn't get aroused, sometimes I tried to force myself and nothing would happen. Then the minute I thought of a woman kissing me or making love to me, I'd instantly get aroused.

A month later I become friends with Andrew, who is my best friend now. He walked by over to my section where I work at Wal-Mart and I was carrying on a conversation with him. Somehow I managed to say he lookes very attractive but I wasn't thinking of him in that way, I was simply complimenting him and he whispered to me that he was gay. I was instantly interested and started to ask him how he knew cause I was deathly afraid of coming out cause I knew how my step father would react. For weeks we'd talk at Wal-Mart during breaks and then finally we set up a date where we'd go shopping together and hang out. Slowly but surely I was feeling comfortable cause I was finally realizing the kind of person I am. The only problem was coming out and he helped me and asked me questions to make sure that I was and not just assuming. After about two weeks of hanging out with him, he asked me if I told my parents. I was startled and shook my head no, he then held my hand and told me how afraid he was and that I shouldn't be ashamed of my sexuality. Finally I knew it was time for me to come out and tell my parents the truth. The only thing that gets to me was how come after all these years I'm now realizing that I'm gay and never realized this when I was younger. I look back now and see how none of my relationships never worked out. I ask myself questions constantly. How come I never knew it before? Was it cause I never felt comfortable with men from the start? It really does get to me, my only guess as to why I never did was cause of my step father and how afraid I would be to tell him cause he's a very religious man and thinks being gay is wrong. Once I told him he told me that I was confused, sinning and shouted at me. Then to make matters worse, he told me that Andrew was no longer welcome over at our home cause he thinks Andrew turned me gay.... which I find to be ridiculous.

The first time I ever realized of me fantasying about woman was back when I was younger, I just always ignore it and thought it was a phase. Years later down the road, it continued to grow and I felt it more. Once I thought of it I always got ashamed and told myself that it was all in my head. Finally when I was 19 or so I felt comfortable and thought maybe I was just curious. Then 2 years ago I had a date with a woman, kissed her and felt her body. I wanted to make love to her but I got scared cause I was afraid of what my parents would think of me dating a woman. I still haven't apologized to her for the way I treated her but I'd love to cause she was a very nice woman and I liked her a lot....

Now that I'm out, my father continues to tell me it's all in my head and that I'll outgrow it. I know that isn't true and I know what I am but I still question myself time to time and it upsets me a lot cause I know I'm only doing it cause of the way he's treating me. This isn't fair to me and I shouldn't be living in his home cause I feel like I can't be myself here. Yesterday I left a sweet note for him when I went to hang out with Andrew. He saw me today and didn't say anything about the note.... and I know that he saw it..... It upsets me how he can't even speak to me or look at me. What should I do?

Does anyone have any advice or thoughts to share with me. I'd appreciate it a lot.

[Mikayla1]

Samma ....welcome back and Congrats on coming out!!!

Honey, I am sorry to say that this is not gonna be an easy road for you with some people. Your step father has to adjust - and it will probably take time. Parents always have mixed emotions when it comes to bi-sexual, gay or lesbian children - it is just a shock and then it is a bunch of 'what did I do to make him/her like that' and sometimes it is simple judgements and assumptions.

What should you do? be happy. Be happy and go for the life YOU want. You are gonna come across alot of people who are not going to approve of your lifestyle choice, but then they do not care about you. Your step father may come around once he realizes that it is not just a phase and you are who and what you are.

When I had a serious relationship with a woman, Mia, my parents were initially shocked. They knew I had dated and slept with men so they thought it was 'all in my head' so to speak. Then, when we continued to date, they pretty much accepted her and me and it was wonderful, but it took a few months. My mom was oblivious to the who bi-sexual thing, so when I dated and married my hubby a few years later she chalked it up to just 'experimenting.' It wasn't, I still love women, I am just bi-sexual.

What I am getting at is, they will come around or they won't. You can not control how other people react, you can only control what you do or say. this means, stay calm, say 'this is me' and be happy in life. We only get one life (I think) and in that life we deserve happiness. So go on and be happy!

[vanilla_bean]

Good luck with your journey Samma Bear. Glad that you know you can come here to find some knowledgeable, caring people.

[sbayhylle]

Oh I'm sorry that your step father feels this way. I know how hard it is for both of you. My best friend came out to me 9 years ago, I knew that she was bisexual, but that didn't make it any easier for me not to be shocked. My main concern for her was the life that she had chosen. 9 years later, she and her girlfriend are still together, happy and in love, very successful prefessionally, and a have a beautiful home. I love both of them dearly as do my husband and my kids. In fact I'm going to stay the weekend with them in a couple of weeks for a grown up weekend to get away from my kids for a much needed break and I cannot wait!! Be true to yourself, that's all of the advice I can give. People will come around or they won't, in the end you have to make YOU happy.

[Tyger]

Darlin', I am honored that you told me before you posted it here or on MySpoace. I worry about you from time to time. It's also that's a brave thing that you've done, acknowledging it to yourself. Your Dad will have a hard time (stepfather), and a lot of family & friends will too, just because you dated men, now, all of a sudden (to them), you like women.

Some will think it's a phase. Only with time, and persistence, will they understand. Don't over-talk about it, or try to over-justify, but, answer questions open and honestly as you are comfortable with. That's all you can really do. It's not up to you to get them to accept it, it's up to them. You are doing what you "should" do, as far as that goes, even though it's none of their business what you do in the bedroom, they should be warned that you are more interested in women, so as not to shock them at an inopportune moment, if you KWIM. LOL

Best wishes sweetie!!

[hot4hubby]

I think if u give him some time. Things may work out in the end. Good luck

[froggystyle1977]

Congratulations on finally coming out and being yourself. I do hope he comes around

but he may not, some poeple are just ingrained with this homomphobia and can't get

over it. Try not to let it get to you (easier said then done I am sure) Keep being you!!

[pappyld04]

Just as it took you some time to come out of the closet, maybe he just needs time to deal with it. If the man loves you he will eventually come around to your way of thinking!