Dull Sex Life

[tharper84]

I have a few problems, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years now, it will be 6 years on May 15. When we first started going out he could last a long time and we had sex everywhere, parks, sofas, stairs,cars, all different positions in the bed and it was great but now he can't even last even 3 min. The only way he likes it is for him to be on top, he can't handle anything else. Then I thought we needed to spice things up so I started giving him oral and that made things better for him. yeah true enough when i give it to him I get wet but he doesn't do anything about it . I want him to try and give me oral but he thinks its so nasty that if he trys it that his tounge will turn colors and fall off. He don't like the thought of touching me either he says all coochie smells the same and he does not want the smell on his fingers. so I get no play there either. What am I to do?

I don't know what's going on with him and when it comes to talkin about sex or our relationship he gets mad and starts an argument so I don't bring it up any more I just go with the flow but im a little tired of going with the flow I finally let him try the anal thing. The anal thing was his idea a long time ago and I just got comfortable about a year ago to let him try it and when he did I liked it and he liked it too,but now he doesn't want to do it anymore he says he has to do too much when having sex with me. I do everything he asks to please him but he won't please me but with 3 minutes of sex and that's not enough for me.and oh yeah he sex drive is funny because he only wants in early in the morning and when he asks for it im half sleep so I don't be horny but he does and he does nothing to get me in the mood, but jumps on top of me and get his nut and go about his day but when im horny its a problem about me wantins sex all the time. SOME ONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!

[Beyondblessed]

I have a few problems, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years now, it will be 6 years on May 15. When we first started going out he could last a long time and we had sex everywhere, parks, sofas, stairs,cars, all different positions in the bed and it was great but now he can't even last even 3 min. The only way he likes it is for him to be on top, he can't handle anything else. Then I thought we needed to spice things up so I started giving him oral and that made things better for him. yeah true enough when i give it to him I get wet but he doesn't do anything about it . I want him to try and give me oral but he thinks its so nasty that if he trys it that his tounge will turn colors and fall off. He don't like the thought of touching me either he says all coochie smells the same and he does not want the smell on his fingers. so I get no play there either. What am I to do?

I don't know what's going on with him and when it comes to talkin about sex or our relationship he gets mad and starts an argument so I don't bring it up any more I just go with the flow but im a little tired of going with the flow I finally let him try the anal thing. The anal thing was his idea a long time ago and I just got comfortable about a year ago to let him try it and when he did I liked it and he liked it too,but now he doesn't want to do it anymore he says he has to do too much when having sex with me. I do everything he asks to please him but he won't please me but with 3 minutes of sex and that's not enough for me.and oh yeah he sex drive is funny because he only wants in early in the morning and when he asks for it im half sleep so I don't be horny but he does and he does nothing to get me in the mood, but jumps on top of me and get his nut and go about his day but when im horny its a problem about me wantins sex all the time. SOME ONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...i dont really have a womans perspective here...but I am in a relationship that is healthy and filled with love for each other.

let me get this straight...he gets oral and doesnt give?...he wont finger/massage you? You had anal sex and he doesnt want it anymore? and last but not least he TAKES sex from you when you dont want it? I think thats borderline rape...and soundslike he doesnt reallycare about your sexual desires.

Sounds like hes a selfish prick if you ask me...please dont be offended by what i say but that just burns my butt. How can you love someone enough to stay with them in commitment for 6 years and not want to make em squirm...writh in pleasure...taste them?....LOVE THEM...i cant.

I dont know what taste or smell hes talking about but if you are healthy there isnt much of either..matter of fact...i like what little taste and smell there is.

You are half of the relationship, just like he is and if you arent receiving what you are giving...getting what you need and want from/with him ...then ask yourself...is the relationship equal or one sided?

If he isnt willing to talk about it openly, if he starts arguments when you bring it up, if he wont open up...than he needs to ....simple as that. relationships involve the giving of two people to one cause.

If its only you giving than its not a relationship...is everything else healthy but the sex life?

Six years is a long time for a couple to just be boyfriend and girlfriend...how serious is he about the relationship?

Maybe im just full of fire and fervor about relationships because I am now engaged to be married to the love of my life as of last friday...but it seems to me that a few changes need to be made. you need to communicate with him, and if he refuses give an ultimatum.

Please let me know what you think of what i say and let me know what happens.

God bless

-BeyondBlessed

[crazy1]

This sounds like a dead end relation ship to me. Now I know that is harsh and we should all be encouaging and helpful, but c'mon, this moron thinks if he gives oral his tounge will turn colors and fall off? Really?

Ok seriously, if you have tried talking to him and he is still not willing to listen, you really need to consider your options. being with someone who is sexually selfish is no fun and it exemplifies the overall of the relationship in most cases. You really need to get down and dirty, tell him that sex is not going to continue this way, and that he needs to do his part or you might just need to go your seperate ways. There is alot to be said for a person who will try to make things work and even step out of their normal comfort area and try something they would normally frown on for the sake of the relationship. In all honesty, it seems as though you are being taken advantge of an you need to get out of this relationship quickly. He is taking all that you give him and giving nothing back, does that sound healthy to anyone?

yea, what BB said. And congrats sir on being engaged. Really, I wish for you all the best in your lives together.

Edited February 28, 2006 by crazy1

[Mikayla1]

I want him to try and give me oral but he thinks its so nasty that if he trys it that his tounge will turn colors and fall off. He don't like the thought of touching me either he says all coochie smells the same and he does not want the smell on his fingers. so I get no play there either. What am I to do?

he says he has to do too much when having sex with me. I do everything he asks to please him but he won't please me but with 3 minutes of sex and that's not enough for me.!

Honey, let me be honest here. This guy is a looser with a capital L! Any guy who makes you do all the work, won't reciprocate oral because of the reasons you mention, is just plain stupid and selfish! I have been sitting here trying desperately to find a nice way to respond to this - trying to find some hope for you, and I just can't. In my good conscious mind, I can not find a way to explain how he could be so demanding of you, and not reciprocate anything. How he could have you doing anal sex - which most women won't do - and then still won't finger you because of "coochy smell!' You are getting no satisfaction from sex, you are getting really insulted by this guy. He is insulting you just by saying that you "smell" and is insinuating that you are "unclean" - you do NOT need to be with a man like that!

How about it....dump the SOB!

Mikayla

[tharper84]

Ok...i dont really have a womans perspective here...but I am in a relationship that is healthy and filled with love for each other.

let me get this straight...he gets oral and doesnt give?...he wont finger/massage you? You had anal sex and he doesnt want it anymore? and last but not least he TAKES sex from you when you dont want it? I think thats borderline rape...and soundslike he doesnt reallycare about your sexual desires.

Sounds like hes a selfish prick if you ask me...please dont be offended by what i say but that just burns my butt. How can you love someone enough to stay with them in commitment for 6 years and not want to make em squirm...writh in pleasure...taste them?....LOVE THEM...i cant.

I dont know what taste or smell hes talking about but if you are healthy there isnt much of either..matter of fact...i like what little taste and smell there is.

You are half of the relationship, just like he is and if you arent receiving what you are giving...getting what you need and want from/with him ...then ask yourself...is the relationship equal or one sided?

If he isnt willing to talk about it openly, if he starts arguments when you bring it up, if he wont open up...than he needs to ....simple as that. relationships involve the giving of two people to one cause.

If its only you giving than its not a relationship...is everything else healthy but the sex life?

Six years is a long time for a couple to just be boyfriend and girlfriend...how serious is he about the relationship?

Maybe im just full of fire and fervor about relationships because I am now engaged to be married to the love of my life as of last friday...but it seems to me that a few changes need to be made. you need to communicate with him, and if he refuses give an ultimatum.

Please let me know what you think of what i say and let me know what happens.

God bless

-BeyondBlessed

everything else in the realtionship is perfect I have two children that are 6 and 4 they are not his but he takes care of them like they are(I had a one year old and was pregnant when we met). Yeah six years is a long time and he tells me he loves me and shows me with the kids that he loves all of but his reason for not getting married is that there is no good reason to really get married( oh yeah congrats on your big step) its not like he really takes it from me its just that i be sleep and he might wake me to have sex but I 'll still be sleepy,or say if hes out with his boys and don't gets in to late and he wakes me to have sex i roll over and wake up to have sex. Yeah true enough i am tired of his foolishness but im thinking that it could be that this is the first real relationshp that he has been in and he doesn't know how to handle it or he does not know what to do but before me he tole me that all the other girls he ever talked to was just for a couple of days never longer than a week so im suprised he stayed with me pass the first year knowing the way his other relationships went. I don't think its the kids cause they sleep at night and we could do everything we want to do but he says hes just too tired at night and every other weekend they are gone to grannys house. Before I really decide to quit this relationship I wanna try and make somthing work beside the suggestions you all have given me which by the way are very good opinions. Any suggestions on getting things back hot again before i decide to give up.

[Beyondblessed]

everything else in the realtionship is perfect I have two children that are 6 and 4 they are not his but he takes care of them like they are(I had a one year old and was pregnant when we met). Yeah six years is a long time and he tells me he loves me and shows me with the kids that he loves all of but his reason for not getting married is that there is no good reason to really get married( oh yeah congrats on your big step) its not like he really takes it from me its just that i be sleep and he might wake me to have sex but I 'll still be sleepy,or say if hes out with his boys and don't gets in to late and he wakes me to have sex i roll over and wake up to have sex. Yeah true enough i am tired of his foolishness but im thinking that it could be that this is the first real relationshp that he has been in and he doesn't know how to handle it or he does not know what to do but before me he tole me that all the other girls he ever talked to was just for a couple of days never longer than a week so im suprised he stayed with me pass the first year knowing the way his other relationships went. I don't think its the kids cause they sleep at night and we could do everything we want to do but he says hes just too tired at night and every other weekend they are gone to grannys house. Before I really decide to quit this relationship I wanna try and make somthing work beside the suggestions you all have given me which by the way are very good opinions. Any suggestions on getting things back hot again before i decide to give up.

well.....anything that turns a guy on alot should help...but sounds like alot of the problem hinges on him.

But if you want to try....talking dirty is ALWAYS a good way to rouse a guy up...literally...suprising him in unexpected places...like work...if you want to show up where he works and have a quickie...exciting...the bedroom can loose its flair...cause its so common.

Learn a few new tricks too...theres alot of info on this site and alot of pros here...a good way to earn a guys respect is deepthroating....practice and show him...learn to do it seamlessly too...good things to practice on are bananas with flavored condoms(I tried doingn it once and got turned on...and Im straight as an arrow )....thatll spark him FO'SHO...if that doesnt do it ...end it....hes an ice cube.

Good luck and God Bless

-BeyondBlessed

[Sanya_Robert]

I have a few problems, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years now, it will be 6 years on May 15. When we first started going out he could last a long time and we had sex everywhere, parks, sofas, stairs,cars, all different positions in the bed and it was great but now he can't even last even 3 min. The only way he likes it is for him to be on top, he can't handle anything else. Then I thought we needed to spice things up so I started giving him oral and that made things better for him. yeah true enough when i give it to him I get wet but he doesn't do anything about it . I want him to try and give me oral but he thinks its so nasty that if he trys it that his tounge will turn colors and fall off. He don't like the thought of touching me either he says all coochie smells the same and he does not want the smell on his fingers. so I get no play there either. What am I to do?

I don't know what's going on with him and when it comes to talkin about sex or our relationship he gets mad and starts an argument so I don't bring it up any more I just go with the flow but im a little tired of going with the flow I finally let him try the anal thing. The anal thing was his idea a long time ago and I just got comfortable about a year ago to let him try it and when he did I liked it and he liked it too,but now he doesn't want to do it anymore he says he has to do too much when having sex with me. I do everything he asks to please him but he won't please me but with 3 minutes of sex and that's not enough for me.and oh yeah he sex drive is funny because he only wants in early in the morning and when he asks for it im half sleep so I don't be horny but he does and he does nothing to get me in the mood, but jumps on top of me and get his nut and go about his day but when im horny its a problem about me wantins sex all the time. SOME ONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!

I feel you on that one... What are we to do?

I feel you on that one... What are we to do?

[crazy1]

I feel you on that one... What are we to do?

I feel you on that one... What are we to do?

Have you read a single reply on this thread......it is almost a foregone conclusion that you need to split from the jerk ASAP. If a man is not willing to put in the time and energy for making his partner feel accepted and loved, as well as sexually gratified, ditch him. PERIOD. If you have talked with him and he won't change, show him your backside as you walk out of his life. There is nothing worth putting your self in that situation. Relationships can be hard enough without having a lackluster sex life. You need to find someone more giving and fair. Jerks like this should be single until they figure out that women do not and should not be mistreated in any way. so, you want to know what to do? LEAVE HIM.

[hrslvrkate]

Have you read a single reply on this thread......it is almost a foregone conclusion that you need to split from the jerk ASAP. If a man is not willing to put in the time and energy for making his partner feel accepted and loved, as well as sexually gratified, ditch him. PERIOD. If you have talked with him and he won't change, show him your backside as you walk out of his life. There is nothing worth putting your self in that situation. Relationships can be hard enough without having a lackluster sex life. You need to find someone more giving and fair. Jerks like this should be single until they figure out that women do not and should not be mistreated in any way. so, you want to know what to do? LEAVE HIM.

I just gotta put my 2 cents in whether you listen or not. I gotta agree with crazy1 LEAVE HIM! Then get some counseling! You gotta know what your worth girl and you obviously just dont seem to realize the SOB is taking you for granted and worse using you as nothin' more than a hole to get himself off and leaving ya for not! Sorry hun but thats bs!

[Kinky Stan]

I just gotta put my 2 cents in whether you listen or not. I gotta agree with crazy1 LEAVE HIM! Then get some counseling! You gotta know what your worth girl and you obviously just dont seem to realize the SOB is taking you for granted and worse using you as nothin' more than a hole to get himself off and leaving ya for not! Sorry hun but thats bs!

I agree. He needs to be shown the curb. He should be lucky to have you. You need someone that will appreciate you and take care of YOUR needs.